Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Thought for The Day - Giving from My Being

A Reply 24 x 34 Oils

Something I observed as a child, was my father engaged in conversation with others. For the most part, he didn't have much to say, but the other person would be talking a mile a minute! And he would stand there with a huge smile on his face and occasional words "oh yeah?" or the one he's famous for "great day!" Believe me, this could and did, go on for hours; one of the worse times was getting cornered at his previous pastor's house after my father made repairs to his roof. We were there longer listening to story after story, than it took to do the repairs! And my father didn't seem to mind. I remember on so many times like this, thinking "I don't want to listen that much; I want to be heard too!" I often wondered with whom he shared his life story. I sense there was no ear there to catch his stories...

The person I've grown into, is the person whose kindness and generosity impressed me the most: my father. I am my "father's son, listening constantly. So much so, I almost went the route of professional counselor. I listen, for the most part and while I listen empathically, I have always yearned to be heard as well. I give my ear, my prayers and my concern. But I've tried to give based on the needs of others as they are expressed. I have changed my personality to fit the complaints and requests of others. But I'm learning, in playing this game of contortionist, I experience pains while the intended person sits comfortably, enjoying the show. No one recognizes the effort until I withdraw from the show and then it is perceived that something is wrong with me. 

I'm choosing to give, but more so, from who I am. It doesn't matter the "why" I'm choosing it now, though I suspect it is at this time of life where I'm less inclined to care what others think of me. I just want to be myself and whether that means I am "heard" or not, I am choosing to do me. Decisions hover above and I wonder do I pluck down a "yes" or "no." Personal "Thought for The Day" may become dinosaurs in a bit! That's one of those decisions hanging on a string. You know, you can love people, care for them, but while love is in an action, an energy, there are times when it must see it's reflection. Giving; there has to be a return, a conversation; as much as we like to believe love simply gives, it must also receive.