Choices

Soul Dance 8 x 11 colored pencils

A note from my daily journal:

Get going. Eddie! No one’s fault or privilege but your own! You’ve got choices! And whether you choose wisely or foolishly, the choice is always yours. You can choose to love with abandon or cautiously. Right or wrong don’t enter into the picture because you have loved. Receive love the same. Some love as if there no tomorrow and give it everything they have. Others love as if it were their “rainy day” money and they needed to make it last until! But you love and that’s all that matters. Paint, write, and speak with the same caution or abandon; this is the way you choose to do it. Cautiously - "what will my audience think? Am I revealing too much? Should I say 'it' this way?" Or say, write, render it as though you are the pipe line, delivering "the goods" from on high! And you know what? It won't matter whether you were "constricted" or free as the great outdoors! You have delivered and the audience will receive it as we all receive the weather: some will love it, others hate it and still others go on with their day with various degrees of each extreme. But they will go on.

5:02 AM

Entry point. The place where reality is set aside, when I enter the world of imagination and creativity. All the prep work is completed and I'm ready to begin my quest. Any thing in this space is great place to focus; it is a rich environment with stories and tales and adventures! And each day, I am fortunate to enter this place!

No admission fee is charged to take this ride; admission is free! And quite honestly, I visit throughout the day! I "sneak away" from the world of software testing and tan cubicles even while my body remains fixed in the chair, to bring life to this old mind! To write, to draw and paint; these are my passages to an amazing land! Oh, what's so fascinating? What's to be seen there? Skies where clouds rest just above head and water, crystal clear, full of glittering fish, large or small! Beautiful horses, with gleaming chestnut brown hides and white and black. Their "neigh" is loud as a trumpet and their trot like small thunderclaps! There are people busy working, but enjoying every moment of it. Women who love their men and their children and husbands who cherish their wives above everyone else! Music is heard every hour of the day and well into the night. And in this place, joy, peace and love rule the land! The adventure in this land is a result of exploration and it is an endless journey!

Come, go with me one morning! As a matter of fact, I invite you to go any time you are so inclined! Simply step away from the concerns of this world and let your mind take you where joy, love and peace rule!

Thought for The Day - Not Yet

It's a sad reality, that moment when you accept "I'm not ready." And all too often, that realization is followed by "when will my time come around?!" Patience gets tossed out the window in moments like this, but there's not much you can do. Oh, you will wait because there's not much more you can do...

Back to the wood shed! Continue working and practicing and building your skills. Each opportunity you get, you try to showcase your talents, though often you ask yourself why; the end is always the same: rejection or worse, apathy! And each time, you wonder whether you have what it takes, if you are too young, too old, too short or the right race...nagging questions that you dare not ask, because in truth it won't matter what others say. There's a reason you continue to hone your skills, show up for the performance and give it all you've got: you have a message, a song, a move to add to this vast collective! And whether you're "ready or not," you have to press on!

Perhaps, many years from now, the "right audience" or group will see you for who you are. One day, you will be recognized for your outstanding performance, but for now, in the meantime, just not yet...

Thought for The Day - Pencil

"Here! Go work with this for a while!"

Simple low-tech device and practically useless in a digital age! But remember, batteries lose their change and wall outlets aren't always available!

Some days, that's how it begins, a simple pencil. I have to admit, having spent years in college, I learned to choose my pencils carefully. I have a collection of several tones of pencils, everything from a 6H to a 6B. They produce tones from a pale grey to a very dark grey. But that's how it begins, that and a white page. A line, on a page, usually in the top left side of the page to ensure no space is wasted.

Quite honestly, I don't usually begin the process with a preconceived concept. Most days, this just feels like drills to warm up. But in the process of allowing my fingers and unconscious to connect, shapes, tones and shadows appear. An idea or theme comes to mind. I am off to shaping and planning; developing this idea with that shade of grey.

