Begin...Again...

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

A Kiss 12 x 18 pastels

Linen - A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen - Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

Start it over, wind it back. Do it again and again and again. Then do it some more. Resolve, be resolute and firm in your intention and when you fall, again and again, get up again and again and again. We love the merry-go-round we call life! We love the grit and disgust, followed by quiet introspective moments, sitting alone with our guilts and thoughts. At some point, we apply the one remedy that seems to dull the pain of disappointment: laughter. And at some point, we remember we are more than a failure and that we have wants and needs that go beyond the basic. And we remember - we reason - that no one will give you anything, so you better get off your butt and get it yourself!

I have friends who don't realize the tenderness of their heart. Oh that beating mound of flesh in the middle of your chest is resilient! It has to be! We toss it around, send it into the blast furnace of difficulty and expect it to be quiet when we meet someone who makes it beat harder! But have you ever told your heart "thank you?" Have you ever laid your hand on your chest and said "thanks for your thump-thump" and "for putting up with ups and downs I reason you through?" We will reason ourselves silly, then fall flat on our face with angst and rise again!

One. That singular digit, the representative of beginning. On a calendar, its preceded by a 31, or a 30 and that rare "28" or rarer still "29." And that represents a cycle far larger than us. Sure it's time to start something. There are dreams and plans and well thought out goals just waiting for this day, but please bare in mind, while you may have abandoned the old, it might come back for a visit. You may be inclined, when the "new" isn't going the way you planned, to pick up the "old" once again. And be gentle with your heart when it brings back desperate, unneeded coping mechanisms!

Begin...Again!

Out of The Raw

Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

Spinning Blue Orb 18 x 24 pastels

Filtered Divinity 12 x 18 pastels

Rise! 18 x 24 pastels

We try to describe it

And in truth

We should revel in the power that is greater description

Words

Don't fail

They form

They capsulize

Colors

And descriptions of color

Emotions

Concepts

Inventions

Are

Our way of holding it

Managing it

Riding it like a creature we tamed

And yet

You can examine it

Study it

From now 'til

And it changes

Grows larger than you can tame

Again

And it changes you

Because this _____

Is greater

Untamed

And will be

When you

As you know "you"

Are someone/somewhen else

Notes on slips of paper

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oils

Expectation 24 x 36 Oils

A Reply 24 x 36 Oils

Grocery lists
Picking up food for the family
Lines for a poem I'm working on
Random thoughts
Random thoughts
Random thoughts
"I love you"
"I love you" in a beautiful poem
A scripture to lift someone's spirit

An opportunity to gather this slip of paper, that sticky note, that scented note paper...parts of a puzzle, thoughts, activities, feelings and 'what-nots'... not much, but put together and a snapshot of life is gathered. And snapshot hints of the whole.

Thought for The Day - "I"

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oil

Yes
I am here
This place where you sit
Quietly
Pouring out your soul
Clamoring for answers

I am Here
Here
Here
Where your eye is
And where it cannot go
I hear each syllable
And the intent of your heart

In the light of day
You look for me
In the faces
The movement of people
And the noise of the day
Oh I am there
But your vision is clouded
Looking for an expression
Perfection in skin and tone

In the darkness
When you sleep
I am
The movements unseen
The silence of a morning
Not quite yet born
I sit perched
And quick as a dart
I am here
Over there
And back here again

Between the hearts of two
And the heartbeat of one
I speak
Between the "whoosh"
And the "thump"
In the silence
Like a gap between notes

In the fruit
at the core
where the seed lies
waiting
I wait
In the ground, will I go
Or disappear in the trash
So much more than the question
And greater than destiny

I am the journey
The answer
I am the question you ask repeatedly
And would never move your mind to form
I am the night
And the noon day
The particular love you cannot have
And the mystery of the Shroud of Turin
Am I you ask
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You wait for a reply
Because you think you've asked for information
But in your heart
You've asked for interruption
Disruption
A change you control
I am not remote
for your control
I am timeless
And limitless
And just before you breathe your last
I am...

Thought for The Day - Searching to Find...

Looking up, focusing on nothing in particular, glancing over my left shoulder, watching the fish swim and play and the orange, blue, red and white of the painting sitting on the easel...I absorb it, listen to it and wait for an answer. The question, unspoken, hangs in the air...how will my arm extend to the world today? A candle in hand, a light shone on the common place, bringing light to details we know, but ignore.

There are many details, messages and truths to know. I'm shining the spotlight on the ugly as well refined beauty. Innocence and joy, love and faith. But there's always another side to all of this and especially from a human perspective.

