The Ancients

Wisdom of the ages doesn't end and begin with the old. There is knowledge and insight to be shared at any age. When an individual opens their mind to take in life, experience the moment, whether that moment is joyous or sad, in that moment, they experience liberation! And in that moment, they are available to perceive the wisdom and depths of the ALL.

I See Change

In many ways, I am still the skinny little boy, playing alone...

I always wanted a companion for this journey

I have one

I have always wanted to be heard

I am being heard

I loved to play as a child, creating stories in my head and acting them out with my toys

I continue to "pretend," but mostly in my head

I always wanted to "make things"

I get to Make Things

I loved to experiment and try things out, to break things or at least uncover the breakable parts

I get to do that all day

I longed for deep, intimate fellowship with God, to know HIM, the creator of all things, the one who holds "the whole world, in his hand" and to understand it all


Well, ALL OF THAT HAPPENED...or is happening

I wanted to share my stories, my adventure of growing up, living life, my joy and my pain

I get to do that in words and images, stories, adventures shared in an endless cycle

And the adventure, the childhood world of play goes on and on

Thought for The Day - Tightrope Walking

I'm no Wallenda, I'm just trying to get through this thing called life! From the "four spiritual laws", the "four agreements", "seven habits of highly effective people" and "fifty ways to leave your lover", there is no room for just being! Seriously, I just want to be! Between regret ("I should have said, did or been there!") and longing ("I want to say, do or be there!") there is narrow chasm, a string, strung from birth and into the dark of the future. It's not morbid, in this second; I'm simply living my life in this moment. And in this moment, I am.

I remember playing as a child, sitting somewhere with my toys, creating an imaginary world in my head and acting it out with my cars and such. Children have that liberty; they can combine their inner world with the materials of the physical realm. But....oh yeah, there is always that interruption of  the joys of innocence! "Don't run too fast, don't run in the house, don't play with that little boy, he's bad, don't touch the stove it's hot..." on and on, boundaries are established, dug in, built up, etc. A child learns to "play safely" and then not at all. Imagination becomes the stuff of the few children who learned to channel their creativity against the blocks society manufactures. Musicians become performers, dancers become ballerinas and writers become authors.

Seriously, just BE. We can't eliminate our past and in truth, we are always looking for, if not "more" something else. But BE. Appreciate this moment, and if it is a moment of pain and not calm or joy, strive to get to a peaceful place.

Thought for The Day - Input - Output

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We falsely believe we are in control of our lives. We think we have the tools to manage our day-to-day tasks. But the truth is we are surrounded by millions of points of reference. Input if you will, that influence and in some cases, command control over our lives.

What you say can influence others. Choose words wisely. But what you feel, especially the charged, heated emotions sits below the surface and given the opportunity - an individual available for dumping - we spew out angry words as if it were our birthright! So, while we choose words wisely when we are calm and thinking "rationally," we relinquish control, usually on an innocent loved one. What follows for many, are apologies and promises to "never do it again" or "do better" next time.

We are influenced, we store in our heart and mind both encouraging and destructive thoughts and emotions. In a polite society, we find it necessary to remain in control, but give us the room and the space and emotions and attitudes run out of control!

So who are we? Are we in control or reckless, harmful creatures of nature? We are both; and when we learn to harness our attitudes, our fears and our love, we become vessels of glory and honor for God.

Thought for The Day - Do, Be

Many years ago, I reflected on the short wave of "success" my life seemed to reflect. Graduation from college, a potential fiancé, income from two jobs and i praised the source of my success, God. It was a moment of worship and inquiry. I thanked God for the blessings in my life and asked the question: "what can I do in response to your blessings?" His reply was simple but carried a great deal of responsibility. He said "accept my call." While I understood, I didn't want the responsibility and expectation. On the other hand, I knew the role of servant was as much a part of my life as the success I desired. The full story of the next few years is reserved for another time. For now, let's just say I heeded the command.

Society puts a great deal of weight on titles. The title doesn't necessarily infer the responsibility. For example the title and role: doctor. There are many people who have attended school, gone into debt, joined a hospital or group and hung out a shingle, but they aren't in healing. I mean, they will administer the prescriptions, make suggestions and make referrals to other professionals, but their focus is on the title and the respect to be gained from it. Consequently, clients, patients are seen, but not touched; their ailments persist because the doctor won't reach within themselves for compassion and a cure, and they rarely 'touch' the patient. Truthfully, a "cure" isn't always found in a pill...

There are people in this world who touch, care for, provide without a title. They connect with others without "networking" or being "social." Their concern is you, me, the next person who needs help. And they do this without regard for their life. We go to professionals, people who have studied because they are knowledgeable; but there are times when knowledge and titles are barriers to compassion. It is better to "do;" it is better to simply "be."

Many experiences and situations have exercised God's "call" on my life; writing this daily blog is one of them. No title or monetary return comes with it, but a desire to "do" and "be"guides my words.

