Lasting Impression

"If I have helped anyone along
If I have made someone's day
Then my living is not in vain..."

There were and are times when the concern of that phrase haunts me. Certainly we all have moments of foggy recollection; we aren't sure if we are making a difference in the world or not. But I can tell you, if you do kind things for others with no ulterior motive, if you find yourself smiling at someone because they "need it" and not just because you heard a funny joke, then you will be surprised when these favors and more are returned!

For approximately12 years, I taught 15 and 16 year olds in Sunday School. For the first few years, you would think I was teaching unchurched roughnecks! The attitudes, the personalities and constant talking back! For many of the students, they were there because their parents were there. It was at the end of the first year that I received the first of many "confirmations" that I was on the right path. The church's process for progression was similar to regular school; students would move to the next level the same way they would in elementary and high school. Well, my students were about to go the next class, another set of teachers, but they said "we don't wan to go to Sister _____'s class, we want to stay with you!" At first I thought they were joking or were saying it because they considered me a push over. After we talked about it, I half dismissed their concern with this: "Tell you what: you pray that either you stay here with me or I go with you and we'll see what happens." When the week came for progression, I was asked to go with them! Now I would love to say they behaved and answered all the questions well and were "model students" afterwards, but that's not the case! That same group continued to be noisy, rarely prepared for class and prone to outbursts! But this is what I find wonderful: nearly every student in that class and each class afterward, are responsible adults, parents and contribute positively to the world! I don't take sole credit for those lives and the lives of people before, during and after that, but I can say this: with the intent of helping, not hurting that impacts people's lives.

I have longed believe my life MUST mean something. It is the large sacrifices as well as simply being kind. It is helping people who may never be able to help you! Living is about giving, sharing and helping!

Notes on slips of paper

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oils

Expectation 24 x 36 Oils

A Reply 24 x 36 Oils

Grocery lists
Picking up food for the family
Lines for a poem I'm working on
Random thoughts
Random thoughts
Random thoughts
"I love you"
"I love you" in a beautiful poem
A scripture to lift someone's spirit

An opportunity to gather this slip of paper, that sticky note, that scented note paper...parts of a puzzle, thoughts, activities, feelings and 'what-nots'... not much, but put together and a snapshot of life is gathered. And snapshot hints of the whole.

5:02 AM

Entry point. The place where reality is set aside, when I enter the world of imagination and creativity. All the prep work is completed and I'm ready to begin my quest. Any thing in this space is great place to focus; it is a rich environment with stories and tales and adventures! And each day, I am fortunate to enter this place!

No admission fee is charged to take this ride; admission is free! And quite honestly, I visit throughout the day! I "sneak away" from the world of software testing and tan cubicles even while my body remains fixed in the chair, to bring life to this old mind! To write, to draw and paint; these are my passages to an amazing land! Oh, what's so fascinating? What's to be seen there? Skies where clouds rest just above head and water, crystal clear, full of glittering fish, large or small! Beautiful horses, with gleaming chestnut brown hides and white and black. Their "neigh" is loud as a trumpet and their trot like small thunderclaps! There are people busy working, but enjoying every moment of it. Women who love their men and their children and husbands who cherish their wives above everyone else! Music is heard every hour of the day and well into the night. And in this place, joy, peace and love rule the land! The adventure in this land is a result of exploration and it is an endless journey!

Come, go with me one morning! As a matter of fact, I invite you to go any time you are so inclined! Simply step away from the concerns of this world and let your mind take you where joy, love and peace rule!

Sometimes...

Expectation 24 x 36 Oils

Stop

No really stop

I'm getting off

I don't care how long or what's out 'there'

Let me out

This ride has gone on way too long

And I've seen too many people I love

Crash

Burn

Get up again with the encouragement of loved ones and friends

And yet the ride remains the same

Do you hear me

Please

Just let me live my life

Without the abuse

And the pain

Let me exercise my life

With Joy

And a lot less pain

And while you're at it

Let a few others off

Let them be children

Loving life

Minus the burden of correction, punishment and misuse

Thought for The Day - What does it mean?