Thought for The Day - Input - Output

Expand 18 x 24 pastels

We falsely believe we are in control of our lives. We think we have the tools to manage our day-to-day tasks. But the truth is we are surrounded by millions of points of reference. Input if you will, that influence and in some cases, command control over our lives.

What you say can influence others. Choose words wisely. But what you feel, especially the charged, heated emotions sits below the surface and given the opportunity - an individual available for dumping - we spew out angry words as if it were our birthright! So, while we choose words wisely when we are calm and thinking "rationally," we relinquish control, usually on an innocent loved one. What follows for many, are apologies and promises to "never do it again" or "do better" next time.

We are influenced, we store in our heart and mind both encouraging and destructive thoughts and emotions. In a polite society, we find it necessary to remain in control, but give us the room and the space and emotions and attitudes run out of control!

So who are we? Are we in control or reckless, harmful creatures of nature? We are both; and when we learn to harness our attitudes, our fears and our love, we become vessels of glory and honor for God.

Thought for The Day - Was That a Tremor?

I'm sure you've seen it, that small quiver of someone's lips, perhaps it was a quick smile. The fact that they felt inappropriate to smile in that moment tells a larger story than quivering lip. Subtlety, implications, veiled compliments, threats and touches; we are good at telling "part of the story" and leaving the whole truth "partially buried." We don't ever "fully know;" life is full of mysteries that, even when we think we know everything there is to know, we wake the next morning with new questions. And that speaks volumes about the unseen and the yet to be be discovered.

For me, rendering is a matter of capturing those subtle stories. Like a wrinkled brow, a roll of the eyes. hiding a smile or a quick glance, the shading and texturing in a painting tells a portion of the story. It allows one's imagination to "fill in the blanks" and to add your impression to the larger narrative. Simply observe, feel, and imagine!

Thought for The Day - Giving the Matter Careful Consideration

Thinking it through

Mulling 'it' over in my mind

Considering 'it' from all angles

Using logical and careful analysis doesn't always yield the best results. Too often, we consider the "facts" only, meaning, we only examine our lives using the "measurable" and "quantifiable." But there is far more to life than what can be weighed or checked against a tape measure. Have you ever weighed  an unexpected phone call or a friend taking you to lunch? Is there a cost attached to a passionate kiss? What about the loss of compassion and friendship, is that measurable?

The sun rises and sets each day and while we can predict those times with a high degree of certainty the immeasurable value of looking in the eastern sky as the sun rises will not fit into an equation! Life, real life, is more than dollars and cents!

Thought for The Day - Prep Work

"As it is heaven, so it is on earth..."

Each morning, an alarm goes off on an old digital watch, kept on my desk. It goes off at 4:57 each day. At this point, it signals that it's time to wrap up my prep work, work on the blog and mentally prepare to hit the gym. When I set the alarm, years ago, it was to get up early enough for devotional time, exercise a bit at home and prepare for work. I haven't silenced the alarm in years, when I lay in the bed, my wife complaining that I should turn it off since I wasn't getting up. She doesn't know it goes off now because it's in my space and I'm up long before it goes off.

I've noticed that in my work, there are many keys from reality. Certainly, abstract work tends to trigger emotions, thoughts, providing us glimpses of our unconscious and what facts wind their way through our mind. So rendering in this way, I find cues from my past, present and the hoped for future. Patterns, shapes, colors and impressions occur with each stroke and sometimes, I'm certain I can see what lies off in a far away place...

Thought for The Day - Beneath the Surface

Externally, smiling
Within, something else
On the surface, quiet and shy
Beneath the surface, 100,000 ideas are flying about
On the surface, a somber yellow
Beneath, a kaleidoscope of colors and patterns...

For each of us, what is unseen is far more than what is seen. The eyes, to the observant, give away a hint at what's behind them, but we remain a mystery to  one another.

Thought for The Day - In an Instant

Like grains of sand, our thoughts and sensations occur, in an instant. We are seeing hearing, feeling, tasting and analyzing. We are thinking, reasoning, doubting, hoping, losing and winning, all in an instant. We evaluate, judge, discern, condemn, self-correct and self-deprecate, in an instant. This amazing mass of energy, housed in this mass of flesh! It's capacity to guide, direct, to love and hate is limitless!

