Monday, December 28, 2009

Into the Water

A person can spend a great deal of time on the 'shores' of life; playing, pretending they are living life. We pretend the world is a dangerous place to be, that it is a huge evil machine, teeth prepared to bear down and destroy us. All this while enjoying comforts that matured in the last 100 years or so. We dream and scheme, of a life richer and worth living, but we remain distant from it, blaming the big scarey monster for blocking our way. We never take a moment to dip our big toe in an adventure; we do our best to ensure our children learn to be as afraid as we are.

But one has to go beyond the shoreline of life. Whether you wade into the water, run into it or dive into the wake, it's time to leave the safety and miserable comfort we've come to know. It's time to dive into the dreams we keep to ourselves. The dreams don't need shelter or safety, because in them is the wonder of miracles, of life lived boldly. Our dreams contain the matter of vibrant living and lives that connect us all. Yes, your dream contains the stuff that makes this world seem like a world of wonder and love.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The "Be-Working" Hour


Way back in the day, I would be up at this time of the morning (2:00 am), painting or drawing, trying to finish something for a class the next day. "No-doz," tea; trying to stay awake, and nothing worked at the time. If only I had known about lighting a fire in the belly...

So it's 2009, and I'm wide awake and because I need to be at a job in the morning, I need medicine to force sleep. I'll close my eyes in a bit, and images will flash across my mind, frozen in a moment, challenging me to remember - or better yet, get up and put them on paper - to paint, draw and otherwise. This is my working hour, where my energy seems to ramp up with the words I write as well as the images I work on. It's funny; when age and sensibility tells me to get a good night's sleep, I'm willing to stay awake and work. When I'm sitting at the desk during the day, I'm thinking about drawings and paintings, detailing the colors I would like to use. This hour, this time, is the true bewitching - I mean 'be-working hour!'

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Better Go to bed ~ Cat Naps

I'm finding this to be true: more people have insomnia than is talked about. I hesitate to say "suffer from," because for some - like me - it's a welcome change from the noise of the day, the pull of several tasks at once and allows me to work in solitude. Mind you, with that being said, there are days when I long for my college days. I've always been the person who could doze at a heartbeat, sitting in lecture halls or in the library, asleep. I would ride the train to and from school, catching naps in between stops, not really sleeping but in a state of 40-winks-between-Clinton-and-Halsted (you have to live in Chicago to know about that!) way.

I wasn't surprised when I begin a graduate program in 2008, when I would come home from work, study a bit, sleep a bit and spend half the night working on a paper or studying. And though I had a full 8 hour work day ahead of me, I fell into a pattern of sleeping when I could, dozing when I could, and napping at lunch.

I don't mind, I think it's the 'big cat' nature of mine that allows me to be up a few hours in the middle of the night. It's peaceful, relaxing and empowering at the same time. But there's always time for a nap! Nighty-night all!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Beginning Fall for Francene


I woke at 3:00 this morning, slightly intentionally. I had to start this picture. I'm laying the groundwork by starting off with a water color sky. A few hours later - almost another day beginning in a minute - and I want deeper color to represent the sky. Next will come the leaves.

If you're on Facebook and haven't seen it yet, I've set up a fan page for my gallery. Who knows? Someday I may be hosting other artists! Check it out: Hudson Gallery - The World of Art by Eddie L Hudson

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Fall for Francene

Though I shouldn't be surprised to hear it, each time I hear I do, there's this sense of wonder. That is, the people that say fall is their favorite time of year. I think its a shock to hear because you don't hear people getting excited and making energetic plans for to fall activities, unless you count sitting in a stadium. Weather patterns (especially here in Chicago) more prone to winter conditions than "Indian Summer," you would think people would dread it.  But it isn't the case.

People speak of the changing of the leaves, how beautiful it is to see the reds and oranges. Some speak of hot homemade soups and stews and times around a hearth. But again, it is a strange season to love.

I would not say I dislike fall; absolutely, I love it and for the same reasons as others. Goodness, I enjoy the wet and cool days as well, having to bundle up as a cold breeze attempts to invade my shield called a coat. I love temperatures that are cold in the morning, warm at lunch (sun hanging in the sky as though it were 3:00 when its 12:00) and cool again in the evening. I like going for walks through orchards, picking apples and stuffing myself with as many varieties as possible. I like warm fruit pies and cold lemon pies.

In a day or two I'll post "Fall for Francene." This is one of those rare moments when I do a few things I don't normally do:

  1. Paint something, someone asks for (not a commissioned piece)
  2. Break the schedule of the fifty or more painting ideas I have in mind
  3. Attempt to picture the vision another speaks of
The reason I do it is because of Francene. She's been a very dear friend for years. Her easy going personality, the way she seems to laugh and the struggle she endures, is all inspiration to me. I've spent the last month or so thinking about "Fall for Francene," and not a day goes by when I don't see the sky, slight clouds and gold, red and orange leaves in the trees above. The leaves may be gone from the trees, but in my mind it remains "Fall for Francene."

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Breathe slow and easy

Stressed to the highest! And when I think of the visions, revelations and joy of this past summer, this seems like the darkness of the valley.

Now everyone, this isn't a cry for help; I'm not on the ledge. No, I'm in the middle of the warehouse (picture 'everything' you need, want and can imagine surrounding you) wondering what to do next. You ever have one of those days, weeks, months when the sum of your possibilities and today's distress seems like a car laying on your chest? Yeah, one of those times. I know - OH HOW I KNOW - what I want to do. I have details and multiple parts to assemble, but...if that word were a bodypart, it would be the awkward part, sticking out far enough to hamper movement and knock over stuff!

