Hope

The lifeline. The promise of fools, that slender, sliver of light in a dark world. Hope; what keeps us waking each day, trudging through each day, waiting for something more than we have now. Some would say we have too much, but we know that can't be true! If we had what we needed, we would not feel the emptiness and absence. If our "supply" was met, the aching in our heart would not be there.

Hope...like a small child waiting for parents that take a long time to return. Hope...a woman every now and then looking up in the face of a man for a connection. A man desperately searching for a woman that will bear his pain and emotions.

We long for completion, to be whole. We want to be satisfied and find our good reflected back on us. We long for appreciation, to be acknowledged as wise and wonderful!

Hope...

Begin...Again...

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

A Kiss 12 x 18 pastels

Linen - A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen - Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

Start it over, wind it back. Do it again and again and again. Then do it some more. Resolve, be resolute and firm in your intention and when you fall, again and again, get up again and again and again. We love the merry-go-round we call life! We love the grit and disgust, followed by quiet introspective moments, sitting alone with our guilts and thoughts. At some point, we apply the one remedy that seems to dull the pain of disappointment: laughter. And at some point, we remember we are more than a failure and that we have wants and needs that go beyond the basic. And we remember - we reason - that no one will give you anything, so you better get off your butt and get it yourself!

I have friends who don't realize the tenderness of their heart. Oh that beating mound of flesh in the middle of your chest is resilient! It has to be! We toss it around, send it into the blast furnace of difficulty and expect it to be quiet when we meet someone who makes it beat harder! But have you ever told your heart "thank you?" Have you ever laid your hand on your chest and said "thanks for your thump-thump" and "for putting up with ups and downs I reason you through?" We will reason ourselves silly, then fall flat on our face with angst and rise again!

One. That singular digit, the representative of beginning. On a calendar, its preceded by a 31, or a 30 and that rare "28" or rarer still "29." And that represents a cycle far larger than us. Sure it's time to start something. There are dreams and plans and well thought out goals just waiting for this day, but please bare in mind, while you may have abandoned the old, it might come back for a visit. You may be inclined, when the "new" isn't going the way you planned, to pick up the "old" once again. And be gentle with your heart when it brings back desperate, unneeded coping mechanisms!

Begin...Again!

Thought for The Day - "I"

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oil

Yes
I am here
This place where you sit
Quietly
Pouring out your soul
Clamoring for answers

I am Here
Here
Here
Where your eye is
And where it cannot go
I hear each syllable
And the intent of your heart

In the light of day
You look for me
In the faces
The movement of people
And the noise of the day
Oh I am there
But your vision is clouded
Looking for an expression
Perfection in skin and tone

In the darkness
When you sleep
I am
The movements unseen
The silence of a morning
Not quite yet born
I sit perched
And quick as a dart
I am here
Over there
And back here again

Between the hearts of two
And the heartbeat of one
I speak
Between the "whoosh"
And the "thump"
In the silence
Like a gap between notes

In the fruit
at the core
where the seed lies
waiting
I wait
In the ground, will I go
Or disappear in the trash
So much more than the question
And greater than destiny

I am the journey
The answer
I am the question you ask repeatedly
And would never move your mind to form
I am the night
And the noon day
The particular love you cannot have
And the mystery of the Shroud of Turin
Am I you ask
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You wait for a reply
Because you think you've asked for information
But in your heart
You've asked for interruption
Disruption
A change you control
I am not remote
for your control
I am timeless
And limitless
And just before you breathe your last
I am...

Thought for The Day - Words

You come across as confident, defiant and brash. But inside, you are full of fear. You use your words as daggers, held closely at the throat of familiars; family and friends. But it's not until serious damage is done that you realize the impact of words and you withdraw your attitude and replace with a "sorry."

Words can seem neutral - some words at least. They can seem powerless; remember the saying: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Not so; the fuel of words are the intentions. We communicate truth as well as what we hope to be true. We use words as weapons as well as defensively. We block - or attempt to - hurt with our words. And sometimes we are effective. But words are like seeds or weeds: they grow where they are planted and if they are poison, they leave a permanent mark, maybe destruction. Words can also be like medicine or nutrients; they can heal the soul and bring life to someone who is hurting.

