Lasting Impression

"If I have helped anyone along
If I have made someone's day
Then my living is not in vain..."

There were and are times when the concern of that phrase haunts me. Certainly we all have moments of foggy recollection; we aren't sure if we are making a difference in the world or not. But I can tell you, if you do kind things for others with no ulterior motive, if you find yourself smiling at someone because they "need it" and not just because you heard a funny joke, then you will be surprised when these favors and more are returned!

For approximately12 years, I taught 15 and 16 year olds in Sunday School. For the first few years, you would think I was teaching unchurched roughnecks! The attitudes, the personalities and constant talking back! For many of the students, they were there because their parents were there. It was at the end of the first year that I received the first of many "confirmations" that I was on the right path. The church's process for progression was similar to regular school; students would move to the next level the same way they would in elementary and high school. Well, my students were about to go the next class, another set of teachers, but they said "we don't wan to go to Sister _____'s class, we want to stay with you!" At first I thought they were joking or were saying it because they considered me a push over. After we talked about it, I half dismissed their concern with this: "Tell you what: you pray that either you stay here with me or I go with you and we'll see what happens." When the week came for progression, I was asked to go with them! Now I would love to say they behaved and answered all the questions well and were "model students" afterwards, but that's not the case! That same group continued to be noisy, rarely prepared for class and prone to outbursts! But this is what I find wonderful: nearly every student in that class and each class afterward, are responsible adults, parents and contribute positively to the world! I don't take sole credit for those lives and the lives of people before, during and after that, but I can say this: with the intent of helping, not hurting that impacts people's lives.

I have longed believe my life MUST mean something. It is the large sacrifices as well as simply being kind. It is helping people who may never be able to help you! Living is about giving, sharing and helping!

Thought for The Day - The Spirit

"The wind blows where it will. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8 (NIV)

To me, I have a serious scowl; I often wonder how I get engaged in conversation since, each time I catch a glimpse of my reflection, the frown lines across my brow are fairly intense! But somehow, before I know it, people have me engaged in conversation and they receive the softer, inner core.

Internal motivation; though I struggled with it - and still do - I have come to admit I'm an artist. I struggled with it because there is a very practical, meat and potatoes side of me that believes in a strong work ethic. When I pick up a brush or pencil (working out the psychology as I go, folks, excuse the head turning, surprised expression on my face and the tears) I think there's a part of me that remembers my mother sitting on the phone and doodling. One of the first times I saw her doing this, I wanted to do the same thing. Somehow, relaxed, at ease. And yet the hard exterior of the world required no-nonsense, hard labor and getting stuff done.

And here I am, in my fifties and the many sides of me are being reconciled, brought together. I am an artist, but I am a messenger as well. I have an assignment to share goodness and kindness with people, often being no more than an ear and a smiling face. I allow people moments of ease, to relax and let go of tensions and worries. I see it in their face and body language when they are around.

"...but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going..."

Thought for The Day - I am "Here"

A red dot marks my location on the map...and this concept gets copied and modified on electronic devices and software. We can be found "here," or "there." Like the "dash" between a birth year and year of departure, there's no telling what that dot contains!  The dot, the dash, they're just indicators, but no indicator of the stories stored in that location. The reps can't tell you I've moved from this spot in the room, the house, or the office building. It can't tell you I'm on the first floor, getting in the tub or in the basement reclining on the couch while the television serenades me. And the dash doesn't indicate how many people's lives we have impacted for the good.

Words, representing a focal point for the day, a point of concentration, like the rudder on a ship. In this venue, the focal word or phrase says "use 'this' as a mile marker, a reminder of things important. Use it to build, tear down, plant and uproot." There exist thoughts, notions and intentions in us that are taking us to a dead end; we want life, especially in us. There are secret plans we've been plotting and scheming, perhaps we aren't aware how damaging and destructive they can be. We need a remedy, a sense of hope to redirect our course. Sometimes one word, a single concept is all that is needed to put us back on the correct path. And sometimes, the equivalent of an embrace (one word or "thought"); that basic human point of contact changes our location and the direction of our lives.

It's just a word, a thought or a feeling. In the language of "dots" and "the dash," it doesn't register. But in the day-to-day living, the microscopic details of the grand design, eternity is found "here."

