Saturday, August 22, 2009

Disillusionment or Redirect?

It's been one of those weeks where I'm feeling normal again. I don't like putting too much weight on feelings except when I'm riding on a cloud, but this is one of those times when I need a break to clear my head. I need to organize and evaluate the direction of my life. And as much as I want to be an artist, there are times when it feels like I'm walking into a fog.

Last month at this time, I was certain, clear, and determined that the "artist life" was for me. But then I had to consider how I would earn income as an artist and continue supporting my family. Nothing worse than coming face-to-face with one's mortality and thinking you don't have what it takes.

Or maybe I have what it takes and haven't put it into motion. I mean I've worked 30 years of my life for others, doing things I didn't know how initially, but mastered. Why wouldn't I be able to paint (something I love), write (also love it), and encourage others?

There's a line from scripture that comes to mind: "Stir up the gift!" And that's what I will do. If inspiration seems to be fading away I will continue working with what I have available and hopefully, some day, I will feel empowered.