So, "slow and easy," one breath at a time, one task at a time, one deadline, crazy schedule, and headache at a time. Slow and easy, but steady moving...can't see the light but know it's there!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Fire Torso



This one is an approach to texture and flesh tones. Just trying things out. Nothing ventured nothing gained. This may never see the inside of a gallery - its far from finished but if I give it time and effort, it will be full color. It will be a balance of the cool blue and warm glow of orange, maybe a little pale yellow for highlight.

Sorry folks, love this work!!! Love creating textures, exploring tones, colors and the play of light on skin, hair, cloth and elsewhere. Thank you, Lord for the process!

Early Morning Flight - almost complete


So I'm dozing while sitting in church, prayer service no less (Just being honest) and as I am I see this image. Looks like a forest, late in the night or just before daybreak. A bird seems to be flying from a body of water, maybe having made it's "catch of the day." I was so moved by the image, I grabbed my palm-sized sketch book, ran to the hall and begin sketching. At first glance, it looked like I filled the paper with black lines but the fine details was the trees, the leaves rustling in the dark and a small pond. I knew exactly where the bird would take off so I didn't include it.

The wonderful thing is this is a sketch; the painting is still to come. I have a canvas sitting on the easel waiting a starting point. Hope I can continue to develop the idea; I spend a great deal of time thinking about textures, shades, and 'the color of night'....Definitely need to keep working at this MASTERWORK!!! Enjoy, let me know what you think: good, bad or "eh, it's aiight:)

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Through It!


Write through it, walk through it, run through it, talk through it! Get out of it, run away from it, escape from it!

It is a trap, a prison, a lifelong carcass on your back! It is a relationship with regret; it is something that was so good but now stinks like rotten garbage. It is a habit you say can’t break (but you know you could if it didn’t feel so good).

“But will I do without it? Who understands me but ‘it?’ Oh if only you knew it, like I know it, you wouldn’t be talking that stuff!”

Listen!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

In The Water


Well this is what happens when you work at something for a while. It also is what happens when you lose sight of the original goal. I've read that often what you have in mind becomes something different when you paint.

Friday, October 30, 2009

This is the Work, too


This is the work as well. An artist or writer or anyone working in a discipline where they work alone; what’s needed to know is whether you do the marketing and selling, or someone does it for you, it’s your work. Others can represent you but the message ‘we’ have comes from our hearts and soul. There are times when the message doesn’t fit in a pulpit, a thirty-minute infomercial or on a canvas. Does its value diminish because no one understands it?

The innovators and leaders of the last century had to be themselves in a world that didn’t accept and certainly didn’t understand them. They did the work of proclaiming in a unique fashion what didn’t fit in the norms of society. Many of us, while we don’t understand the work of Picasso, the mention of his name or looking at one of his paintings, instant recognition. And yet, he had to take a risk, multiple risks. He had to risk rejection and yet allow his message to the world to scream in his heart and soul until no matter whether understood or not, he continued painting and drawing.

I’ll work. I learn about pricing, marketing, speak with other artists, and art business coaches as well. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being true to the calling, but then I remember the ultimate aim. Others may come along to help, but no one can tell my story like me. The story and the art is a reflection of me. And as such, it must come out!

Next up, Predawn Light

The decision to begin painting this image was 'finalized,' as I typed the title. I have two canvases sitting in my studio space, primed and ready to go. I have two paintings I want to do: Predawn light and "Daybreak." Actually, the theme of extreme dark and light seems to run consistent over the last few paintings. Images of large dark portions of the painting with a glimmer of light.


The sketch of predawn light gives a hint of what's to come. That's the rough sketch. The painting will contain the same imagery, with greater emphasis on the shadow and dramatic effects on the limited light coming through the window and landing throughout the room. The idea behind this is the very early morning, when I return to the room to wake my wife for the day. Usually, I'm up before sunrise. When I come back to the room there's that hint of light coming through the edge of the window. It's just enough light to give the visible parts of the room a glow. These days, that little light is magical to me.

In Process

Okay, so I finished "Day at the Beach" and will post pictures soon. Actually "Day at the Beach" has become less pleasant and more somber. In my effort to add layers of paint, which has been my style since college, I not only went with layered effect, the colors got darker. It began as a greenish-blue sea with a light blue sky. Now it's dark blue with hints of green and white for the caps of the waves. The sky is dark. Yeah, I need to post that one and a shot of the original look.

I'll dig the camera out of the car and do that this weekend. My plan is to revisit the original theme and work it with lighter colors for the sky and sea. The intent of the picture is to see the waters as the sky as though one were out in the water about 50 feet from the shore and the only thing in sight were the water and sky. That remains consistent between the two.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dreams

I’m strong, wiser, and capable of working in different disciplines. Even when I’m failing, I’m not defeated. I’m merely trying out something else until I can get to the success I desire. This is the difference of a child and an adult: a child has the unformed notion of a dream. Usually something or someone outside of them seems to be the model of that thing in them wanting to ‘be’ when they become an adult. An adult has the responsibility of putting the being into play. I am that adult, putting the dream into a working functioning human.
I remember thinking of myself as working at a table, a space by myself, sitting for hours as well as being free to get up and go as I please. I recognize at this point, the child in me likes the freedom of adulthood because the expectation is that as an adult you are free to do what you like. An adult considers the child as the one who is free to do as they please. Both are right, except being free is the hardest thing either one can do. And yet, without the strain and hard work it isn’t freedom, it’s apathy.

