Time Changes

Where you're sitting now, may very well be your cage. It might the trap, the spring having sprung and secured you until...

Too much time is spent waiting for time to change. Or circumstances. Or our children, or the politicians and our spouses and the weather.

The chimes and alarms have sounded already! When you realize that "something" needs to happen it's time to make it so!

The Rationale

We are but dust, clay; shaped and containing treasure beyond price or value! And yet we invest so much energy into the satisfaction of this flesh, the pleasing of it and really, the experiences that drive and feed our soul! Day after day, telling our stories, singing our songs and dancing, we go about our day in search of... food is satisfying (somewhat), the many entertaining sources of choice tickle our thoughts (eh, not really) and social circle leaves us somewhere between dissatisfied and over satiated!

All of this is...the grand circle of our societies. There are days when I debate whether I will join the discordant chorus of voices; I truly question whether what I write is of any significance. I don't know...and if I stop writing, will it matter?

So for a period of time, I will disconnect...no plan or strategy to it at all. Just go within to determine if there is another way to do this...

C-R-A-C-K!!!

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastel

The sound of the cocoon breaking!

The time is come

The moment is now

Free

Hope

The lifeline. The promise of fools, that slender, sliver of light in a dark world. Hope; what keeps us waking each day, trudging through each day, waiting for something more than we have now. Some would say we have too much, but we know that can't be true! If we had what we needed, we would not feel the emptiness and absence. If our "supply" was met, the aching in our heart would not be there.

Hope...like a small child waiting for parents that take a long time to return. Hope...a woman every now and then looking up in the face of a man for a connection. A man desperately searching for a woman that will bear his pain and emotions.

We long for completion, to be whole. We want to be satisfied and find our good reflected back on us. We long for appreciation, to be acknowledged as wise and wonderful!

Hope...

Five Minutes

Looking at the clock, five minutes before I hit the streets...

Five minutes before I'm late

Five minutes before my blood boils

Five minutes after I'm gone, the room will be in chaos

Five minutes until the top of the hour

Five minutes more to sleep

Five minutes

Five minutes

Five minutes

Always time conscious, but always out of it and always momentous...

Five minutes...

Pause

Take a breather, sit and relax. Not because your brain is 'fried" and you couldn't take another step. But because you can function and you prefer to function better. I realize not everyone is stuck - many are; they've been stuck doing great things, and believe they can do better, they are just afraid of the _____. But far too many of us are in stasis...

Pause...and do that often. Not merely ceasing physical activity, but pausing to what else. Taking a break to contemplate the impossible. Taking time to put in place small steps. This year I am doing small things that become habits. The intention...ah that expression - the goal is to turn this ship around!

Informed Opinion

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

The Seed 12 x 18 pastels

Filtered Divinity 18 x 24 pastels

I would like to think I'm smart, that I've figured out somethings on my own, but in truth, I'm reading - meaning someone else thought it, perhaps researched it and wrote it down. Admittedly, I'm not reading opinions and philosophies dramatically different from mine, though I can stomach a short diatribe of dissenting opinions.

Years ago, I was told to blog about art, since I want to present my art. I was told I should discuss my technique and the themes of my painting. Well, today - everyday - understand "this" is my technique. I am informed, filled with wisdom and knowledge. It's applied in colors and layers. Themes develop, messages are conveyed. And for those who choose to listen with their eyes, the words (hidden in layers of colors and shapes) speak VOLUMES!!!

Salt

Seasoning


Savor...

Shake it Off

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oils

It's not the "haters" that are our worst enemy...find a looking glass - a mirror - there's your largest obstacle. Also your largest ally. Choose.

Lasting Impression

"If I have helped anyone along
If I have made someone's day
Then my living is not in vain..."

There were and are times when the concern of that phrase haunts me. Certainly we all have moments of foggy recollection; we aren't sure if we are making a difference in the world or not. But I can tell you, if you do kind things for others with no ulterior motive, if you find yourself smiling at someone because they "need it" and not just because you heard a funny joke, then you will be surprised when these favors and more are returned!

For approximately12 years, I taught 15 and 16 year olds in Sunday School. For the first few years, you would think I was teaching unchurched roughnecks! The attitudes, the personalities and constant talking back! For many of the students, they were there because their parents were there. It was at the end of the first year that I received the first of many "confirmations" that I was on the right path. The church's process for progression was similar to regular school; students would move to the next level the same way they would in elementary and high school. Well, my students were about to go the next class, another set of teachers, but they said "we don't wan to go to Sister _____'s class, we want to stay with you!" At first I thought they were joking or were saying it because they considered me a push over. After we talked about it, I half dismissed their concern with this: "Tell you what: you pray that either you stay here with me or I go with you and we'll see what happens." When the week came for progression, I was asked to go with them! Now I would love to say they behaved and answered all the questions well and were "model students" afterwards, but that's not the case! That same group continued to be noisy, rarely prepared for class and prone to outbursts! But this is what I find wonderful: nearly every student in that class and each class afterward, are responsible adults, parents and contribute positively to the world! I don't take sole credit for those lives and the lives of people before, during and after that, but I can say this: with the intent of helping, not hurting that impacts people's lives.

