"Try"

I have this wonderful schedule posted above my desk. Forgive the many analogies to exercise, but it's one of the many disciplines I've seen near immediate results from. So here it is: the idea of the schedule is to keep me on track, build in skill building techniques, techniques that build experience, as well as reach out (social networking).

It would be easier to give in to fear and allow the excitement and joy of creating to fester inside me - again. Today, I broke (if only for today) the cycle; I spent hours working on a single painting. According to my schedule, I'm supposed to spend two hours painting. Now for some artists, two hours a day isn't much, but like physical fitness, I need to build up my 'muscles' before I'm lost for day in the studio. But for me, to spend approximately 4 hours painting, that's a major accomplishment!

As I type out this blog, I'm listening to music - Jill Scott and she's repeating the word "TRY." Very familiar with the song, especially with the concept of "try again." I think if there was a message for anyone that reads this, it is TRY, TRY, then TRY a few more times, then TRY once
again. So for now, Eddie has tried and he has a measure of success. He will wake tomorrow and follow the schedule: drawing 2 hours. In the short term, from the critical eye, this isn't much and yet for me, this is a great start. I hope to see creative muscle definition very soon. By the way, I'm so beat I can barely keep my eyes open. I guess that's what happen when you give it all you got!

Playtime

...if you search the web, you may find a similar blog post by me on my website at www.eddiehudson3.com. I'm having trouble with my website publishing software, plus it's a bear managing two blogs! Oh well, the 'burdens' of being a 'creative-type!'

My son! The youngest is a bundle of endless energy when it comes to video games, if he could, he would play all day and well into the night. At moments like this, where, someplace between "ohmygod, I'm not earning money" and gazing at a painting in progress, I would love some playtime.

When you're a kid, they have to tell you to stop playing and do something important and beneficial to the mutual benefit of everyone around you. When you're an adult, with adult responsibilities, you have to tell yourself - or you listen to your spouse - to take some downtime; in other words, take sometime to play! I often feel I've been given a gift of time and talent, but the "disciplinarian," the one that tells me to "get to work," will not be restrained. I'll sit and contemplate the contentious list of should-be-done and even wait for directions to the next task, meanwhile, hour after hour passes, and the "real work" gets squeezed in.

Playtime...in my mind, I am that kid who ignores the call to come in and do chores. I am playing way past dark and who refuses to grow up. But in my body, I'm the man who has responsibilities. How about a bit of both?

Pass it On!

About 10 years ago, when my "middle guy" was 7, he began drawing superheroes and cars and stuff. Nothing unusual; at his age, I did the same things and so did many of my classmates. Everyone was an artist! We didn't concern ourselves with our student loans, the need to put grocery on the table, and whether we could afford a new or "used" hybrid ~ selah! But it was his intensity in drawing that sent up silent hope and a prayer: Lord, bless him to use the talent I have not.

At the time, my art supplies from college were buried somewhere in my parents basement and in my head, "art" was 20 years away for me, hidden behind retirement from drudgery and income-earning. Praying this prayer, of course I secretly longed for my own deliverance, even if, in my estimation, it would only be possible after I served my punishment, having abandoned my talents to the back of my mind, in 1984.

"EJ," as he is known, loved art, but not like his dad. When he started high school, he had his one exposure to an art class. He loved it! When I went with him to an open house the following year, his sophomore year, he wasn't interested in my meeting his current teachers; he wanted me to meet his art teacher from freshman year. An uneventful meeting, on the surface, but beneath words unsaid was the sense that an "artist" was meeting an "artist," introduced by an artist. That same year, he found 'art' behind the lens, in the way my analytical, mechanical minded son would. He was bored with the drawing of details, but he loved that a camera could fill in the blanks with ease. He took pictures of everything, learning composition and lighting and constantly researching as any current generation genius does - through youtube!

Honestly, I still find it strange and fascinating that he's willing to take pictures of me or my "studio." It's as if some magic or wonder is still held in this old guy; I guess that's the bond of parents with children. The image attached is his work, and through his eyes, I see 'me' in a new light. Where I normally see a cluttered combination exercise/studio/office, he sees a land of wonder and imagination. Where I see a place confining, he sees an open door to endless possibility.

I titled this blog entry "Pass it on," but often, it seems my son (and oldest daughter and youngest son) pass on to me an appreciation of the "who" God made me to be. I silently pray that not a day goes by where I don't live up to the possibility God and my children think me capable of.

It's been awhile...