Friday, October 16, 2009

A Moment

His Words,


A whisper
Lost in the wind
A wish
Tossed with a penny in a fountain
A goodbye that lasted longer
But felt like a flash of lightning
As it fades away

The thrill of an early summer bike ride
Watermelon
Cold while the sun is so hot
Dripping and sticky
Sweet and delicious
Filling up your insides
Briefly, for a moment

Laughter
When your eyes are all cried out
Coming from a memory that pops up
But as suddenly as your grin appears
It’s gone
Chased away by the icy cold of the here and now

A pleasant dream
With a cozy ending
Followed by a gentle stirring
As you awake to a sunny day
You stretch
Smile
Full of energy from your mind’s movie
But as your feet touch the floor
The haunting of the same old grind
The car that won’t start
The….
And the….
Plus the…
Send that dream down the drain
Taking with it the joy you felt

A moment
Passes in a minute
Some are lost
‘Cause we are looking in the wrong place
Others
Get called up to remind us
Caution us
Warm our hearts
Or stop our tracks
And somehow
Someway
They are lost
Brushed away like pesky flies
When we choose to focus on
The here and now
The “never will be”
And the lost happenstance

Yet they are there
Happening now
Happening way back when
And some are held in reserve
For later

Monday, October 12, 2009

Clouds and Hills


Details, details, the hills! And the clouds! Somewhere in the southwest, waiting to be discovered.

Elastic


Stuff gets stretched, pulled, creating a tension, leaving observers wondering if a loud "SNAP" is in the making.

Evaluating His Words


I am constantly challenged with three things: perception of self (how objective can a person be when every thought and feeling is known?), the reaction to the words written and images displayed, and the possibilities. If you haven’t figured this out yet, I have a strong desire to get a message out in the world. Somewhere between ‘who is my audience’ and ‘who ever will,’ I spend many days with thoughts whirling around like a tornado.

Who am I? Where do I fit in all of this? Does what I have to express add value or detract from the world?

Then there’s the reaction. From the first pictures placed on Facebook until this blog, the effort contained the air of experimenting; I’ve always wanted to see what an audience beyond my wife and children would think. As long as I anticipated the worst, my gifts lay under lock-and-key. But it is the ‘trying’ and assurance that somewhere, there’s someone who will ‘get it.’ Thanks for the many people who listen; your ‘thumbs up’ or comments assure me there is an audience for my voice.

At some point, I will have these plates spinning on top of the sticks. Those who value my work, the words and the images, will find a need to make a purchase or two. But until that time, I continue to evaluate, to publish and declare His Words!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Minding the By-products

I can waste significant energy ‘wishing’ for the Limousine Life, pining for a big home and waiting to be famous, but this portion of my journey is helping hone my energy for greater disciplines. His Words remains a vital part of my life though, if I had thought of the enterprise a year ago I would have quickly dismissed the notion or made it something like a business name for counseling services somewhere in the future.

Yes, I want a beautiful home and driving many on the way to work I have often thought it would be great to live in ‘this one’ or ‘that one.’ But there is a dream home and a land that I don’t see in my travels and yet it exists. There’s that stretched Bentley in a paved driveway, both belonging to me. And when I remind myself of it, I remember dreams I’ve had in the past that came to pass and I barely lifted a finger to bring them about. But for the time being, my energy isn’t allocated to what others will think when I’m riding in a limo or how I will have to guard my life against jealousy. No, it is better used to perfect the message. I am using my energy to ensure it is clear and more importantly, that ‘those who will’ receive are reached.

My message is about stirring a person’s soul. Often we “light” others with the essence of our person. Who am I what am I reflecting? What remains consistent in my life that helps me understand better who I am? Well, this is another journey of discovery and because it is so vitally important I’m turning my targets within and putting greater emphasis on knowing who I am. For the time, I’ll let the by-products of a life of service to sit in reserve. I’ll concentrate on “shoring up” my service to others.

When I reflect light, I will know who I am and the purpose for which I’m sent. Peace and blessings!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

More detail for "Phoenix NOW"


Okay, I changed the title; "more experimenting" was "experimental.:) No, as I looked at the image, the bird them seemed to be there as usual and a bird in the middle of what seems to be activity and death (that's what it seems like to me) rising from the ashes, but fiery and full of life. A Phoenix NOW. Cheers.

Formation of His Words

It’s pretty late for a guy who will be up in a few hours, preparing to meet the challenge of another day. But I have my music playing on shuffle; the sounds are soothing and at times bumpy and disturbing. Occasionally I pause to look at the smudges on the tips of my fingers from pastel crayons I’m working with. This is life for me. The other stuff? I think that is the dream I’m preparing to wake from.

In the scheming and preparation of His Words, the sounds of music, the hum of tires driving in the quiet of night, the tap of the keyboard at my fingertips and the swirl of ideas in my head, all mix in a world of creative adventure. My brain at times seems incapable of bringing forth the many concepts beneath the surface but in truth, in each stroke of paint and each word I write a world is revealed. It isn’t a private fantasy but a dream shared by so many.

When I write and simply write from my heart and soul, I don’t worry about who will understand. My words will sink in; someone will see their reflection rendered in the words. They will stand and stare at a painting I’ve been blessed to render and the message will become more intense than a camera’s flash.

Monday, October 5, 2009

More Experimenting


Just trying out different things with pastels.

Experimenting...What is it 2


Still just trying out things. The clouds were originally the focus but had to have another place to focus attention. I may do one later where it is 90% clouds and sky and 10% bluffs.

Experimenting...What is it?


Okay, I'm just trying things out. If you figure out, don't read too much into it. This has no meaning, hidden message or design. Just trying things out.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Life Lessons

Trying out this thing called life. Throwing into words and images. His Words. His Images, the smells, sounds and silence of it all. It (life) isn't final; seems so obvious, but I know what's it like to think "I failed at _____" and think it's over.