Thought for The Day - Impact

We all want "value;" by that I don't mean the word we usually see in association with cheap, generic brand items in Walmart or Walgreens. I mean the word in its truest form, as in something of worth and valuable. But we aren't the best at spotting a good value. Years ago, my sister-in-law gave me a little device with several office related 'gadgets' in one. Looking at it, a dull gray block, it doesn't look like much. But it has a stapler, calculator, a tape measure and a pair of scissors built into this block. I have carried this in my bag from company to company for the last few years, since I've worked as a contractor. It has been invaluable because often when you go to companies, they either are reluctant to give contractor's office supplies or they don't have many to give out. And I have used it in my home as well. It is invaluable at this point!

We all want to be considered valuable - invaluable even! We don't always act that way and in truth, when we do, we are often overlooked. In other words, to those we serve and assist, our "value" has been dismissed as menial and cheap. To family, we can seem like we aren't worth much, as our contribution is ignored in favor of another family member or a friend. In relationships, it will seem like we are no more than an old coat. But it is hardly what we are truly worth!

Like that old faithful "device" in the right hands and in the right perspective, your worth is far more than gold! And the value of your opinion, your thought and efforts, can change the world! But here's the thing: you don't have to leave where you are to "find your value," start where you are. You don't have to here the words "good job," or even a "thank you," simply determine whether you are doing something "worthwhile," and either continuing doing it, do it better or do something else. But most of all start with you. You decide you are valuable and worthy and by all means, be kind to others! That is the true worth of any human: our love for one another as God's creation!

Thought for The Day - What is Important

An Open Channel

Never Lose Sight of Your Goals!

I've been blessed; I've been given a great deal of identity, character and insight. But as opposed to being put "out front," I remain where I am: in the background. This is the training ground, and so often I wonder why I'm here? Where's the "front" and how do I get there? Is it my fault, God's plan or just a matter of the "real work" being here? Well, "back here," behind stage, in the stockrooms I am just like everyone else: getting my work done. And behind it all the Lord does more work than the eye can perceive.

So what is important? Is it important to be out front, to be seen, receive recognition? Is it important to help people and be available? Being available and approachable, a good listener has placed me in the life - it's obvious to me - of people who are also givers and providers. There are plenty of people who need to be heard because they serve others to the extent they don't have an outlet; they are more "ear" than they are "voice," and the world seems to pour on them, their problems and concerns.

Again the question: what's important? What is the purpose of my living if it is not to serve? If I serve "here" and not "up there," is that the purpose my life should serve? If I learn service, compassion and patience "here," surely, when called upon service not only continues but the audience, the needs of many become my concern.

That's important: service. Giving to others, being available to listen, to encourage, to support.

Thought for The Day - Open and Discretion

"The spirits of prophets are subject to the control of prophets. For God is not a God of disorder but of peace..." I Corinthians 14: 32, 33

A prophet, by definition is a messenger of God's, not usually subject or under obedience of man. He serves man by serving God, telling man what God would have them know. But he isn't a puppet dancing on a string, neither is he prone to moments of being "overwhelmed." He or she is to be a person who remains "open."

I have often wondered if "everyone" has this sense of "openness;" for me, it's a sense that the world is larger than my neighborhood, nation or planet. I have felt this sense I was small, that there is a world more intricate than the veins of my body and that there are details of life that only God will reveal...in time. I'm fortunate, I'm blessed; I see things in people - the height of God's creation - that others don't. I see emotions and thoughts, patterns of behavior that speak of the glory of God. I have observed people in moments that speak of his power to love, and typically observed when the person is at their worst. I have also been inclined to talk with people, take time with "this" person, but not "that" one. Some people would find it hard to believe I hear some of the things shared with me. But in the grand scheme, we are woven together to form a great tapestry...

Discretion...there are times when I'm listening to someone's story. when I want to interject, I want to stop them, but choose not to. And in similar times, but other circumstance, I interrupt and provide insight that I know has to come from beyond my ability to reason. Listening...above and to my peers...observing...responding and speaking...

Thought for The Day - What's in There?

A big pot, the lid rattling steam rises from a corner, the contents boil and rumble...

Every now and then, something boils up to the surface...

I write

I paint

And within those two, there is no limit to what can be said! I absorb stories from the expression of people I may never meet, there body language as we pass one another on the street, part of the epic saga. Each passing cloud and the designs on a woman's dress or a man's tie, part of a huge tapestry that covers and surrounds us all.

Each day, with each moment of the day, we are living out the dream. Know your role, play it well...