It isn't a lack of things to say - I don't believe there's a day goes by where I don't have a wealth of words to share. No, it is the challenge of the fit. The "fit" is getting the words out on a regular basis and climbing over the wall of self-confidence to share my insights.

I'm no exception; I'm sure we all have a voice, a word to share with one another. As our world slowly moves into a value system where humanity is the asset we cannot live without, we must learn to value, first ourselves and then everyone else. We don't have to spend years "getting to know 'me'" before we extend a helping hand to our neighbor. And if one examines their life, you would probably find you're doing so already.

I love living the life of a "bringer of light." I find, it's a role I've been serving in since childhood. There are times when the challenge is to put a different color on the light (truth, compassion, honesty, creativity, ingenuity) to make it palatable, but simply doing so is just as much the challenge. And yet, I continue; I share what insights I've experienced and my unique perspective on life. There are times when it feels like I'm throwing a drop of water into a great stream, but toss it I do; perhaps the very words or an image will touch the lives of someone and alter their perception and bring hope.

I'm Learning - Soul Dance

The lady emerged over a few weeks, as I sat in my car at lunch. Taking out my sketch book for 5, maybe 10 minutes at a time, I would either flip pages in the book, looking for something specific to work on or simply open it, allowing a blank page or previous work to guide my hand. These were "interesting days," where I only allowed myself these small breaks, to consider practicing what I love. Yeah, I got "issues."

As I said, she slowly came forward, actually, without my noticing until I saw the sway of her brown hips and ample rear moving amidst splashes of color. Excitement didn't overtake me, forcing me to complete the image; having other pictures and responsibilities to attend to in this short period of time, I worked on it as I had time. Currently, I'm concentrating my energies in the part of the drawing where Red seems to be cooling.

I'm learning in such works, to allow it to gather it's own strength and tell its own story. There are certainly times, as I sit before paper or a canvas, I have a title and story in mind. There are times when the message is clear and I can tell it, start to finish before I begin. But in cases like Soul Dance, I sit before the paper, with the same Right-Brain freedom my mom exhibited years ago; it was as though her hand knew to draw a flower or a cube, but didn't need the full concentration of cognitive thought. While on the phone, she would have a sheet of loose leaf paper nearby or in the corner of her phone book, she would sketch. And in that moment the door was opened on my own brand of creativity.

I'm learning to allow the work - the message - to define itself. In the swirls above the dancer's head, there is this sense of sky and worlds 'above.' At her feet is a world cooling down to something concrete. And in the middle, she dances about, spinning and gathering the forces of both.

I'm leaning to see with eyes that understand the marks on the page, hear the music playing (though no one can hear) and to be attuned to a words whispered.

What Others See

The other day, I held up "Triplicate" for my wife to see my progress. Her face said it before the words came out: "uh, business as usual." Her words were: "It's nice, really nice." But I pressed for more, "but..." She said it just seems all your work is the same.

There was a time when that response would leave me wondering whether my work was a true expression of what I wanted to communicate, but lately, having spent time looking carefully at the works in progress, connecting my soul to the work, I came to the conclusion that my work for the last year is about a release of energy. I always got a kick out of using multiple colors, so much so, even with "common" themes of still life, street scenes, there was the release of energy, about capturing and reflecting the rainbow of colors on the edges of leaves, and splashing brightness where ever possible.

Lately, the pattern is embraced. Please believe, I love nearly every subject and painterly style, including landscapes. But seeing through the eyes of my wife, I came to accept that I have a "style." I'll keep working on it; continue to look out for it. Thanks!

Triplicate: Near Complete/When it gets REALLY Good!

I'm putting the finishing touches on Triplicate and actually, there's a few more bold steps I have to take to call it complete. But when it gets "this good," when I look at the actual image or the picture, I feel the energy. Some have said the work is calming, relaxing or makes them feel better. If that's the case, take a huge dose and apply liberally! LOL

When it gets this good...I really could go at this night and day. Rather than look back at my past with regrets, I choose to thank God for the choices I made. Yes, I didn't think it was possible to get back to it, but in actuality, that was the ember of hope keeping me from losing my mind! When it gets this good, on days when I know someone is waiting for me to do something for them or I could be preparing dinner or cutting the grass, I reflect on the work I choose to do and realize, this is my contribution to the world. In the short term, mom's car is dirty and has been for weeks. In the now, dinner may have to be the corner restaurant down the street or whatever everyone puts their hands on. But for the long haul? This work satisfies my soul. I hope it does the same for you.