Po' Me

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

Linen: A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen: Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

On any given day, it is a sad reality to be me! Oh I'm not sitting around unshaven and unbathed and drowning in a bottle. No, I clean up nicely, exercise, work a regular job, make light of life's situations and generally enjoy life. But there are those blips, those moments when I realize I can do so much more! I could point the finger at everyone to say we all can, but seriously Eddie Hudson could do better!

I could give a laundry list of tasks - especially since it's the first of the year and "resolution season." But that isn't where it begins. It starts with a decision; it's an understanding of  where I am, what I have done (and didn't) and the direction I want my life to go. I've done it before, made that decision and the steps followed. It required discipline and some blood, sweat and many tears. But it happened and I changed for the better. My challenge to me isn't about doing it in a year or the next six months. IT's about making the commitment to being a better me. To be diligent to accomplish goals and change the direction of my life. Many of the tools and habits are in place and working now. But the decision - the big decision - is to do them consistently! And to ensure I'm contributing my part to the world.

Thought for The Day - Reinvention

I'm Listening

Re-work

Re-do

Re-invigorate

Re-alize

One day, you're going to get sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Thought for The Day - Habits and Patterns

I guess you can never be free of all your habits, especially the bad ones. But you can observe the pattern of your behavior and compensate. It's a life long struggle and one I work at daily.

Thought for The Day - Growing Pains

"Now where is that coming from? What did I do yesterday that's got me hurting like this?" That's a thought I often have - like every day! When I wake, sitting at my desk at work or getting out of the chair, some ache or pain appears out of 'nowhere' interrupting my philosophical flow for a bit (smile). Most of the times, I recall a move or series of exercises I've performed that brought on the latest bout of sore muscles and as one "committed to the process," I think "I've got to do that again!"

I don't love pain, not a sadomasochist, but I love growing. As a child I wanted to be like my dad who was strong and had a great build. He got his through labor, demanding jobs and his determination to never say "die!" But my other inspirations were bodybuilders who had HUGE muscles!!! I wasn't as determined as I should have been and though I "dabbled" at exercise and weight training from my young adult years up until now, I could just as easily fall off the "treadmill" as it were. But a few years ago, I decided to take this seriously; not to prepare for a Mr. Olympia contest, but do my part to better my health. One of the side effects is I'm lifting much heavier and growing! A 50+ year old gaining muscle? Yes!

Never one to be a "one trick pony," mentally and spiritually I always strive to exercise and grow as well. I'm not going through the litany of disciplines and "roles" I've taken on in my life, but I will tell you this, I'm always learning, even when I'm not willing to (smile again!). Meaning, when "new concepts," or a different perspective is presented, though I may be reluctant to allow it in my head, I continue reading about it, checking sources and running it against my "accepted principles" to consider the larger picture. The world is a huge place and the universe, much more larger. But it is in us to grow, expand and encounter far more than we are accustomed to. Come on, flex your muscles! Grow!

Thought for The Day - It Starts with Me

Pretty Seed - 9 x 12 Pastels

Of course, we all want the world to change for the better. We want the politicians to stop playing games with our tax money, we want to earn more money - whether working for ourselves or working for 'the man' - and we want better education and healthy choices for food. We want our neighbors to care more for their yards and the guy in traffic weaving in and out of it, to realize he isn't the only out here.

But...

It starts with me.

I could picket, preach, join this organization, write letters to my congressman, sign an electronic petition on my company's behalf calling for the congress to act like adults...

But...

It starts with me.

When I, each day, make choices to care about me, take action to bolster those thoughts, I change the world. When I sit in front of this computer, sharing my insights, a willingness to be known by words and images, I slowly change the direction of the world. When I model and teach behavior that is kind and considerate to others, when my children see me helping them and going out of my way to help others, I am changing the world.

It starts with me.

Thought for The Day - Barnacles!

I remember hearing this word in a cartoon years ago; it was a safe 'swear word,' children could hear and possibly recite without getting their face slapped. But I remember looking it up in the dictionary after hearing it talked about in a sermon. Basically, it's 'stuff' that grows on the bottom of a ship and builds up over the years. An equivalent for us "land-lovers" is rust or caked on water deposits we find on pipes and other exposed materials. Wear clothes too many times and you get an idea how unpleasant this can be. Don't ask how I know...

These 'things' can slow or impede a ship's movement in water. They build up and grow and attract enough other materials, that the smooth bottom of a ship gets "caked up" with this stuff. And a ship needs a smooth bottom to sail or move about in the water.

If you haven't figured out where I'm going with this, let me make it clear: so do we; we need a smooth "bottom" if you will to move through life. And yet like a boat, we have very little control over the 'stuff' that cakes up underneath. The pace of life dictates, that at times, we have to ignore some future issues. We have matters of "immediate importance," requiring attention from things we can see. All the while, other things go untouched, growing in priority. Even when we can "get around to it,"  our effort is half-hearted, not considering the matter important enough to completely remove and rid ourselves. Sometimes, we trust "everything will work out," not really knowing what to do. But oh, these BARNACLES grow and impede our progress at the exact WRONG time! When we least expect it, we find we our stopped in our tracks, by something we should have taken care of, a long time ago!

Get my point?

In this Moment...

In the last month or so, I’ve spent a great deal of time ‘reverting’ to my former self. The former me anticipated, look forward to, and dreaded. Life wasn’t lived or experienced in the moment; living meant looking at my empty hands. I would look back on my life and wish to go back. I looked to the future and it always felt like “tomorrow never came.” When I got ‘this’ or ‘that’ as soon as it was accomplished or achieved, ‘it’ lost its luster and excitement.

In the moment…the past cannot be recovered and the future remains out of touch. But in the moment…there is no thought regarding tomorrow. I am living the dream – NOW.

In the last month, I’ve been saying this a great deal: “what if no one buys it?” or “suppose none of my friends are interested in my work? What if they only want to ‘look’ but not ‘buy?’ Sitting here now, I have to slow down my heartbeat and anxiety and live in the moment. Enjoy the process of imagining and believing. When the future seems scary and the past is either a reminder of failures or lost glory, there is no better time than the present. What I’m feeling now, no matter how depressing is a symptom of a desire I believe will go unfulfilled. There is only now.

In the moment, at this time, there is only me, these words and my God. A moment lived in genuine wonder, thankful for gracious activity. A moment where my value isn’t defined in the opinion and ‘buying power’ of others. And deciding that this same moment defines my life. This is living; allowing my love of the exercise, then imagining someone with one of my paintings or drawings in their space. In this moment, someone is coming home and sitting in front of one of my paintings. In this moment, a child sits with a magazine in his lap, one of my paintings looks up at him and he sees the impossible.