The Ancients

Wisdom of the ages doesn't end and begin with the old. There is knowledge and insight to be shared at any age. When an individual opens their mind to take in life, experience the moment, whether that moment is joyous or sad, in that moment, they experience liberation! And in that moment, they are available to perceive the wisdom and depths of the ALL.

5:02 AM

Entry point. The place where reality is set aside, when I enter the world of imagination and creativity. All the prep work is completed and I'm ready to begin my quest. Any thing in this space is great place to focus; it is a rich environment with stories and tales and adventures! And each day, I am fortunate to enter this place!

No admission fee is charged to take this ride; admission is free! And quite honestly, I visit throughout the day! I "sneak away" from the world of software testing and tan cubicles even while my body remains fixed in the chair, to bring life to this old mind! To write, to draw and paint; these are my passages to an amazing land! Oh, what's so fascinating? What's to be seen there? Skies where clouds rest just above head and water, crystal clear, full of glittering fish, large or small! Beautiful horses, with gleaming chestnut brown hides and white and black. Their "neigh" is loud as a trumpet and their trot like small thunderclaps! There are people busy working, but enjoying every moment of it. Women who love their men and their children and husbands who cherish their wives above everyone else! Music is heard every hour of the day and well into the night. And in this place, joy, peace and love rule the land! The adventure in this land is a result of exploration and it is an endless journey!

Come, go with me one morning! As a matter of fact, I invite you to go any time you are so inclined! Simply step away from the concerns of this world and let your mind take you where joy, love and peace rule!

Jagged Edge

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Sometimes I feel very near that place, the spot where discomfort is dangerous, where life is in jeopardy. And yet, I'm here, now, in this place of comfort. Many times, I wonder if I like discomfort and welcome it into my life. I wonder if I put myself in places to be miserable and prefer it as opposed to comfort and joy. You know, you can make a day in paradise a day in hell!

On the edge, where you don't know whether tomorrow  will come. The place where you think all hope is lost and thoughts of tomorrow are more of the same or worse. Unfortunately, this is what we choose to make reality. Writing this blog does not make me exempt; I most assuredly struggle daily, almost minute by minute, with a sense of misery. So here we sit or stand, on the edge of what we desire above all else and what we choose to accept from life. Somehow, we think the dichotomy is a great place to set up our tent and to hang out.

There is a better place to be, a better choice for our life. It isn't a matter of "deserving" or being "destined" for either one or the other. It is a matter of choosing what is good, right, loving and beneficial. It is both self serving and serves all. It is a choice to live life to it's fullest in all it's wonder and joy. This is our primary purpose in life and to do so using our talents, emotions and love.

I See Change

In many ways, I am still the skinny little boy, playing alone...

I always wanted a companion for this journey

I have one

I have always wanted to be heard

I am being heard

I loved to play as a child, creating stories in my head and acting them out with my toys

I continue to "pretend," but mostly in my head

I always wanted to "make things"

I get to Make Things

I loved to experiment and try things out, to break things or at least uncover the breakable parts

I get to do that all day

I longed for deep, intimate fellowship with God, to know HIM, the creator of all things, the one who holds "the whole world, in his hand" and to understand it all


Well, ALL OF THAT HAPPENED...or is happening

I wanted to share my stories, my adventure of growing up, living life, my joy and my pain

I get to do that in words and images, stories, adventures shared in an endless cycle

And the adventure, the childhood world of play goes on and on

Sometimes...

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Stop

No really stop

I'm getting off

I don't care how long or what's out 'there'

Let me out

This ride has gone on way too long

And I've seen too many people I love

Crash

Burn

Get up again with the encouragement of loved ones and friends

And yet the ride remains the same

Do you hear me

Please

Just let me live my life

Without the abuse

And the pain

Let me exercise my life

With Joy

And a lot less pain

And while you're at it

Let a few others off

Let them be children

Loving life

Minus the burden of correction, punishment and misuse

Thought for The Day - Searching to Find...

