Thought for The Day - Tightrope Walking

I'm no Wallenda, I'm just trying to get through this thing called life! From the "four spiritual laws", the "four agreements", "seven habits of highly effective people" and "fifty ways to leave your lover", there is no room for just being! Seriously, I just want to be! Between regret ("I should have said, did or been there!") and longing ("I want to say, do or be there!") there is narrow chasm, a string, strung from birth and into the dark of the future. It's not morbid, in this second; I'm simply living my life in this moment. And in this moment, I am.

I remember playing as a child, sitting somewhere with my toys, creating an imaginary world in my head and acting it out with my cars and such. Children have that liberty; they can combine their inner world with the materials of the physical realm. But....oh yeah, there is always that interruption of  the joys of innocence! "Don't run too fast, don't run in the house, don't play with that little boy, he's bad, don't touch the stove it's hot..." on and on, boundaries are established, dug in, built up, etc. A child learns to "play safely" and then not at all. Imagination becomes the stuff of the few children who learned to channel their creativity against the blocks society manufactures. Musicians become performers, dancers become ballerinas and writers become authors.

Seriously, just BE. We can't eliminate our past and in truth, we are always looking for, if not "more" something else. But BE. Appreciate this moment, and if it is a moment of pain and not calm or joy, strive to get to a peaceful place.

Thought for The Day - Input - Output

Expand 18 x 24 pastels

We falsely believe we are in control of our lives. We think we have the tools to manage our day-to-day tasks. But the truth is we are surrounded by millions of points of reference. Input if you will, that influence and in some cases, command control over our lives.

What you say can influence others. Choose words wisely. But what you feel, especially the charged, heated emotions sits below the surface and given the opportunity - an individual available for dumping - we spew out angry words as if it were our birthright! So, while we choose words wisely when we are calm and thinking "rationally," we relinquish control, usually on an innocent loved one. What follows for many, are apologies and promises to "never do it again" or "do better" next time.

We are influenced, we store in our heart and mind both encouraging and destructive thoughts and emotions. In a polite society, we find it necessary to remain in control, but give us the room and the space and emotions and attitudes run out of control!

So who are we? Are we in control or reckless, harmful creatures of nature? We are both; and when we learn to harness our attitudes, our fears and our love, we become vessels of glory and honor for God.

Thought for The Day - As it is in Heaven

...so it is on earth.

We are concerned with the measurable, the obtainable, the glitter and the satisfying. And yet there is far more to our world and the world that cannot be seen. About a month ago, I bought a male, blue betta fish, also known as Siamese fighting fish. Alone in a gallon or more tank, his blue fins are tranquil and calming as he swims around. But my son has a male betta as well and it only takes putting them 'near' one another to see how violent they can be. There is a flaring of an area below their gills as the first acknowledgement of the other male. Then the tails get to waving around like giant flags and they beat against the glass as a threat to the other male in the other tank. We would never put them together because with these males, it is always a fight to the finish! But a typical day, they are beautiful creatures, swimming around in their own world. From the videos I've seen, they are excellent fathers as well, taking care of the eggs of their offspring and then caring for the hatchlings.

We come into this world and leave with the same desire: sustenance and connection. And somewhere along the way, we find ways to fill our lives with dull substitutes for the same. We are beings of such beauty and when soft words, movements and acts of passion and love are displayed, it is pure poetry in motion. And yet, behind that nature lies a part of us that "bristles up" when someone like us - perhaps we believe another like us is a rival - comes around. Oh, we have learned to calm ourselves, but let us spend too much time together, and we look for ways to outshine one another. This is true of both the "male" and "female" of our kind. And yet we are capable of an unlimited creative expressions and acts of love! If our news media ever gets a clue, there are as many stories of kindness occurring each day, perhaps we could balance out our fears, if we heard those stories as well! Have you ever watched a family with a new baby? Have you seen how the mother brings them into a room full of relatives? Even men soften at the presence of a baby and love to hold and coo with them!

There is so much going on in the world, seen and unseen. There are energies and forces happening in the visible, tangible world as well the world we don't see. While there is conflict and destruction, there is a birth, life and constant rebuilding. Search your heart and inventory your life: haven't you seen the evidence that you are capable of both beauty and destruction? Have you not seen that you are capable of tender care as well as rage? Final thought: with so much at stake and so much life-affirming possibility, what is the wisest expression you can make? Consider...

Thought for The Day - In the Face of The Void

Pre-dawn light (bird in flight) 24 x 30 Oils

Let me start off by saying I truly hate it when "strong Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, etc" get on a high horse and forget their moment of darkness. We all have them, and some of us, multiple times, repeatedly and unexpected. When you think you've conquered every dragon, demon, "ex-somebody" or bad habit, another shows up to play slap tag with your sensibilities.