Man, I tried "His Words," in 2001, feeling like I wanted to do 'art' and 'words,' somehow. That 'somehow' was a 25 pound blob of clay I left set out for others to shape. Big mistake!!! But life goes on and that is the greatest lesson. What seems like failure is the seed of success. One person was buried, and all assumed his life's mission came to a close. But here we are so many years later, calendars rearranged around his estimated birth, days set aside to celebrate his birth, death and resurrection. Whether you agree, accept or understand 'that' you certainly understand that life does not come to an end when you fail! You have to get up, you have to keep living and if you have an inkling of life in you, you know what you'll do? YOU WILL TRY AGAIN! And again! And again! You will not allow the life in you and around to forget your place in it. You will continue trying until you're heard, seen, until your dance and your song is sang with such force, that it seems the heavens and earth tremble!

Learn the lessons, live the lessons, teach, preach, sing, dance and paint the lessons!!!

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Exercise of Art

I remember sitting in a cube a few years ago, frustrated beyond belief, feeling like my life didn’t count for much (His Words was on a hiatus and as far as I was concerned it was a mistake never to be repeated). And I wrote in all caps I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! Even bolded each word and increased the font size to 24 for emphasis. I needed to make that declaration and if I weren’t such a “proper” gentleman, I would have stood on the top of the desk and screamed it.

What I’ve discovered about painting and drawing is the process and results are like doorways of light. Light illuminates and places emphasis on a subject. Reflecting art over the years, some seemed to speak of chaos or imply a world barely distinguishable. Where I’m employed, there’s no shortage of original artwork and many people have opinions one way or another. What seems to be consistent among those I work with is the expectation that images should be clearly identified; they don’t want to see something that looks like it was done by a 6 year old. But what I know of the exercise, is art reveals what a ‘simple’ mind understands. Not a simple or foolish person but one willing to open their mind to messages not easily discerned. Those are the messages accepted by faith. And faith has a wonderful capability of opening a limitless unclouded world to the faithful!

A few paintings I’ve worked on in the last few months emphasize the contrast of dark vs. light. It is another theme that is being detailed in my life and with time, patience and diligence I will understand it better. I’m sitting here at the moment looking at a blank sheet of newsprint paper. What a wonderful sight! I see so much that the human eye will not and each page allows the same possibilities. It is an exercise in capturing a moment or rendering colors with textures. But more importantly, it is communicating the message of one’s soul.

Monday, September 28, 2009

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

For a number of years, this question came to mind. At some point, it was ‘asked’ daily and several times a day. I thought the question was being asked as a challenge; that may be partially true. But just now, the reason, the application of the question was broadened.

I’ve heard that as we get older our interests and priorities change. As I approached 40, I was shifting my priorities. I was earning more than I had ever earned and was caught between wanting ‘more’ – meaning ‘stuff’: better cars, better clothes, bigger house and the ‘finer things’ in life – and wanting to shift to a life with more meaning. Some of my more stressful moments have found me declaring: “I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!”

Well, I’ve learned “what I want” is to make an impact on the world. And I’ve found doing art is a doorway to favorable impressions. When I’m doing art I am expressing my thoughts, feelings and insight of life. What do I want? To make a difference through my words and images.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I AM AN ARTIST!!!

I have to scream it, if only in my head. At the moment, there isn’t rage or pain, just joy that I am properly responding to the call on my life. Years ago, at the age of 12, I had a few dreams where I saw myself standing in the pulpit, preaching. I was certain it was what I should be doing. I told my father the same thing and based on his ‘fatherly’ advice, I decided I wasn’t ‘serious enough’ so I put the thought in the back of my head. But at 21 years of age, on the heels of graduation from college, I prayed a sincere and heartfelt prayer. I asked the Lord what I could do to show my appreciation for all the blessings he had given. His reply was clear and concise: “Answer my call.” I asked the question twice; not because I didn’t understand the response but because I thought I knew the importance of that response.

Little did I know at the time that “calling,” if only for me, was more than preaching. Some 25 years later, I see “calling” is responding to the broader implications of the expression. In my life, it is the joyful as well as dutiful expression one is guided to. It is counseling, teaching, preaching and most importantly, touching the lives of others through the visual arts.

I know I’m an artist; about now, with greater fire, passion and intent, this one expression of my calling is so powerful, I don’t mind sleepless nights. I spend all day, every day, soaking up light and shade, examining textures and surfaces for the minute details are rendered. I recently told a friend, the very sight of a blank, stretched canvas, sitting in my work area, had me so excited I almost broke into a praise dance! And in that moment, I knew this is true: I AM MADE FOR ART ~ I AM AN ARTIST!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Definition of His Words

His Words is about “expression.” But the title is greater than mere expression, as I have come to understand. First of all, I continue to fathom the depths of the title. It definitely feels bigger than my conscious mind can understand. Years ago I had this big idea to produce greeting cards to use as encouragement. I got the idea after I was encouraged, reading simple poems with watercolor images in a booklet. I was going through a tough time and praying and crying like crazy. But those simple words and the images lifted my spirits like nothing else!

So reflecting on that time, having begun to write a bit, I thought of what I could say to lift other’s spirits. The missing part was the images; I could not, at the time, imagine getting back to art. Well here I am; I am drawing and painting and choosing to believe the title given to me at the time, is a viable one.

His Words, for the time is about artful expression. Encouragement, hope, and making whole a world that is broken, shattered is my desire. It’s a continuous process and so is the defining of his words. Think “Blank Page” or a blank canvas. That is His Words, today.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Sketch for Predawn Light - Finalized!



Okay, this is it! I can't add much more to it without taking away from the 'integrity' of the image. Working on it this morning, it was a bit disconcerting; I found myself pushing past what was there and what I thought should be. All the while reminding myself it's only a sketch and the painting remains to be done. This can be treacherous ground. Sometimes one starts something with purity of intent and suddenly, the thing itself takes on a personality of it's own. Mind you, this is only part of the final image. And yet, it stands by itself, now. It has become it's own entity.

Friday, September 18, 2009

In this Moment...

