Thought for The Day - I'm Not Ready

All my life, I've had aspirations to be different. I knew in high school I didn't want to spend my days in a factory, like my father and the idea of being at someone's office for 40+ hours a week seemed insane! And yet, in spite of my desires, I'm exactly where I don't want to be. I'm certain for many people working, where ever you work, the same holds true.

I signed up for an online business course a few weeks ago and though I looked forward to what I would learn, there was this sense that I wasn't ready. From nearly the first page of reading, I realized I was ill prepared for the class. Certainly, it's a good idea to "know what you don't know," but as an artist, looking to make this stuff work, I have a lot more to learn. Correction: I have a great deal to put into practice.

Quite honestly, I have a great deal to put into practice as a human being. I'm a nice guy, I listen well and think it's vitally important to practice my Christian values, but there's a great deal more to living the life I desire than I'm doing now. I'm not defeated though; sometimes it's best to admit to yourself where you are before you can move to where you want to be. I'm not sure "how long" I'll be in this place, but for the moment, I'm sitting here acknowledging my shortcomings and hoping for a "switch" to flip on and turn this life around.

Thought for The Day - Set Free

Often the means for your freedom is closer than you think. I've spent my life waiting for help, looking for someone to come along and put into what is there already. I could see someone helping me, I can feel what they would do and how they would do it. I've felt what life would be like for my family and I afterwards, how we would begin to live abundantly and prosperous. But the action to taken, the "help" is in me.

Thought for The Day - Fishing

There are times when I fully realize, what I desire in that moment is not in my power to bring about. What happens next is not so much a conscious request or prayer, but more like a mental note written on a slip of paper and passed to God. I have heard myself say "some day" or "I would like to have _____" and the thought doesn't linger, but neither is hope abandoned. And most assuredly, in due time, what I desired comes to pass.

I have never thought of it as anything more than a connection to God that, in it's purest form is a request between a son and his father. He knows my needs and my wants and much more than that, He knows timing. I would love to say I'm "at peace" and patient enough to quietly wait for everything he would bring "to pass." No, there are times I'm like an impatient fisherman - can the two words be used to describe a fisherman? I pray with great fervor, want to see 'a change' as soon as I open my eyes. Then I pray more, and from day to day, pleading with God to send a miracle.

There are times, I sit, examining the course my life has taken or the path I think is best. I think it's important to spend time in quiet reflection; it's a way to gain insight and understanding not found in books or the latest health craze. Doing so, I find parts of my 'puzzle' coming together  with little or no effort. And like a patient fisherman, what I desire, what I hope for, finds me.

Peace

In this Moment...

In the last month or so, I’ve spent a great deal of time ‘reverting’ to my former self. The former me anticipated, look forward to, and dreaded. Life wasn’t lived or experienced in the moment; living meant looking at my empty hands. I would look back on my life and wish to go back. I looked to the future and it always felt like “tomorrow never came.” When I got ‘this’ or ‘that’ as soon as it was accomplished or achieved, ‘it’ lost its luster and excitement.

In the moment…the past cannot be recovered and the future remains out of touch. But in the moment…there is no thought regarding tomorrow. I am living the dream – NOW.

In the last month, I’ve been saying this a great deal: “what if no one buys it?” or “suppose none of my friends are interested in my work? What if they only want to ‘look’ but not ‘buy?’ Sitting here now, I have to slow down my heartbeat and anxiety and live in the moment. Enjoy the process of imagining and believing. When the future seems scary and the past is either a reminder of failures or lost glory, there is no better time than the present. What I’m feeling now, no matter how depressing is a symptom of a desire I believe will go unfulfilled. There is only now.

In the moment, at this time, there is only me, these words and my God. A moment lived in genuine wonder, thankful for gracious activity. A moment where my value isn’t defined in the opinion and ‘buying power’ of others. And deciding that this same moment defines my life. This is living; allowing my love of the exercise, then imagining someone with one of my paintings or drawings in their space. In this moment, someone is coming home and sitting in front of one of my paintings. In this moment, a child sits with a magazine in his lap, one of my paintings looks up at him and he sees the impossible.