Thought for The Day - Giving the Matter Careful Consideration

Thinking it through

Mulling 'it' over in my mind

Considering 'it' from all angles

Using logical and careful analysis doesn't always yield the best results. Too often, we consider the "facts" only, meaning, we only examine our lives using the "measurable" and "quantifiable." But there is far more to life than what can be weighed or checked against a tape measure. Have you ever weighed  an unexpected phone call or a friend taking you to lunch? Is there a cost attached to a passionate kiss? What about the loss of compassion and friendship, is that measurable?

The sun rises and sets each day and while we can predict those times with a high degree of certainty the immeasurable value of looking in the eastern sky as the sun rises will not fit into an equation! Life, real life, is more than dollars and cents!

Thought for The Day - Do, Be

Many years ago, I reflected on the short wave of "success" my life seemed to reflect. Graduation from college, a potential fiancé, income from two jobs and i praised the source of my success, God. It was a moment of worship and inquiry. I thanked God for the blessings in my life and asked the question: "what can I do in response to your blessings?" His reply was simple but carried a great deal of responsibility. He said "accept my call." While I understood, I didn't want the responsibility and expectation. On the other hand, I knew the role of servant was as much a part of my life as the success I desired. The full story of the next few years is reserved for another time. For now, let's just say I heeded the command.

Society puts a great deal of weight on titles. The title doesn't necessarily infer the responsibility. For example the title and role: doctor. There are many people who have attended school, gone into debt, joined a hospital or group and hung out a shingle, but they aren't in healing. I mean, they will administer the prescriptions, make suggestions and make referrals to other professionals, but their focus is on the title and the respect to be gained from it. Consequently, clients, patients are seen, but not touched; their ailments persist because the doctor won't reach within themselves for compassion and a cure, and they rarely 'touch' the patient. Truthfully, a "cure" isn't always found in a pill...

There are people in this world who touch, care for, provide without a title. They connect with others without "networking" or being "social." Their concern is you, me, the next person who needs help. And they do this without regard for their life. We go to professionals, people who have studied because they are knowledgeable; but there are times when knowledge and titles are barriers to compassion. It is better to "do;" it is better to simply "be."

Many experiences and situations have exercised God's "call" on my life; writing this daily blog is one of them. No title or monetary return comes with it, but a desire to "do" and "be"guides my words.

Thought for The Day - The Good News/The Bad News

The good news is you're alive (you are, after all, reading this).

The bad news is you may not be using your time wisely. Sure there's "work," the 9-5, if that's what you do everyday. But I've known people who don't use their time wisely at work. Tasks and assignments aren't completed as needed and it's not until management threatens to dismiss you, that "time management" is a consideration.

The good news is you like/love to read (you're reading this).

The bad news is not everything you read is worth your time. Back to the time issue, again. I've heard this once and it was good enough to stick: "if you love reading, there's a strong possibility there's a story" in you. Now I know there are many novels, books of poetry and a couple self-help books in me! Today's thought isn't merely about you; it's me, performing a self-convicting disclosure!

The good news is you "have time..."

No bad news on this one; each day is what you make of it. While you may berate and criticized yourself - and possibly others - the time is yours to use effectively. I'm not talking about organizing your day down to the minute and in some cases, not every hour. But it is a matter of evaluating how your time is spent, in light of what your goals and your purpose. And after evaluating, performing the necessary steps until that demon is exorcised!

The good news is you have a reason to be alive; you have a purpose.

The bad news: you may not be using your time effectively in light of your purpose. I'm not sure if you've ever read this in my blog, but I "KNEW" (notice the caps?) I was supposed to be an artist. I questioned the preacher part, but did it (and still do) when the time was right. But I had high aspirations of touching hearts and mind with my work. My mom wanted me to be reasonable and have a plan B, just in case the art didn't work out. Enough doubt and concerned was raised that at 21, shortly after graduation with a degree in Fine Arts, I put my pens, pencils and brushes away. But thirty years later - yes that long - I'm back at it. I have to "unlearn" a great deal of self-doubt and force selfishness - guarding tmy time in the studio is an internal fight more than a fight with family and "commitments." But I'm determined to do so. As far as setting the world on fire, touching "hearts and minds?" Well, I will allow the "beholder" to decide if the message hidden in lines and colors, gets 'em to the core.

Thought for The Day - Connected

We go through life networking with people, socializing, worshipping together, but I'm sure not everyone "fits" in your life like a puzzle piece. Many people have friends they've known for years, but there are some aspects of their life that aren't shared with these friends. It isn't because they don't want to share it, it's just they haven't found a connection "open" to hearing this part of their life.

