Thought for The Day - Just a little further

Enter this space...

I'm Listening 24 x 30 oil painting

If you are bemoaning your current state because it's not where you want to to be, turn around and see how far you've come.

So many days I hated the life I was living. I worked a job where there was no way I would advance and didn't care to. I was on the verge of losing the job and as it was said to me by my boss at the time, it was because "You aren't happy." My car was old and always problematic and though I worked diligently in my church, respected by my students, somehow all the "positions of prestige" were awarded to others. I was depressed, so much so, I could not see any light at all. I held on to my faith, but I wasn't allowing it to hold me. It was a matter of perspective, and quite honestly, I spent each day looking at the ground!

One of the nagging issues in my life for many years was the absence of creativity. Sure I could creatively teach a Sunday School lesson, providing students with "food for the soul" to last a lifetime. I could preach a sermon, taking God's word and allowing it to filter through my perspective. When a friend or coworker needed to talk about their problems, I listened, prayed and opened my mouth to provide helpful suggestions and perspectives. But in my mind, this wasn't enough. I wanted to draw and paint.

It's 2014. I"ve been painting and drawing again nearly every day for five years. I always have an image or an idea for one in my head. At the moment, there's a painting and drawing that I can't wait to put my hand and soul upon!!! And I'm writing. I write every day, nearly all day. I'm sure my coworkers think I'm slacking off because I'm always hunched over my notepad writing something. When people need to talk, I listen. When they need a bit of advice or just another perspective, I'm there.

But the journey does not end there. In my heart, I can be as depressed as I was years ago. But depression, anxiety, even fear have a new perspective for me: they remind me "I'm not done yet!" I am thankful to be creative again. The very idea that I have more projects in mind that I have time to do is both motivating and depressing, but its so much further than years ago! Twenty years ago, I wouldn't allow myself to think about drawing and most certainly not painting. I built a 20' fence around visual expression.

The line from the

song comes to mind and tears flow :"my soul looks back and wonders, how I get over!" I know my journey has taken me much further than I thought possible. I would not tell you it's been easy! But it's not over! There are still people to reach, there are souls to be brought back to life through visual art, and words! And on my shoulders sit motivation and depression, both pushing me further. This is a declaration that until I die, I MUST GO ON... just a little further! 

Thought for The Day - Here to There

Open Portal (working title) 12 x 18 pastels

On a journey... the road behind me is as visible as the road ahead...

Any given day, I am prone to love as well as hate my work. If I look at a piece in process or complete, there is a range of emotions and valuations made in a matter of minutes or hours. Please believe, there is no better place to be - for the moment - than my little studio and I love my early morning time in this space. But when I look at individual strokes or the piece entire, it's ugly and beauty are found between my ears.

Perhaps that is what we all feel about life in general; from one moment to the next, the path we've traveled and what lies ahead can be evaluated as a waste. I've read words from people we admire, celebrities who are thought-provoking and eloquent and in a moment of "truth," they admit they point out their flaws with disdain. I believe it is true: we are our worst critic! And rare it is we give ourselves a "pat on the back" having made it this far. Every now and then, we need to examine where we are at the moment and while it isn't where we want to be, we haven't done what we said we would and we've made MANY mistakes, Thank God for where we are!

A bit of neutral space for me is reflecting on this fact: I'm doing the work I've always wanted and for now, that is a beautiful revelation!