Sometimes...

Expectation 24 x 36 Oils

Stop

No really stop

I'm getting off

I don't care how long or what's out 'there'

Let me out

This ride has gone on way too long

And I've seen too many people I love

Crash

Burn

Get up again with the encouragement of loved ones and friends

And yet the ride remains the same

Do you hear me

Please

Just let me live my life

Without the abuse

And the pain

Let me exercise my life

With Joy

And a lot less pain

And while you're at it

Let a few others off

Let them be children

Loving life

Minus the burden of correction, punishment and misuse

Thought for The Day - A Long and Full Journey

A Thousand Miles in a day...

No color, no sound; then a rush of subdued grays, a muted light filtering through the window. A long power driven whoosh of a motorcycle riding by. The warm feeling of the bed under the left side of my body from shoulder to feet and pulling back the bed spread to rise...

Mid day, bright sunlight, music from my headphones mixing with the sound of cars driving by. Each step taken, leaving the building for a rejuvenating walk, faces are met, perhaps a nod, a slight smile. Faces I've never seen before and may never see again. In groups of twos or threes, others out for a walk to lunch, more about the conversation than filling the stomach, but a blend of both. The pavement is uneven in spots and my feet slowly adjust to the unevenness. Slowly, I increase my step to force muscles, tendon and bones to work out a morning of sitting too much. Body begins to warm and before long the water runs from the right side of my forehead...

...It's another day's journey and in it, I've observed, words, thoughts, impressions and suppositions.

...A Thousand Miles is only a fraction of the journey...

Thought for The Day - Dreams

Come to you while you're sleeping
Away from the noise of the day
When no one else can be heard or lend their input
They surround you
Become your world
Taking you from the known
To the unknown
I\n this place there is no sensible or reasonable
Only what is possible...

Thought for The Day - Aim High

Considering the many challenges we all face, there is no other focal point suitable for living! All too often, we make choices, accompanied by the phrase: "I just want _______!" It took years before I figured out no one "just wants." We all want far more than a little bit and "average" is never enough. But somewhere along the way, we set aside our dreams and hopes for a "piece of the pie." Depending on the level of difficulty and the expected hardship and return, we adjust our dreams based on "reality." Explain reality when it comes to most celebrities and athletes? Explain reality when you think about sitting in front of  'screen' or 'monitor,' powered by electricity, that practically places the world at your fingertips?

Life is full of disappointments. You will be let down along the way. But no matter how many times it knocks you down, the worst thing you could do is remain flat on your face or back! But the thing just as bad is getting up and settling for the crumbs and scraps the world offers. I may have shared this quote before but it is always worth sharing again:

"I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws will be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."

Henry David Thoreau

Thought for The Day - I'm Not Ready

All my life, I've had aspirations to be different. I knew in high school I didn't want to spend my days in a factory, like my father and the idea of being at someone's office for 40+ hours a week seemed insane! And yet, in spite of my desires, I'm exactly where I don't want to be. I'm certain for many people working, where ever you work, the same holds true.

I signed up for an online business course a few weeks ago and though I looked forward to what I would learn, there was this sense that I wasn't ready. From nearly the first page of reading, I realized I was ill prepared for the class. Certainly, it's a good idea to "know what you don't know," but as an artist, looking to make this stuff work, I have a lot more to learn. Correction: I have a great deal to put into practice.

Quite honestly, I have a great deal to put into practice as a human being. I'm a nice guy, I listen well and think it's vitally important to practice my Christian values, but there's a great deal more to living the life I desire than I'm doing now. I'm not defeated though; sometimes it's best to admit to yourself where you are before you can move to where you want to be. I'm not sure "how long" I'll be in this place, but for the moment, I'm sitting here acknowledging my shortcomings and hoping for a "switch" to flip on and turn this life around.

Thought for The Day - Awakening

It began quite a few years ago, probably earlier than I'm aware, but I will use this dream as a "mile-marker." I was 18 years old or so, attending school at Columbia College in Chicago. I had a writing class at the time and each week, we were to turn in a writing assignment. But also, we were expected to "tell a story" from the perspective of the world around us. It was a very rewarding class, where we were challenged to drop the precepts of "telling a story," using terms like "once upon a time," or "I see." In one of my stories, I recalled this dream.