Looking up, focusing on nothing in particular, glancing over my left shoulder, watching the fish swim and play and the orange, blue, red and white of the painting sitting on the easel...I absorb it, listen to it and wait for an answer. The question, unspoken, hangs in the air...how will my arm extend to the world today? A candle in hand, a light shone on the common place, bringing light to details we know, but ignore.

There are many details, messages and truths to know. I'm shining the spotlight on the ugly as well refined beauty. Innocence and joy, love and faith. But there's always another side to all of this and especially from a human perspective.

Thought for The Day - Troublin' Times

Oh it's a troublin'
These days and times
We don't know where we're goin
 And we sho' don't know how to get there!

I look out my window and see the movement of traffic north and south. All day, cars (people) going and coming, visiting and leaving, here and there. A billion thoughts, feelings, memories, todays and tomorrows going by. While it is dark, their thoughts are driving by, not resting, not enjoying a warm bed or the arms of a lover. It is, indeed 'troubled times.' Like a constant churning of waters from below, it leaves us all 'unsettled' and wondering.

I guess we love our drama...we like it served on fine china, on mahogany dining tables underneath crystal chandeliers. We like to trouble the waters - in another's life - and complain when others aren't giving us our dessert with the silver plated dessert fork. We are a troubled people.

All across the land, over the seas and in the far reaches of continents undiscovered (Maybe they should remain undiscovered; there might be peace there. But Lord knows we won't let it remain that way!), trouble rules the land! And when we lie down, our dreams are full of the raging, boiling waters of turmoil and chaos.

And yet the children play when we let them... undisturbed, full of laughter and not a care (trouble) in the world. But not for long; we need them as fodder for this fight!

Thought for The Day - Are You Smiling?

Do you have reason to smile? Is there laughter in your life on a regular basis? Questions, responses...

Waking up this morning, the question came to mind. Thinking about the readers, the question came to mind. Now I know life is full of drama and I'm no exception. Sometimes I have to use an "inside joke" to bring a smile to my face. Something I'm reading while riding in to work does the trick. And the practice, the recalling and the planning for a reason to smile, changes my mood. Work in progress, a natural inclination to wear a scowl, but full realization that the best life lived, is lived purposely.

So again, the question: are you smiling?

Thought for The Day - Where Does It All Lead?

The planning, the dreaming, the effort and the failures...where does it all lead? The times you couldn't wait to get to the next step up, in your career, your relationship, to see the kids grow up and move out; where does it leave you? When you moved from this "hick town" to the big city or from the hustle and bustle of the big city to a town where everyone knows everyone, now what?

We are always reaching, grasping, trying to be there, rather than here; to make it big and to be rich. For what? What are we gaining that we didn't have before? And what are we losing that made us who we are? We read the latest self-help book, the Bible or other sacred texts and yet we remain petty and greedy. To what end?

There are moments when you stop and wonder what's it all for? And what am I gaining through all this effort? I'm merely asking questions today, wondering if this is where you find yourself as well. It's a moment of hypercritical reflection; a moment where I wonder if my life means much more than my next exchange of carbon dioxide for oxygen.

What about you? You ever feel this way?

Thought for The Day - Breaking Winter

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Many years ago, I worked briefly with a lady who moved here from Alabama. She said to me: "you all complain about your winters here in Chicago; it gets this cold back in Birmingham!" I quickly defended "my home" and told her: "this isn't a Chicago winter! A 'normal Chicago winter doesn't have any warm days and there's always snow!" Well after nearly 30 years, it seems we may be returning to the winters I knew and tolerated/appreciated!

It's April 23rd and the high for today is expected to reach 48. I will leave the house wearing the same winter coat I've worn all winter and a knitted cap. This is a Chicago winter; one that carries well into spring. You will see people in short sleeves and shorts; personally I think they're crazy because this is the type of cold that finds a good home in your limbs and joints and long before you're old, you wish you had enough sense to dress properly and respect a "cool breeze off the lake!"

