I See Change

In many ways, I am still the skinny little boy, playing alone...

I always wanted a companion for this journey

I have one

I have always wanted to be heard

I am being heard

I loved to play as a child, creating stories in my head and acting them out with my toys

I continue to "pretend," but mostly in my head

I always wanted to "make things"

I get to Make Things

I loved to experiment and try things out, to break things or at least uncover the breakable parts

I get to do that all day

I longed for deep, intimate fellowship with God, to know HIM, the creator of all things, the one who holds "the whole world, in his hand" and to understand it all


Well, ALL OF THAT HAPPENED...or is happening

I wanted to share my stories, my adventure of growing up, living life, my joy and my pain

I get to do that in words and images, stories, adventures shared in an endless cycle

And the adventure, the childhood world of play goes on and on

Thought for The Day - Grown

Rise 18 x 24, pastel

When did I get to a point where "Louisiana Hot Sauce" wasn't hot enough? I can still remember seeing my parents and other adults shaking it on food and thinking "there's no way I would put that on my food!" And yet, here I am, a grown man, willing to combine hot sauce and jalapeños on a sandwich or other foods! Just 'yesterday,' I dabbed a little on my finger, put it to my mouth and had to wash it down with a glass of water. And now, if I prepare a meal, I've got to have FIRE!

Tastes, desires and needs change as we grow older. Some things we adopt may not necessarily be good for us. I remember when I developed a "healthy appetite" and filled my plate with food. I remember when I went back for seconds and it wasn't dessert! The skinny kid grew up to be an overweight man, constantly fighting the battle to be thin again! And in so many ways, I wouldn't have it any other way!

Growing up, I could be glued to the television for hours; now, if I sit for a few minutes, I'm fast sleep. As a teenager, I could ride a skateboard for hours and play basketball in my parent's backyard as long. I wouldn't dare get on a skateboard these days and basketball? I'm not interested in watching anyone play it for more than a few minutes!

One's needs and interests change as you mature and what was once boring is now a great time. But one thing has not changed; that's my love of music and visual art. The combination is my morning routine. Now granted, I could not imagine waking before dawn - and I'm not talking a few minutes before! I'm talking an hour or two most mornings! Sitting down to write and journal, music surrounds me, as well as the work of my hands. Images in process, completed and others to inspire, surround me. And it's been that way since I was a "small lad." Even down to the music genre and medium of choice; the two have remained constant. I didn't have access to oil paints or the skills to do what I do now, but it was my dream. And thank you Lord, dreams come true!

Be blessed and hold tight to dreams!

Thought for The Day - Catching Up

(Working title) With a Twist - in progress 24 x 30 Oils

I think I got this from my dad, the sense of not "leading the pack" or "being the first on your block to buy _______!" Now, don't get me wrong, I really don't follow the crowds or wait to see "what's everyone else is doing," and I typically fume and brood over major decisions. I just need to know that the move I'm making is what's best for me and mine.

So now I'm thinking seriously considering this "art thing." When I think back to childhood, I can distinctly remember having concerns about what I would be when I grew up. Yes, I wanted to be an artist, but I wanted to have a business and I wanted to experiment on things. I think the last aspect, working Information Technology jobs has given me an "up to my eyeballs" experience in experimenting! For the last few years, I've gotten back to my love of art. And just like all major decisions, it seems like it's taking a long time to make up my mind about it.

What I would like is to spend my days creating art. The one aspect of this dream is that I feel like I need to remain connected to people, regularly and at one time, counseling was that channel. I wouldn't say I'm against counseling as a profession, but I am against anything that requires a "full-time" attention. The monotony of being somewhere, each day for 8 or more hours lays heavy on me. I love variety and love to be in control of my day.

So where am I in making a decision? Sitting on the fence, trying to figure out what and where else I can go. Any ideas? I'm open to suggestions.

Thought for The Day - Peer into Your Soul!

