Sunday, April 30, 2017

I Plan To...

Call it procrastination, call it fear, call it laziness or name it any number of other things... I can rise each day, go to the gym as if it were my 'religion.' Do the same for a job I say I don't like (felt this way about every level of school, as well); get up, prepare, nearly no conscious thought, just action. But I sit in this room, this studio and...

Lot of work to be done, lot of planning, lot of insights, visions, images flashing across the 'tv' screen of my imagination like completed works. And yet...laundry, errands, "what's going on in the furthermost parts of the world (and what can I really do about it)..." plague my thoughts...

Action!

That 'activity' is where dreaming, planning find balance with this world. In my mind, I am the world's greatest communicator; in my mind I don't know a damned thing - I am not heard or felt of known by anyone! My actions, my writing, my creativity can easily fade into the woodwork, the 'ethernet' of billions of nanobytes of conversations and blogs...

But one simple stroke of pastel, pencil, paint laden brush and intangible becomes tangible; unseen become seen an a message immediately understood or words that need a month to sink in...communicated, shared, heard and felt.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Fear is Okay


No joke. I've been afraid many, many times. I have "died" a thousand deaths ("a coward dies a thousand deaths")! But then again, I have faced fear a thousand times as well. I have walked up to death, fear and 'failure,' stared 'em down and got my ass handed to me! I have faced 'em down and walked away with victory as well.

I have these 'expectations' of me; these goals. Had them a long time. The ones that are truly mine have reformed, reshaped and yet remained. One of them is this 'writing thing;' the other is my art.

I'm writing this because I just had a moment...I started this 'fun' project a few weeks ago - see the attached picture and didn't realize how 'big' it was. Tonight this was one of those stare down moments. It's easier to walk away than to continue staring at it. But...

Monday, April 24, 2017

Starting Where I Left Off

Posting earlier today, I notice the last post made, in 2015, was of similar emotions: down. I kind of accept that's my 'default.' But life teaches us, even if your default is the standard, always - and I literally mean every second of each day (yes, MUCH easier said than done) we can choose to be and do better!

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Stuck in Winter

Hunkered down...

Chicago isn't the place it used to be, but it is 'home.' It seemed normal to me, to us, that winter began in October and ended in May, weather wise. I remember my father and his coworkers 'betting' when the first snowfall would come. I hear from others that are worst winters were nothing compared to say Maine, Minnesota or the Dakotas. Winters of white out condition, where the cold weather started in August and lasted until June...not for me at all.

I have heard people talk about "water tables," mostly a farmer's reference for how much water or moisture was needed to sustain crops through the summer and a dry fall. I don't know anything about that. I know that it seems like winter has lasted a very long time. That time where you spend most of your time in thoughts and feelings that keep you isolated and insulated. Winter came - was it a hundred years ago - and never left. "We" still have to function, we still have provisions to gather, clothes to clean and of course, the ever present 'job' to hold down. We rise early, prepare for long, dark days and go about our daily tasks, hoping (secretly) for at least one moment of laughter. In the back of our heads, we are planning spring plantings and summer barbecues. But that doesn't come soon enough...

Plan
Take small steps
Evaluate progress
re-Plan
Re-execute

and

Hope...

...winter ends...