Thought for The Day - It's the Movement

Clear Channel 24 x 36 Oil painting

"You don't know what you think you know" and in the same breath: "You know more than you think you know."

That being said, there are times I certainly don't know; confusion is a blue haze around my head. And then, at other moments, not only has the smoke cleared, the light shines around and within; drowning in it! Not one area, but many.

Short story/example: one evening, before I got back to painting and drawing, and while working in the downtown area of Chicago, I walked from the job to the train stop. My head was filled with that blue, purple and brown haze; I didn't understand where my life was headed, and especially where it was at that moment. I knew I was tired of the commute, tired of career I could barely stomach and ministry that was stalled once again. Anticipating the ride home with a neighbor, talking about minuscule details of his job and the culture, I slowed my pace to a near snail's pace to avoid the small talk. I prayed for clarity, for an answer to the where of my life. I remember thinking "I need answers! Not because I deserve them or I'm anyone special, but I need to know what all 'this' means!" It began slowly, I remember being on Lake street, between Wabash and State street. And then I remember being "elsewhere," another time and place as if I were involved in a movie, where I was one of the characters. I saw my life far better than it was then and it is now. I saw answers given in ways I would expect, but with far more definition and clarity than I could imagine! However, during this time and as I got closer to the stop, I remember thinking I would like to right this down so I don't forget. But immediately thinking I would forget it, but it was okay because the reassurance was given. If I could remember that eventually "I know by experience" all I've ever imagined or been shown, I had a true hope.

Now, mind you, you don't see details of that revelation because I forgot them! All of the cinematic lighting and the scene changes as if the editor had done his work and pieced together a five minute short-story, all of it is gone. I only know what I was told and what was shown and that is enough for now. Certainly I have moments where I really want to "go there" again, and by go there, I mean back to those days, weeks and months leading up to that moment. I especially want to return to that vision and that time. But for now, I live my life in the light of what's happening now. And pray that patience and longsuffering find me where I need to be when the time is right.

Thought for The Day - Here to There

Open Portal (working title) 12 x 18 pastels

On a journey... the road behind me is as visible as the road ahead...

Any given day, I am prone to love as well as hate my work. If I look at a piece in process or complete, there is a range of emotions and valuations made in a matter of minutes or hours. Please believe, there is no better place to be - for the moment - than my little studio and I love my early morning time in this space. But when I look at individual strokes or the piece entire, it's ugly and beauty are found between my ears.

Perhaps that is what we all feel about life in general; from one moment to the next, the path we've traveled and what lies ahead can be evaluated as a waste. I've read words from people we admire, celebrities who are thought-provoking and eloquent and in a moment of "truth," they admit they point out their flaws with disdain. I believe it is true: we are our worst critic! And rare it is we give ourselves a "pat on the back" having made it this far. Every now and then, we need to examine where we are at the moment and while it isn't where we want to be, we haven't done what we said we would and we've made MANY mistakes, Thank God for where we are!

A bit of neutral space for me is reflecting on this fact: I'm doing the work I've always wanted and for now, that is a beautiful revelation!

Thought for The Day - Pullin' it together

It's like weaving, the process of bringing the colors together through the channel of my hands and mind. I love the process of rendering because in a sense, I operate from a observer's point of view as well as "brick-layer." I get to step back, observe the process, analyze what's lacking, which turn I could have taken , and what other possibilities exist beyond the moment. As the "brick-layer" I'm applying the colors or tones, if I'm working with charcoal. It's almost mechanical and there are times  where I feel less like an artist and more like a brick-layer. But the process of both keeps everything in perspective.

There are times when works "in progress" remain on the easel or drawing board for weeks and months, and the only action taken is observing. I wake and as part of my process of daily preparation, writing, journaling, I sit and stare. Then I add a couple touches and simultaneously, plan the next drawing. And the wonderful thing - at least for me - what I plan rarely makes it to paper or canvas! It's wonderful because there is s a certain amount of spontaneity in the process and from piece to piece.