Thought for The Day - Breaking Winter

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Many years ago, I worked briefly with a lady who moved here from Alabama. She said to me: "you all complain about your winters here in Chicago; it gets this cold back in Birmingham!" I quickly defended "my home" and told her: "this isn't a Chicago winter! A 'normal Chicago winter doesn't have any warm days and there's always snow!" Well after nearly 30 years, it seems we may be returning to the winters I knew and tolerated/appreciated!

It's April 23rd and the high for today is expected to reach 48. I will leave the house wearing the same winter coat I've worn all winter and a knitted cap. This is a Chicago winter; one that carries well into spring. You will see people in short sleeves and shorts; personally I think they're crazy because this is the type of cold that finds a good home in your limbs and joints and long before you're old, you wish you had enough sense to dress properly and respect a "cool breeze off the lake!"

One good thing about our strange weather: it teaches you to appreciate 90 degree days, at least it taught me to do that! Another thing that occurs, you learn to make plans and as soon as the weather breaks, implement them. That's a life lesson I think I've grown into. A couple days of warm and sunny days, I'm in the yard trimming and clipping and raking. And like life, the stubborn winter winds come howling down again, just so you don't think you're in paradise! I slow my pace, put on my protective outer layer and wait for the next break.

Life has been that way for me; on my way to the life I hope for, the road can be extremely smooth. Friends and family are kind and considerate. But suddenly, out of nowhere, the road cuts off and I find myself on a detour not on the map. I spend days, weeks, months and years trying to find my way back to the path and I learn to tolerate/appreciate a few sunny days and peaceful nights. But all the while, I'm looking for the "break"; the dissolving of winter's icy grip.

Thought for The Day - Pushing Aside

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The season of "Spring Cleaning;" removing the clutter of the last two seasons, shedding the shell that held us fast till Winter's chill ebbed. Brutal was the repeated blows of cold, snow, wind and darkness and what survived, we that live, are waking and moving about.

I find myself busy, this Saturday morning, so much so, two hours go by without notice. Laundry, cleaning and planning occur and I haven't touched my work. Staring at the canvas, the image "Dance of Her Soul," laying on it's side and the blank, white canvas and wall, there is work to do. Energy isn't urgent, but like a stream of water, it flows as it always has; the source of it, endless and unseen. The shame would be, allowing this time and energy to be wasted by fear and frustration. While I'm planning -- a typical activity that can be the "ends" in itself -- I act; I push aside clutter on surfaces that have held energy and concentration for too long. Closet spaces also hold certain trauma, and they are cleaned out as well.

The process, the "cleaning" is as necessary as gathering and preserving. My friends, recognize the season.

Thought for The Day - Take a Peek

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A private world; that's most of us. The space between our ears is rarely revealed. We will tell other's stories, discuss the news and the intimate details of a celebrity's meltdown, but we keep locks on our compartmentalized minds. Public persona, some put on a "happy face" while inside, they are children cowering in a corner, afraid someone will cause additional pain. Others are solemn and stoic, a constant "game face" rarely revealing what's inside.

For the sake of discussion, let's just assume I'm both of the above. But in this venue, on this stage, I am allowed to pour my heart and soul out, whether it is widely received or not. Though words are arranged to read with appeal, they are the revelation of my soul. You are allowed to peek at the fragments and particles of my mind, and quite surprisingly, I'm okay with that. You see, just as many are afraid of being hurt, so am I, but writing about my apprehensions, hopes, joy and anxiety, hopefully it gives license for others to do the same.

I realized, years ago, that we are pretty much the same, including our need to protect ourselves. We keep the wounded child hidden and locked away and give "the world" what we think they will accept. We want to be free and live life without pain, but each time we find the world to be a cruel place, it gives us another excuse to bury that poor child further in our heads. But for me, not only am I willing to talk about it, I'm willing to visualize it. And in doing so, I also give healing a chance.

Open the door, it's okay to come out now...

Thought for The Day - Thoughtful

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To be deep in thought or to consider; being mindful of other people or things.

Yes, there remain people like this in the world, those who consider others more than themselves. And they do so without feeling inferior. I started this blog with a friend in mind. She was going through a "rough patch" at the time and quite honestly, I didn't know it because she told me or because we discussed it. It was simply a "sense," an idea of the type of work she does. So a quick email, a few simple words to say "it will be alright" and so it began.

Every now and then, people I've connected to through social networks and those I know personally, come to mind. Some, because "distance" has dulled the connection, a simple text or call won't work. So in this place, I reach out and connect. I don't know if they will ever "see" this blog, but it doesn't matter; the word finds it's intended target one way or another. I am sure of that!

There are times I consider what should be written throughout the day; I'm always jotting "thoughts" and impressions. Sometimes those thoughts make it to this space and some don't, but I'm always mindful of the impressions of living this life. I consider the trauma, drama, highs and joys of living along this journey. If you've noticed, I include an image I've rendered and while I try to keep the words and images thematic, there are times I'm motivated to include something I don't immediately see as coupled.