I remember years ago, preaching a sermon about Elijah the old testament prophet, and his exposed moment of darkness. He had a God appointed meeting with 450 prophets of a idol god called Baal. He made them look silly with on simple request to God: "accept the sacrifice and light the fire." Done. Celebration by all who witnessed this show of strength and the 450 prophets were killed. Yeah, yeah, I know, in our "sensible society," such acts are unconscionable, but that was then, and this is now. Let's get to Elijah's turning point. The next day, when King Ahab, the ruling king of Israel (northern tribes) told his wife, she sent a message to Elijah: "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them."First Kings 19:3 says: "Elijah was afraid and ran for his life."There is a great deal afterward, but I want you to see the void, the darkness he faced! He had served God for we don't how many years before this, he hid in the wilderness while King Ahab lost his mind and decided to kill anyone associated with the Jewish worship customs and he stood up to him and 450 prophets when God asked him to do it. Why would he be afraid now? This was a woman; the king had all the power and he was dealt with!

My friend, it wasn't 'her' that got to him, it was "all of this!" Have you ever had an "all of this" moment? Often, when we want to know what made someone 'snap,' we look at the the last detail before they lost it, before their character changed. For many of us, that's the straw that breaks the camel's back, but it's all the other straw sitting there, weighing you down as well. It is the unanswered question "why am I so different from everyone else?" Or "why is it, every time I save $200, I have to spend $300 on repairs?" (that one says "why can't I get out of this hole?") There are hundreds of question, either directed at God or the 'air,' but we ask them incessantly, consciously or unconsciously. And those questions, the thoughts are the void that we fear crossing. It is the place where no answer seems to live.

The King of kings faced one himself. He faced a darkness that we would never believe God would. He called it "the cup." That late night as he and his disciples sat in the garden of Gethsamane, as he prayed and mentally prepared for what was to come, he took a look into that dark liquid in the cup. He faced the darkness like you and I would. He asked this question three times: "If it is possible, let this cup pass from me. But nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done." I know we know this story and it's outcome, so the significance of the moment can pass you by without your acknowledging it. He looked in that cup and wondered, should I do this? Should I go this route? Do I really want to do this? THIS. IS. HUGE!!!! He faced a darkness; God himself faced a darkness and learned a valuable lesson: obedience and humility.

The darkness comes for many of us, because we have a ways to go. Our journey is long, though we don't know how long. We may have a resume of accomplishments or a rap sheet as long as a greedy detective's arm, but we have history. And no matter how far you travel, no matter what you know, you will face darkness, or the void from time to time. I offer no solutions today, but I will say this: hang in there. If necessary, if required - you will know by what your soul tells you - go into that void, but know you will come out of it.

God's blessing on you today.

Thought for The Day - Take a Peek

Linen with a swirl 24 x 30, Oils

A private world; that's most of us. The space between our ears is rarely revealed. We will tell other's stories, discuss the news and the intimate details of a celebrity's meltdown, but we keep locks on our compartmentalized minds. Public persona, some put on a "happy face" while inside, they are children cowering in a corner, afraid someone will cause additional pain. Others are solemn and stoic, a constant "game face" rarely revealing what's inside.

For the sake of discussion, let's just assume I'm both of the above. But in this venue, on this stage, I am allowed to pour my heart and soul out, whether it is widely received or not. Though words are arranged to read with appeal, they are the revelation of my soul. You are allowed to peek at the fragments and particles of my mind, and quite surprisingly, I'm okay with that. You see, just as many are afraid of being hurt, so am I, but writing about my apprehensions, hopes, joy and anxiety, hopefully it gives license for others to do the same.

I realized, years ago, that we are pretty much the same, including our need to protect ourselves. We keep the wounded child hidden and locked away and give "the world" what we think they will accept. We want to be free and live life without pain, but each time we find the world to be a cruel place, it gives us another excuse to bury that poor child further in our heads. But for me, not only am I willing to talk about it, I'm willing to visualize it. And in doing so, I also give healing a chance.

Open the door, it's okay to come out now...

Thought for The Day - A LIttle Deeper

In the dark and cold of the valley, we learn to "lay our burdens down." Sure we want to walk in the sunlight all the time. We want our days to be full of cloudless days and evenings to look like a beautiful watercolor sunset. But because we are human, even under the best of conditions, pain and suffering occur. And if we're careful, we learn a lesson from the good as well as the troubled times.

At times, I find myself fighting the information I'm given. I look at the "man in the mirror" and see this guy who could use a little more humility. I see this guy who, with the best of intentions, is selfish and wants 'what he wants.' I see a man who needs to find comfort in his art and the lessons life is teaching, rather than searching for it on a plate or elsewhere. This is the guy I see in the mirror.