Forgive my rambling this morning. Without the reported high profile, headline making cases of police abuse, I can have my own level of frustration. There is so much turmoil and yet, you and I will get in our cars, on public transportation and go to work - whatever that is for you. We wear clothes and shoes, manufactured by people we may never know, under circumstances that would shame us if we did. We buy food in stores with layers of management, everyone needing a check to take home and feed their families. We fill trash cans full of food wrappers, discarded food and other items and there is no telling where this goes. Stuff, stuff, stuff!

We have relationships that are meaningful, but in all of our relationships, some things are said and others not. We can be forgiving, but repeated disregard continues. We can love and be ignored; we can give our "all" and yet remain empty handed and be left with no hope of change. We can talk, communicate our concern for improvement and never see a change on the other side of our "relationship equation." More stuff, stuff, stuff!

Layers of government; from the local, town, county, state and country to the international community. In our democratic society, we are "allowed" to elect who will "lead" us and unless we as a large constituent enforce our needs and wants, the politicians disappear to their local, county, state and federal meeting places and make decisions we would never agree with! Certainly, we need the processes in place, but in the scheme of getting and keeping our piece of the pie, we can't invest the time to ensure the democratic process works in our favor. It's just more stuff, stuff, stuff!

You know, I'm not coming close to scratching the surface and perhaps this isn't the place to do so. Like the complex layers of our society and our global community, there are both good and bad qualities in each of us. We are both victim and abuser in any given day! We can love and hate, ignore or lavish others with our care. And yet, in all of this, above all of this...

Thought for The Day - Talking

Sometimes it's scary isn't it? The idea of having to talk. Typically the idea of public speaking gets to many. I would say with approximately 28 years experience teaching and preaching, I'm nervous, but expectantly so. And the butterflies in my stomach are trained to fly in beautiful, regimented formation. But there are those times when I have to approach a stranger, someone who might have information. They have been identified as the source or a possible source and depending on the setting, it may take a few minutes or more to formulate my greeting!

Talking is a means of communicating; should be as easy as breathing. But sometimes we can communicate irrelevant details or worse, not be heard when we are talking. Either way, it seems like a waste of this precious gift. Talking, singing, poetry readings even speeches; containers for impressions, thoughts, opinions, the facts and deeper: the truth. I've looked at this gift of communication for a while now and taken note of the lyrics of songs and seen this to be true. I think most of us push music into a category of "entertainment," and assume it has very little to offer in the way of truth. But listen closely; there are ideals communicated that run deeper than simple love songs. Love songs alone, communicate truths that many find difficult to uphold, but they are ideal at best. Love someone, give your heart and devotion to that person primarily, everyone else falling to a lower priority. Now a question for you to truly consider: Why are there so many love songs?

You know, I can write in veiled and flowery expressions; it feels right to do so. It is not contrived and flows from my heart quite easily. But whether I write as if I'm writing a 'thesis' or in the language of a creative, are you listening?

Thought for The Day - "I"

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oil

Yes
I am here
This place where you sit
Quietly
Pouring out your soul
Clamoring for answers

I am Here
Here
Here
Where your eye is
And where it cannot go
I hear each syllable
And the intent of your heart

In the light of day
You look for me
In the faces
The movement of people
And the noise of the day
Oh I am there
But your vision is clouded
Looking for an expression
Perfection in skin and tone

In the darkness
When you sleep
I am
The movements unseen
The silence of a morning
Not quite yet born
I sit perched
And quick as a dart
I am here
Over there
And back here again

Between the hearts of two
And the heartbeat of one
I speak
Between the "whoosh"
And the "thump"
In the silence
Like a gap between notes

In the fruit
at the core
where the seed lies
waiting
I wait
In the ground, will I go
Or disappear in the trash
So much more than the question
And greater than destiny

I am the journey
The answer
I am the question you ask repeatedly
And would never move your mind to form
I am the night
And the noon day
The particular love you cannot have
And the mystery of the Shroud of Turin
Am I you ask
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You wait for a reply
Because you think you've asked for information
But in your heart
You've asked for interruption
Disruption
A change you control
I am not remote
for your control
I am timeless
And limitless
And just before you breathe your last
I am...

Thought for The Day - The Spirit

"The wind blows where it will. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8 (NIV)

To me, I have a serious scowl; I often wonder how I get engaged in conversation since, each time I catch a glimpse of my reflection, the frown lines across my brow are fairly intense! But somehow, before I know it, people have me engaged in conversation and they receive the softer, inner core.

