Thought for The Day - Calming

Remains Calm...that's the longest sticking title (so far) for the painting above. Still in progress, no idea how long it will take because apparently, I'm in recovery and at my own pace. You know, it's tragic that some of us are so functionally broken. Earn enough to pay bills, make new ones, eat food and buy clothes and ride the train each day and go sit in an office. Never mind I'm not doing art in that office or anything remotely similar. I'm functioning.

To the part about damage and eventually the "Calming" or "Remains Calm" - whichever comes up! I should have continued painting when I graduated from college, 30 years ago. Sabotage, personal and fatalistic, I shut the doors, put away the supplies and aggravated myself with a prophetic self-portrait stapled to the underside of a table tennis set, in my parents' basement. Eye portals wide open, but no brown eyes staring back at me, that picture told part of the story: no art, no work for a very long time, 25 years approximately. And all the tragic damage in trying to render anything.

I really don't get a life without God. The previous paragraph can't begin to tell all the ups and downs of my life, but it gives you an idea. I hoped I would get back to art, but how could I when I was the barrier to doing so? And yet I remained hopeful that somehow I would get back to it. And I did. And it was wonderful. I had a great summer, 2010, painting, drawing and working with messy pastels!

It's 2014; I have a completed painting (the jury is still out as to whether it's truly complete or not) and I started the one above about a month ago. It is part of my "Linen" series and I'm certain I have at least one more idea I want to see completed. The painting above is underway; I have to "remain calm..." I'm not working fast enough, I don't have an audience that yields an income, but I am working. It's an uneven, unsteady wobble forward, but the motion is forward. When I say I'm moving forward, this is the broken leg and hip, crawling beneath a desert sun, forward motion. I can say that because I know what it takes and where I want to be.

Remaining Calm...so much promise and so many obstacles! And mostly in my head!

Thought for The Day - Dive In

I begin a process of writing, journaling, near random , free association about four years. A book, "The Artist's Way," by Julia Cameron, added another dimension to something I began nine years prior. Funny how life works: I begin back in 2001 or 2002, at the suggestion of one of my wife's friends, writing my thoughts on paper. I remember her suggesting that I write three pages a day and that she got the idea from "some book," that until I bought "The Artist's Way," I didn't remember was the book she suggested. I never got to three pages a day, but I found myself writing a paragraph here, a page there; very therapeutic.

Dive In: I can't begin to tell you how many times I sit in front of a plain "electronic page," and though thousands of ideas, themes and subjects spin behind my eyes, the "critic" tries to silence or edit the process of revelation. The beauty of a book like "The Artist's Way" is you don't have to be an artist, writer, dancer, or photographer to use it's instruction. You have to be willing to dive in, though; you have to be willing to move your body through the stream of consciousness behind your eyes and dip your brush in the one medium we share: words. This exercise isn't about writing the great novel, writing your memoirs or the next great broadway play. But it is telling your truth to paper. For a few minutes a day, you are seeing your emotions, thoughts, impressions and memories. Each day, without fail, before you begin the morning rush, before you take the dog for a walk, sit, write and be cleansed.

There's also the artist's date, a exercise I have yet to do with any sense of consistency. But it's an exercise of self-care. Where the writing allows you to release what is in you, the artist's date allows you to treat yourself. Going for a walk, visiting a gallery or two, buying a slice of pie and ice cream or buying some trinket you've had your eye on. But it's about you. Sitting here and considering the aspects of "the date," I understand why I don't do it. But also considering why it's necessary, I see the need to incorporate this once or twice a week exercise as well.

Too often, we spend our days taking care of everyone but ourselves. Certainly we don't want to be accused of selfishness, but truthfully, the opposite should be true as well. And in truth, self-care is not self-indulgence. It isn't about lavishing one's self with unnecessary luxuries, or spending more than you have available. But it is about realizing you deserve to be loved...by yourself.

So, this week...I'm struggling with the idea but know it has to be done. I have to 'sneak off' and spend a little time with me. No, working through lunch or sitting at my desk. One evening, rather than come home and spend time with the family or maybe on the weekend, I should disappear (let them know I'll be gone, of course) and treat me to a bowl of ice cream, or find a hobby store where I can look and buy one small personal item. Dive In.

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A Reply...still in process and evolving!

It's been a while since I posted. Not short on words and no excuse offered. But here's my latest musings:
 

Thanks Seth Godin for Linchpin. Informative and idea solidifying book. Of course he aint the only one with the bright idea of pointing up those folks who faithfully cut a new path and not for the sake of wearing crazy-glued, pink Mohawks, but because they know there’s a way that fits them and is better for everyone. It’s certainly our tendency to take these people and put them out front, make them a leader. Not too long ago, this was the best way to pick managers and foremen, my father being one of them. Not saying my father wasn’t a great foremen and manager, but I think it was part of his exercise in “Peter-principal” collapse.

Funny thing about being a leader, people expect you to be the author of innovation and cutting edged thinking. Most appointed leaders I know are ‘quaking in their boots,’ afraid that’s this next dilemma or opportunity to lead in an effective way, will show the world their a fraud. Sure they cover it up, put on a good face and act brave, but all the Harvard training doesn’t cover up what isn’t natural.

Here’s what I’m proposing for those who find themselves in the vaunted role of “leader:” FOLLOW. Yes, everyone stares at you as you walk the halls. When you’re in the limelight, everyone is expecting you to unveil the latest swagger-gear, some look that everyone will try to emulate. Don’t sweat that attention, instead, focus on the one who leads better than everyone else. He’s great at staying out of the limelight and truth be told, no one who’s ‘anyone’ follows him. He doesn’t do much that all the “popular kids” do, but he does what’s right. Yep, people are going to talk about you, you’ll lose your credibility when you say or do something that everyone thinks is stupid and out of step with what’s ‘really happening,’ but aren’t you wearing the emperor’s new clothes, right now because you think that’s what keeps you in step with everyone else? Aren’t there mornings when you would rather crawl under the covers because you know you’re one misstep from being a joke? Follow.

Follow what is in your heart. Quiet the noise of culture and your education and follow. Listen carefully and recall messages only small children hear. They don’t know the popular dance steps and when music comes on, they do what comes naturally. They don’t color in lines, they draw mommy as they see her. Follow, my friend, simply FOLLOW.

Practicing...It Matters

I'm reading the book "The Artist's Way," and I'm in week 8. Oh MY GOODNESS, is this challenging? One of the things I've found is that in my journey, over time, in many ways I have been getting prepared for this stuff, before it comes. This week, a key point that jumps out at me is coping with the "artist's anxiety." I know I'm not the only one who has to cope with this and it isn't an artist only issue. Everyone finds themselves 'stuck' or 'misdirected,' which is the biggest issue for a struggling individual. You know there's important stuff to do, vital tasks that spring from your very soul. But you also know you've got to do the laundry, build that career, and help mama or someone else with their list of tasks.

Guess what? If you continue to feel that tap in your soul, but continuing to ignore it, you are making yourself miserable. It isn't the job or the nagging issue of work/life balance that's got you stuck. It's the call of your soul that won't give you rest.

Here's a small tactic: do a little bit of the stuff you love. For me, it's a matter of sitting down with my pencils and paper or a brush, oil paint and canvas. Don't do a lot of it, don't create the masterpiece, just do something each day. Okay, I'm back at it.