I have longed believe my life MUST mean something. It is the large sacrifices as well as simply being kind. It is helping people who may never be able to help you! Living is about giving, sharing and helping!

Breathe

Not the unconscious type of breathing where your body does it's thing and your brain is out of touch. But the type of breathing, the type of breath where you consciously control the rate of inhalation and exhalation. Where you slow down the rate and consciously release the air.

Breathe, as if you were slowing time, considering the movement of the clouds and the growth of grass. Doing so, taking in the wonder that is life you discover the wonder of God's creation and that is far large and more intimate than you would going about your daily tasks!

Messenger

In my old leather bag, there are packages, envelopes and cardboard rolls containing images. I won't "grade" or "qualify" my effectiveness in terms of delivery. I'll just say there's always room for improvement. Sometimes, I hold on to messages, which somehow, doesn't prevent my bag from filling up. It is full of words and images that should be delivered; my hesitancy is the issue. And each image and message is relevant to whom I deliver. My duty is to deliver timely messages and I've got a way to go in doing so.

What if...?

Sitting in this chair
My mind filled with a thousand intersecting and clashing thoughts
What if
I had taken the TA (teaching assistant) position when I was in college
And spent time with the professional artist teaching at school
And gotten on the path of painting
And learned all the great places a young emerging artist could display his work
And sold paintings
And bought a two flat on the near north side
When property was cheap but on the rise
And established myself as an artist

What if...
I explored the avenues of playing music
developed talent to the extent I played proficiently
Picked up the guitar
Played the drums
And mastered the piano
And played in bands
And started my own band

What if...
I bought real estate
And sold it
Invested in stocks and options
Bought farms out west and south
Before Plainfield and Bolingbrook became the cities they are now

What if...
I started where I am at this very moment
Head full of ideas
plans
and dreams
And simply did what I needed to do
To enrich my life
Explore
Have adventures
And connect with people?

Choices

Soul Dance 8 x 11 colored pencils

A note from my daily journal:

Get going. Eddie! No one’s fault or privilege but your own! You’ve got choices! And whether you choose wisely or foolishly, the choice is always yours. You can choose to love with abandon or cautiously. Right or wrong don’t enter into the picture because you have loved. Receive love the same. Some love as if there no tomorrow and give it everything they have. Others love as if it were their “rainy day” money and they needed to make it last until! But you love and that’s all that matters. Paint, write, and speak with the same caution or abandon; this is the way you choose to do it. Cautiously - "what will my audience think? Am I revealing too much? Should I say 'it' this way?" Or say, write, render it as though you are the pipe line, delivering "the goods" from on high! And you know what? It won't matter whether you were "constricted" or free as the great outdoors! You have delivered and the audience will receive it as we all receive the weather: some will love it, others hate it and still others go on with their day with various degrees of each extreme. But they will go on.

It's Alright

It's okay, really, it is. If you don't have every detail of the future you like, worked out in your head. It's okay if, in your past, you've been prone to fits of anger and sullenness, withdrawing from family when it seems they need you most. It's okay that your goals haven't materialized yet.

In the quiet of imagining the life you want, find the peace and sense of being whole and happy...stay there for just a bit. Now allow that same sense of being a whole person to guide you toward your dreams. And when things get rough as they often will, remember that peace. Seek peace and well-being.

Your Trick Bag

Old leather or new; bound up and all of the goodies rolling around in it, clinking around as you move through life. The 'stuff' of some of it touches other parts and exchanges power and energy. Others aren't as giving, and wait for you to reach in your hand to pull them out, unchanged. They will release upon your verbal command, or in the way you apply their power. Some elements are deadly, but sometimes, the solution to "life's problems" is The End.

We look and observe these limited bodies and wrongly perceive that we are as limited. But a story told before it came to pass, is that God is plentiful and stores his best in "jars of clay." He places in skin and bones, what cannot be named, will not stay confined. And when it is time, he not only reclaims it, he makes it special and unique and it more than it was when it rattled around in these old skin bags!

We are more! Far more than the skin portrays. But in placing the divine in flesh, Flesh is more than we would be. We are made in God's image and placed in bodies, on the ground, next to one another. We are permitted to love and hate, to cherish and destroy. And in living this life, we experience, both light and dark; the two cross lines and exchange energies in ways that defy our short-sighted cultural biases.

My friend: Look up and Live!

Sleep, Dream

Reality is okay, but the blend of waking ideals is full of conflict and disillusion. Certainly, there are those who are living their lives, fulfilling their dreams. But for the most part there are as many, if not far more, who are in despair. For them, dreams are no longer pleasant, but sour, dried up and lifeless cancer cells in their body, slowly draining the life out of them. Dreams have become reasons to be easily agitated and on always on edge. And unknown to them, it isn't that they have given up on their dreams as it is, they have surrendered hope and courage to act.