It's like that each morning, as I sit to write,  except I have "you" in mind. What will you say? What do you need today? As importantly, what should be expressed and where am I being lead? I don't get to set the tone of your life, or determine how the light and shadows play across your face. But I know that words, the expression of concepts, intentions and hope, contain power! And using this "pencil" is my way of lending my voice to the throng sending out truth and light!

Thought for The Day - In The Dark

One day, I will get back to my series "Pre-Dawn Light." A great idea and series including charcoal and oil paintings of dimly lit subjects. I included a couple images above, though the one is difficult to photograph. That image is a bird flying over a lake. You have to see it in person to get the full-effect.

This time of the morning...the sun is a ways away and I'm working on hour two of wakefulness. I think the idea of being awake to prove I could, was how I got here. But that idea isn't what gets me out of the bed now. I get up at this time to get work done. Music plays in the background and beside me, the light gurgle of the aquarium keeps me "company." The street light shines through the plate glass window with a candle light glow; just enough so you know it's there and not bright enough to illuminate the room. On this day, I choose to keep the overhead lights off and the light from my monitor is enough to make the painting on the easel glow. Glow enough to give the impression that a "Storm is coming..." The place of creativity, sitting in my home as it does in my heart. In a tucked away spot and out of sight. But no less significant  than the remaining portion of the house and my heart.

Thought for The Day - Dive In

I begin a process of writing, journaling, near random , free association about four years. A book, "The Artist's Way," by Julia Cameron, added another dimension to something I began nine years prior. Funny how life works: I begin back in 2001 or 2002, at the suggestion of one of my wife's friends, writing my thoughts on paper. I remember her suggesting that I write three pages a day and that she got the idea from "some book," that until I bought "The Artist's Way," I didn't remember was the book she suggested. I never got to three pages a day, but I found myself writing a paragraph here, a page there; very therapeutic.

Dive In: I can't begin to tell you how many times I sit in front of a plain "electronic page," and though thousands of ideas, themes and subjects spin behind my eyes, the "critic" tries to silence or edit the process of revelation. The beauty of a book like "The Artist's Way" is you don't have to be an artist, writer, dancer, or photographer to use it's instruction. You have to be willing to dive in, though; you have to be willing to move your body through the stream of consciousness behind your eyes and dip your brush in the one medium we share: words. This exercise isn't about writing the great novel, writing your memoirs or the next great broadway play. But it is telling your truth to paper. For a few minutes a day, you are seeing your emotions, thoughts, impressions and memories. Each day, without fail, before you begin the morning rush, before you take the dog for a walk, sit, write and be cleansed.

There's also the artist's date, a exercise I have yet to do with any sense of consistency. But it's an exercise of self-care. Where the writing allows you to release what is in you, the artist's date allows you to treat yourself. Going for a walk, visiting a gallery or two, buying a slice of pie and ice cream or buying some trinket you've had your eye on. But it's about you. Sitting here and considering the aspects of "the date," I understand why I don't do it. But also considering why it's necessary, I see the need to incorporate this once or twice a week exercise as well.

Too often, we spend our days taking care of everyone but ourselves. Certainly we don't want to be accused of selfishness, but truthfully, the opposite should be true as well. And in truth, self-care is not self-indulgence. It isn't about lavishing one's self with unnecessary luxuries, or spending more than you have available. But it is about realizing you deserve to be loved...by yourself.

So, this week...I'm struggling with the idea but know it has to be done. I have to 'sneak off' and spend a little time with me. No, working through lunch or sitting at my desk. One evening, rather than come home and spend time with the family or maybe on the weekend, I should disappear (let them know I'll be gone, of course) and treat me to a bowl of ice cream, or find a hobby store where I can look and buy one small personal item. Dive In.

Thought for The Day - What is This Thing Called Love?

Of a Feather 18 x 24 pastels

I have the above titled song as it was recorded by Charles Mingus and it is 8 minutes of pure joy. But before I launched off into expressions about the song, I did a quick search for the song's origin. Written by Cole Porter and performed in a Broadway musical "Wake up and Dream" (another popular thought for a "modern world). But here's my true focal perspective: music and for me, in particular Jazz music.

