Monday, December 1, 2014

Thought for The Day - Calming

Remains Calm...that's the longest sticking title (so far) for the painting above. Still in progress, no idea how long it will take because apparently, I'm in recovery and at my own pace. You know, it's tragic that some of us are so functionally broken. Earn enough to pay bills, make new ones, eat food and buy clothes and ride the train each day and go sit in an office. Never mind I'm not doing art in that office or anything remotely similar. I'm functioning.

To the part about damage and eventually the "Calming" or "Remains Calm" - whichever comes up! I should have continued painting when I graduated from college, 30 years ago. Sabotage, personal and fatalistic, I shut the doors, put away the supplies and aggravated myself with a prophetic self-portrait stapled to the underside of a table tennis set, in my parents' basement. Eye portals wide open, but no brown eyes staring back at me, that picture told part of the story: no art, no work for a very long time, 25 years approximately. And all the tragic damage in trying to render anything.

I really don't get a life without God. The previous paragraph can't begin to tell all the ups and downs of my life, but it gives you an idea. I hoped I would get back to art, but how could I when I was the barrier to doing so? And yet I remained hopeful that somehow I would get back to it. And I did. And it was wonderful. I had a great summer, 2010, painting, drawing and working with messy pastels!

It's 2014; I have a completed painting (the jury is still out as to whether it's truly complete or not) and I started the one above about a month ago. It is part of my "Linen" series and I'm certain I have at least one more idea I want to see completed. The painting above is underway; I have to "remain calm..." I'm not working fast enough, I don't have an audience that yields an income, but I am working. It's an uneven, unsteady wobble forward, but the motion is forward. When I say I'm moving forward, this is the broken leg and hip, crawling beneath a desert sun, forward motion. I can say that because I know what it takes and where I want to be.

Remaining much promise and so many obstacles! And mostly in my head!