So go back to sleep my friend. Crawl back in bed and sleep until dreaming becomes your reality. You came out of the cocoon too early, helped out by a well meaning, sleepless dreamer who was also "rescued" before their time. Allow your dream life to regain its life giving energy and to feed your will and your mind. Allow your reason to be influenced by the same energy that formed the universe and fuels exploration, discovery and innovation. That energy that allows a child to play for hours, to build "imaginary" castles and be doctors, dancers and warriors, that "stuff" still resides in the very marrow of your bones! It's in your Deoxyribonucleic acid - your DNA! And though it may seem like "the devil" holds the deed to your soul, he could no more "rent it," than hold you down! No, what has occurred is you have forgotten that dreams are meant to be lived! And that dreams are the very stuff of life!

Go back to bed; sleep a little longer. Lie in the comfort of possibility! And stay there until you are truly alive again!

Po' Me

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

Linen: A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen: Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

On any given day, it is a sad reality to be me! Oh I'm not sitting around unshaven and unbathed and drowning in a bottle. No, I clean up nicely, exercise, work a regular job, make light of life's situations and generally enjoy life. But there are those blips, those moments when I realize I can do so much more! I could point the finger at everyone to say we all can, but seriously Eddie Hudson could do better!

I could give a laundry list of tasks - especially since it's the first of the year and "resolution season." But that isn't where it begins. It starts with a decision; it's an understanding of  where I am, what I have done (and didn't) and the direction I want my life to go. I've done it before, made that decision and the steps followed. It required discipline and some blood, sweat and many tears. But it happened and I changed for the better. My challenge to me isn't about doing it in a year or the next six months. IT's about making the commitment to being a better me. To be diligent to accomplish goals and change the direction of my life. Many of the tools and habits are in place and working now. But the decision - the big decision - is to do them consistently! And to ensure I'm contributing my part to the world.

Again and Again

Some days, you look up and half of it is gone! You work at a fever pace, completing tasks, meetings, scheduling additional meetings and running the growing list of "to-do's" down in your head as you progress. But this isn't your focus; your mind is truly...elsewhere. Your thoughts and actions aren't quite aligned and though you are being responsible and "adult," you ignore the damage you're doing to you and really, the whole world!

You aren't the only one. We live in a world where many people spend their days either dragging through the day, rushing through the day (which is funny when you consider the clock doesn't move faster) or simply unenthused about the day. Day after day, again and again. No life, no willingness to search the soul to see if there's anything else worth living for!

And yet there is! Certainly there's entertainment and good food. Sure you can live for the weekend, vacations, "getting away" and taking a break. But those are mere distractions! What about living for love, joy and your positive contribution to this world? What about living and exercising your divine gift to enrich your life and the lives of those around you? What about living and playing and working in ways where each day you wake with joyful anticipation of the day's task?My friend, it may not seem possible, but it is. There are no "one-size-fits-all" formulas but there is a recipe, a remedy that comes specifically from you! And it begins with you taking time to determine what it is and how you can do it! It develops and grows and becomes a vital part of your existence and betters those around you.

Today, take a few minutes to examine what you've always wanted to do, who you wanted to be. If there are multiple things, explore each - you don't have to be limited to one and you certainly don't have to wear yourself out being what others think you should be. Be Y-O-U!

Begin...Again...

Linen 30 x 40 Oils

A Kiss 12 x 18 pastels

Linen - A Storm's Coming 24 x 30 Oils

Linen - Remains Calm (in process) 30 x 40 Oils

Start it over, wind it back. Do it again and again and again. Then do it some more. Resolve, be resolute and firm in your intention and when you fall, again and again, get up again and again and again. We love the merry-go-round we call life! We love the grit and disgust, followed by quiet introspective moments, sitting alone with our guilts and thoughts. At some point, we apply the one remedy that seems to dull the pain of disappointment: laughter. And at some point, we remember we are more than a failure and that we have wants and needs that go beyond the basic. And we remember - we reason - that no one will give you anything, so you better get off your butt and get it yourself!

I have friends who don't realize the tenderness of their heart. Oh that beating mound of flesh in the middle of your chest is resilient! It has to be! We toss it around, send it into the blast furnace of difficulty and expect it to be quiet when we meet someone who makes it beat harder! But have you ever told your heart "thank you?" Have you ever laid your hand on your chest and said "thanks for your thump-thump" and "for putting up with ups and downs I reason you through?" We will reason ourselves silly, then fall flat on our face with angst and rise again!

One. That singular digit, the representative of beginning. On a calendar, its preceded by a 31, or a 30 and that rare "28" or rarer still "29." And that represents a cycle far larger than us. Sure it's time to start something. There are dreams and plans and well thought out goals just waiting for this day, but please bare in mind, while you may have abandoned the old, it might come back for a visit. You may be inclined, when the "new" isn't going the way you planned, to pick up the "old" once again. And be gentle with your heart when it brings back desperate, unneeded coping mechanisms!

Begin...Again!