What if...?

Sitting in this chair
My mind filled with a thousand intersecting and clashing thoughts
What if
I had taken the TA (teaching assistant) position when I was in college
And spent time with the professional artist teaching at school
And gotten on the path of painting
And learned all the great places a young emerging artist could display his work
And sold paintings
And bought a two flat on the near north side
When property was cheap but on the rise
And established myself as an artist

What if...
I explored the avenues of playing music
developed talent to the extent I played proficiently
Picked up the guitar
Played the drums
And mastered the piano
And played in bands
And started my own band

What if...
I bought real estate
And sold it
Invested in stocks and options
Bought farms out west and south
Before Plainfield and Bolingbrook became the cities they are now

What if...
I started where I am at this very moment
Head full of ideas
plans
and dreams
And simply did what I needed to do
To enrich my life
Explore
Have adventures
And connect with people?

It's Alright

It's okay, really, it is. If you don't have every detail of the future you like, worked out in your head. It's okay if, in your past, you've been prone to fits of anger and sullenness, withdrawing from family when it seems they need you most. It's okay that your goals haven't materialized yet.

In the quiet of imagining the life you want, find the peace and sense of being whole and happy...stay there for just a bit. Now allow that same sense of being a whole person to guide you toward your dreams. And when things get rough as they often will, remember that peace. Seek peace and well-being.

Po' Me

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

Linen: A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen: Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

On any given day, it is a sad reality to be me! Oh I'm not sitting around unshaven and unbathed and drowning in a bottle. No, I clean up nicely, exercise, work a regular job, make light of life's situations and generally enjoy life. But there are those blips, those moments when I realize I can do so much more! I could point the finger at everyone to say we all can, but seriously Eddie Hudson could do better!

I could give a laundry list of tasks - especially since it's the first of the year and "resolution season." But that isn't where it begins. It starts with a decision; it's an understanding of  where I am, what I have done (and didn't) and the direction I want my life to go. I've done it before, made that decision and the steps followed. It required discipline and some blood, sweat and many tears. But it happened and I changed for the better. My challenge to me isn't about doing it in a year or the next six months. IT's about making the commitment to being a better me. To be diligent to accomplish goals and change the direction of my life. Many of the tools and habits are in place and working now. But the decision - the big decision - is to do them consistently! And to ensure I'm contributing my part to the world.

Begin...Again...

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

A Kiss 12 x 18 pastels

Linen - A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen - Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

Start it over, wind it back. Do it again and again and again. Then do it some more. Resolve, be resolute and firm in your intention and when you fall, again and again, get up again and again and again. We love the merry-go-round we call life! We love the grit and disgust, followed by quiet introspective moments, sitting alone with our guilts and thoughts. At some point, we apply the one remedy that seems to dull the pain of disappointment: laughter. And at some point, we remember we are more than a failure and that we have wants and needs that go beyond the basic. And we remember - we reason - that no one will give you anything, so you better get off your butt and get it yourself!

I have friends who don't realize the tenderness of their heart. Oh that beating mound of flesh in the middle of your chest is resilient! It has to be! We toss it around, send it into the blast furnace of difficulty and expect it to be quiet when we meet someone who makes it beat harder! But have you ever told your heart "thank you?" Have you ever laid your hand on your chest and said "thanks for your thump-thump" and "for putting up with ups and downs I reason you through?" We will reason ourselves silly, then fall flat on our face with angst and rise again!

One. That singular digit, the representative of beginning. On a calendar, its preceded by a 31, or a 30 and that rare "28" or rarer still "29." And that represents a cycle far larger than us. Sure it's time to start something. There are dreams and plans and well thought out goals just waiting for this day, but please bare in mind, while you may have abandoned the old, it might come back for a visit. You may be inclined, when the "new" isn't going the way you planned, to pick up the "old" once again. And be gentle with your heart when it brings back desperate, unneeded coping mechanisms!

Begin...Again!

Here We Go!