There are a few people I'm connected to. Actually a very small list of people. I have friends, acquaintances and of course family, but there are very few people who seem open to deep friendship. I share aspects of my identity, occasionally, but very rare. I will tell a friend or my wife about my hopes for the future or what I'm feeling, but it isn't the same. I've often said, I'm the listener; people come to me to be heard. The interesting thing is I think some people would consider us "perfect friends." But if they ever stopped to recall the things I've shared with them, they would find it hard to put their finger on only a few things.

Bonding, connecting, being "knit together" as it was said of David and Jonathan, is a relationship where not every fact is known, but it is a relationship where there is no fear of truth. Being connected to a person, conversations are "bi-directional," meaning both people have time to share thoughts and feelings. At least for my life, I find people are willing to pour out their soul, but rarely do the same people listen.

For me, it's a life-long concern and while I could allow disappointment to shut me down, for the time being, I continue to trudge along, ever hopeful for a person or people who understand the need for genuine connections.

Thought for The Day - Say It Anyway!

Not the insult

Not the gossip

Not someone else's issues or concerns

The world is crowded with that stuff and quite frankly, that stuff is why we don't say what needs to be said. But say "it," anyway. Say what needs to be said, what is encouraging, what is truthful and what spreads love. Sometimes, the words seem to fall on death ears. It might seem that "no response" is the equivalent of "I'm not listening," but say it anyway.

The world is full of words, to the extent, it is perceived: "words are just words." But words have always and will continue to be a source of power. Carefully chosen words can change the world and words spoken with intention, certainly change hearts and mind.

Write it anyway; when no one responds, when the usual replies and "likes" don't occur, when you wrote with  ____ in mind, but someone else responds, write it anyway. Now it's easy for me to write these things. And quite honestly, given the "right place," they are just as easy to say. But please believe, there are more than a few times I have to "take my own medicine." I am a listener, by nature. My default practice is listening. But it seems, because I listen intently, I am to respond better. Because I hear what you're saying as well as what you aren't, and I listen to God's spirit as He tries to respond, my words contain healing.

You know, there are days when I don't say much; I've used this and other platforms to say what is on my mind. And it can be downright unbearable when I don't get a reply. But I say it, I write it anyway. In this way, words that needed to be said, expectations for this world are expressed and little by little, our perception shifts. We become more and more as the divine manifestation we are intended to be.

Say it anyway.

Thought for The Day - Connect

After the Dance (in progress) 18 x 24 charcoal

Longing

Painful memories

Family

Community

Island

Isolation

Recluse

If your reasons for distance are a result of past hurt, and you find yourself recalling the event when someone tries to connect, consider the present moment. The person reaching out to you may not have a thing to do with the past and if this is true, also keep in mind: the past is past. It is gone and if you examine closely, you will find "this day" is nothing like yesterday. Connect, reach out, feel, be touched and caressed.

We all long for a sense of community, even if someone connects with our hurt and pain, we need someone who understands. Certainly we want someone to help us rise above ignorance and pain. We love it when a wise and compassionate person comes along who seems to love us as we are, but works toward helping us grow. They are rare, those who accept us, love us and yearn for our growth. So rare as a matter of fact that we are happy to accept the influence of people who want us to remain in our misery to support their own. But in truth, we are never satisfied with yesterday's woes; everyone is born with a desire to grow and reach new heights. And there will be times when it seems we are an island; isolated and distant from others.

It would be great, that as we grow and change, we could take those who have been in our corner, along with us. But often, their attachment to hurt and bad habits doesn't work with our new life. And like the habits we've let go to adapt new and prosperous ones, we have to let them go as well. And yet, we are always striving for relationship and community.