One good thing about our strange weather: it teaches you to appreciate 90 degree days, at least it taught me to do that! Another thing that occurs, you learn to make plans and as soon as the weather breaks, implement them. That's a life lesson I think I've grown into. A couple days of warm and sunny days, I'm in the yard trimming and clipping and raking. And like life, the stubborn winter winds come howling down again, just so you don't think you're in paradise! I slow my pace, put on my protective outer layer and wait for the next break.

Life has been that way for me; on my way to the life I hope for, the road can be extremely smooth. Friends and family are kind and considerate. But suddenly, out of nowhere, the road cuts off and I find myself on a detour not on the map. I spend days, weeks, months and years trying to find my way back to the path and I learn to tolerate/appreciate a few sunny days and peaceful nights. But all the while, I'm looking for the "break"; the dissolving of winter's icy grip.

Thought for The Day - Pushing Aside

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The season of "Spring Cleaning;" removing the clutter of the last two seasons, shedding the shell that held us fast till Winter's chill ebbed. Brutal was the repeated blows of cold, snow, wind and darkness and what survived, we that live, are waking and moving about.

I find myself busy, this Saturday morning, so much so, two hours go by without notice. Laundry, cleaning and planning occur and I haven't touched my work. Staring at the canvas, the image "Dance of Her Soul," laying on it's side and the blank, white canvas and wall, there is work to do. Energy isn't urgent, but like a stream of water, it flows as it always has; the source of it, endless and unseen. The shame would be, allowing this time and energy to be wasted by fear and frustration. While I'm planning -- a typical activity that can be the "ends" in itself -- I act; I push aside clutter on surfaces that have held energy and concentration for too long. Closet spaces also hold certain trauma, and they are cleaned out as well.

The process, the "cleaning" is as necessary as gathering and preserving. My friends, recognize the season.

Thought for The Day - Take a Peek

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A private world; that's most of us. The space between our ears is rarely revealed. We will tell other's stories, discuss the news and the intimate details of a celebrity's meltdown, but we keep locks on our compartmentalized minds. Public persona, some put on a "happy face" while inside, they are children cowering in a corner, afraid someone will cause additional pain. Others are solemn and stoic, a constant "game face" rarely revealing what's inside.

For the sake of discussion, let's just assume I'm both of the above. But in this venue, on this stage, I am allowed to pour my heart and soul out, whether it is widely received or not. Though words are arranged to read with appeal, they are the revelation of my soul. You are allowed to peek at the fragments and particles of my mind, and quite surprisingly, I'm okay with that. You see, just as many are afraid of being hurt, so am I, but writing about my apprehensions, hopes, joy and anxiety, hopefully it gives license for others to do the same.

I realized, years ago, that we are pretty much the same, including our need to protect ourselves. We keep the wounded child hidden and locked away and give "the world" what we think they will accept. We want to be free and live life without pain, but each time we find the world to be a cruel place, it gives us another excuse to bury that poor child further in our heads. But for me, not only am I willing to talk about it, I'm willing to visualize it. And in doing so, I also give healing a chance.

Open the door, it's okay to come out now...

Thought for The Day - Chill in My Bones

Each morning, I go through this process: wake early, leave the comfort of my bed, go to the basement and my carved out space. It's a beautiful 7' x 11' space, exposed brick walls on two of the four walls and a painted concrete floor beneath my feet. On many of the walls, there are reminders of the purpose of this space; my work, pictures I want to do "some day" and inspiration in the form of a poster of Henry Ossawa Tanner's story told in brief. But since it's winter, the space is C-O-L-D!!! I've put in a little space heater with a wonderful thermostat and it's off more than it's on! Sometimes I wonder if the heater "recognizes" that this space is cold - or is it just me? (it just kicked on again - thank God!)

Growing up, living in my parents home, the basement was my refuge! I didn't have art supplies as I do, now. I would use the basement to "practice driving" on a little game board I had, I would practice playing an old organ my parents bought years before, or play pinball on a kid sized machine. I had race tracks and train tracks I would set up and play as well. And there were the jigsaw puzzles I put together. But one thing I remember about that basement is it was always cold! Depending on the outside temperature, that space could be very cold, but I would stay in that space as long as I could! No carpet or space heater, no forced air blowing down on me; this was an old "boiler" heated home and the radiators were on the first floor! There were times I would either refuse to go to the basement or go back up to the house because I could barely stand that temp. It didn't matter how much "fun" I was going to have down there! I hate the cold!

