|The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels|
I haven't rendered this one yet and if I draw the image, I'm not sure it would include hands juggling the fireballs. But here's the thought: this matter, this energy, this "stuff" I hold in my figurative hands, it's mine to control and utilize wisely. At times, I am overwhelmed at the responsibility as well as the sense of the energy going from one hand to the other. It is mine, it is in me; the only guidance given: "use it wisely." Okay now what?
I see the needs of many and without warning, connections are made. You enter the lives of people and find connections and bonds formed. They find solace in between my ears and a place to receive healing. I find a vital use of this energy and a way to make my life count for something while I'm here. The only sense of pride or ego, is feeling good that someone is warmed and loved. And yet, more lies just beyond my grasp; I extend my hand to absorb additional energy, wondering what do I do with this now? It is incorporated, sometimes, seeming like it's disconnected and not a good blend. But eventually, the new energy melds with the old and I'm holding and turning and juggling far more energy.
In my mind, I am still that small child who banged on the window, trying to prevent a guy from beating his girlfriend. My mom tells that story from time-to-time, how, as a 3 year old, I stood at the window as neighbors gathered in front of the house and some couple stood out front, the guy trying to beat his woman into submission. I'm sure I cried, not able to stop it; that's one of my fears, that I can't get to someone or can't help. But I have to try, I've got to. That is my life, my connection to this world. Save someone.