Using words wisely; I would dare say, if we examine the impact words "can" have on others, we should communicate not only truth but hope to the worst enemy! We should tell others what we feel, but as important what we hope them to be. And in truth - maybe it's just me - the worst of us should receive God's best. Not as a matter of merit, but because God's love is a promise of redemption, a perfectly clean re-start and a wonderful future!

A word rightly spoken...

Thought for The Day - Clockin'

Terrible for the senses

Makes you reactionary and wars against your sensibilities...

Some rise early, intent on getting a couple tasks for the day, completed before hitting the pavement. Some rise with a few minutes time before they have to get out the house; no "self-love" involved in their daily preparation for a demanding life. Up and out; no breakfast, grabbing whatever is clean or nearly so. And angry, frustrated is how they spend the day. And thoughts about the future? "I barely have enough energy to get through the day and you want me to think about what else I'm going to do?!" Yeah, sorry about that...

In the middle of "survival mode" there are people who are happy to have an expectation of income, however meager. They pool resources - i.e. income - buy cars, homes, and share food. And all the while their thoughts are constantly on the infinite possibilities that are ahead!

Sunrise; you've been awake for an hour or more. At this point, your mind and body are at peace. You've considered the day's activities, planned contingencies for what will go wrong - "if Bill comes in with the usual excuse of being up all night with his sick child, we will be weeks behind on this project, so I will have to _____." You have given thought to lunch, where and what and planned your evening activities: a trek through a nature trail not too far from home and a light dinner before relaxing with a book. Your income is sufficient, it provides for your current needs and a portion is saved for future investments and hopes...

Each of us are clocking; we are watching it, considering it, remembering what was lost, mindful of what is not available and where we should be in life. We are considerate of, angry at and hopeful -TIME. We want more of it and pray for better (timing) and bemoan the days, weeks and decades gone (i.e. "I should have enrolled in culinary school, I should have invested in my own business, I should have never married that ______!").

Time is a precious commodity and it seems to me, the best way to live in relation to it is living today, with resources reserved for the future you hope for!

Thought for The Day - No Quick Fixes

I Will Rise 18 x 24 pastels

Linen - A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oil painting

What do you do when the pace slows? What happens when the progress that was slow before, gets slower? When the energy wanes and your attention is elsewhere, then what? You dig in, you slow down and pay attention to what's going on.

There's always something occurring, seen and unseen. The energy is "there," just below the surface, seething, churning and looking for the right time to release. Wait. Patiently do so. It may seem the wait is long, it may seem "change aint coming" but wait, plan hope and dream.

Thought for The Day - Pencil

"Here! Go work with this for a while!"

Simple low-tech device and practically useless in a digital age! But remember, batteries lose their change and wall outlets aren't always available!

Some days, that's how it begins, a simple pencil. I have to admit, having spent years in college, I learned to choose my pencils carefully. I have a collection of several tones of pencils, everything from a 6H to a 6B. They produce tones from a pale grey to a very dark grey. But that's how it begins, that and a white page. A line, on a page, usually in the top left side of the page to ensure no space is wasted.

Quite honestly, I don't usually begin the process with a preconceived concept. Most days, this just feels like drills to warm up. But in the process of allowing my fingers and unconscious to connect, shapes, tones and shadows appear. An idea or theme comes to mind. I am off to shaping and planning; developing this idea with that shade of grey.

It's like that each morning, as I sit to write,  except I have "you" in mind. What will you say? What do you need today? As importantly, what should be expressed and where am I being lead? I don't get to set the tone of your life, or determine how the light and shadows play across your face. But I know that words, the expression of concepts, intentions and hope, contain power! And using this "pencil" is my way of lending my voice to the throng sending out truth and light!

Thought for The Day - Moving Energy Around

The Phoenix 18 x 24 (22 x 26 framed) pastels

It aint a pretty thing, this process of growing and progressing, but the "finished product" will be amazing!

