In Process

(In Process) A Tea Rose for Monique 12 x 16 acrylic

Always

On my way

Arriving only to find I should go further

Or over there

Stay a while

I can't

There's someone/where/when

Just over the horizon

Yesterday is so fa away

Though I remember parts

Like it was 3 minutes ago

Today I woke before dawn

And before I knew it

The day was gone

So is it any wonder that I should move like that "Lucky Old Sun"

I'll be here for a while

But I'm leaving as soon as the wind picks up

And the chariot of fire swings my way

I'll be bigger then

Or I'll be smaller

In that next place

That arriving destination

I'll be something else

Nugget and Root

Triplicate

Searching

That _____

The umph and ahhh

The something-something that changes and unravels the mystery of one's life

Searching

Digging

Breaking up

Giving up

Surrendering

And trying again and again and again

Searching

Seeking

Getting advice

And venting one's soul

Replacing

Substituting

Hoping 'this' will be a reasonable replacement for 'that'

Looking in eyes

Examining hair and expressions

Hoping "he" or "she"

Will be the solution for the ache

Giving up

Settling

Disillusion becoming dis-ease in your mind body and soul

Holding a glimmer of hope

An ember buried in the dust of years of trying

Waiting for someone, something somewhere

To BE

Thought for The Day - Crumble

That's about what I would like to do with my "exterior" life. I've read the book "The Artist's Way" a few times and I've come to realize, I have a problem with "playing." Not playing video games, chess or going out for a walk - though that is more like work than play. I don't relax and allow the art to flow! I can produce great work, I love the colors and textures and doing the "work," but there is a mental block that implies I have to be serious about it and that art should become a replacement for my job. There are some mental shifts and changes I need to make and while I look forward to a change, and can imagine how I will be, getting there - especially through the process  of "playing" - it' a mystery!

I know we are trained from childhood, to be responsible adults; to a certain extent, we spend our adult life "pretending" to love working. And in the moment, I am quite envious of those who have discovered a way to balance "play" with "work" to the extent, none of 'us' know which they are doing. But what I don't know is how I will relax this outer shell to be one of those individuals! I have my moments, I can sit and draw or paint, have a great time in conversations, but at some point, in the back of my head,  a clock ticks louder, indicating it's time to get back to work.

No solutions or suggestions in this entry, just me talking.

Growth

Transition

Progress.

Thought for The Day - The Spirit

"The wind blows where it will. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8 (NIV)

To me, I have a serious scowl; I often wonder how I get engaged in conversation since, each time I catch a glimpse of my reflection, the frown lines across my brow are fairly intense! But somehow, before I know it, people have me engaged in conversation and they receive the softer, inner core.

Internal motivation; though I struggled with it - and still do - I have come to admit I'm an artist. I struggled with it because there is a very practical, meat and potatoes side of me that believes in a strong work ethic. When I pick up a brush or pencil (working out the psychology as I go, folks, excuse the head turning, surprised expression on my face and the tears) I think there's a part of me that remembers my mother sitting on the phone and doodling. One of the first times I saw her doing this, I wanted to do the same thing. Somehow, relaxed, at ease. And yet the hard exterior of the world required no-nonsense, hard labor and getting stuff done.

And here I am, in my fifties and the many sides of me are being reconciled, brought together. I am an artist, but I am a messenger as well. I have an assignment to share goodness and kindness with people, often being no more than an ear and a smiling face. I allow people moments of ease, to relax and let go of tensions and worries. I see it in their face and body language when they are around.

"...but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going..."

Thought for The Day - Natural

Linen with a swirl (in process) 24 x 30 oils

As the paint dries, my thoughts turn in various directions...

It's a process that works in me. Like having a long day, and mine are typically 19 hours a day, and being so exhausted, you can't help but have a deep sleep. But in lying down, my head sinking into the pillow, with that final adjustment of shoulder hunched into the edge of the pillow, my thoughts become visual, my consciousness returning to other places. I have learned, though, to allow whatever dreams occur to instruct me at other times; I rarely remember what I've dreamt. I do know the dreams are present because there is always the sense of a message there.

It isn't my desire to allow paint to dry on the palette; I would rather it dried only on the canvas and preferably after a painting is completed. But that is not the course of life for me at the moment. Besides, I get to spend more time in quiet communication with the latest piece(s) and doing so, I better understand what's needed, what is requested of me. Certainly, there are times when I'm anxious or ready to get my hands on it, but time does not permit, as I'm running off to begin my work day.

The practice, the patience, the waiting for "things to turn" and evolve...at moments, it is beyond difficult, like spending your entire life waiting. But in the process, I learn more about me, God and His purpose for me.

Peace, be still.

Thought for The Day - It's Relative

Elastic 18 x 24 pastels

Prone to comparison, though, in thought, the image is larger than I can comprehend...

Similes and Metaphors...

I use them quite a bit; not in to the "exact measurement" process. It just feels like life is about a flow and moving among one another. We connect, disconnect for a time, and at times, not because something is wrong. Moving from "here" to "there." We are planets, coming in to one another's orbit for a time.

I try to put life in to a perspective I can hold to. But so very often, when the image is fixed, it changes. When I flip it and consider it as fluid motion, it gels, solidifies and everything becomes fixed and stagnant. So which is it? Fluid or Solid? How about both and far more?

It's relative to one's own movement or lack thereof. I heard an interesting fact yesterday: every seven years, our physiology goes through a complete change, but our mind 'can' stay the same. Interesting. That explains how some people get 'stuck' in old ways that are unproductive, or worse destructive. We can stay the same mentally and in many ways, we should remain true to our core being, but we are ever changing; our contacts, community, even family members are changing. Always in motion, always changing...