It's about considering, pondering and being aware. This opportunity is about seeing the "big picture" as well as the details. You and I are intricately enmeshed in both the big picture and the "microcosmic" details.

Be.

Thought for The Day - A LIttle Deeper

In the dark and cold of the valley, we learn to "lay our burdens down." Sure we want to walk in the sunlight all the time. We want our days to be full of cloudless days and evenings to look like a beautiful watercolor sunset. But because we are human, even under the best of conditions, pain and suffering occur. And if we're careful, we learn a lesson from the good as well as the troubled times.

At times, I find myself fighting the information I'm given. I look at the "man in the mirror" and see this guy who could use a little more humility. I see this guy who, with the best of intentions, is selfish and wants 'what he wants.' I see a man who needs to find comfort in his art and the lessons life is teaching, rather than searching for it on a plate or elsewhere. This is the guy I see in the mirror.

In the darkness of the valley, I find I'm not alone, though my companions are as 'skittish' as I. "Damaged goods," a people who have learned to keep distance from one another. Not so much because we have hurt one another, but someone who looks "just like us," has hurt us. So we keep our distance, afraid to discover we might be the "salve" to heal one another's wounds.

So we dig ourselves a little deeper. In the valley, we sink a little lower.

Thought for The Day - The Dance

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We approach

You pause

I hold out my hand

Reaching for your outstretched hand

Slightest hesitation

A signal that all is not well

You draw closer

Sidestep a full embrace

I pull you to me anyway...

This living, this life...L-O-V-E. Reasons too many, past, present and future prevent full disclosure. Surrender and trust a precarious dance, not just for two. It is our way, our cultures, mankind in general. We are a strange mix of emotions and thought. We know what is possible and like a dance, there are moments of full disclosure, followed by ambivalence and even cold distance.

Like a dance, we approach, we welcome and we greet. But rare are the moments when we give and receive without remembering and guarding.

Let's try a new dance, one where we embrace and hold fully. Where we recall pasts and yet hold on to the present. Let's dance as if tomorrow will be brighter with one another.

Thought for The Day - Pick me up, Please!

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Oh the things we do to get or remain fit! Yesterday, Wednesday, was "leg day." For some reason, a few guys and I have designated Wednesday as leg day. So each week, I go to the gym and do various exercises with emphasis on my legs. There's one exercise I consistently do, a reverse hack squat that I always do with a lot of weight. To give you an idea, I load 45 pound plates on either side of the bar and put as many on the machine as it will hold. A LOT OF WEIGHT! Honestly, I don't think that's how I hurt my back. I think it was throwing in another exercise called Shoulder Shrugs performed with dumbbells. About now, I'm like one - a dumbbell - for trying that!

About now, I feel like I could use a "pick me up," but not like an energy drink. More like someone pick me up off the floor and put me in the bed! But it's 5:03 am and I'm due in a Run club class in a few minutes. All my gear is ready; not sure I am but the body is going into overdrive preparing for it. Yikes! Here we go!

Thought for The Day - Complicated...

Day to day, moment to moment, connection to connection, it's complicated. "Down" one minute, up the next, whatever sense of continuity, or forward progression one would hope for, seems like we are pieces of wood, floating on waves of the sea. Stability? Grounded? Elusive. Distant. And joy? Fleeting.

I worry, at times, who will read my words and think "that's one depressed and sad guy!" There's so much emphasis placed on "speaking positive words into the atmosphere," that we ignore the terror hidden in our hearts. We work hard to ensure our world is filled with positive words and images, while people are killing their own children with the simplest motives.

It's complicated...

One of the reasons I started writing this daily blog was to share my thoughts and feelings. I am human...not every thought is full of light. But my expression is full of truth. I take comfort in the writings of the Bible, especially the perfectly flawed individuals who expressed great hope and great sadness over life (David and his son Solomon). They aren't alone; read the honest words or examine the life of any individual and you will see periods of elation and insight that defy logic! And yet, you don't have to dig too deep to find in every life, there exists valleys so dark and cold, hope seems impossible to find. We often search for a balance. Personally, I don't think 'balance' is what we need.

It's complicated...

Hope and Despair...they don't sit equally on the scales. It's complicated.

Thought for The Day - A Sliver of Sunlight

In the darkest of days - overcast, blustery and cold - a light can shine into your life. It breaks through for a minute or two, unexpectedly. In the heart of a Chicago fall or winter day, a moment or two of intense sunlight is needed to break the grip of the doldrums.

Some clouds hang low, they are thick and dark and on a walk along the river or the lake, the air grips you and sinks into your bones. But mostly the darkness is the pain of a life, searching for a way to live to its full.

So when a moment comes along, the winds die down and that light flashes from above; when you feel it's warmth and it eases away the pain, if only for a moment, there's the promise of a life much better. Hold on to it, cherish it.

There's always more to come.