We are all going through it, though some seem to do it with additional grace and style. But we are all growing and maturing and getting to know ourselves. For the most part, we spend our days chasing "the rabbit" around the track, and in doing so, we grow frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned and tired. We see the futility and vanity of living and question the purpose of breathing, eating and trying to be in relationships. But in all of this, there is a moving toward men and women who can be better stewards of the lives we're given! Mind you, I say this of those who are doing the "internal work," as well as those who work it out in the physical. Not perfect individuals or the lazy, who wouldn't lift their head off the pillow if they could help it. But those who hold on to that spark of hope, who secretly believe that life and their existence is more than occupying space.

I say this succinctly so there's no confusion: move that energy about!  Whether you make progress today or not, whether your plans are closer or far away DON'T. GIVE. UP!!!! Keep moving it, keep pressing forward toward your goals! Even if you wake today and feel so depressed and hopeless that you're ready to join the folks hanging on the corner - DONT! Sit in your frustration and let it work it's way through your system. Let the energy build and feel like it's tearing you up inside. Because in truth, that's exactly what it's doing! It is tearing down the internal barriers - fear, doubt, status quo - and making room for the "real you!"

Thought for The Day - Rise of a New Day

I am certain, I'm not the only one who considers this: there doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day!  Rarely is this said about our jobs, but for those times when deadlines are fast approaching, and the effort needed to complete tasks isn't enough, "work" gets thrown into the category too! We spend our conscious hours chasing a rabbit with a clock on his head, around a track! We rise early, go to bed late and wonder why we are exhausted all the time. Task after task after task fills our day! And of course, one of our biggest concerns is when do we have time for "me" or "us?" Is it possible to squeeze in a few minutes, an hour or two to relax or go for a walk - without it being a 5k for charity?

The dawn of a new day; there's nothing like it when you have time to appreciate it! Take time to appreciate it. Plan your day with a little extra time relax at the beginning of the day. Sit with a book or a journal, take some time to reflect on your progress, where you are in life. Calmly, with little thought of the day ahead, consider what you would like your life to be. Do so, pushing off "I can't" and "My finances" as much as possible.

Dream!
Consider!

And allow this precious time to become part of your waking moments!

Thought for The Day - I am "Here"

A red dot marks my location on the map...and this concept gets copied and modified on electronic devices and software. We can be found "here," or "there." Like the "dash" between a birth year and year of departure, there's no telling what that dot contains!  The dot, the dash, they're just indicators, but no indicator of the stories stored in that location. The reps can't tell you I've moved from this spot in the room, the house, or the office building. It can't tell you I'm on the first floor, getting in the tub or in the basement reclining on the couch while the television serenades me. And the dash doesn't indicate how many people's lives we have impacted for the good.

Words, representing a focal point for the day, a point of concentration, like the rudder on a ship. In this venue, the focal word or phrase says "use 'this' as a mile marker, a reminder of things important. Use it to build, tear down, plant and uproot." There exist thoughts, notions and intentions in us that are taking us to a dead end; we want life, especially in us. There are secret plans we've been plotting and scheming, perhaps we aren't aware how damaging and destructive they can be. We need a remedy, a sense of hope to redirect our course. Sometimes one word, a single concept is all that is needed to put us back on the correct path. And sometimes, the equivalent of an embrace (one word or "thought"); that basic human point of contact changes our location and the direction of our lives.

It's just a word, a thought or a feeling. In the language of "dots" and "the dash," it doesn't register. But in the day-to-day living, the microscopic details of the grand design, eternity is found "here."

Thought for The Day - Bacteria

"I'm infected!" 

This year has been challenging in that interesting way that if you aren't mindful, you ignore the blessings and make unwise decisions. A series of injuries, flooded basement a couple times this year, broken appliances, repairs and necessary purchases; it would seem that "someone" is trying to get my attention. But again, mindfulness, staying in touch with God, I am aware that "change is inevitable" and in truth, constant. 