Internal motivation; though I struggled with it - and still do - I have come to admit I'm an artist. I struggled with it because there is a very practical, meat and potatoes side of me that believes in a strong work ethic. When I pick up a brush or pencil (working out the psychology as I go, folks, excuse the head turning, surprised expression on my face and the tears) I think there's a part of me that remembers my mother sitting on the phone and doodling. One of the first times I saw her doing this, I wanted to do the same thing. Somehow, relaxed, at ease. And yet the hard exterior of the world required no-nonsense, hard labor and getting stuff done.

And here I am, in my fifties and the many sides of me are being reconciled, brought together. I am an artist, but I am a messenger as well. I have an assignment to share goodness and kindness with people, often being no more than an ear and a smiling face. I allow people moments of ease, to relax and let go of tensions and worries. I see it in their face and body language when they are around.

"...but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going..."

Thought for The Day - Words

You come across as confident, defiant and brash. But inside, you are full of fear. You use your words as daggers, held closely at the throat of familiars; family and friends. But it's not until serious damage is done that you realize the impact of words and you withdraw your attitude and replace with a "sorry."

Words can seem neutral - some words at least. They can seem powerless; remember the saying: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Not so; the fuel of words are the intentions. We communicate truth as well as what we hope to be true. We use words as weapons as well as defensively. We block - or attempt to - hurt with our words. And sometimes we are effective. But words are like seeds or weeds: they grow where they are planted and if they are poison, they leave a permanent mark, maybe destruction. Words can also be like medicine or nutrients; they can heal the soul and bring life to someone who is hurting.

Using words wisely; I would dare say, if we examine the impact words "can" have on others, we should communicate not only truth but hope to the worst enemy! We should tell others what we feel, but as important what we hope them to be. And in truth - maybe it's just me - the worst of us should receive God's best. Not as a matter of merit, but because God's love is a promise of redemption, a perfectly clean re-start and a wonderful future!

A word rightly spoken...

Thought for The Day - Bacteria

"I'm infected!" 

This year has been challenging in that interesting way that if you aren't mindful, you ignore the blessings and make unwise decisions. A series of injuries, flooded basement a couple times this year, broken appliances, repairs and necessary purchases; it would seem that "someone" is trying to get my attention. But again, mindfulness, staying in touch with God, I am aware that "change is inevitable" and in truth, constant. 

We can allow what appears to be difficulty or calamity or misfortune, to alter our steps. I grew up with parents and relatives who observed weather changes and a collection of political events as a 'sign of changing times.' Of course, "the apocalypse" always looms on the horizon. That thought infected me, to the extent, I have had to work hard to ignore that line of thinking. When I say it's a struggle not to view life as an accident waiting to happen, I'm not joking! It's an everyday struggle!

But I've also received a dose of hope and confidence. I've viewed life from the other side, that is, an adventure, an opportunity to grow and progress. When I put my paints away shortly after college, 30 years ago, there was a sense that I might not pick them up again. But there was also this sense that it was an ABSOLUTE MUST to do so! And that same sense of hope drives me on, today!

Yes, I have a dis-ease; it will not allow me to rest! It will not allow me to accept the status quo and to live like everyone else! It drives me to solitude, to contemplation and to sharing "the good news" that a brighter day is coming!

Thought for The Day - Input - Output

Expand 18 x 24 pastels

We falsely believe we are in control of our lives. We think we have the tools to manage our day-to-day tasks. But the truth is we are surrounded by millions of points of reference. Input if you will, that influence and in some cases, command control over our lives.

What you say can influence others. Choose words wisely. But what you feel, especially the charged, heated emotions sits below the surface and given the opportunity - an individual available for dumping - we spew out angry words as if it were our birthright! So, while we choose words wisely when we are calm and thinking "rationally," we relinquish control, usually on an innocent loved one. What follows for many, are apologies and promises to "never do it again" or "do better" next time.

We are influenced, we store in our heart and mind both encouraging and destructive thoughts and emotions. In a polite society, we find it necessary to remain in control, but give us the room and the space and emotions and attitudes run out of control!

So who are we? Are we in control or reckless, harmful creatures of nature? We are both; and when we learn to harness our attitudes, our fears and our love, we become vessels of glory and honor for God.

Thought for The Day - What is Important

An Open Channel

Never Lose Sight of Your Goals!