I woke this morning, prepared to face the day. There's always a lot to do, even on the weekends, yet I prefer to start my day with writing. It is the basis of communication and as I was taught so many years ago, I like to spend time communicating with my Father. Often times, I'm accompanied by music in this process, my computer loaded with 'enough' music to last several days. But this morning, I went to YouTube and on my list of recommendations was a full recording of a concert, Gregory Porter being the star of the show.

The concert takes place in Amsterdam and he sings with the support of the Metropole Orchestra. Now this is Jazz, with a full sized orchestra and Gregory's velvety voice! Sheer beauty! Wait a minute now, Jazz music sang in a classic setting; music that is traditionally improvisational, with near unpredictable shifts and rises and falls, sang with an orchestra and sheet music! And you know what? They rocked and rolled with Gregory as if the sheet music contained every possible rise and fall, turn and shift!

But that is this thing Called Love. We are traveler's on this journey and while we may believe we travel alone, there are so many unseen and seen fellow sojourners. What is this thing called love? It is the assistance we receive and the beauty we create along the way. It is the sheer joy of this journey and it's strange, out of nowhere pain. It is discovering something new and remembering some forgotten moment of joy. And once again, it is sharing this thing, the thing we call L-O-V-E.

Thought for The Day - Practice Session

I was nine or ten years old, living on the West side of Chicago. My mom and I decided it would be a good idea for me to learn to play the piano. I guess there's a musician buried beneath all of the other creative stuff I do comfortably. Initially, she would take me, wait in the entry area, while I had my lesson. But eventually, I had to walk the four or five blocks by myself. I used that time to imagine my playing the songs I learned in class. Of course, the teacher suggested that I practice at home, but we didn't have a piano and small Casio keyboards weren't available so many years ago. But we had a small organ, which, when I think about it, was a blessing. I would try to play the songs I learned in class and it seemed like I never got the sound just right. But I would practice.

I had an older cousin who was far more gifted in music than I and on the day of a recital, his mom and mine were there. My playing was simple and choppy barely getting through the song without too many errors, but my cousin, he played like a young concerto! He had the look and the confidence as he played each note. The music lessons lasted maybe a year before we moved and I never was that good at playing. I did learn to place my hands on a piano or keyboard properly and I can still pick out middle C.

A few years ago, I tried my hand at poetry and unlike the piano lessons, there wasn't anyone to guide me. It was on my shoulders, but the burden seemed light. To express myself with words, creatively, with flow, pitch and depth...it flowed easily. Now, I'm not one to appear on a stage and read it - at least not yet - and there's all this expectation that one does it with the swagger and confidence of the "spoken word" crowd...that's not me! but I continue to practice word creativity; this is one way to do so.

I guess, in essence, the painting and drawing, the writing and now reading up on guitar playing - yeah, trying that now - are my practice sessions. And it all meant to serve, inform and uplift.

Thought for The Day - Blank Surface

Fall for Francene (in progress) 11 x 17 watercolor and pastels

Starting the "new year" with blank surfaces. A canvas sits on the easel and though no paint has touched the surface, I know what is to come. I sprayed fixative onto my latest pastel pieces and placed them in the folder with all my other work. My two drawing boards sit in the corner with nothing on them. It's time to start something new.

There is never a shortage of ideas and sketches I would like to try. I probably have more ideas in my head than will ever see the light of day. But one thing is certain: I love my work! I read years ago that a person's career should consist of things you would do if money weren't the object. I'm not there yet, but the writing and drawing and painting are things I would regardless of whether I was paid or not. While I wasn't blessed with an ear and ability to play music, since I was a child, I've tried playing different instruments periodically. And when life changes for me, I will pick up those guitars, start playing the piano again. There are so many tunes in my head I would love to hear myself playing!

It is about expression; it's about sharing one's perspective and one's mind with the world around us. I start this year doing what I love and sharing it with you.

Thought for The Day - In The Wind

Even a rock can be changed by the wind...

