Flat, White, with a Little Grit

This is my preference, or should I say my usual "tabula rasa;" my clean slate. This is where most of my work begins. A sheet of newsprint paper, watercolor paper or a primed canvas. Now mind you, at any given moment, I might have a concept in my head regarding what I'm aiming for, or my head may be as blank as that surface, but the act of creation becomes it's own inspiration. Once I place the black of a stick of charcoal, the blue, orange, red, green, or heaven forbid, yellow, on that surface, choice, after, choice, after choice are made! And the direction, the path is laid out before me!

Thought for The Day - The Spirit

"The wind blows where it will. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8 (NIV)

To me, I have a serious scowl; I often wonder how I get engaged in conversation since, each time I catch a glimpse of my reflection, the frown lines across my brow are fairly intense! But somehow, before I know it, people have me engaged in conversation and they receive the softer, inner core.

Internal motivation; though I struggled with it - and still do - I have come to admit I'm an artist. I struggled with it because there is a very practical, meat and potatoes side of me that believes in a strong work ethic. When I pick up a brush or pencil (working out the psychology as I go, folks, excuse the head turning, surprised expression on my face and the tears) I think there's a part of me that remembers my mother sitting on the phone and doodling. One of the first times I saw her doing this, I wanted to do the same thing. Somehow, relaxed, at ease. And yet the hard exterior of the world required no-nonsense, hard labor and getting stuff done.

And here I am, in my fifties and the many sides of me are being reconciled, brought together. I am an artist, but I am a messenger as well. I have an assignment to share goodness and kindness with people, often being no more than an ear and a smiling face. I allow people moments of ease, to relax and let go of tensions and worries. I see it in their face and body language when they are around.

"...but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going..."

Thought for The Day - Doing What's Right

A unique spin on perspective; what I see and how I see it...

It occurs to me "this" daily process could go away; there's a possibility that my mornings can change. I've considered it for a while and not because there is a shortage of "thoughts." I write in this format to encourage, share insights and knowledge as it is communicated to me. I share my perspective and what I'm experiencing and yet...there is so much more to my life.

Writing a blog, poetry, stories; painting, drawing - my outlets. Listening, feeling compassion, being sensitive to the spirit of God's leading, my inlets! And yet, over the course of my life, it's been a constant ebb and flow of this task, this responsibility and "that" outlet. There have been times - there will be more - when I'm not "in line" with God's direction. There are times when I am so uncertain what to do next, that I'm agitated for days and months! But this one thing I know overall: I am making choices to follow God's leading and where He leads...

Thought for The Day - Skewed Vision

Of the Beholder 18 x 24 pastels

When my daughter went off to college, years ago, shortly before her winter break, she noticed a problem with her right eye. Initially, when she described it, I thought she may have had an infection or she kept a contact in too long and it was ripped. She said it looked like a black line running vertically along the corner of her vision. We were very concerned and wanted to put her on a plane right away! This was her first year away from us and while I was okay with that part, the "father" in me (protector, provider) wanted her back home ASAP! She assured us she was able to see well enough to complete her semester and would be home before Christmas. Hoping it was an easy fix, we took her to a specialist who told us this was a rare occurrence for a teenager and typically only occurs in the senior years. She had surgery and had to spend the majority of Christmas break lying in bed. And of course, as a parent, I thought of all the implications this injury could cause down the road. It was so bad, the doctors said if healing took longer than expected, she couldn't fly back to school. Believe me, we were in full parent mode!

It is the job of parents and "wiser adults" to guide youth. Sure teens "know more than we do," at least they like to think they do. They think we were in school when man first discovered fire, but we know we started school shortly after that! (smile) But there is a problem with trying to protect and nurture your child when you try to guide them toward "safe careers." As teens and young adults, unless we choose a career like an accountant, teacher (in some cases) or doctor, we are told to consider a different minor or, as I was told: "Plan B." I remember when this was said to me, I heard it often and begin to question my abilities and my dreams. Did I really have the skills and aptitude to be an artist? Could I compete with the other artists?

When I entered high school and college, the art teachers loved me! They loved my ability and encouraged me to expand my capabilities. But I could hear my original guides, my mom and dad saying "don't put all your eggs in one basket." What I really heard was "the world is difficult and you should choose the easiest route through life as possible." I also heard: "you're work is okay but I don't think it's good enough to compete with everyone else." Amazing how, the introduction of plan b, became my ONLY plan. Oh, I didn't roll over quite that easily, I graduated from college, B.A. of Fine Arts, but by senior year, I was sure I wouldn't be able to use my diploma as anything more than a wall hanging.

By the time my children begin to fill my days and go to school, I was entrenched up to my neck in Plan B living. As such, I was determined to allow them to bend in the direction they deemed best. I would steer, but not control. Guide, but not manipulate and force them to see life through my disappointments. It's always my hope, as they grow, that their vision remains clear and they find the guide God placed in them, guides them TRULY! Certainly, I hurt when they do, I hate it when my children are in pain of any kind, but it is far better to experience pain in your efforts to manifest the life you've always dreamed of.

Thought for The Day - Where He Leads...

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirt." John 3:8 (NIV)

I've known most of my life there was something I should be doing and that it was "God directed." Very early in life, I had a fascination with the stories from the bible and one song "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands," really set my mind free to see God as an Awesome Being. I would hear Mahalia Jackson singing that song and was struck by the notion that He's got the whole world in one verse and He holds a little baby, in his hands. I had no problem imagining him holding the world, a child and "you and me brother," in his hands. It simply made sense; I saw God as much more than a bigger version of a man. I saw him as infinite God.

Perhaps my acceptance of that idea opened me to the conflicts that exist within me. Truly that sense of openness has presented me with many challenges as well. Called to ministry, certain the only way for a 'minister' to serve was in the full-time capacity, I longed for years, to be a pastor. Searched, made myself available for the opportunity - never happened. Served in ministry capacity 24 years and that 'door' has not opened yet. I don't rule it out, I simply state what is. But there was this "art" thing; this has been in my bones since I was four and watched my mother doodling flowers, cubes and a lady with long hair, on sheets of paper while she talked on the phone. I knew early on I wanted to be an artist, but it wasn't until my adult years, when the "call" seem to lead me in the direction of ministry, that the two roles seemed to contradict. From a human perspective, I couldn't reconcile the two roles.

Years ago, considering getting back into art, I shared it with a men's prayer group at a church where I served. One of the other ministers excitedly interrupted: "I love Christian art! Oh man I would love to see you working on some Christian art!!!" Somehow that wasn't the encouragement I sought. As a matter of fact, it discouraged me from starting, given the judgmental attitude of that congregation. You see, when I picture me working in a studio, a nude model, posing, comes to mind. Not the typical "Christian-themed" images most consider. That minister had in mind images of hands coming down from heaven or Jesus holding some lost soul on the verge of collapse. My idea of images are abstract, and if given the opportunity, there will be nude models painted as well.

Here I am some years later, back to painting. There are no nudes yet, but I'm not rendering "Christian art" as well. But understand, when I'm painting or drawing, the spirit of God speaks and directs my hand. Not as if I were a puppet on a string but as a coach directs his quarterback from the sidelines. "This is the play, run it this way." But it is completely in my control regarding movement, tones and colors. The lesson I've learned - forever a student of - is take direction from God and allow man's notions to fall to the side. Heed the voice of God and his direction. I won't say you experience failure or hardship, but I can say, you will know joy unspeakable as you walk on this journey.