Thought for The Day - A Kiss

A Kiss 11 x 14 Pastels

Mommy kisses the baby

Uncle kisses the baby

Grandma kisses the baby

And each time lips are pressed against the cheek

Nose or neck

 A sense is 

Communicated

LOVE

Unconditional caring

A message declared

You are unique

A treasure

A man and woman

Out for a ride on a bike trail

Stop to wait at a traffic light

Talking about whatever couples talk about

He ponders her

Moves in closer

And kisses her on the lips

A light kiss

But its message is clear

I cherish you

At this moment

You make my heart sing

There is no one else like you in the entire world

And I’m blessed to have you

The many years have dulled

The edges of this man and wife

Children grown and with children of their own

A kitchen table

Once the center of family gatherings

Now a quiet place for the morning paper

A cup of coffee

And quiet comments

But this day

The husband looks over at her

His sweetie

And in a second

She is sweeter than ever to him

Reaching over further than his old frame should allow

He finds her waiting lips

Poised to receive what years have not dulled

An expression of love

Given

And received

Eternal

In a dark grove

Where olive trees are grown and harvested

A troubled man

Resolved to complete his work

Quietly wakes his students

Early morning hours

Lessons remaining to be learned

But no time to learn them

A friend approaches

A strange band of soldiers 

Behind

He greets his rabbi

Embraces him

And with a kiss

He seals an act of betrayal

Forever changing the fate of the world

And giving him an infamous name

Love gone wrong

A bond destroyed

Yet an exchange is made

Thought for The Day - My Extended Hands

I'm Listening 24 x32 Oils

It's my hope that, when needed, my words are heard and felt by you. It's my desire to soothe and ease your journey through life. It is my hope that the words written and images bring healing and a sense of wholeness to you.

I write because I can; because words contain healing. My words are an extension of my desire to see people enjoy this "thing" called life. We live in a world of conflict and at the very least, difficulty. From day-to-day, people move about either oblivious to one another or indifferent. I understand, I get it. When there is so much abuse and misunderstanding, finding genuine connections are rare. Well, take this as my genuine offer to you.

Each day, I think of those who are reading this and many I may never know. I may not receive recognition from you and to a certain extent, it's okay. The intention is to stir your thoughts, your feelings and allow God's presence to do the work I can only imagine. Open your heart to healing; to a life without limits!

Thought for The Day - Ship it!

Linen (in process) 30 x 40 oils

Always changing, always moving from "this" to "that." Not really sure where this road leads...

There are times when I feel like I can "taste" the life I want to live. I see it in the words I write, the images I render and those I relate to. It's the life that is both "giving and receiving," an exchange that's near endless and not necessarily self-serving. Day-to-day, I feel like I'm getting closer.

It's been said that I'm probably closer to "production" than I know. I have plenty of work, paintings and drawings in stacks. I've got the work of writing and the art of listening and encouraging. And yet, here I am, waiting for?

I won't give up; I believe the "shipment" date is coming.

Thought for The Day - Turn the Love Light ON

Now my "generation" will see those words and think romance and "love making"....kind of.

I've said it before and for the sake of discussion I bring it up again: I grew up listening to Soul and R&B music, it was played by my parents as we rode in the car, in the morning before I went to school, when we cleaned on Saturday mornings and when my mom and her siblings got together, records and albums were pulled out to listen to some good music! I loved it and still do. But I found jazz music to be more exciting and well worth my attention. Imagine, a 7 or 8 year old kid listening to John Coltrane or Louis Armstrong, or listening to big band music and thinking it was "swinging!" That was me, the odd kid who searched for jazz music on the radio and when he was old enough to buy his own, bought Herbie Hancock, Al Di Meola and Spyro Gyra.

I think it's time we turned on the "real" love light, the light shines from one heart to another. But rather than people copulating and "connecting" as man to woman in a need to satisfy one another, let's spread love across humanity. There are hurting people everywhere, but everyone, regardless of the degree of 'pain' or past hurt one feels, needs love. We can love one another, care for one another, and uplift one another. We can break the barriers of race, class (doesn't it seem ridiculous to hate someone because they have more or less than you?) and national boundaries and simply care and provide for one another.

Here's an amazing thought: in a global economy, whether we are doing it for selfish reasons or not, we have to provide for one another. How about we do it because we love one another?

Thought for The Day - A Good Story

Sleeping Beauty 8 x 11 pencil

Shaken Up! 8 x 11 pencil

Everyone loves a good story; perhaps you love good poetry or great music or a great dance...we love the story, the human drama and seeing our lives reflected. It isn't a matter of vanity or pride, but the fact:

1. We're not alone - others feel, think, act and say the same things. It gives validity to our struggle and desire for greater; better.
2. Someone else feels our pain and hopes for the same thing.

 With visual art, the message isn't as clear, at least to those who always need their story or thoughts spelled out, but even a child can look at an image and see "something." I've read poetry where the "message" isn't immediately obvious; the words almost run together, but a story is being told. Currently, I'm listening to a song by Tony Remy & Bluey (the group, Incognito's leader), called "Between My Finger and My Thumb;" it is by far, one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME!!! Actually, the entire CD is one of my favorites, but for very personal reasons. I found it around the time when I begin painting and drawing again and the songs "speak to me," in the sense, it reminds me of my own creative flow. Songs that seem to come out of nowhere with so much depth and volume, you have to marvel at the power of God to use us fallible beings! It isn't power for the sake of manipulation or control; it's power to love, to heal, make whole and celebrate the gift of life.