New format, trying something new. Except it isn't dramatically different, just a shift to the left. Power. Who has it? Do you and I and 'us' - all of us - have it? I would like to think we do and how we choose to use it is the problem and the solution. We exercise control over one another and yet we aren't really sure what we want to attain. We say we want the world to be a certain way, but don't realize there are others who want equally opposing things. So we work, talk with others who are of the same mind, trying to get the whole of society, a nation, or the world to be shaped in the vision we have for it. Except there are others who are doing the same thing, but not with the same goal in mind. And in truth, no matter how much the "group think" mentality rules, there are always those in the group who don't see things quite the way the "leader" sees it. There is a constant shifting of energy and control and the world is in a state of upheaval as a result.

Here's the other side of this equation: while we have "power" and exercise it, there is a vision for this world that exceeds - overrules - our own. Certainly, we can guide, direct exercise control over others. But there is one who has the first and final say over every life on this planet. His plan will be completed, even while we exercise our "free will." The direction He wants will be carried out, even as we go about our daily lives, doing, building, loving and hating.

What is good? What is right? What benefits all? And what is LOVE? Focus there.

Thought for The Day - Weather Conditions

You never know where the factors that spell your change will appear. Sitting in the office, in the cubicle you've occupied for 8 years, on the sofa, a familiar setting you could predict from your dreams; the conditions of our lives, like a "Groundhog Day." But...unexpectedly, a thought - no, not even that. An hunch or fleeting feeling, more like a sensation of a nerve ending firing a quick spasm. Months and years from now, you might be more aware of the next few minutes, than that sensation.

It's time for a change; you've known it for years. You might have settled into the status quo, the day-to-day activities where the only difference between you and the next guy is your house, your spouse and your skin. While your clothes are similar to your neighbor and friends, your soul sings a different tune.

Like an unpredictable rain storm, or in the case of Chicago, a surprise snow shower, your "change" shocks everyone; even family members didn't and wouldn't expect such a dramatic change! But change you must; it's in your blood and the only step you can take is forward.

But...

Don't wait for a twitching nerve ending. Don't look for a sign in the clouds or a message "from God." When you know, when it rides your every thought, make the change in you!

Thought for The Day - Dinner is Served

Since it's fall, I have a desire for soups, stews, chili and pot roast! I love dishes that fill warm as they go down and stick to your ribs. Funny thing: as much as I like dessert, I typically don't eat them in the same meal. The phrase "save room for dessert" is lost on me, because typically, if I have a great meal, my concentration goes into "seconds" and "thirds!"

A month or so ago, I asked a coworker if she had ever had butternut squash soup. She looked at me like I was crazy and made a comment about that being a random thought - as if to say "you're weird." But it isn't weird to think of dishes you would like; I was just sharing the thought. Last week, I picked up a couple butternut squash, intent on trying to make them in my Vitamix machine. I looked up a recipe on the web and was completely blown away! I know squash can be slightly sweet, but the way the chef laid out her recipe, I suspect the squash would be too sweet for my taste! And some of the ingredients she suggested, I didn't have so I thought I would leave this until another time, after I purchased the other ingredients. Besides, my wife made a suggestion: check further, there are bound to be many recipes that don't call for molasses, brown sugar AND oranges!

But as I reflect on this little adventure, it occurs to me how many dishes require a certain amount of ingredients that, to an untrained mind, don't mix well. We, who don't cook, can't imagine putting salt in cookies, or that the flavor, vanilla is practically tasteless, if not sweet, when we put a sip on our tongue. We can't imagine putting sugar in soups or that carrots compliment pot roast and potatoes very well. That is until we taste the end result! Then we are stunned, blown away, completely amazed!

My friend, trust the process! I know you've had it hard. There are moments, days, weeks and in some cases years, when you and your dream seem to be galaxies away, but trust, since there remains a mind to consider the dilemma, you will be brought together; you will fulfill your life's purpose!