Now in both places, there are times I simply endure the pain - this morning being one of them. And there are times when, once I get to work, the sensation of being cold seems to disappear. When I'm writing or painting, the act of releasing that creative energy seems to chase away the cold. And from childhood, I have wondered if the cold was in "my head" or was I really freezing? There are times, it's best to choose to ignore the pain of my circumstances and allow the beauty of the moment to grab my attention. And then there are times, it's best to climb back to a space that is warm and inviting. But it always comes down, are you up to the task?

Consider.

Thought for The Day - Thoughtful

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To be deep in thought or to consider; being mindful of other people or things.

Yes, there remain people like this in the world, those who consider others more than themselves. And they do so without feeling inferior. I started this blog with a friend in mind. She was going through a "rough patch" at the time and quite honestly, I didn't know it because she told me or because we discussed it. It was simply a "sense," an idea of the type of work she does. So a quick email, a few simple words to say "it will be alright" and so it began.

Every now and then, people I've connected to through social networks and those I know personally, come to mind. Some, because "distance" has dulled the connection, a simple text or call won't work. So in this place, I reach out and connect. I don't know if they will ever "see" this blog, but it doesn't matter; the word finds it's intended target one way or another. I am sure of that!

There are times I consider what should be written throughout the day; I'm always jotting "thoughts" and impressions. Sometimes those thoughts make it to this space and some don't, but I'm always mindful of the impressions of living this life. I consider the trauma, drama, highs and joys of living along this journey. If you've noticed, I include an image I've rendered and while I try to keep the words and images thematic, there are times I'm motivated to include something I don't immediately see as coupled.

It's about considering, pondering and being aware. This opportunity is about seeing the "big picture" as well as the details. You and I are intricately enmeshed in both the big picture and the "microcosmic" details.

Be.

Thought for The Day - The Inner Dialogue

I struggled with the title, but "id" won. :)

There is a a part of me that loves the brightness of the day and the quiet of the night. It isn't moved by the sense of right we "conscious thinkers" are troubled by. It isn't violent or prone to long dissertations about politics, race relations, and whether prayer should be allowed in schools. No, it's preference is to take in the many textures and tones around me. It loves to touch soft skin, to smell oranges and eucalyptus held by a lady on the train. There is this part of me that revels in music improvised by Robert Glasper Experiment, on the spot at a NPR Desk Jam - another smile!

But there is this other part of me that worries and frets over the appropriateness of the moment: should I be painting, considering there's a stack of laundry, books and tasks to be executed? I shouldn't spend too much time looking out the window at work; what would my bosses think? And who has time to get all this stuff done? Why isn't there more time in a day?

These parts (and so many more) serve their purpose. We are all composed of a myriad number of intersecting, intermingled and completely oppositional components. And yet, through it all, we get through the day, the week, this life. Just make sure you allow "joy" to rule the journey.

Peace
Be

Thought for The Day - Comfort

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Though I'm all but out the door to start the day, this is one of those days, based on the temperature outside, prediction of snow and the mountain of assigned tests to be executed, a great day to stay bundled up in a comforter, reading and listening to good music. I haven't had a day like that in years! But it feels like it would be ideal.

So I choose comfort in what lies ahead. I choose to enjoy this moment, first of all, music playing in the background, Sarah Vaughn singing "I'm Gonna Laugh You Out of My Life." I will take comfort that I really can lift more than I could when I was 20 and pump iron until sweat rolls! I will take comfort in the warmth of the CTA train as it makes it way into downtown Chicago. And I will take comfort that I have income and great people to work with.

Perspective; sometimes, often, I think of what I don't have and seek comfort there. But isn't wonderful to know that even as I sit, imagining a "better world," I do so while being fed, clothed, sheltered and eternally loved?

