Thought for The Day - Tightrope Walking

I'm no Wallenda, I'm just trying to get through this thing called life! From the "four spiritual laws", the "four agreements", "seven habits of highly effective people" and "fifty ways to leave your lover", there is no room for just being! Seriously, I just want to be! Between regret ("I should have said, did or been there!") and longing ("I want to say, do or be there!") there is narrow chasm, a string, strung from birth and into the dark of the future. It's not morbid, in this second; I'm simply living my life in this moment. And in this moment, I am.

I remember playing as a child, sitting somewhere with my toys, creating an imaginary world in my head and acting it out with my cars and such. Children have that liberty; they can combine their inner world with the materials of the physical realm. But....oh yeah, there is always that interruption of  the joys of innocence! "Don't run too fast, don't run in the house, don't play with that little boy, he's bad, don't touch the stove it's hot..." on and on, boundaries are established, dug in, built up, etc. A child learns to "play safely" and then not at all. Imagination becomes the stuff of the few children who learned to channel their creativity against the blocks society manufactures. Musicians become performers, dancers become ballerinas and writers become authors.

Seriously, just BE. We can't eliminate our past and in truth, we are always looking for, if not "more" something else. But BE. Appreciate this moment, and if it is a moment of pain and not calm or joy, strive to get to a peaceful place.

Thought for The Day - Awakening

It began quite a few years ago, probably earlier than I'm aware, but I will use this dream as a "mile-marker." I was 18 years old or so, attending school at Columbia College in Chicago. I had a writing class at the time and each week, we were to turn in a writing assignment. But also, we were expected to "tell a story" from the perspective of the world around us. It was a very rewarding class, where we were challenged to drop the precepts of "telling a story," using terms like "once upon a time," or "I see." In one of my stories, I recalled this dream.

In the dream, I am flying high! I'm up in the air, among the clouds, breathing "rare air" and reveling in my ability. But suddenly, I'm in my old neighborhood, on the west-side of Chicago. I find myself in the alley behind the apartment building owned by aunt and uncle, flying through the alley. My cousins, always playing softball in the alley, are there and when they see me, they take off after me, trying to catch me as I continue to fly, but getting lower and lower to the ground. As I fly the length of the long alley, I'm arching my back, trying to get back to the sky "where I belong." But my efforts are near wasted as I continue to get closer to the ground. At the garage where the owner sold "snow-cones," I wake.

That dream comes back to mind every now and then. I wonder about the connection of family versus my desire to reach higher. I know I've never been settled or okay with life as it is; I've always yearned for more. And it has always been clear that "value" and "wealth" aren't necessarily the same. While I've yearned for more, the value has always seemed more like a feeling than a dollar figure in the bank or a certain size home. Certainly, in my longings, I have wanted to be in a "certain place," or live a "rich life." And that has always felt like "more." But I can tell you, while I have achieved some things, each achievement eventually leads to the question: "what else?"

A quote from one of my favorite songs, "Open Mind" (Robert Glasper Experiment - Double Booked), sums it up: "Is it not possible for the dreamer to be awaken from what we call our normal life? Transcendent, as the dreamer wakes from his sleep."

Thought for The Day - Subterranean

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

Years ago on one of our many trips to the South to visit my parents' relatives, we stayed with one of my father's aunts, living in Mississippi. The land was my father's family land, a sprawling bit of acreage used for farming and growing trees. The narrow road going up to the place will probably remain rough and grown over until one of 'us' decides to make something of the place.

My aunt "Callie" - not sure if that's her real name - lived in a two room home a distance from the spot where my father and his siblings were raised, and I had the impression the land was used by many family members over the years. The house was far from fancy; it was as basic as one would imagine. No electricity, no phone and no running water; if you needed to use the "facilities, there was a small outside "closet" with a door, if you know what I mean. And water? there was a large well in her front yard.

Thinking back on the place, that well comes to mind. Her home is long gone and amazingly, the last time I visited the land, my grandfather's smaller home was still standing. He also had a well in his front yard, though it has collapsed as well. But it was looking at this land through adult eyes that lead me to write this morning. Creeks run around the land, beside the spot where my grandfather's home stands and in other spots. Wells and creeks; water running beneath the surface of the land. Water, from sources we can't see, but someone had foresight to dig to find.

Sources we can't see.

Water, nourishment you have to dig to discover

Places, resources one doesn't "know" but upon digging, you find what's needed and desired...

There are resources for which we search. We dig around, we scrape about, looking, longing and needing.

And one day you find exactly what you're looking for, but in the most unlikely places.

If not for the effort, the searching, what's needed would go undiscovered...

Thought for The Day - Intention

Moving forward

Forward motion...

Incremental. A pace so slow it feels and is perceived to be nil. But desire in your heart moves you forward. The angst in your soul, disgust with life "as is" says "try." Oh but sometimes, that soul-deep plea is barely heard, you might mistake it for someone else's voice. But guess what? You're listening for...something...anything to move forward.

Abandoned; friends and family don't get it. They want you safe...Y-O-U wants you safe and comfortable!!! But there is so little comfort where you are at this moment, you have to go forward.

And sometimes, you go forward in the dark; there is no light around you at the moment. You've come so far, the safety behind you is out of sight. Don't turn back, keep your eyes fixed ahead of you.

There are times certainty is gone and the only thing remaining is the constant beat of your heart; nothing else. And that can be a lonely sound.

Sorry your path is not as certain as that of, say an accountant or the kid who discovered at 12 years old, that she was a basketball phenom. Everything seemed to move into place and it was only "natural" they go into their chosen careers. No, you had pitfalls, listened to "good intentioned PLAN B's" and took so many detours you question your desire to be _________.  But move forward.

At some point, the practice of moving, the routine of getting "something done" gets in your bones. And before you know it, there's a pattern to your pitter-patter, a glide in your step you didn't know existed. And before you know it, others notice it as well. Slowly 'it' makes sense, the path you're on and why it has been so hard.

Keep going...the journey stretches on.

Thought for The Day - It's Not The Shoes

There was a series of Nike commercials during the late 80's early 90's, where Michael Jordan is repeatedly asked by Mars, a character from the movie "She's Gotta Have It," and played by Spike Lee. Mars repeatedly asks Michael if his ability to play basketball so well is attributed to his shoes, or his jersey or anything other than Michael's own prowess and discipline. And so it is with most of us; we want to believe the "power" and capability has been magically transferred or originates from our food, shoes or our body. We also blame the same for our feelings of pain: "all this preprocessed food is killing us," yet we never stop eating it or if we do, we're back to it "every now and then."

I bought a pair of shoes nearly a year ago, specifically designed to be lighter and provide cushioning for my feet. I bought them for the daily commute to work and to feel comfortable as I walked around the office; business dress shoes can be restricting, though stylish. The shoes are comfortable and can feel like I've got room to grow, but there are times when it seems my feet are "rolling around" in the shoes and I'm uncomfortable wearing them. What I decided is "it's not the shoes." It isn't the corporate setting where the shoes are worn; there are people there and in similar offices who want to be there and for various reasons. It's not the uneven pavement or slant of one of the streets that make me uncomfortable; it's my own thoughts and feelings.

Now, as I mentioned in the posting "Pesky Little Things," the sense of discomfort can be a good thing; it could be your psyche's way of telling you to keep reaching for "better things." We want better, we want our time here in this world to mean something and when that isn't happening, rather than settle for 'less,' it is our tendency to express angst with our situation. But by all means, when the "pesky," miserable life you live is getting to you, go find the world you long for, but keep in mind: "it's not the shoes..."