Many people go through life, uncertain and troubled. Oh they would never admit it; some of the same people try to raise children, work jobs and be good spouses. It's all very good, but they don't allow the disturbance in their soul to trouble them to the point of responding to the "call." Remember your dreams, hold on to them. In the dark of your present, dull life, recall it. It will be as a beacon, guiding you to a life that is fulfilling and rich!

Thought for The Day - Clockin'

Terrible for the senses

Makes you reactionary and wars against your sensibilities...

Some rise early, intent on getting a couple tasks for the day, completed before hitting the pavement. Some rise with a few minutes time before they have to get out the house; no "self-love" involved in their daily preparation for a demanding life. Up and out; no breakfast, grabbing whatever is clean or nearly so. And angry, frustrated is how they spend the day. And thoughts about the future? "I barely have enough energy to get through the day and you want me to think about what else I'm going to do?!" Yeah, sorry about that...

In the middle of "survival mode" there are people who are happy to have an expectation of income, however meager. They pool resources - i.e. income - buy cars, homes, and share food. And all the while their thoughts are constantly on the infinite possibilities that are ahead!

Sunrise; you've been awake for an hour or more. At this point, your mind and body are at peace. You've considered the day's activities, planned contingencies for what will go wrong - "if Bill comes in with the usual excuse of being up all night with his sick child, we will be weeks behind on this project, so I will have to _____." You have given thought to lunch, where and what and planned your evening activities: a trek through a nature trail not too far from home and a light dinner before relaxing with a book. Your income is sufficient, it provides for your current needs and a portion is saved for future investments and hopes...

Each of us are clocking; we are watching it, considering it, remembering what was lost, mindful of what is not available and where we should be in life. We are considerate of, angry at and hopeful -TIME. We want more of it and pray for better (timing) and bemoan the days, weeks and decades gone (i.e. "I should have enrolled in culinary school, I should have invested in my own business, I should have never married that ______!").

Time is a precious commodity and it seems to me, the best way to live in relation to it is living today, with resources reserved for the future you hope for!

Thought for The Day - No Quick Fixes

I Will Rise 18 x 24 pastels

Linen - A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oil painting

What do you do when the pace slows? What happens when the progress that was slow before, gets slower? When the energy wanes and your attention is elsewhere, then what? You dig in, you slow down and pay attention to what's going on.

There's always something occurring, seen and unseen. The energy is "there," just below the surface, seething, churning and looking for the right time to release. Wait. Patiently do so. It may seem the wait is long, it may seem "change aint coming" but wait, plan hope and dream.

Thought for The Day - Moving Energy Around

The Phoenix 18 x 24 (22 x 26 framed) pastels

It aint a pretty thing, this process of growing and progressing, but the "finished product" will be amazing!

We are all going through it, though some seem to do it with additional grace and style. But we are all growing and maturing and getting to know ourselves. For the most part, we spend our days chasing "the rabbit" around the track, and in doing so, we grow frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned and tired. We see the futility and vanity of living and question the purpose of breathing, eating and trying to be in relationships. But in all of this, there is a moving toward men and women who can be better stewards of the lives we're given! Mind you, I say this of those who are doing the "internal work," as well as those who work it out in the physical. Not perfect individuals or the lazy, who wouldn't lift their head off the pillow if they could help it. But those who hold on to that spark of hope, who secretly believe that life and their existence is more than occupying space.

I say this succinctly so there's no confusion: move that energy about!  Whether you make progress today or not, whether your plans are closer or far away DON'T. GIVE. UP!!!! Keep moving it, keep pressing forward toward your goals! Even if you wake today and feel so depressed and hopeless that you're ready to join the folks hanging on the corner - DONT! Sit in your frustration and let it work it's way through your system. Let the energy build and feel like it's tearing you up inside. Because in truth, that's exactly what it's doing! It is tearing down the internal barriers - fear, doubt, status quo - and making room for the "real you!"

Thought for The Day - This Day

The Turn  9 x 12 pastels

What will this day bring, this 24 hours, this 8 hour work day, commuting for 2 and the remainder? What is a necessity, a pleasure, a luxury and planned? Where will it take me? Who will I become and what will I discover about me?