I've been blessed; I've been given a great deal of identity, character and insight. But as opposed to being put "out front," I remain where I am: in the background. This is the training ground, and so often I wonder why I'm here? Where's the "front" and how do I get there? Is it my fault, God's plan or just a matter of the "real work" being here? Well, "back here," behind stage, in the stockrooms I am just like everyone else: getting my work done. And behind it all the Lord does more work than the eye can perceive.

So what is important? Is it important to be out front, to be seen, receive recognition? Is it important to help people and be available? Being available and approachable, a good listener has placed me in the life - it's obvious to me - of people who are also givers and providers. There are plenty of people who need to be heard because they serve others to the extent they don't have an outlet; they are more "ear" than they are "voice," and the world seems to pour on them, their problems and concerns.

Again the question: what's important? What is the purpose of my living if it is not to serve? If I serve "here" and not "up there," is that the purpose my life should serve? If I learn service, compassion and patience "here," surely, when called upon service not only continues but the audience, the needs of many become my concern.

That's important: service. Giving to others, being available to listen, to encourage, to support.

Thought for The Day - Open and Discretion

"The spirits of prophets are subject to the control of prophets. For God is not a God of disorder but of peace..." I Corinthians 14: 32, 33

A prophet, by definition is a messenger of God's, not usually subject or under obedience of man. He serves man by serving God, telling man what God would have them know. But he isn't a puppet dancing on a string, neither is he prone to moments of being "overwhelmed." He or she is to be a person who remains "open."

I have often wondered if "everyone" has this sense of "openness;" for me, it's a sense that the world is larger than my neighborhood, nation or planet. I have felt this sense I was small, that there is a world more intricate than the veins of my body and that there are details of life that only God will reveal...in time. I'm fortunate, I'm blessed; I see things in people - the height of God's creation - that others don't. I see emotions and thoughts, patterns of behavior that speak of the glory of God. I have observed people in moments that speak of his power to love, and typically observed when the person is at their worst. I have also been inclined to talk with people, take time with "this" person, but not "that" one. Some people would find it hard to believe I hear some of the things shared with me. But in the grand scheme, we are woven together to form a great tapestry...

Discretion...there are times when I'm listening to someone's story. when I want to interject, I want to stop them, but choose not to. And in similar times, but other circumstance, I interrupt and provide insight that I know has to come from beyond my ability to reason. Listening...above and to my peers...observing...responding and speaking...

Thought for The Day - Murky Waters

One doesn't have to go too deep in the water to find the blend of thoughts, feelings, hopes and doubts. ALL OF THAT STUFF is blended, mixed in there and available for use! We are a blend of both good and bad; helpful actions and raging hatred. But life is about choosing: will you live a life of honor or dishonor? Will you live a life of love (and if so, indiscriminately) or will you harbor hatred in your heart?

Thought for The Day - Give Me a Little Time

Just a few minutes more
Just a few more
To savor this moment
To hang on to this sunset
And the gentle breeze
Whistling through the trees
Just a few seconds longer
To hold on to my beloved
To hold her closer and feel the warmth of her breath
Near my face
Before running off to work
And a life without her presence
Allow me an hour or two
Standing before this canvas,
"Work" isn't laborious or grueling
Pleasure is found in each brush stroke
The one to come as significant as the many before
One more day of life
Comes and goes quickly
Time passes faster than the whisper of your name
But each moment
Each day
And each hour
Caught
Savored
Lingering
Leaves an indelible mark on my heart
Marking both me and history
Declaring I was here
You were there
And we loved each breath taken

Thought for The Day - Giving the Matter Careful Consideration

Thinking it through

Mulling 'it' over in my mind

Considering 'it' from all angles

Using logical and careful analysis doesn't always yield the best results. Too often, we consider the "facts" only, meaning, we only examine our lives using the "measurable" and "quantifiable." But there is far more to life than what can be weighed or checked against a tape measure. Have you ever weighed  an unexpected phone call or a friend taking you to lunch? Is there a cost attached to a passionate kiss? What about the loss of compassion and friendship, is that measurable?

The sun rises and sets each day and while we can predict those times with a high degree of certainty the immeasurable value of looking in the eastern sky as the sun rises will not fit into an equation! Life, real life, is more than dollars and cents!