In the last month or so, I’ve spent a great deal of time ‘reverting’ to my former self. The former me anticipated, look forward to, and dreaded. Life wasn’t lived or experienced in the moment; living meant looking at my empty hands. I would look back on my life and wish to go back. I looked to the future and it always felt like “tomorrow never came.” When I got ‘this’ or ‘that’ as soon as it was accomplished or achieved, ‘it’ lost its luster and excitement.

In the moment…the past cannot be recovered and the future remains out of touch. But in the moment…there is no thought regarding tomorrow. I am living the dream – NOW.

In the last month, I’ve been saying this a great deal: “what if no one buys it?” or “suppose none of my friends are interested in my work? What if they only want to ‘look’ but not ‘buy?’ Sitting here now, I have to slow down my heartbeat and anxiety and live in the moment. Enjoy the process of imagining and believing. When the future seems scary and the past is either a reminder of failures or lost glory, there is no better time than the present. What I’m feeling now, no matter how depressing is a symptom of a desire I believe will go unfulfilled. There is only now.

In the moment, at this time, there is only me, these words and my God. A moment lived in genuine wonder, thankful for gracious activity. A moment where my value isn’t defined in the opinion and ‘buying power’ of others. And deciding that this same moment defines my life. This is living; allowing my love of the exercise, then imagining someone with one of my paintings or drawings in their space. In this moment, someone is coming home and sitting in front of one of my paintings. In this moment, a child sits with a magazine in his lap, one of my paintings looks up at him and he sees the impossible.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

More detail for Predawn Light


Man, what happens when you don't go to bed? You're inspired to draw, paint, write 'just one more little bit!' And predawn finds you looking at the soft blue coming through the window, barely illuminating a sleeping figure. Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Another sketch for Predawn Light


This is another sketch for Predawn Light Wow, I think there will be a number of 'dark' but soft lit images coming soon. This is a sketch I'm working on. As opposed to diving in and trying to paint 'from the hip,' I'm taking time to plan out images now. Especially when there's a distinguishable person to show. Moving to more subject matter. Let me know what you think!

GENUINE AND TRANSPARENT

Recently I posted my ‘state of mind’ for the last few weeks. I titled the blog “Keep the Fire Going.” But it seems those who commented thought I was “sore vexed.” At the moment, nothing could have been further from the truth; the dip of the serene – or the “serendipitous moment” – was passing. I was encouraging myself with the power of a life lived with purpose. But I was further encouraged when those who commented expressed concern and offered suggestions. A lesson taken from the experience is to remain transparent. What I feel is a mirror of others struggles, and triumphs, as well. Be genuine, I can’t go wrong when I admit I’m not the expert or ‘guru.’

I have plans and hope for an ideal tomorrow. And at times my plans remain in “lofty places.” Admittedly there are times when it seems those plans are about to fall out of the sky and crush me. I have days when I honestly don’t think I can be an artist – or at least one that earns money. I don’t know; it isn’t easy changing careers again! This is one of many (not too many to recall just don’t like mentioning the number). And yet, when my head hangs low, I walk into the area I use as a studio/gym/office and I see the paintings and drawing, the brushes and paints and markers and I say: “this is who I am; this is what I’m born to do!”

Yeah, I’m going to need encouragement. Heck, I need a mentor, someone who’s in the business of communicating via the visual arts. But to be honest, if no one makes themselves available, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to do this. I’m going to find people who are willing to purchase the work and I will continue to paint, draw and sculpt. God didn’t give me this talent to bury; he gave to me to indicate his glory!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Sketch for Predawn Light


This is something I'm working on, a sketch from a few months. This will eventually be a painting - oil painting - but for now I'm working on the sketch. I'm working on multiple approaches to paintings, trying to better plan how the image looks when complete.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Definitive Work

There are many thoughts and plans going on in my head; I won’t be the first or the last to confess this. But something my sister pointed out helps me know those thoughts and plans don’t stop at my skull. That is history, personal, experiential history. Years ago, I decided of all things to be “when I grow up,” the best fit was artist. College was sold back then as the gateway to successful living and at 17, I was convinced it would be my path to a rewarding life.

Fast forward to now. College graduate, working in the field of software testing. Not what I pictured when I sat with school admission papers and an application for scholarship from Columbia College. But there’s a great deal of history that helps me realize now is the time for the definitive work. Rather than count my past against me, I am choosing to count it to my advantage. Though I went far a field of Fine Arts and painting, I gained valuable insight and added to my tool bag. And along the way, when challenges came along, though it felt like I was losing, each time I was learning more. Even when times seemed so dark, and I felt I was as low as I could be, each step in the direction of hope was a step in the right direction.

These days, I’m doing the work of responding to the “Call.” Each day I’m more aware that the “Call” is greater than the vision of my standing in a pulpit in a small church on the West side of Chicago. I’m painting my life as I speak. I’m redefining my life and seeing my “Call” as something greater than counseling, preaching, teaching, fatherhood, husband, and son or software tester. The definitive work is “in process” in me.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Do The Work

The other week, on a typical Saturday, I ended up on the floor of my church, taking apart a huge desk. I say typical, because of the many ‘hats’ I wear, I often end up doing tasks that aren’t my responsibility, and no one else will do. But as opposed to bemoaning my overloaded life, I decided to focus on this task. After all, a power tool in hand and music playing in my headphones, I was equipped to do the job. I began the process of unscrewing each screw of this desk.

Long before I reached the midway point of the process, it began to get difficult. There were a lot brackets and four screws for each. Each bracket was on the inside of the drawer compartments and it was a tight squeeze to get in there. That’s when the nagging thoughts kicked in: “this is ‘our’ task (the men of my church) and I’m the only one who showed up to do it.” Of course that lead me down the typical “woe is me,” path. But I continued the work. Pretty soon, I realized I still had a ways to go and the work wasn’t getting easier. But a new thought came to mind: “you knew this wasn’t going to be easy when you decided to take it on. Just keep working until it’s complete.” And that’s what I did.