In the dream, I am flying high! I'm up in the air, among the clouds, breathing "rare air" and reveling in my ability. But suddenly, I'm in my old neighborhood, on the west-side of Chicago. I find myself in the alley behind the apartment building owned by aunt and uncle, flying through the alley. My cousins, always playing softball in the alley, are there and when they see me, they take off after me, trying to catch me as I continue to fly, but getting lower and lower to the ground. As I fly the length of the long alley, I'm arching my back, trying to get back to the sky "where I belong." But my efforts are near wasted as I continue to get closer to the ground. At the garage where the owner sold "snow-cones," I wake.

That dream comes back to mind every now and then. I wonder about the connection of family versus my desire to reach higher. I know I've never been settled or okay with life as it is; I've always yearned for more. And it has always been clear that "value" and "wealth" aren't necessarily the same. While I've yearned for more, the value has always seemed more like a feeling than a dollar figure in the bank or a certain size home. Certainly, in my longings, I have wanted to be in a "certain place," or live a "rich life." And that has always felt like "more." But I can tell you, while I have achieved some things, each achievement eventually leads to the question: "what else?"

A quote from one of my favorite songs, "Open Mind" (Robert Glasper Experiment - Double Booked), sums it up: "Is it not possible for the dreamer to be awaken from what we call our normal life? Transcendent, as the dreamer wakes from his sleep."

Thought for The Day - Truth in Reflection

I'm back at it; I put paint on the palette, dipped the brush in the paint and dabbed at the canvas, just a couple days ago. There were moments of guilt, confusion and wonder. The sense of opening the doors of my soul, listening to the spirit's gentle guidance and working out the mysteries of life as they wrestled in my head. When I execute "morning pages," it is an opportunity to face my insecurities, my fears, pains and my hope. But standing in front of a canvas or sitting over paper, those same feelings hover above without the same sense of power. There are no gut wrenching revelations; only quandaries, pleasant puzzles and time to quietly contemplate.

The question: if I'm at peace, why wouldn't I paint and draw regularly? Why is it I lay aside my colors and quiet reasoning to worry and fret? An answer, like a shadow perceived in the mirror, avoids full disclosure to my conscious. When faced with my "shadow-side," my tendency is to run from it, like looking in the mirror and realizing the sag of my cheeks is an indicator I'm no longer 25. I want to "solve the problem," but the "dilemma" is as much a part of me as the spirt that animates my flesh. I fear I will remain stuck in the corporate hustle; that, because of some weakness in flesh, I will continue the morning routine of going to "work," and every now and then, "squeezing in" a few minutes at the canvas. The cruelty of life: what you love, you barely have time for. But what nags at you, persists near endlessly. It sits in your bones and slowly robs you of vitality.

Hope runs eternal; this is the same guy whose mom accused of being lazy and said he would never marry or hold a full-time job. This is the same guy, who, given a chance, would stay in the bed till 10:00 am or later, as a teen. And this is the same guy who thought he might never see a tube of oil paint in his hand. This is the same guy who finds it extremely difficult to stay in bed until dawn and has to write every day. This is the same guy who silently wars against his fears, the needs of family and the incessant demands for his time. Most of the time, I lose; laundry, errands and someone else's needs take precedent. But there is always a sense of hope; at some point, I will "turn a corner," pick up my brush and give my spirit the space and time needed to set me free.

Thought for The Day - Pieces

It occurs to me that many creative people communicate fragments of "The Dream." The dream isn't mine, neither does it belong to you; we swim in it, breathe it in, fight over it and in desperation, try to escape it. It is everywhere and everything is it, but we can't perceive it because of the "proximity;" "can't see the forest for the trees."