Thought for The Day - As it is in Heaven

...so it is on earth.

We are concerned with the measurable, the obtainable, the glitter and the satisfying. And yet there is far more to our world and the world that cannot be seen. About a month ago, I bought a male, blue betta fish, also known as Siamese fighting fish. Alone in a gallon or more tank, his blue fins are tranquil and calming as he swims around. But my son has a male betta as well and it only takes putting them 'near' one another to see how violent they can be. There is a flaring of an area below their gills as the first acknowledgement of the other male. Then the tails get to waving around like giant flags and they beat against the glass as a threat to the other male in the other tank. We would never put them together because with these males, it is always a fight to the finish! But a typical day, they are beautiful creatures, swimming around in their own world. From the videos I've seen, they are excellent fathers as well, taking care of the eggs of their offspring and then caring for the hatchlings.

We come into this world and leave with the same desire: sustenance and connection. And somewhere along the way, we find ways to fill our lives with dull substitutes for the same. We are beings of such beauty and when soft words, movements and acts of passion and love are displayed, it is pure poetry in motion. And yet, behind that nature lies a part of us that "bristles up" when someone like us - perhaps we believe another like us is a rival - comes around. Oh, we have learned to calm ourselves, but let us spend too much time together, and we look for ways to outshine one another. This is true of both the "male" and "female" of our kind. And yet we are capable of an unlimited creative expressions and acts of love! If our news media ever gets a clue, there are as many stories of kindness occurring each day, perhaps we could balance out our fears, if we heard those stories as well! Have you ever watched a family with a new baby? Have you seen how the mother brings them into a room full of relatives? Even men soften at the presence of a baby and love to hold and coo with them!

There is so much going on in the world, seen and unseen. There are energies and forces happening in the visible, tangible world as well the world we don't see. While there is conflict and destruction, there is a birth, life and constant rebuilding. Search your heart and inventory your life: haven't you seen the evidence that you are capable of both beauty and destruction? Have you not seen that you are capable of tender care as well as rage? Final thought: with so much at stake and so much life-affirming possibility, what is the wisest expression you can make? Consider...

Thought for The Day - Red

Inspiration can be found everywhere, when your eyes are open to receive!

Passion
Fire
Warmth
Life
War
Violence

I use red most of the time in my paintings; it's one of those necessary colors. And I use it, because of each word above. Mostly because in our bodies, it represents life and for me, life is spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty! Freedom of expression and to love!

Thought for The Day - One Pebble

Found in a stream, one clear summer morning, it becomes the constant companion, held in the small hand of a child. It is taken out of his pocket, looked at and admired. It isn't much to anyone else, possibly in the stream full of stones and pebbles it would go unnoticed. But one small child, one quick glance and instant attraction.

The pebble becomes a constant companion, it is rubbed and rubbed until it glows with a shine. The child grows to a teen ager and the pebble is placed on a shelf above his desk in his room. He looks at it each day and loves to hold it in his hand. It reminds him of fishing trips with his father and times when his primary focus wasn't education and trying to be what others think he should.

The pebble follows the young man through life, now in a small velvet lined box. As an adult, he keeps it in his desk at work. And throughout the day, he takes it out and holds it in his hand. And it always feels warm in his hand as he rolls it in between his fingers and holds it firmly in his palm.

One pebble, a flat, brown and tan stone, picked out of stream by a small child. In the mix of all the other pebbles, it had no value. But in the hand and heart of one person, it's value is limitless.

Value
Worth
Beauty
Treasure

Thought for The Day - All of That Stuff!

It's frustrating and maddening and at times, brings tears to your eyes! The times when you can't get what you want and when you make an effort and fail; it drives you crazy! And when well meaning people "encourage" you with "well meaning advice" that sounds a lot like suggestions of surrender! No matter where you turn, the whole world seems poised to destroy your good intention. But...

You are turning, meaning you continue to look for some way, "some how" to do what's in your heart! For some of us, it is an intention, like the roots of an Oak tree, buried in your soul! It's source of life so strong, no matter what conditions and storms exist, you fight like a undisputed champion, until you have achieved!

All of that energy, including what seems to work against you, is working in your favor and is the necessary fuel to propel your life forward! You keep fighting through it all! And "all of that stuff" will one day feel like encouragement and validation!