Lesson learned: sometimes, we get excited about a task at hand and we expect the thrill of it all to carry us through its completion. More often than not, the task takes on a different look and feel when things aren’t going as planned. But the bottom line is anything worth starting is worth finishing. For me, this goes deeply into the work I’m moving toward. I don’t know how to price and sell art, but I can find out. I don’t know who to network with, or creative ways to sell, but I can ask around. And when it comes to feeling sure I have artwork that will reach to the heart of the beholder, I have doubts, but there are many ways to present it and see if it does.

Do the work, regardless of fears, anxieties or low self-esteem. Success doesn’t come because one knows every curve and bump in the road, but it comes when we continue on the road to a life worth living.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Moment

A whisper
Lost in the wind
A wish
Tossed with a penny in a fountain
A goodbye that lasted longer
But felt like a flash of lightning
As it fades away

The thrill of an early summer bike ride
Watermelon
Cold while the sun is so hot
Dripping and sticky
Sweet and delicious
Filling up your insides
Briefly, for a moment

Laughter
When your eyes are all cried out
Coming from a memory that pops up
But as suddenly as your grin appears
It’s gone
Chased away by the icy cold of the here and now

A pleasant dream
With a cozy ending
Followed by a gentle stirring
As you awake to a sunny day
You stretch
Smile
Full of energy from your mind’s movie
But as your feet touch the floor
The haunting of the same old grind
The car that won’t start
The….
And the….
Plus the…
Send that dream down the drain
Taking with it the joy you felt

A moment
Passes in a minute
Some are lost
‘Cause we are looking in the wrong place
Others
Get called up to remind us
Caution us
Warm our hearts
Or stop our tracks
And somehow
Someway
They are lost
Brushed away like pesky flies
When we choose to focus on
The here and now
The “never will be”
And the lost happenstance

Yet they are there
Happening now
Happening way back when
And some are held in reserve
For later

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Untitled


Untitled
Originally uploaded by Hudson Gallery
I haven't given this a title yet. When I begin working on this, it was charcoal only. But very quickly I felt the need for color. I've noticed my style is about fluid shapes and no matter how well my intentions are, I always end up blending colors.

So what do you think a title should be?

Red Windows


Red Windows
Originally uploaded by Hudson Gallery
Funny how we make windows to keep from seeing out or in. But in this case what is let in is the beautiful light. Short of a completely pitch black night, there's always beautiful light coming in around the edges. Each panel seems to have it's own character and glow.

A Sudden Wind

Movement; unexpected but sensed. A sudden breeze out of nowhere. The sound is felt as much as the brush against skin. That is the inspiration of my heart, a sudden stirring of my heart, a need to express the creative gifts in me! When I allow, the inspiration comes on me, like divine prophetic speaking, the inclination to render a color or turn the brush, marker, pencil or pastel or certain way. I am guided to render and express.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Flight

A friend and I have talked over the years about dreams. Many people, when they recall their dreams tell of a dream of flying. In psychology and other circles, flying can be and indicator of a wish or desire beyond the common one.

I only remember one dream about flying. When I was in college I used that dream in a writing class where we were required to write in vivid detail. Maybe that’s why the dream stayed with me most of my life. The details? Some other time. Anyway, my friend and I have discussed her dreams about flying. But at some point we both agreed, I have to fly as well.

I don’t remember my dreams often. I do know I want to fly. So I decided to do just that. Not hang gliding or parasailing, but imagining my life above the trees and in the air where only hawks and eagles roam. I decided I would fly; I would live my life in such a way where the dreams I’ve held onto, the sense of life being a joyous journey, would be the life I live. I’ve decided each day to fly. When I put pen to paper, fingers to computer, or pencil, paintbrush or marker to a flat surface, each time is a opportunity to fly.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Day in the Water


This is my latest, I'm trying out oil paints. Really I'm trying out all mediums at this point. Anyway, I'm saying this painting is in process. So does my son. My wife says it's great the way it is. What do you think?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Keeping the Spark Going!!!

Last week, feeling rather down and in ‘the dumps,’ I tried to consider what was needed to make His Words, Inc a business possible of supporting my family and I. Admittedly, the weight of “how to sell,” and “how to reprint” my work was weighing on me. As a result, many days, a sense of uneasiness and fear prevailed. For a few days, when I would wearily drop my head, a vision came to mind of an ember, shielded in the dark, but kept safe from extinction.

I’m stating this emphatically: I HATE FEELING STUCK!!! At this point in my life I feel I can do all things through Christ, so feeling incapable of changing the direction of my life is comparable to someone attaching a rotting corpse to my back! But this morning, a note left for me: “I am a full time artist,” energized my day! As opposed to looking at the tasks before me as insurmountable and requiring a significant amount of external boosting, I began to consider the possibilities…I’ve tried doing that over the last few weeks, but today, an added boost of energy was added to those thoughts. Consider the possibilities “with hope” is so much better than viewing the future without.

Fuel the fire. Take a different way to where ever, exercise, get angry (but don’t remain that way), get happy, look at your life as half full or completely (and joyfully) full. By all means keep your fires going! Blow on it, feed it, and never let life’s circumstances extinguish it!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Disillusionment or Redirect?

It's been one of those weeks where I'm feeling normal again. I don't like putting too much weight on feelings except when I'm riding on a cloud, but this is one of those times when I need a break to clear my head. I need to organize and evaluate the direction of my life. And as much as I want to be an artist, there are times when it feels like I'm walking into a fog.

