I See Change

In many ways, I am still the skinny little boy, playing alone...

I always wanted a companion for this journey

I have one

I have always wanted to be heard

I am being heard

I loved to play as a child, creating stories in my head and acting them out with my toys

I continue to "pretend," but mostly in my head

I always wanted to "make things"

I get to Make Things

I loved to experiment and try things out, to break things or at least uncover the breakable parts

I get to do that all day

I longed for deep, intimate fellowship with God, to know HIM, the creator of all things, the one who holds "the whole world, in his hand" and to understand it all


Well, ALL OF THAT HAPPENED...or is happening

I wanted to share my stories, my adventure of growing up, living life, my joy and my pain

I get to do that in words and images, stories, adventures shared in an endless cycle

And the adventure, the childhood world of play goes on and on

Thought for The Day - The Space

For many years, the basement went through multiple arrangements. We moved into our home 25 years ago and the basement was unfinished and wide open. No previous owners' trash in a leftover box somewhere. There was a water heater, the furnace and one electrical outlet for a washer and dryer near the sink. But soon a daughter came and with that, the notion of my wife staying home to take care of her and provide daycare for a few children. Electrical outlets, huge carpet remnants and drywall brought in to make the space warm and inviting. The basement became the play area and stayed that way for years! The age differences in our three children ensured whatever television we had down here, was always tuned to Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, PBS or otherwise. I didn't mind because I didn't need space.

Most of my children are adults and my youngest spends most of his time in his room. We put up more drywall and now I have my own space. It isn't much and is mostly used as storage. But the 4' x 4' space I have feels like a huge loft space! This time of the morning, there is me, my computer and music. From time to time, I'll burn incense just because it seems to change the space a bit. My canvases, completed, in process and yet to be touched are all around; a table filled with art supplies sits behind me.

In the winter, this space gets C-O-L-D! So cold the space heater barely keeps me warm, not to mention the room! And after I have bundled up in a couple layers, complained and rubbed my hands together, the space becomes a cozy hideaway, with room for my ideas, my images and enough room to birth those ideas.

Thought for The Day - It's the Movement

Clear Channel 24 x 36 Oil painting

"You don't know what you think you know" and in the same breath: "You know more than you think you know."

That being said, there are times I certainly don't know; confusion is a blue haze around my head. And then, at other moments, not only has the smoke cleared, the light shines around and within; drowning in it! Not one area, but many.

Short story/example: one evening, before I got back to painting and drawing, and while working in the downtown area of Chicago, I walked from the job to the train stop. My head was filled with that blue, purple and brown haze; I didn't understand where my life was headed, and especially where it was at that moment. I knew I was tired of the commute, tired of career I could barely stomach and ministry that was stalled once again. Anticipating the ride home with a neighbor, talking about minuscule details of his job and the culture, I slowed my pace to a near snail's pace to avoid the small talk. I prayed for clarity, for an answer to the where of my life. I remember thinking "I need answers! Not because I deserve them or I'm anyone special, but I need to know what all 'this' means!" It began slowly, I remember being on Lake street, between Wabash and State street. And then I remember being "elsewhere," another time and place as if I were involved in a movie, where I was one of the characters. I saw my life far better than it was then and it is now. I saw answers given in ways I would expect, but with far more definition and clarity than I could imagine! However, during this time and as I got closer to the stop, I remember thinking I would like to right this down so I don't forget. But immediately thinking I would forget it, but it was okay because the reassurance was given. If I could remember that eventually "I know by experience" all I've ever imagined or been shown, I had a true hope.

Now, mind you, you don't see details of that revelation because I forgot them! All of the cinematic lighting and the scene changes as if the editor had done his work and pieced together a five minute short-story, all of it is gone. I only know what I was told and what was shown and that is enough for now. Certainly I have moments where I really want to "go there" again, and by go there, I mean back to those days, weeks and months leading up to that moment. I especially want to return to that vision and that time. But for now, I live my life in the light of what's happening now. And pray that patience and longsuffering find me where I need to be when the time is right.