In the darkness of the valley, I find I'm not alone, though my companions are as 'skittish' as I. "Damaged goods," a people who have learned to keep distance from one another. Not so much because we have hurt one another, but someone who looks "just like us," has hurt us. So we keep our distance, afraid to discover we might be the "salve" to heal one another's wounds.

So we dig ourselves a little deeper. In the valley, we sink a little lower.

Thought for The Day - Just a little further

Enter this space...

I'm Listening 24 x 30 oil painting

If you are bemoaning your current state because it's not where you want to to be, turn around and see how far you've come.

So many days I hated the life I was living. I worked a job where there was no way I would advance and didn't care to. I was on the verge of losing the job and as it was said to me by my boss at the time, it was because "You aren't happy." My car was old and always problematic and though I worked diligently in my church, respected by my students, somehow all the "positions of prestige" were awarded to others. I was depressed, so much so, I could not see any light at all. I held on to my faith, but I wasn't allowing it to hold me. It was a matter of perspective, and quite honestly, I spent each day looking at the ground!

One of the nagging issues in my life for many years was the absence of creativity. Sure I could creatively teach a Sunday School lesson, providing students with "food for the soul" to last a lifetime. I could preach a sermon, taking God's word and allowing it to filter through my perspective. When a friend or coworker needed to talk about their problems, I listened, prayed and opened my mouth to provide helpful suggestions and perspectives. But in my mind, this wasn't enough. I wanted to draw and paint.

It's 2014. I"ve been painting and drawing again nearly every day for five years. I always have an image or an idea for one in my head. At the moment, there's a painting and drawing that I can't wait to put my hand and soul upon!!! And I'm writing. I write every day, nearly all day. I'm sure my coworkers think I'm slacking off because I'm always hunched over my notepad writing something. When people need to talk, I listen. When they need a bit of advice or just another perspective, I'm there.

But the journey does not end there. In my heart, I can be as depressed as I was years ago. But depression, anxiety, even fear have a new perspective for me: they remind me "I'm not done yet!" I am thankful to be creative again. The very idea that I have more projects in mind that I have time to do is both motivating and depressing, but its so much further than years ago! Twenty years ago, I wouldn't allow myself to think about drawing and most certainly not painting. I built a 20' fence around visual expression.

The line from the

song comes to mind and tears flow :"my soul looks back and wonders, how I get over!" I know my journey has taken me much further than I thought possible. I would not tell you it's been easy! But it's not over! There are still people to reach, there are souls to be brought back to life through visual art, and words! And on my shoulders sit motivation and depression, both pushing me further. This is a declaration that until I die, I MUST GO ON... just a little further! 

Thought for The Day - The Inner Dialogue

I struggled with the title, but "id" won. :)

There is a a part of me that loves the brightness of the day and the quiet of the night. It isn't moved by the sense of right we "conscious thinkers" are troubled by. It isn't violent or prone to long dissertations about politics, race relations, and whether prayer should be allowed in schools. No, it's preference is to take in the many textures and tones around me. It loves to touch soft skin, to smell oranges and eucalyptus held by a lady on the train. There is this part of me that revels in music improvised by Robert Glasper Experiment, on the spot at a NPR Desk Jam - another smile!

But there is this other part of me that worries and frets over the appropriateness of the moment: should I be painting, considering there's a stack of laundry, books and tasks to be executed? I shouldn't spend too much time looking out the window at work; what would my bosses think? And who has time to get all this stuff done? Why isn't there more time in a day?

These parts (and so many more) serve their purpose. We are all composed of a myriad number of intersecting, intermingled and completely oppositional components. And yet, through it all, we get through the day, the week, this life. Just make sure you allow "joy" to rule the journey.

Peace
Be

Thought for The Day - Complicated...

Day to day, moment to moment, connection to connection, it's complicated. "Down" one minute, up the next, whatever sense of continuity, or forward progression one would hope for, seems like we are pieces of wood, floating on waves of the sea. Stability? Grounded? Elusive. Distant. And joy? Fleeting.

I worry, at times, who will read my words and think "that's one depressed and sad guy!" There's so much emphasis placed on "speaking positive words into the atmosphere," that we ignore the terror hidden in our hearts. We work hard to ensure our world is filled with positive words and images, while people are killing their own children with the simplest motives.

It's complicated...

One of the reasons I started writing this daily blog was to share my thoughts and feelings. I am human...not every thought is full of light. But my expression is full of truth. I take comfort in the writings of the Bible, especially the perfectly flawed individuals who expressed great hope and great sadness over life (David and his son Solomon). They aren't alone; read the honest words or examine the life of any individual and you will see periods of elation and insight that defy logic! And yet, you don't have to dig too deep to find in every life, there exists valleys so dark and cold, hope seems impossible to find. We often search for a balance. Personally, I don't think 'balance' is what we need.

It's complicated...

Hope and Despair...they don't sit equally on the scales. It's complicated.