Last month at this time, I was certain, clear, and determined that the "artist life" was for me. But then I had to consider how I would earn income as an artist and continue supporting my family. Nothing worse than coming face-to-face with one's mortality and thinking you don't have what it takes.

Or maybe I have what it takes and haven't put it into motion. I mean I've worked 30 years of my life for others, doing things I didn't know how initially, but mastered. Why wouldn't I be able to paint (something I love), write (also love it), and encourage others?

There's a line from scripture that comes to mind: "Stir up the gift!" And that's what I will do. If inspiration seems to be fading away I will continue working with what I have available and hopefully, some day, I will feel empowered.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Insight, Intuition and a Sledge Hammer!

Some days insight comes in like a 10 lbs. sledge hammer, slamming in my head like a huge bell. Clarity, an explanation, a warning or just a gentle ‘hello.’ Then there are times when I know I’m being told something, but it is more like a cloud or the image of the Virgin Mary in a chip; not everyone would understand, and if I told it to others they would smile and nod, but they wouldn’t get it. Regardless, communication, a language and words, have been passed.

Response; there are times when I allow myself to swim in it like a huge ocean. I allow the waves of consciousness and revelation to engulf me, fill my being and to find myself in the sea of ecstasy. There are times when I move with purpose in response, words find there way to the surface or images find their way to paper. Plans are made, “Google” searches done, or I tug at the ears of friends, family and anyone who will listen.

I’m speaking of insight and intuition. I know we all have it I’m just not sure we respond to it. Trained from the time we could comprehend ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ we expect knowledge to come through books, a well meaning authority figure or even someone who means us harm. Rarely do we listen to those whispers, which “pop” in our head that doesn’t spell out an answer like a textbook. But insight can easily be ignored if it is nurtured, disciplined and acted on. For me spending years choosing to be bound by the perceived needs of supporting family, I nurtured a dream. That dream now makes itself evident through my writing, artistry and counseling. Insight and intuition are skills and talents available to everyone if we will practice and perfect it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

It's a Matter of Choice

I know we all make choices but I’m not sure we realize the impact a choice has on our lives. This year, I made a choice to evaluate my life and take an honest look at my feelings, expectations, the “who,” “what” and “where” of it. I begin this year in a career counseling course, part of the required courses for a person seeking a masters degree in Community Counseling. Two years prior, I made a decision that counseling was a big part of my daily tasks, though in my current career I’m a software tester. As long as I can remember, people seemed to find me, seek either advice, or a listening ear. And it has always felt strange because I never perceived myself as the classic ‘outgoing’ person. At best quiet, I wear a constant scowl (it feels like it to me) and I’m never in the middle of the crowd, but somehow, one or two people seemed to make their way to me and strike up a conversation. Conversation always lead to further discussions, especially when we share a common place. To shorten my life story, it just seemed right to move down that career path.

This year, realizing each time there was a break between semesters, I wondered should I continue down this path, I decided to ask myself a hard question: is this what I want to do for the remainder of my life. The answer was usually 'no,' especially when I thought of being in a typical crowded, busy, 'administrative heavy' counseling position. It seemed insane! As I mentioned, I began the year in a career counseling class. Knowing one of the tools used in career counseling are the many assessments, I felt before entering the class, I needed to dig up two assessments I took in 2005. I would think about it, consider it, half-heartedly look for them, but quickly get frustrated because my house (life) was a wreck! And without looking ‘it’ popped up; both assessments sort of surfaced while looking for other things. I sat and looked at them; the Meyers-Brigg and the Strong’s Inventory of skills. Both said what I knew in my heart: that I should be doing art. At best counseling was third on the Meyers-Briggs along with some type of encouraging, admonishing related tasks.

A strange thing happened on quite a few occasions in the career class. The teacher would struggle with computer or audio-visual components of a presentation. Though initially reluctant to help (not wanting to appear as a ‘kiss-up’) I jumped up and helped anyway. A few of the students jokingly called me “Super Eddie,” or said something like “Eddie can do anything.” I realized many times I got excited about the concepts learned in the class or more excited about the possibility of people finding work they love to do. I am frequently discouraged by the impression people have to ‘flop about’ in one career or another. A crack in my shell had appeared.

My classmates’ comments sunk in deeper than I first imagined. Simultaneously, I was taking on challenges in my work environment and also gaining success there as well. But the path wasn’t free of potholes and chunks of debris. I still needed to look down the path of classes to be taken. The summer looked bleak as far as courses were concerned and for all I accomplished on the job, the ‘key’ people who needed to applaud and support my successes didn’t seem to care. Disappointment set in; I realized it could take another year before starting an internship and more than likely, all my hard work and ingenuity would be canceled by a job environment intent on mediocrity. I hung my head, almost in utter despair!

But my despair was not meant to permanently disillusion me; a Grand Plan was in the works! In looking down, I looked inward. What had I been doing all this time, all these years? I knew “corporate America” was not for me. I knew this back in 1979 when I took a part-time job as a stock clerk at Sears. Even then, I was planning for retirement, looking forward to the day I would never have to darken the door of anyone’s office or store as an employee. And in this desperate moment, I remembered what brought joy as a child, a teen and as a young adult: ART.

Springtime, the rebirth of all things growing and beautiful. And it felt as if I was coming out of the winter of my life. A canvas purchased months ago, still wrapped in cellophane began to look like a solution and a ray of light. Paints that somehow remained moist and usable and an old art ‘tackle box’ miraculously appeared. Sketch pads purchased over the years, but never used with any sense of purpose, were carried in the car, and brought our for lunches taken in the forest preserve. There I could relax, draw and sketch leisurely, no ‘projected timeline,’ or expectation placed on the effort. There, I could just move the pencil along the paper, hear the scratch of graphite mingling with paper and allow my hand and eye to rediscover one another. And in my heart, I begin to awake again.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

ALL WORK IS HONORABLE

There was a time when I couldn’t say that. “Work” was the “bitter pill” to swallow and in a culture that focuses on weekends, vacations, holidays and retirement, the honorable message is buried. Sure, we’re encouraged to be successful at our careers, work effectively and strive for advancement, but the constant mantra heard is “Thank God it’s Friday” and “I hate Mondays.” Lord knows I’ve said them both for a long time!