Flowing. There are times when I sit to write or draw or paint, with no preconceived notion. I allow the 'breeze' to carry me in the direction it wishes. Words flow, colors and shapes emerge and my soul soars. Then there are the times when my meditations and logic are behind the wheel and the writing has a decided path. While more challenging - didn't think I was that much of a free spirit - it flows with force and purpose as well.

Growing up in an area where there is always 'air movement' as I've come to name it, I always feel a slight breeze. Because you always feel it, you don't notice it until you're in an area where there is no breeze and the sun is beaming down on you, and the only relief available is a piece of paper waving across your face. But here in Chicago, with little to supposedly 'no breeze' just walking around outside, you feel the slightest air moving around you.

This creativity thing, whether I 'acknowledge' it, flow with it or use it as a form of "resistance training" it works in my favor. For the many years where I wouldn't dare write or draw, I wasn't aware that I was slowly being turned and twisted and cracked. During this process, slowly I gave in and found that the best way to live this life was in light of what exists in me as well as following the direction the Spirit of God would take me.

Follow

A Reply...still in process and evolving!

It's been a while since I posted. Not short on words and no excuse offered. But here's my latest musings:
 

Thanks Seth Godin for Linchpin. Informative and idea solidifying book. Of course he aint the only one with the bright idea of pointing up those folks who faithfully cut a new path and not for the sake of wearing crazy-glued, pink Mohawks, but because they know there’s a way that fits them and is better for everyone. It’s certainly our tendency to take these people and put them out front, make them a leader. Not too long ago, this was the best way to pick managers and foremen, my father being one of them. Not saying my father wasn’t a great foremen and manager, but I think it was part of his exercise in “Peter-principal” collapse.

Funny thing about being a leader, people expect you to be the author of innovation and cutting edged thinking. Most appointed leaders I know are ‘quaking in their boots,’ afraid that’s this next dilemma or opportunity to lead in an effective way, will show the world their a fraud. Sure they cover it up, put on a good face and act brave, but all the Harvard training doesn’t cover up what isn’t natural.

Here’s what I’m proposing for those who find themselves in the vaunted role of “leader:” FOLLOW. Yes, everyone stares at you as you walk the halls. When you’re in the limelight, everyone is expecting you to unveil the latest swagger-gear, some look that everyone will try to emulate. Don’t sweat that attention, instead, focus on the one who leads better than everyone else. He’s great at staying out of the limelight and truth be told, no one who’s ‘anyone’ follows him. He doesn’t do much that all the “popular kids” do, but he does what’s right. Yep, people are going to talk about you, you’ll lose your credibility when you say or do something that everyone thinks is stupid and out of step with what’s ‘really happening,’ but aren’t you wearing the emperor’s new clothes, right now because you think that’s what keeps you in step with everyone else? Aren’t there mornings when you would rather crawl under the covers because you know you’re one misstep from being a joke? Follow.

Follow what is in your heart. Quiet the noise of culture and your education and follow. Listen carefully and recall messages only small children hear. They don’t know the popular dance steps and when music comes on, they do what comes naturally. They don’t color in lines, they draw mommy as they see her. Follow, my friend, simply FOLLOW.

Definition of His Words

His Words is about “expression.” But the title is greater than mere expression, as I have come to understand. First of all, I continue to fathom the depths of the title. It definitely feels bigger than my conscious mind can understand. Years ago I had this big idea to produce greeting cards to use as encouragement. I got the idea after I was encouraged, reading simple poems with watercolor images in a booklet. I was going through a tough time and praying and crying like crazy. But those simple words and the images lifted my spirits like nothing else!

So reflecting on that time, having begun to write a bit, I thought of what I could say to lift other’s spirits. The missing part was the images; I could not, at the time, imagine getting back to art. Well here I am; I am drawing and painting and choosing to believe the title given to me at the time, is a viable one.

His Words, for the time is about artful expression. Encouragement, hope, and making whole a world that is broken, shattered is my desire. It’s a continuous process and so is the defining of his words. Think “Blank Page” or a blank canvas. That is His Words, today.