In a moment, we are capable of changing the direction of our lives. While "external stimuli" may guide our steps, so often, the true inspiration is internal, in our hearts and mind. When we are certain our lives will continue in "this way," something tragic or glorious comes along and we have a new reason to live! And that new direction, while it seems to come out of "nowhere," it was always there, inside you. You may not have welcomed the interruption to your mundane life, but in the long run, you will appreciate the shift, because you took hold of the reigns of your life and turned it around! 

The best planning, the best education and intentions...in an instant...

Thought for The Day - The Power of Thought

It is happening now; this very moment, even as you read this, multiple emotions, calculations, memories and plans are simultaneously running through your head. I've heard it said we use our brain - if at all - for little things, but my point would be: It's getting used. It is never idle.

The plans and intentions of our thoughts, of where we want to be - whether it is content with "now" or some other place - can determine your footsteps. But I think many would be surprised to trace their thoughts back to a feeling, an emotion or a dream. There are those lingering impressions that happened a while back that shape our present and future and help determine what makes us happy.

Where ever you are at the moment, what ever is going on in your life, it is not the end. Whether you are content or the opposite, consider what you want your life to be. It all begins with a thought, a notion and where goes is up to you.

Thought for The Day - Decisions and Choices

You're doing it now; deciding, choosing. Small, nerve ending sparks firing through out your frontal lobe. When we think of making decisions, or having "choice" we imagine things like vacations or which bill to pay and which to hold off paying. But when you 'decide' to "chair dance" to a tune that comes to mind or playing in your speakers; when you choose which word to use in a conversation - especially when you're keenly aware that the conversation is potentially volatile - is a decision made in the moment. We think we can't operate in a continuous flow of thought, always 'considering' or "juggling multiple balls," but at least in my head, it seems a continuous flow.

Not every decision or choice is wise or informed. And even with the necessary information available, we often decide to do the opposite. Sometimes our decision is made from our "gut," a sense of knowing what is a right decision and one that doesn't follow "conventional wisdom."

Now, no overarching or specific instructions today. Just "the facts, ma'am." YOU decide...

Thought for The Day - Dive In

I begin a process of writing, journaling, near random , free association about four years. A book, "The Artist's Way," by Julia Cameron, added another dimension to something I began nine years prior. Funny how life works: I begin back in 2001 or 2002, at the suggestion of one of my wife's friends, writing my thoughts on paper. I remember her suggesting that I write three pages a day and that she got the idea from "some book," that until I bought "The Artist's Way," I didn't remember was the book she suggested. I never got to three pages a day, but I found myself writing a paragraph here, a page there; very therapeutic.

Dive In: I can't begin to tell you how many times I sit in front of a plain "electronic page," and though thousands of ideas, themes and subjects spin behind my eyes, the "critic" tries to silence or edit the process of revelation. The beauty of a book like "The Artist's Way" is you don't have to be an artist, writer, dancer, or photographer to use it's instruction. You have to be willing to dive in, though; you have to be willing to move your body through the stream of consciousness behind your eyes and dip your brush in the one medium we share: words. This exercise isn't about writing the great novel, writing your memoirs or the next great broadway play. But it is telling your truth to paper. For a few minutes a day, you are seeing your emotions, thoughts, impressions and memories. Each day, without fail, before you begin the morning rush, before you take the dog for a walk, sit, write and be cleansed.

There's also the artist's date, a exercise I have yet to do with any sense of consistency. But it's an exercise of self-care. Where the writing allows you to release what is in you, the artist's date allows you to treat yourself. Going for a walk, visiting a gallery or two, buying a slice of pie and ice cream or buying some trinket you've had your eye on. But it's about you. Sitting here and considering the aspects of "the date," I understand why I don't do it. But also considering why it's necessary, I see the need to incorporate this once or twice a week exercise as well.

Too often, we spend our days taking care of everyone but ourselves. Certainly we don't want to be accused of selfishness, but truthfully, the opposite should be true as well. And in truth, self-care is not self-indulgence. It isn't about lavishing one's self with unnecessary luxuries, or spending more than you have available. But it is about realizing you deserve to be loved...by yourself.

So, this week...I'm struggling with the idea but know it has to be done. I have to 'sneak off' and spend a little time with me. No, working through lunch or sitting at my desk. One evening, rather than come home and spend time with the family or maybe on the weekend, I should disappear (let them know I'll be gone, of course) and treat me to a bowl of ice cream, or find a hobby store where I can look and buy one small personal item. Dive In.

Thought for The Day - Expansion

You know, nearly every thought is an opportunity for growth. Merely allow that energy connecting heart and head to flow and you are well on your way. we have notions and intentions, dreams and plans and any given moment is the doorway to become what we desire. It's long been my thought, since we are made in the image of God, at the core of our thoughts and desire, we long to be like him, producing good, light, love and growth. But it is the "weeds" of life and our reaction to them that allow evil to make more sense.

