Sunday, March 7, 2010

Some Days...It Doesn't Take Much

You wake, early and before you know it the wheel is turning fast. So fast you look down and don't see your legs. The mind is elsewhere, asking the question, "how did I get on this thing and when do I get off."

I've been told since childhood to "get an education and a good job." But the same folks that told me that, didn't tell me it isn't enough. They didn't tell me about the part of life where dreams fade long before you wake. They didn't tell me that longing never goes away; that it just turns into cardiovascular disease, or high blood pressure or an unhealthy obsession with alcohol (which I don't have).

Sometimes, I wake while it's still dark and wonder should I just go ahead and get up? In my heart, I know I should be sleeping and getting as much of it as possible, but whatever sleep and dreaming is supposed to do, it doesn't seem to be doing. No panic or fear about it, just an acknowledgement of the work I should be doing.

Sometimes, I just want to sleep, especially when that treadmill follows me through the day and the STOP button is too far away to reach. Some days, it doesn't take much. And I want a break. But everyone knows...