We can allow what appears to be difficulty or calamity or misfortune, to alter our steps. I grew up with parents and relatives who observed weather changes and a collection of political events as a 'sign of changing times.' Of course, "the apocalypse" always looms on the horizon. That thought infected me, to the extent, I have had to work hard to ignore that line of thinking. When I say it's a struggle not to view life as an accident waiting to happen, I'm not joking! It's an everyday struggle!

But I've also received a dose of hope and confidence. I've viewed life from the other side, that is, an adventure, an opportunity to grow and progress. When I put my paints away shortly after college, 30 years ago, there was a sense that I might not pick them up again. But there was also this sense that it was an ABSOLUTE MUST to do so! And that same sense of hope drives me on, today!

Yes, I have a dis-ease; it will not allow me to rest! It will not allow me to accept the status quo and to live like everyone else! It drives me to solitude, to contemplation and to sharing "the good news" that a brighter day is coming!

Thought for The Day - It Happens

The Turn 9 x 12 pastels

There are days, weeks and months where you simply "flow." No interruptions, no thought of loss or doubt. But suddenly, out of nowhere, in a moment of hesitation, it as if the hot air balloon you've rode loses it's altitude and you come crashing back to earth. That solid flat place where doubt and fear live. That place where desires shrivel on the vine and never deliver...

It certainly happens; we all go through spells and fits where things don't go as we plan or as we perceive they should. For some of us, it seems a great deal of our lives is spent on the ground, away from the lofty skies where dreams are complete. But as much as we despair, we don't have to remain on the ground! I dare say, while "dreaming is for dreamers," much of what we accept as reality was shaped by dreamers!

Don't give up, don't allow disappointment to turn your dream into an ulcer or cancer! Wake up, get busy making your dream your reality. And watch the world change as a result!

Thought for The Day - Day break

In a few more days, this will mean much more to me...

I was never a morning person; come to think of it, I've never been a particular part of day kind of person! But over the course of adult years, I've found it easier to be awake earlier and earlier! More often than not, I'm awake before the sun rises and in a near future, I hope to be seated in a place where I can watch the sun come up over the eastern sky, on a regular basis.

There is much promise in the rising of the sun. The promise can be misplaced from day to day, when we think life doesn't change. If you wake each day with the same perspective, i.e. looking down at the ground, you're right: life never changes. If you wake with the attitude that nothing good ever happens to me, you're right! You can make Israeli conflict a direct correlation to your arthritic shoulder if you like! And while you're in pain and distress, hoping some small relief would come along, the sun is rising and some where, someone is rising, stretching and smiling!

Day break, the opportunity, if you will, to ride the changes of a new day. With the rising of the sun, cloudy or not, you can begin again, go further than the previous day, stretch your limits until you are thoroughly surprised!

This day, I'm not a morning person; I'm an all day person!

Thought for The Day - All of That Stuff!

It's frustrating and maddening and at times, brings tears to your eyes! The times when you can't get what you want and when you make an effort and fail; it drives you crazy! And when well meaning people "encourage" you with "well meaning advice" that sounds a lot like suggestions of surrender! No matter where you turn, the whole world seems poised to destroy your good intention. But...

You are turning, meaning you continue to look for some way, "some how" to do what's in your heart! For some of us, it is an intention, like the roots of an Oak tree, buried in your soul! It's source of life so strong, no matter what conditions and storms exist, you fight like a undisputed champion, until you have achieved!

All of that energy, including what seems to work against you, is working in your favor and is the necessary fuel to propel your life forward! You keep fighting through it all! And "all of that stuff" will one day feel like encouragement and validation!

Thought for The Day - Shaped by the Wind

It is said that rock formations, land masses, as we know and especially decade old trees are shaped by the elements. The wind, rain and other factors we would not normally consider, shape what we view as "nature's handiwork" over long periods of time. But we ignore the form that occurs much closer to home: you and I.