A heart that chooses purity and love is a heart that continues to grow. One chooses to respond to difficulties, hardship and heartbreak in a way that fosters these essentials of life. It's a continuous process and one that circumstances can dwarf, but keep at it. Each day we are choosing to live more and more like God and less and less like some warped 'demigod.'

As a child, my father was the shining example. My father's hip was displaced when he was a teenager, still growing, so one leg was just a bit shorter than the other. He walked with a limp all my life, but it never prevented him from doing what he chose to do. I don't know if he felt pain from this injury, or how bad he felt when asthma developed from years of working in a chemical plant and smoking, but he wouldn't tell anyway. He always moved fast and thoughtful, always working to ensure his family had what it needed. He worked hard on his job, taking on more and more responsibility. And though he wanted "something" of his own, he continued working at what he knew. Physically, my father was worn down, having many injuries on his job, but not only did he continue working, he continued smiling. One thing I've learned from my father is to listen. Certainly I have a great deal to say, I could probably talk for hours if allowed, but its better to listen. Others need to talk; people need someone to hear their concerns and pains, their desires and needs. And if I offer a listening ear, gentle reassurance and an open door to allow the person to come back and talk again, I've lived my life, growing and expanding.

Thought for The Day - Exercise

Soul Dance 8 x 11 colored pencils

Very physical

Very demanding

Taxing the soul and mind and body

But beneficial as well...

This exercising of energy and thought and emotions. This breaking of solitary contemplation. The cessation of activity to quiet the mind. Unfortunately, we leave our mind to languish, while we drive and perform 8 hour tasks, once we learn how to do with little menal participation. I mean we sit or stand and think about stuff like, "where is that woman now? What am I eating for dinner? What was that movie, that Sidney Poitier starred in back in 196_?"

I've watched my middle son build cranes and pulleys with his toys and my weight training equipment. Then he moved to robots used for competition in high school. Now he's the consummate photographer, understanding the complexities of apertures and shutter speeds and multi-flash units. I've observed actors and actresses take on the persona of their character and do it with such little effort, you are certain that's who they are in "real life." I've listened to Sarah Vaughn sing with such velvet fluidity that I'm certain she must  have drank olive oil to keep her voice smooth. People practicing their craft or their intellect or their desire.

Exercise calls for a unity of mind, body and soul. It requires going into places where difficulty lives, where stress works for you, not against you. And it requires that you pull for sources rarely encountered in our "real world." Here's a little known fact: everyone has the ability to EXERCISE. It requires a willingness and it requires time.

Today: "bend and stretch, reach for the stars, stand on tippy-toes, reach for Mars." EXERCISE!

Thought for The Day - Tip of The Iceberg

Well they are almost gone; apparently the temperatures of the world have gotten to a point that the icebergs floating in climates that were cool to cold, have melted away. But the idea that a mound, or mountain of water, frozen for hundreds of years, floating around like a mobile mountain fascinated us! And the saying "it's just the tip of the iceberg" was apparently true. Though they were taller than most ships, what floated beneath the surface was far deeper and larger! Impressive, awesome and potentially deadly. Here's a thought: perhaps the world's water supply is "improved" with the melting of the glaciers. Maybe the minerals and elements stored there are released into the water and sea creatures have a fighting chance against man's greed. Just a thought.

"Tip of the Iceberg"... What lies beneath the surface is far more than meets the eye! You and I my friend! When you consider what lies beneath your surface, what comes to mind? What emotion, reasoning or attitude comes to mind? Do you imagine yourself as damaged, worthless, happy, joyous, introspective (which can be "good" or "bad") or outgoing? I recall years ago, a young lady declared in Sunday school class I taught: "I don't trust nobody!" She said it with such conviction and emotion, that immediately I felt there was far more to those four words. My fellow teacher said, "You have to trust someone; you can't live in this world without trusting people." Both were right in that moment, but here's my point: that young lady, in that moment, pulled up painful memories where an expectation wasn't met, a desire left unfulfilled by someone who should be in a position to meet. Isn't that our lives at any given time?

What is unseen defines what is seen. I quoted the song a few weeks ago and it bears repeating:

"Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream,
Merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream..."