A careful and detailed analysis doesn't yield new results, but each day is a new day. Each day brings new opportunities and another chance to make better, do better and be. So what will I do differently with this day? How will I improve on the plans for my life?

A few years ago, I worked briefly on this series "The Turn." My plans were as foggy then as they are now; I had intentions, desires but wasn't certain of the means. This day is much like that turn: I'm going in the direction the road takes me and I'm not sure where that is.

Thought for The Day - It Happens

The Turn 9 x 12 pastels

There are days, weeks and months where you simply "flow." No interruptions, no thought of loss or doubt. But suddenly, out of nowhere, in a moment of hesitation, it as if the hot air balloon you've rode loses it's altitude and you come crashing back to earth. That solid flat place where doubt and fear live. That place where desires shrivel on the vine and never deliver...

It certainly happens; we all go through spells and fits where things don't go as we plan or as we perceive they should. For some of us, it seems a great deal of our lives is spent on the ground, away from the lofty skies where dreams are complete. But as much as we despair, we don't have to remain on the ground! I dare say, while "dreaming is for dreamers," much of what we accept as reality was shaped by dreamers!

Don't give up, don't allow disappointment to turn your dream into an ulcer or cancer! Wake up, get busy making your dream your reality. And watch the world change as a result!

Thought for The Day - One Day

One day,
I'll wake early
Head to the basement
Turn on music
The lights
And sit in front of the easel four hours
But today
I sit in the dark
And stare at the dimly lit scene
And imagine...

One day,
I'll walk the land
The hills and valleys
Small streams running here and there
The sound of trees moved by breezes
High above
And the sound so deafening
It's as if I were in the middle of the ocean
But today, I sit in silence
The gurgle of aquariums around me

One day,
I'll take my brown horse
With his strong legs
And cross fields
Watch deer run
And birds fly
I'll ride from morning to evening
Making a complete circuit
Timing my day
With breaks in between
Sipping water
Eating an apple
Sitting under a tree
But for now
I close my eyes and imagine it all

One day,
Ill stare out the window from my studio
Seeing the pond behind my place
Watching the rain fall
And the land soaking it in
I'll sip tea
While reclining in my overstuffed chair
Sketch pad sitting in my lap
And then I'll get back to work
Creating worlds
Emotions
And Dreams...

Thought for The Day - The Well

The River Bends

There may come a day when I look down this well and there is nothing there, but that isn't today. I might look for "the thought for the day" and the waters will seem cloudy because of confusion or fear. I might decide one day "I'm tired of this," or in the language of the day "I've moved on." But that isn't the case today.

I find this outlet, this way of reaching out is a necessary part of my growth. It requires reaching within, considering, weighing, measuring and writing on the fly. It requires sensitivity to both God and man (the readers).  I am challenged to both think about what I'm being presented and consider the thoughts of those who will read.

Years ago, having been challenged with the notion of writing to encourage and uplift, I toiled with a title to put to this...His Words seems so appropriate after all these years!

Thought for The Day - What is Important

An Open Channel

Never Lose Sight of Your Goals!

I've been blessed; I've been given a great deal of identity, character and insight. But as opposed to being put "out front," I remain where I am: in the background. This is the training ground, and so often I wonder why I'm here? Where's the "front" and how do I get there? Is it my fault, God's plan or just a matter of the "real work" being here? Well, "back here," behind stage, in the stockrooms I am just like everyone else: getting my work done. And behind it all the Lord does more work than the eye can perceive.

So what is important? Is it important to be out front, to be seen, receive recognition? Is it important to help people and be available? Being available and approachable, a good listener has placed me in the life - it's obvious to me - of people who are also givers and providers. There are plenty of people who need to be heard because they serve others to the extent they don't have an outlet; they are more "ear" than they are "voice," and the world seems to pour on them, their problems and concerns.