But here's the thing, outside the room where I'm sitting, I can here my wife's feet on the wood floors. Outside the window, I hear the occasional car going by on the wet street and every sound tells a story! every sound, color, smell and sensation has a message for me and for you. Are you listening? Tune your "ears" to hear what is being said.

Be.

Thought for The Day - God in Flesh

The Essence of Woman - 18x24 pastels

For those familiar with the tradition of Christmas and Christianity, the subject would seem to be the Person of Jesus. It seems immediately apparent that God, incarnate, when "God came near," Immanuel, "God with us," who "tabernacled" with man for approximately 33 years; that is the obvious subject. Not that you are wrong, but open your eyes, family and friends and see what he presented.

Each day, we have the opportunity to "interact," to connect with one another and no matter what you feel about you, your abilities or your fellow man, you do it - you connect. The bed you're lying in was not constructed by your hands and the sheets that covered you weren't woven by you. If you are able to read this, then someone poured plastic, melded small particles of metal to more plastic and silicone, and still others ensure electricity and network connections are available to connect us. Right now, someone is dreaming of another life, one that isn't limited by the demands of a boss; they feel the same way you do: trapped, disappointed and restricted. But like you, they are loved by another, by the person who walks by them, just as frustrated and dreading another days' work. Someone going to sit at a desk, or repair plumbing and electrical, just to make sure someone else can continue on with their life. And yet, the most delicate balance remains, unappreciated and forgotten: our network connection to one another.

We provide for one another; in America, we have what seems like an unlimited supply of resources to choose from. From basic necessities, i.e. food, clothing and shelter, to entertainment choices, there is not enough time in a day to make all the choices, never mind appreciate all the stuff. And again, we ignore that the guy driving in a car beside us, passing in the opposite direction has the same choices. Now stop for a second and consider: how did all this stuff become available? Where does all this stuff come from? From the same guy, regardless of his religious, cultural bias, his loves or hates, driving by you. And what are you providing? Your very existence is a blessing to the next man, woman or child. We are one another's endless supply of divine intervention, connected and bound to one another. For the most part, we are oblivious to the needs and wants of the person we live next to, but yet, love or hate them, we are connected.

God isn't off in a distant land, waiting for a time to return. He never left us and doesn't need to return to us. He left us in charge of one another's care and His plans never fail. Freewill, the ability to choose? Never took it from us and neither does his will supersede ours. No, it is interwoven into the very fabric of our existence; we are the very product of his imagination, of his desire. And while evil exists in the world, his love ALWAYS win!!! Now, what I've expressed may sound like the ramblings of a religious zealot; some will say Eddie is dipping into "new age" thinking. But search your scriptures and then search your heart. The truth lies there. Then look in the faces of those you love and those you hate; (we actually allow religious and political ideologies to drive an imaginary wedge between us, when we serve one another anyway! Silly rabbit!) there you will find God in flesh. Then look in the mirror: isn't that the same sense of the divine looking back at you?

Be.

Thought for The Day - Manipulating Fire

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

I haven't rendered this one yet and if I draw the image, I'm not sure it would include hands juggling the fireballs. But here's the thought: this matter, this energy, this "stuff" I hold in my figurative hands, it's mine to control and utilize wisely. At times, I am overwhelmed at the responsibility as well as the sense of the energy going from one hand to the other. It is mine, it is in me; the only guidance given: "use it wisely." Okay now what?

I see the needs of many and without warning, connections are made. You enter the lives of people and find connections and bonds formed. They find solace in between my ears and a place to receive healing. I find a vital use of this energy and a way to make my life count for something while I'm here. The only sense of pride or ego, is feeling good that someone is warmed and loved. And yet, more lies just beyond my grasp; I extend my hand to absorb additional energy, wondering what do I do with this now? It is incorporated, sometimes, seeming like it's disconnected and not a good blend. But eventually, the new energy melds with the old and I'm holding and turning and juggling far more energy.

In my mind, I am still that small child who banged on the window, trying to prevent a guy from beating his girlfriend. My mom tells that story from time-to-time, how, as a 3 year old, I stood at the window as neighbors gathered in front of the house and some couple stood out front, the guy trying to beat his woman into submission. I'm sure I cried, not able to stop it; that's one of my fears, that I can't get to someone or can't help. But I have to try, I've got to. That is my life, my connection to this world. Save someone.

Save someone.