I See Change

In many ways, I am still the skinny little boy, playing alone...

I always wanted a companion for this journey

I have one

I have always wanted to be heard

I am being heard

I loved to play as a child, creating stories in my head and acting them out with my toys

I continue to "pretend," but mostly in my head

I always wanted to "make things"

I get to Make Things

I loved to experiment and try things out, to break things or at least uncover the breakable parts

I get to do that all day

I longed for deep, intimate fellowship with God, to know HIM, the creator of all things, the one who holds "the whole world, in his hand" and to understand it all


Well, ALL OF THAT HAPPENED...or is happening

I wanted to share my stories, my adventure of growing up, living life, my joy and my pain

I get to do that in words and images, stories, adventures shared in an endless cycle

And the adventure, the childhood world of play goes on and on

Thought for The Day - It's the Movement

Clear Channel 24 x 36 Oil painting

"You don't know what you think you know" and in the same breath: "You know more than you think you know."

That being said, there are times I certainly don't know; confusion is a blue haze around my head. And then, at other moments, not only has the smoke cleared, the light shines around and within; drowning in it! Not one area, but many.

Short story/example: one evening, before I got back to painting and drawing, and while working in the downtown area of Chicago, I walked from the job to the train stop. My head was filled with that blue, purple and brown haze; I didn't understand where my life was headed, and especially where it was at that moment. I knew I was tired of the commute, tired of career I could barely stomach and ministry that was stalled once again. Anticipating the ride home with a neighbor, talking about minuscule details of his job and the culture, I slowed my pace to a near snail's pace to avoid the small talk. I prayed for clarity, for an answer to the where of my life. I remember thinking "I need answers! Not because I deserve them or I'm anyone special, but I need to know what all 'this' means!" It began slowly, I remember being on Lake street, between Wabash and State street. And then I remember being "elsewhere," another time and place as if I were involved in a movie, where I was one of the characters. I saw my life far better than it was then and it is now. I saw answers given in ways I would expect, but with far more definition and clarity than I could imagine! However, during this time and as I got closer to the stop, I remember thinking I would like to right this down so I don't forget. But immediately thinking I would forget it, but it was okay because the reassurance was given. If I could remember that eventually "I know by experience" all I've ever imagined or been shown, I had a true hope.

Now, mind you, you don't see details of that revelation because I forgot them! All of the cinematic lighting and the scene changes as if the editor had done his work and pieced together a five minute short-story, all of it is gone. I only know what I was told and what was shown and that is enough for now. Certainly I have moments where I really want to "go there" again, and by go there, I mean back to those days, weeks and months leading up to that moment. I especially want to return to that vision and that time. But for now, I live my life in the light of what's happening now. And pray that patience and longsuffering find me where I need to be when the time is right.

Thought for The Day - Fishing

There are times when I fully realize, what I desire in that moment is not in my power to bring about. What happens next is not so much a conscious request or prayer, but more like a mental note written on a slip of paper and passed to God. I have heard myself say "some day" or "I would like to have _____" and the thought doesn't linger, but neither is hope abandoned. And most assuredly, in due time, what I desired comes to pass.

I have never thought of it as anything more than a connection to God that, in it's purest form is a request between a son and his father. He knows my needs and my wants and much more than that, He knows timing. I would love to say I'm "at peace" and patient enough to quietly wait for everything he would bring "to pass." No, there are times I'm like an impatient fisherman - can the two words be used to describe a fisherman? I pray with great fervor, want to see 'a change' as soon as I open my eyes. Then I pray more, and from day to day, pleading with God to send a miracle.

There are times, I sit, examining the course my life has taken or the path I think is best. I think it's important to spend time in quiet reflection; it's a way to gain insight and understanding not found in books or the latest health craze. Doing so, I find parts of my 'puzzle' coming together  with little or no effort. And like a patient fisherman, what I desire, what I hope for, finds me.

Peace

Filtered Divinity

Filtered Divinity - in progress

A new series – and as I write, awareness that like trying to control play and fun, I better allow Divine to be master! Writing and rendering, I play the prophet, the medium, the channel by which God declares to his loved one(s) his big heart.

Looking at a fellow artist’s photos, and thinking of her artist-style unique, caricature-like, heads almost like balloon sculpture, I thought how artist really have to speak the language of their body and tongue. Meaning, while we are the filter for God, who remains master even in our independence, his message is communicated through all aspects of us. Yes, if he desires, he could allow me to speak in the tongue of a remote people and ensure they clearly understand what he wants them to. But more often than not, he allows the words and images to come through ‘me.’ Born in Chicago, raised on the West side, loving Jazz music as well as Soul (that’s what we called it long time ago), and poetry, Greek mythology, reading Bible stories and girls. I don’t stop being ‘me’ to communicate – paint a pretty or ugly picture – but because I am who I am, I speak as he directs.

Every artist, whether they are visually, verbally or kinetically enabled, who feels the depths of the connection to God, understands that sometimes we are just as affected by the message we’re trying to communicate. We aren’t off the hook after we say, show or sing it, it reflects back on us, like a well lit room. The message is big, you all and rather than contain it, control or bend it, it’s best that we let it flow. Listen, Perceive, Respond friends!