I've noticed that many people, either the first time or for a short while after we've met, seem to look at me as if I'm staring too intently. Some folks look away or simply shy away. I wondered if I was doing something wrong, if my face indicated I was crazy; did I have a look of insanity? Did a third eye that pop up in the middle of my forehead?

But I've taken time to "see what I'm seeing," to examine who I am. I look intently at people. It's partly because I am an artist and I'm always in anatomical mode. Meaning, I look at details of people's noses, their expressions and the way "all the parts" come together. Musician Bilal's opening line from his song "All Matter" says it best: "we're all the same, but all so very different. Divine by design, it all intertwines."

There are so many parts to us, both seen and unseen. When I have time to sit with someone, try as I might, I'm examining their face, the movement of their body and I'm looking for more than the visual representation of the individual; I'm looking for your soul! Sitting and talking with my children, my parents, friends and family, I'm always looking for truths that aren't being spoken, I want to know if you believe what you're saying; tell me how you "really feel!" I may not voice this regularly and I'm not always in this "mode," but I am interested.

We are taught to cover our selves; from childhood, we are taught to sit quietly, laugh softly and yet, somehow we are supposed to love freely. How does one love, when we are so afraid of being ourselves and as a result being hurt?

Forgive me if I stare; I'm just trying to see your soul!

ALL WORK IS HONORABLE

There was a time when I couldn’t say that. “Work” was the “bitter pill” to swallow and in a culture that focuses on weekends, vacations, holidays and retirement, the honorable message is buried. Sure, we’re encouraged to be successful at our careers, work effectively and strive for advancement, but the constant mantra heard is “Thank God it’s Friday” and “I hate Mondays.” Lord knows I’ve said them both for a long time!

A few years ago, I got this crazy notion: why can’t work be enjoyable? I didn’t get a quick response, but I continued asking the question. I remember one afternoon, I had business to handle in the near north area of Chicago’s loop area. Taking a cab over, when I got in the area, I was amazed at the expressions on the people’s faces. Nearly everyone seemed to be relaxed, unhurried, shopping and taking in the sunshine. And hear I was, watching my watch, trying to account for every minute and avoid going over my lunchtime. My impression of these people was they all had money; they had to be “trust fund” babies because they didn’t have my attitude and the rushed, anxious appearance of people just 5 blocks south. But on many occasions, I ran into people like this. Midday, mid-morning, afternoon, there are people out, shopping and some are working, and they look like they don’t have a care in the world. Why couldn’t I have that?

It’s recently that I have come to believe all work is honorable. But the statement begs completion: not all work is appropriate for everyone. A biblical principle spelled out in 1 Corinthians 12: 14, says, “The body is not made up of one part but of many.” It goes on to give the illustration of a foot saying “because I’m not the hand, I’m not part of the body.” So it is with us. We all have roles and a position. Take my word for it, I have tried on many roles and some of them weren’t a good fit. Until recently, I was determined to be a degreed, licensed counselor. I may still counsel, but I can tell you, there is no more honorable task for me than painting and writing. You see I have found a way to live like those people I saw in the near north side of Chicago. It begins with knowing myself and that leads to expending energy appropriately.

Before I get deeply profound, I must say this has been a long journey around a mountain. I’ve known most of my life I should be doing art, but I did everything else. It wasn’t until I faced me, stopped ‘me’ in my tracks and asked, “What are you doing?” I mean it was an honest question with a huge expectation of a response. I came to the conclusion that nothing else for me mattered. I will not stop being a husband, father, brother, minister, teacher or counselor. But nothing else ‘works’ without the center, the critical link for all. Giving in to the “artist’s life” is one of the most significant decisions I’ve made in my life.

Suggestion? Think back to your childhood, when you played in a yard, playground, with friends or alone. Remember the role you thought you were; maybe you were a doctor or dancer or singer. It didn’t matter if you were good or bad at it, it was what you did and who you were. In my opinion, it’s time to let the kid out to play again. Everything else is a misfit; everything else is work without honor. Peace!