God's blessings on your day!

Thought for The Day - Useful Energy Tips

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In a moment, in a flash opportunities, insight and dreams come and go. We are always on the verge of becoming as great as we believe we can and remaining where we are. Every decision, every thought is the seed of the mundane as well as becoming the solution to someone's problem. I've seen this dichotomy since childhood, how easy it is to get caught up in commonplace drama, especially the type where we waste emotional energy and never solve. And yet, we pine away for a world, a life that's peaceful and fruitful.

Why not expend more energy on dreaming and imagining the life you want for you and yours? Why not imagine people living together, harmonious and loving? Could it be possible? With the death of Nelson Mandela, many people will consider what we know about his life's struggles, fighting apartheid in South Africa, going to prison for it and eventually becoming that nation's president. But consider what made him rise to the level of notoriety: he had a dream, an idea, an "ideal." And I believe there are far more of us who want a world of peace and endless resources for all, than those who want everything for themselves. We may 'think' - i.e. remain fearful - that our resources our scarce and being squandered, but what we really hope is that we will learn to use our resources wisely. We also hope new solutions for old problems can be discovered and implemented. And yet...

...each morning, we wake, frustrated by the day's journey before our feet touch the floor. Reluctantly we rise, already pouring good mental and emotional energy out of our being, wasting it on things we will do and yet hate. Some would say "love what you're doing." That doesn't really work for me, so I'm suggesting this: do what must be done, give today's mundane and contemptible tasks the energy it needs and no more. But rather than concentrate on how much you despise your life, imagine it being better. You know "stacks of money" wont make life better for you; you know it and I know it. But the wise use of the energy we already have can brighten yours as well as the lives of everyone. Use the "money" between your ears wisely. Invest it in dreaming and creating a world where everyone is fed, clothed and healthy. Invest it in dreaming of a world of beauty and harmonious living.

Thought for The Day - Moments

That's all we need...moments. To take in the beauty of life. Stolen moments from a world flashing by in an instant. One minute at a time to hold, create a memory and let it linger on the edge of your mind.

Thought for The Day - Complicated...

Day to day, moment to moment, connection to connection, it's complicated. "Down" one minute, up the next, whatever sense of continuity, or forward progression one would hope for, seems like we are pieces of wood, floating on waves of the sea. Stability? Grounded? Elusive. Distant. And joy? Fleeting.

I worry, at times, who will read my words and think "that's one depressed and sad guy!" There's so much emphasis placed on "speaking positive words into the atmosphere," that we ignore the terror hidden in our hearts. We work hard to ensure our world is filled with positive words and images, while people are killing their own children with the simplest motives.

It's complicated...

One of the reasons I started writing this daily blog was to share my thoughts and feelings. I am human...not every thought is full of light. But my expression is full of truth. I take comfort in the writings of the Bible, especially the perfectly flawed individuals who expressed great hope and great sadness over life (David and his son Solomon). They aren't alone; read the honest words or examine the life of any individual and you will see periods of elation and insight that defy logic! And yet, you don't have to dig too deep to find in every life, there exists valleys so dark and cold, hope seems impossible to find. We often search for a balance. Personally, I don't think 'balance' is what we need.

It's complicated...

Hope and Despair...they don't sit equally on the scales. It's complicated.

Thought for The Day - A Sliver of Sunlight

In the darkest of days - overcast, blustery and cold - a light can shine into your life. It breaks through for a minute or two, unexpectedly. In the heart of a Chicago fall or winter day, a moment or two of intense sunlight is needed to break the grip of the doldrums.

Some clouds hang low, they are thick and dark and on a walk along the river or the lake, the air grips you and sinks into your bones. But mostly the darkness is the pain of a life, searching for a way to live to its full.

So when a moment comes along, the winds die down and that light flashes from above; when you feel it's warmth and it eases away the pain, if only for a moment, there's the promise of a life much better. Hold on to it, cherish it.

There's always more to come.