In a day's passing, countless thoughts, impulses and emotions wash through our conscious and unconscious. Decision as insignificant as whether to turn our head or the appropriate word to use in this sentence, pass from life to some other place. And yet there are the dreamers, or creative people who capture them and freeze it as a reference for us to snag our thoughts. Often, the snippets aren't immediately perceivable; we are after all, a bread and butter, meat and potatoes kind of world. We like our cars with four wheels and four doors; don't expect me to be okay with a car that never moves. Never mind I never go anywhere in the four wheel car. And never mind I'm too stubborn to move out of my own mental prison!

It occurs to me that some of us -- probably more if people would acknowledge there ability to create -- are compelled to create. Sure, we see the smooth, fluidity of daily traffic, and we have plenty of "good food" to eat, but our soul is so restless, it vibrates against our consciousness and forces out these snippets of messages. To sit quietly with all this 'stuff' in us; it would kill us! And we all want to live!

You feel me?

Thought for The Day - Originality

Running the Sky 12 x 18 pastels

"Sometimes, you gotta get in the basket and see where the wind takes you!"

"C'mon, we're going for a ride!"

Early morning, sleep is barely out of my eyes and yet I am determined to allow whatever dreams and their cryptic, poignant messages, to carry me through the day. Each day I wake, each day is opportunity to be 'me.' Not a better me, though I strive for it, but 'me,' the guy who likes listening to music, loves the challenge of bending light into patterns on paper and drinks in the beauty of each day. I wake each day, suppressing the urge to crawl back in the bed, curled in a dreamland where whatever battle I'm about to face, is far away.

It's original, the mark I make, the blend of colors chosen, because the energy generated never stays the same. Some days I'm high in the sky, riding the waves of energy where my cousins and them can't touch. Not because I'm more, but because I'm free and I am me. The voice, the tone, the blend of words, all my own. And when I come down to earth, when I settle to the ground and my feet blend with earth, my roots run deep, sprouting in new places and new faces.

I wish you could see what I do when the colors flow. There is far more (quantity + quality) than I and you can ever fathom. But let's try to bring it up and out anyway!

Thought for The Day - Rain Dance

Defying the illusion...

Typical for me these last few years, I've been awake for several hours. Regardless of the season, I'm awake well before sunrise. Growing up, on occasion, I would wake to use the bathroom around 5:15 or thereabouts and find my father, either in the living room reading the bible or praying, or in the kitchen preparing to leave for work. I remember thinking what a terrible time to start the day! And every now and then, the idea that my day might come would get a frown and shaking of my head. Well here I am around the same age he would have been at the time. Rising early has become so commonplace, sleeping until 6:30 feels foreign.

I turned a few minutes ago to look at my latest work, "Open Portal" and a thought came to mind: "this might be a waste of time; you might want to settle into your Quality Assurance role until retirement." That familiar frown and shaking of the head occurred, except like a strategic warrior, I'm fighting reality. The sky says I will wake tomorrow, board a train headed to the Chicago Loop and I will sit at a desk. I will test software and find defects, discuss the work with coworkers, etc. But in my heart, those colors I see on the paper over my shoulder, they are reality.

Like a rain dance, it's not practical, but it is necessary. I am defying what is before me in hopes of recreating reality. You see, while the world seems to be composed of what we see, there is a world that exists behind the visible world. It is the world I bring to bear on paper and canvas. It is the world where life is vibrant and energetic; where possibilities are ENDLESS!!!

Thought for The Day - Treasure

It is there; beneath the surface, somewhere, out of range of sight and beyond reach. It is there.

Time and difficulty have hidden it; as children we could see it clearly. And maybe before we could say much more than 'mam' or 'daddy' we understood it perfectly. Funny thing about living in this world: some seem to have a natural drive to stay in pursuit and utilize that treasure; others, well we go to factories, offices and retail stores, hoping if we work with others, 'it' will somehow pop-up. We think, if we are dutiful, obedient and follow the pattern of the minions, we will be rewarded for our good efforts.

For me, its creativity and desire to see the world in a brighter light. It's a desire to see lives rich and beautiful. It's a hope that we can live side-by-side with one another and our every effort to one another builds the whole of humanity. But I sit in an office; I'm that second group of people, hoping somehow it will "pop-up."

Internally, I am in pursuit, but externally, I am a faceless cog in the wheel of the corporate machine.