When I was small, my family and I attended a small church on the west side of Chicago. My father talked about the congregation being large at one point, having about 30 members at a single time; makes me wonder how large is the average congregation! As long as I could remember, we had Sunday school for maybe a period of 6 months or less, and at approximately the age of 9 or 10, I was the teacher of one of the children classes - at least for a couple lessons.

All of my life, I have had a love and interest in matters of the spiritual nature. I have wondered at the marvels of history, especially as it connects to matters larger than 'us.' I "know" the significance of dreams even if I am often confused and overwhelmed at the specifics and how they play out in life. So is it any wonder, at the age of 12, I had a couple dreams that influenced me later on in life. In two separate dreams, I saw myself in the pulpit of that small westside church and understood what it meant. As I got older, I thought the likelihood of my standing in that specific pulpit would more than likely 'not' occur, especially after I joined another congregation in my young adult years. And my being in a pulpit, seemed further away as I neared that age of transition into adulthood. But God has a way of bringing you back around to what he - and you - want for you.

One evening, nearly a year after graduation from college, as I entered my parents house, I said a simple prayer, that went something like this: "Lord, you've blessed me. I have a car, good income, a wonderful girlfriend I would like to marry. What can I do to return my thanks to you?" His reply was simple: "answer my call." I knew exactly what he meant when it was said, however I wanted to be sure so I said "what?" And he said again, answer my call. I won't go into the specifics of what was exchanged afterwards, I will, however tell you this: it was extremely clear that the direction of my life was under his guiding hand.

There have been many turns and strange detours in my life. The "straight line" one would expect when that type of direction is given, has not occurred in my life. I can say, most assuredly, that I have come to trust God more and more since that time. And even when some of the difficulties challenge my sense of who He is, in one way or another, he reassures me that I am on the path he desires for me. This one thing I suggest for anyone who would follow God: trust that the "shape" you take may seem permanent; you may have a firm pattern of life. But trust, when good as well as difficult times come, you will find Him working in ways you can't begin to understand. But also trust He is indeed working to shape you as he sees fit.

Thought for The Day - Breaking Winter

Elastic 18 x 24 pastels

Many years ago, I worked briefly with a lady who moved here from Alabama. She said to me: "you all complain about your winters here in Chicago; it gets this cold back in Birmingham!" I quickly defended "my home" and told her: "this isn't a Chicago winter! A 'normal Chicago winter doesn't have any warm days and there's always snow!" Well after nearly 30 years, it seems we may be returning to the winters I knew and tolerated/appreciated!

It's April 23rd and the high for today is expected to reach 48. I will leave the house wearing the same winter coat I've worn all winter and a knitted cap. This is a Chicago winter; one that carries well into spring. You will see people in short sleeves and shorts; personally I think they're crazy because this is the type of cold that finds a good home in your limbs and joints and long before you're old, you wish you had enough sense to dress properly and respect a "cool breeze off the lake!"

One good thing about our strange weather: it teaches you to appreciate 90 degree days, at least it taught me to do that! Another thing that occurs, you learn to make plans and as soon as the weather breaks, implement them. That's a life lesson I think I've grown into. A couple days of warm and sunny days, I'm in the yard trimming and clipping and raking. And like life, the stubborn winter winds come howling down again, just so you don't think you're in paradise! I slow my pace, put on my protective outer layer and wait for the next break.

Life has been that way for me; on my way to the life I hope for, the road can be extremely smooth. Friends and family are kind and considerate. But suddenly, out of nowhere, the road cuts off and I find myself on a detour not on the map. I spend days, weeks, months and years trying to find my way back to the path and I learn to tolerate/appreciate a few sunny days and peaceful nights. But all the while, I'm looking for the "break"; the dissolving of winter's icy grip.

Thought for The Day - One Day I Want to Fly - Today I Want to Fly

Phoenix 18 x 24 Oils

Let go of pain

Yesterday

Tomorrow

One way conversations

Get up from this seat

Pass through the side of the building

Or dramatically through the top of the glass castle

And head West

Not home or to heaven

But over the plains

Through lands few know about

Into the dreams of children who still do

And into the heads of adults

Who secretly wish they did

I want to fly

NOW

Feel the air across my skin

The necessity for gravity

Or weighty impossibilities

Left way below my view. 