My friend, we put a great deal of emphasis into what is visible and perhaps we should. But understand, what is seen springs from a world we don't perceive. Our thoughts, the very fabric of the universe is made of far more elements than our science world has yet to discover! Truthfully, it's not in the realm of science to define everything; some things have to be perceived through belief and faith. And no matter your relationship to the community of faith, one would be hard put to refute the many examples of "some thing coming out of nothing."

Be, my friend. Be.

Thought for The Day - Thoughtful

Rise! 18 x 24 pastels

To be deep in thought or to consider; being mindful of other people or things.

Yes, there remain people like this in the world, those who consider others more than themselves. And they do so without feeling inferior. I started this blog with a friend in mind. She was going through a "rough patch" at the time and quite honestly, I didn't know it because she told me or because we discussed it. It was simply a "sense," an idea of the type of work she does. So a quick email, a few simple words to say "it will be alright" and so it began.

Every now and then, people I've connected to through social networks and those I know personally, come to mind. Some, because "distance" has dulled the connection, a simple text or call won't work. So in this place, I reach out and connect. I don't know if they will ever "see" this blog, but it doesn't matter; the word finds it's intended target one way or another. I am sure of that!

There are times I consider what should be written throughout the day; I'm always jotting "thoughts" and impressions. Sometimes those thoughts make it to this space and some don't, but I'm always mindful of the impressions of living this life. I consider the trauma, drama, highs and joys of living along this journey. If you've noticed, I include an image I've rendered and while I try to keep the words and images thematic, there are times I'm motivated to include something I don't immediately see as coupled.

It's about considering, pondering and being aware. This opportunity is about seeing the "big picture" as well as the details. You and I are intricately enmeshed in both the big picture and the "microcosmic" details.

Be.

Thought for The Day - Useful Energy Tips

Open Portal 12 x 18 pastels

In a moment, in a flash opportunities, insight and dreams come and go. We are always on the verge of becoming as great as we believe we can and remaining where we are. Every decision, every thought is the seed of the mundane as well as becoming the solution to someone's problem. I've seen this dichotomy since childhood, how easy it is to get caught up in commonplace drama, especially the type where we waste emotional energy and never solve. And yet, we pine away for a world, a life that's peaceful and fruitful.

Why not expend more energy on dreaming and imagining the life you want for you and yours? Why not imagine people living together, harmonious and loving? Could it be possible? With the death of Nelson Mandela, many people will consider what we know about his life's struggles, fighting apartheid in South Africa, going to prison for it and eventually becoming that nation's president. But consider what made him rise to the level of notoriety: he had a dream, an idea, an "ideal." And I believe there are far more of us who want a world of peace and endless resources for all, than those who want everything for themselves. We may 'think' - i.e. remain fearful - that our resources our scarce and being squandered, but what we really hope is that we will learn to use our resources wisely. We also hope new solutions for old problems can be discovered and implemented. And yet...

...each morning, we wake, frustrated by the day's journey before our feet touch the floor. Reluctantly we rise, already pouring good mental and emotional energy out of our being, wasting it on things we will do and yet hate. Some would say "love what you're doing." That doesn't really work for me, so I'm suggesting this: do what must be done, give today's mundane and contemptible tasks the energy it needs and no more. But rather than concentrate on how much you despise your life, imagine it being better. You know "stacks of money" wont make life better for you; you know it and I know it. But the wise use of the energy we already have can brighten yours as well as the lives of everyone. Use the "money" between your ears wisely. Invest it in dreaming and creating a world where everyone is fed, clothed and healthy. Invest it in dreaming of a world of beauty and harmonious living.

Thought for The Day - Here to There

Open Portal (working title) 12 x 18 pastels

On a journey... the road behind me is as visible as the road ahead...

Any given day, I am prone to love as well as hate my work. If I look at a piece in process or complete, there is a range of emotions and valuations made in a matter of minutes or hours. Please believe, there is no better place to be - for the moment - than my little studio and I love my early morning time in this space. But when I look at individual strokes or the piece entire, it's ugly and beauty are found between my ears.

Perhaps that is what we all feel about life in general; from one moment to the next, the path we've traveled and what lies ahead can be evaluated as a waste. I've read words from people we admire, celebrities who are thought-provoking and eloquent and in a moment of "truth," they admit they point out their flaws with disdain. I believe it is true: we are our worst critic! And rare it is we give ourselves a "pat on the back" having made it this far. Every now and then, we need to examine where we are at the moment and while it isn't where we want to be, we haven't done what we said we would and we've made MANY mistakes, Thank God for where we are!

A bit of neutral space for me is reflecting on this fact: I'm doing the work I've always wanted and for now, that is a beautiful revelation!