Thought for The Day - Following The Pattern

"I have no choice..."

We need "expertise" to back up our hypothesis...

I've talked about it before, my new hobby: aquariums. As in plural, as in more than one. For me a dream and nearly overnight. In my 10 gallon, I have 5 Buenos Aires Tetra and 3 Red Eye Tetra. You can barely tell them apart and though the Buenos Aires came first, when the Red Eye were added, they learned quickly to do as the predominant group does. When they stand in formation, seemingly floating in space, little or no movement, you do the same. Or else, there's a nip here, and chase there. When the leader breaks formation, you wait a few seconds, then you break formation. But slowly, everyone does the same thing.

When we were children, we learned to speak the language, avoid hot surfaces and to sit up straight - I've struggled with the last one all my life, with a natural curvature of the spine. We learned - if we wanted to accomplish anything in life - to wake at the right time, what to eat for breakfast, which classmates to avoid and those that should be friends. Some lessons we learned the hard way, others, we simply accepted.

As adults, "success" is defined as a family, a home or apartment, a job and a car. While the world has been 'kind' and not required we all be accountants, doctors and attorneys, it has not been kind in telling us teachers, dancers, writers and artists are second class citizens; "you don't earn enough" or shouldn't "to contribute to the fabric of society. And yet, it is the individual who quietly or raucously, follows their own 'inner pattern' that blows the doors off our mundane lives EVERY TIME!

Some stand out as strange and eccentric and rarely outgrow that title. Some are just close enough to "normal" that they dazzle us with their eccentricity and yet do it with a quiet humility. But in my mind, everyone has the potential to be AMAZING!

For about 15 years, I secretly held the opening thought as my marching orders. "I had no choice" to be a minister, work in an office where no matter how well I served, I would remain a 'second class citizen.' I had little or no choice regarding with whom I spent Sunday afternoons or the movies and television shows I was allowed to see as a Christian...

But I do now! I'm choosing to break many of the patterns that define me and redefining the parts of me that no one knows. I'm declaring I AM AN ARTIST, and A CHRISTIAN! I'm saying quite emphatically that God loves diversity and the "oddballs" as well as the person who may never stray beyond the comforts of the sacred four walls. He love and celebrates the people who love with everything they have! He even loves those whose heart remains an open wound because it gets cut, bruised by those they love...

Thought for The Day - The Challenge

Well over a year ago, I began this habit of writing a "thought for the day." Funny how elements are introduced into your life. I've been writing and journaling for approximately 15 years and would have never guessed it would lead to a daily blog! And you know it's a habit when you wake, spend the day and practically go to bed with countless ideas on your mind!

My challenge is also daily; it's not a lack of content, but narrowing the subject matter. My challenge is selecting a topic that will be relevant and yet remain true to my inspiration. By that I mean it would be easy to write about what people have commented or "liked." But the true purpose of this writing is to encourage as I am lead to do. To write and give a little of myself away, as I do. There are times it seems like I'm empty or near spent. But I also find that sitting down to begin this process there's a wealth of "me" to share.

My challenge is overcoming my shortcomings and putting myself out for the world - EACH DAY!

Thought for The Day - Routine

The "Same" is okay...even good...

3:35 am

Grab an apple and the green, plastic cup

Journal

Meditate

Stare at the painting

Dab paint on the painting

Leg day

Get to the train by 7:15

Take a walk at lunch for 45 min

The parts of our life we come to expect to be the same. The routine, the processes, while we desire to be different, remain the same. We crave variety, improvement and success, but these staples of our daily living come as a result of habits formed over the years. And yet, there is more to life than the routine of it all...

Thought for The Day - Habits and Patterns

I guess you can never be free of all your habits, especially the bad ones. But you can observe the pattern of your behavior and compensate. It's a life long struggle and one I work at daily.

Thought for The Day - Truth in Reflection

I'm back at it; I put paint on the palette, dipped the brush in the paint and dabbed at the canvas, just a couple days ago. There were moments of guilt, confusion and wonder. The sense of opening the doors of my soul, listening to the spirit's gentle guidance and working out the mysteries of life as they wrestled in my head. When I execute "morning pages," it is an opportunity to face my insecurities, my fears, pains and my hope. But standing in front of a canvas or sitting over paper, those same feelings hover above without the same sense of power. There are no gut wrenching revelations; only quandaries, pleasant puzzles and time to quietly contemplate.

The question: if I'm at peace, why wouldn't I paint and draw regularly? Why is it I lay aside my colors and quiet reasoning to worry and fret? An answer, like a shadow perceived in the mirror, avoids full disclosure to my conscious. When faced with my "shadow-side," my tendency is to run from it, like looking in the mirror and realizing the sag of my cheeks is an indicator I'm no longer 25. I want to "solve the problem," but the "dilemma" is as much a part of me as the spirt that animates my flesh. I fear I will remain stuck in the corporate hustle; that, because of some weakness in flesh, I will continue the morning routine of going to "work," and every now and then, "squeezing in" a few minutes at the canvas. The cruelty of life: what you love, you barely have time for. But what nags at you, persists near endlessly. It sits in your bones and slowly robs you of vitality.

Hope runs eternal; this is the same guy whose mom accused of being lazy and said he would never marry or hold a full-time job. This is the same guy, who, given a chance, would stay in the bed till 10:00 am or later, as a teen. And this is the same guy who thought he might never see a tube of oil paint in his hand. This is the same guy who finds it extremely difficult to stay in bed until dawn and has to write every day. This is the same guy who silently wars against his fears, the needs of family and the incessant demands for his time. Most of the time, I lose; laundry, errands and someone else's needs take precedent. But there is always a sense of hope; at some point, I will "turn a corner," pick up my brush and give my spirit the space and time needed to set me free.

Thought for The Day - It Just Sticks

 A lot of stuff doesn't make sense. Some things fall through and never make it under your radar. But there are those things, people, places and circumstances that never leave you. Even if you turn away for years, they come floating back to you. Example: I haven't been around the four legged beasts on a regular ever! I didn't grow up in the South, where my parents were born and we weren't rich or interested enough to do weekend trips to a horse ranch, where riding and/or lessons are available. But to this day, and quite at random, I can picture horses and feel that surge of excitement. Yesterday, out of the blue, I had a flash of the strong hip of a brown horse in my head and it was as if I were standing next to it!

Art. Watching my mother doodle a flower in a flower pot, drawn on the edge of a sheet of note paper,   talking on the phone; that is one of my strongest and earliest memories and one I attribute to my interest in rendering.

I was - no correction I am - shy; I'm prone to keep my opinion to myself and though I blog, I'm quite certain no one is interested in anything I say. But before the childhood dreams, before the answer was given to a sincere prayer ("Lord how can I return thanks for all you've done for me?" The response: "answer my call.") I was fascinated with "being heard." Always interested in things regarding the Bible, God, believing and matters of spirituality, and though I was as fascinated with cars, I could care less about the workings of the pistons and crankshaft underneath my car's hood! As long as it's running smoothly, not leaking oil or blowing too much smoke, I'm relatively happy. But speaking, listening, encouraging people to grow and realize what God has in store for them? I can stay on that for hours on end!

I don't know folks; I can't explain the many people who have come in and out of my life. I'm often surprised about the relationships that form and those that fall off. There is no particular rhyme or reason to it and yet, in my heart, the beat, the timbre is very familiar. But like knowing your lover's footsteps when you hear it or the giggle of your child, some facts just stick!