Thought for The Day - Take a Peek

Linen with a swirl 24 x 30, Oils

A private world; that's most of us. The space between our ears is rarely revealed. We will tell other's stories, discuss the news and the intimate details of a celebrity's meltdown, but we keep locks on our compartmentalized minds. Public persona, some put on a "happy face" while inside, they are children cowering in a corner, afraid someone will cause additional pain. Others are solemn and stoic, a constant "game face" rarely revealing what's inside.

For the sake of discussion, let's just assume I'm both of the above. But in this venue, on this stage, I am allowed to pour my heart and soul out, whether it is widely received or not. Though words are arranged to read with appeal, they are the revelation of my soul. You are allowed to peek at the fragments and particles of my mind, and quite surprisingly, I'm okay with that. You see, just as many are afraid of being hurt, so am I, but writing about my apprehensions, hopes, joy and anxiety, hopefully it gives license for others to do the same.

I realized, years ago, that we are pretty much the same, including our need to protect ourselves. We keep the wounded child hidden and locked away and give "the world" what we think they will accept. We want to be free and live life without pain, but each time we find the world to be a cruel place, it gives us another excuse to bury that poor child further in our heads. But for me, not only am I willing to talk about it, I'm willing to visualize it. And in doing so, I also give healing a chance.

Open the door, it's okay to come out now...

Thought for The Day - Useful Energy Tips

Open Portal 12 x 18 pastels

In a moment, in a flash opportunities, insight and dreams come and go. We are always on the verge of becoming as great as we believe we can and remaining where we are. Every decision, every thought is the seed of the mundane as well as becoming the solution to someone's problem. I've seen this dichotomy since childhood, how easy it is to get caught up in commonplace drama, especially the type where we waste emotional energy and never solve. And yet, we pine away for a world, a life that's peaceful and fruitful.

Why not expend more energy on dreaming and imagining the life you want for you and yours? Why not imagine people living together, harmonious and loving? Could it be possible? With the death of Nelson Mandela, many people will consider what we know about his life's struggles, fighting apartheid in South Africa, going to prison for it and eventually becoming that nation's president. But consider what made him rise to the level of notoriety: he had a dream, an idea, an "ideal." And I believe there are far more of us who want a world of peace and endless resources for all, than those who want everything for themselves. We may 'think' - i.e. remain fearful - that our resources our scarce and being squandered, but what we really hope is that we will learn to use our resources wisely. We also hope new solutions for old problems can be discovered and implemented. And yet...

...each morning, we wake, frustrated by the day's journey before our feet touch the floor. Reluctantly we rise, already pouring good mental and emotional energy out of our being, wasting it on things we will do and yet hate. Some would say "love what you're doing." That doesn't really work for me, so I'm suggesting this: do what must be done, give today's mundane and contemptible tasks the energy it needs and no more. But rather than concentrate on how much you despise your life, imagine it being better. You know "stacks of money" wont make life better for you; you know it and I know it. But the wise use of the energy we already have can brighten yours as well as the lives of everyone. Use the "money" between your ears wisely. Invest it in dreaming and creating a world where everyone is fed, clothed and healthy. Invest it in dreaming of a world of beauty and harmonious living.

Thought for The Day - Love

After the Dance 18 x 24 charcoal and pastels

Send it out

Receive it

We love "love." We love "loving." But love is more than responding to someone who is "loving;" love, by it's very nature simply gives. It does not stop because it is not received. Love does not fade in the face of opposition. It simply loves.

Think of love like the wind...we build homes and buildings and we build them to withstand strong winds. But wind finds it's way through the smallest cracks. It wraps around the house, envelopes it and in a quiet moment, you can hear it whipping around corners. When a breeze is powerful, you can feel it even in a brick house. That's what love is; we put up barriers to it, we try to prevent it's expression when we reject an individual, but love is stronger than hurt and love is greater than pain. Love. Never. Fails.