Again the question: what's important? What is the purpose of my living if it is not to serve? If I serve "here" and not "up there," is that the purpose my life should serve? If I learn service, compassion and patience "here," surely, when called upon service not only continues but the audience, the needs of many become my concern.

That's important: service. Giving to others, being available to listen, to encourage, to support.

Thought for The Day - Routine

The "Same" is okay...even good...

3:35 am

Grab an apple and the green, plastic cup

Journal

Meditate

Stare at the painting

Dab paint on the painting

Leg day

Get to the train by 7:15

Take a walk at lunch for 45 min

The parts of our life we come to expect to be the same. The routine, the processes, while we desire to be different, remain the same. We crave variety, improvement and success, but these staples of our daily living come as a result of habits formed over the years. And yet, there is more to life than the routine of it all...

Thought for The Day - The Process

It seems, some days as if you are moving through oily and dirty sludge. Progress? No, more of the same.

Trust the process...

Tomorrow comes, believe me. The promise is fulfilled. Trust me. Deliverance is N O W!

Thought for The Day - Cracker Jack Surprise

A rectangular box about 4 inches tall and 3 inches wide, full of caramel corn and caramel covered peanuts. A cartoon image of a little boy in sailor blue and whites, smiling on the box. The snack itself was okay, but for a child, the joy was the surprise inside. And the way "life" goes, rarely was the surprise at the top of the box. I was never really sure if the manufacturer planned it that way or it settled to the bottom by the time you opened it, but there it was, wrapped in a wax wrapper! And what was it? A tiny toy, maybe a tiny book or a tiny doll. Not much in value, but to a child, the "gift" was worth the stuffed belly and possible tummy ache!

When it comes to waiting and anticipating, so much of life is that way. You work hard for 30 years or more and what awaits you on the other end of the rainbow? If it's a pot of gold, it's the type in the form of gold coins with cheap chocolate inside. Most retirees have to be concerned with stretching their income over an indefinite life span and juggle failing health, doctor visits and possible mistreatment by unfeeling, underpaid aids. Graduate from kindergarten, elementary school, high school and you get a piece of paper with your name on it and a date of graduation.

So what is life? What is the true value of it and it's reward? Why do we strive for recognition, applause and fame when the results are fleeting? Are we "wired" for minimal returns on so much effort? Well life is for the living and recognition and even fame is part of the journey. Along the way, life is to be savored. I dare say we should savor the "depths" and "dips" of life because there are lessons to be learned in the darkest days. Trophies, prizes, blue ribbons and banners are placed in places of prominence. They are reminders that we worked, we strived and we won. The monetary value of the prize is minimum, but the eternal benefit of remembering accomplishments...

Thought for The Day - Drip!

That's how it begins,

A drip

Small

Singular

A notion

An idea

An intention

Soon

Another

And Another

And Another

Before you know it

The number and actions that result from that single drop, that single thought, are too numerous to tell! And you are well on your way to a life worth living!

Thought for The Day - Keeping it Together

Step, step, step, step, sli-i-i-i-i-de! That's me yesterday at noon. Out for a walk before getting lunch, the ground still wet from rain the previous day. My shoes are probably best designed for people who would be standing stationary most of the day, not for walking a mile or so each day. The soles are rubber, padded, but the combination of my size and gait, makes me slide from time to time. This is a very dangerous undertaking, considering I have herniated discs in my back and of late, the muscles are extremely sensitive! So many reasons to keep my steps lined up and conscious of every surface I encounter along the way! And a good reason to buy a pair of walking shoes for this latest form of exercise!

Though this back condition is alarming, my assurance comes from doing what I can to keep things together. Daily exercise not only helps to minimize back pain, the types of exercises I do help to keep me strong. A variety of stretches focus on all muscles to ensure the cardio and strength training doesn't leave the muscles sore and stiff. Well, actually they are, but that is to be expected, considering the types of weight I lift.

I keep myself moving, twisting and lifting because I hope to be able to move well from now until I am called home. I have no guarantees on that future, but I do have the capability of ensuring what I'm doing makes me a healthier man. What are you in relation to your goals?