A few years ago, I got this crazy notion: why can’t work be enjoyable? I didn’t get a quick response, but I continued asking the question. I remember one afternoon, I had business to handle in the near north area of Chicago’s loop area. Taking a cab over, when I got in the area, I was amazed at the expressions on the people’s faces. Nearly everyone seemed to be relaxed, unhurried, shopping and taking in the sunshine. And hear I was, watching my watch, trying to account for every minute and avoid going over my lunchtime. My impression of these people was they all had money; they had to be “trust fund” babies because they didn’t have my attitude and the rushed, anxious appearance of people just 5 blocks south. But on many occasions, I ran into people like this. Midday, mid-morning, afternoon, there are people out, shopping and some are working, and they look like they don’t have a care in the world. Why couldn’t I have that?

It’s recently that I have come to believe all work is honorable. But the statement begs completion: not all work is appropriate for everyone. A biblical principle spelled out in 1 Corinthians 12: 14, says, “The body is not made up of one part but of many.” It goes on to give the illustration of a foot saying “because I’m not the hand, I’m not part of the body.” So it is with us. We all have roles and a position. Take my word for it, I have tried on many roles and some of them weren’t a good fit. Until recently, I was determined to be a degreed, licensed counselor. I may still counsel, but I can tell you, there is no more honorable task for me than painting and writing. You see I have found a way to live like those people I saw in the near north side of Chicago. It begins with knowing myself and that leads to expending energy appropriately.

Before I get deeply profound, I must say this has been a long journey around a mountain. I’ve known most of my life I should be doing art, but I did everything else. It wasn’t until I faced me, stopped ‘me’ in my tracks and asked, “What are you doing?” I mean it was an honest question with a huge expectation of a response. I came to the conclusion that nothing else for me mattered. I will not stop being a husband, father, brother, minister, teacher or counselor. But nothing else ‘works’ without the center, the critical link for all. Giving in to the “artist’s life” is one of the most significant decisions I’ve made in my life.

Suggestion? Think back to your childhood, when you played in a yard, playground, with friends or alone. Remember the role you thought you were; maybe you were a doctor or dancer or singer. It didn’t matter if you were good or bad at it, it was what you did and who you were. In my opinion, it’s time to let the kid out to play again. Everything else is a misfit; everything else is work without honor. Peace!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Tabula Rasa


Tabula Rasa
Originally uploaded by Hudson Gallery
"Clean Slate" - I think this happens more than we're wiling to admit. I think it happens more often than the beginning of the day as many believe, is the start of new opportunities. Have you ever taken a deep breath, sighed or hesitated before one of "those" events? You know, one of those things that happens everyday. The types of things that happen at work or when you mistakenly drift into oncoming traffic concentrating on the last mishap. A clean slate, an opportunity to begin again, approach the next event with a fresh perspective. A chance to stamp "CANCEL" across the pain of the latest disappointment. A Clean Slate.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

A Blank Page

Quite a few years ago I discovered I could write. Writing wasn’t my major in college and though I wriinge ‘theme’ and ‘term’ papers was part of school years, it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to do. So when ideas for stories and poems begin to flow, it was a surprise. One of my earlier writings and one that epitomizes the creative process for me was the “A Blank Page.” Here's the poem:

I sit,
Watching the blank page
And its vast starkness tell stories.
Images take shape
Men fight their way through battles,
Swords slashing and hacking
Women love deeply
And embrace
As though giving away breath from their lungs.
In this ‘emptiness’ there are words
Some spoken below a whisper
Yet their power is felt by the soul
Stories pour from a space that seems to contains nothing
Yet there is so much there
It can be misunderstood or misread as writer’s block, or Artist’s cramp.
Yet it is there,
Dancing,
Active,
Waiting for you to peel back the white and reveal the flesh beneath.
Take an adventure with me as we push past the mundanity of our lives,
Let’s go where children are purposely conceived and planned for,
A place where a walk through meadows green is a journey to discover secrets.
Let’s go to a place where one’s name is rarely told because words are powerful and revealing a name is akin to revealing one’s soul.
Leave the land where pages are for numbers and the reporting of what we know already.
Mount your imaginations and let’s go!

Okay, that's it for now. Let me know what you think!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

This is my introduction. A few years ago, I downloaded the song "A Change is Gonna Come." Initially, I listened, played it a few times and let it settle down in the list of rarely played songs. But something happen in my heart and soul. The impression is "a change is gonna come."

Well here I am, 'blogging!' Of course that's only part of the change. You see, for years, I've written poetry. I have a couple of novels in me somewhere, just haven't taken the time to do anything with them. Nothing is published and most of my efforts at writing have remained private. But the thing I always wanted to do is express mysself through visual arts.

I took classes at Columbia College and graduated in 1984 - a very long time ago! With a BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) I immediately felt overwhelmed. Though I'm sure I was as creative back then, I didn't do anything with it. I couldn't envision myself drawing or painting, though I had developed quite a bit of talent. Still, call it cultural pressures, I did not consider myself capable of success.

Twenty-five years later, while 'success' is nice, expression, the exercise of my soul, the images that pour from my soul, is paramount! I continue to write, but it's mostly journaling and a blog is great way to express myself that way. Who knows? Maybe soon I'll have a website featuring art and writing! Any way, this is my introduction.