Thought for The Day - Bacteria

"I'm infected!" 

This year has been challenging in that interesting way that if you aren't mindful, you ignore the blessings and make unwise decisions. A series of injuries, flooded basement a couple times this year, broken appliances, repairs and necessary purchases; it would seem that "someone" is trying to get my attention. But again, mindfulness, staying in touch with God, I am aware that "change is inevitable" and in truth, constant. 

We can allow what appears to be difficulty or calamity or misfortune, to alter our steps. I grew up with parents and relatives who observed weather changes and a collection of political events as a 'sign of changing times.' Of course, "the apocalypse" always looms on the horizon. That thought infected me, to the extent, I have had to work hard to ignore that line of thinking. When I say it's a struggle not to view life as an accident waiting to happen, I'm not joking! It's an everyday struggle!

But I've also received a dose of hope and confidence. I've viewed life from the other side, that is, an adventure, an opportunity to grow and progress. When I put my paints away shortly after college, 30 years ago, there was a sense that I might not pick them up again. But there was also this sense that it was an ABSOLUTE MUST to do so! And that same sense of hope drives me on, today!

Yes, I have a dis-ease; it will not allow me to rest! It will not allow me to accept the status quo and to live like everyone else! It drives me to solitude, to contemplation and to sharing "the good news" that a brighter day is coming!

Thought for The Day - Like a Child

You don't have to teach children how to play and pretend. And when you spend time with them, you can teach them to be responsible. Children can play all day and when they pretend to be like us adults, they are better at being adults than we are.

I have found in my life that I turned my back on a great deal of innocence and as a result obedience to my God given talent. I have heard it said, being an artist is more about being a warrior than anything else. You have to fight against everything you know to take responsibility for exercising your creativity. The world, via parents and authority figures, teach us to be responsible and "stop playing." We are told nothing good can come from "spending all your time, playing." I learned the lesson well; too well. It's easy to wash dishes, load the washer, dryer, fold clothes, run errands and such. But when I hear that small voice saying "let's play" (translation, "let's paint") I can think of something else that needs to be done. Or worse, being an adult, I'm always tired. And how does an adult, who has worked all day, spend their time? They sit in front of the television, allowing fun to "happen."

I would like to believe all is not lost; their is a reassurance from God's word that, in this moment, gives me hope. In Matthew 18:3, Jesus said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will not enter into the kingdom." While it sounds like I'm doing the opposite of what he suggests, there is a hidden nugget here. "Become like..." admittedly, I'm living diametrically opposed to the command. But the reassurance is what is "impossible with man is possible with God." So, in this moment, I ask God to "make me" like a little child, when it comes to exercising this gift He has placed in me. This is an admission of my weakness and a request for help. Amen!

Thought for The Day - All of That Stuff!

It's frustrating and maddening and at times, brings tears to your eyes! The times when you can't get what you want and when you make an effort and fail; it drives you crazy! And when well meaning people "encourage" you with "well meaning advice" that sounds a lot like suggestions of surrender! No matter where you turn, the whole world seems poised to destroy your good intention. But...

You are turning, meaning you continue to look for some way, "some how" to do what's in your heart! For some of us, it is an intention, like the roots of an Oak tree, buried in your soul! It's source of life so strong, no matter what conditions and storms exist, you fight like a undisputed champion, until you have achieved!

All of that energy, including what seems to work against you, is working in your favor and is the necessary fuel to propel your life forward! You keep fighting through it all! And "all of that stuff" will one day feel like encouragement and validation!

Thought for The Day - Shaped by the Wind

It is said that rock formations, land masses, as we know and especially decade old trees are shaped by the elements. The wind, rain and other factors we would not normally consider, shape what we view as "nature's handiwork" over long periods of time. But we ignore the form that occurs much closer to home: you and I.

When I was small, my family and I attended a small church on the west side of Chicago. My father talked about the congregation being large at one point, having about 30 members at a single time; makes me wonder how large is the average congregation! As long as I could remember, we had Sunday school for maybe a period of 6 months or less, and at approximately the age of 9 or 10, I was the teacher of one of the children classes - at least for a couple lessons.

All of my life, I have had a love and interest in matters of the spiritual nature. I have wondered at the marvels of history, especially as it connects to matters larger than 'us.' I "know" the significance of dreams even if I am often confused and overwhelmed at the specifics and how they play out in life. So is it any wonder, at the age of 12, I had a couple dreams that influenced me later on in life. In two separate dreams, I saw myself in the pulpit of that small westside church and understood what it meant. As I got older, I thought the likelihood of my standing in that specific pulpit would more than likely 'not' occur, especially after I joined another congregation in my young adult years. And my being in a pulpit, seemed further away as I neared that age of transition into adulthood. But God has a way of bringing you back around to what he - and you - want for you.

One evening, nearly a year after graduation from college, as I entered my parents house, I said a simple prayer, that went something like this: "Lord, you've blessed me. I have a car, good income, a wonderful girlfriend I would like to marry. What can I do to return my thanks to you?" His reply was simple: "answer my call." I knew exactly what he meant when it was said, however I wanted to be sure so I said "what?" And he said again, answer my call. I won't go into the specifics of what was exchanged afterwards, I will, however tell you this: it was extremely clear that the direction of my life was under his guiding hand.

There have been many turns and strange detours in my life. The "straight line" one would expect when that type of direction is given, has not occurred in my life. I can say, most assuredly, that I have come to trust God more and more since that time. And even when some of the difficulties challenge my sense of who He is, in one way or another, he reassures me that I am on the path he desires for me. This one thing I suggest for anyone who would follow God: trust that the "shape" you take may seem permanent; you may have a firm pattern of life. But trust, when good as well as difficult times come, you will find Him working in ways you can't begin to understand. But also trust He is indeed working to shape you as he sees fit.

Thought for The Day - Just a little further

Enter this space...

I'm Listening 24 x 30 oil painting

If you are bemoaning your current state because it's not where you want to to be, turn around and see how far you've come.

So many days I hated the life I was living. I worked a job where there was no way I would advance and didn't care to. I was on the verge of losing the job and as it was said to me by my boss at the time, it was because "You aren't happy." My car was old and always problematic and though I worked diligently in my church, respected by my students, somehow all the "positions of prestige" were awarded to others. I was depressed, so much so, I could not see any light at all. I held on to my faith, but I wasn't allowing it to hold me. It was a matter of perspective, and quite honestly, I spent each day looking at the ground!

One of the nagging issues in my life for many years was the absence of creativity. Sure I could creatively teach a Sunday School lesson, providing students with "food for the soul" to last a lifetime. I could preach a sermon, taking God's word and allowing it to filter through my perspective. When a friend or coworker needed to talk about their problems, I listened, prayed and opened my mouth to provide helpful suggestions and perspectives. But in my mind, this wasn't enough. I wanted to draw and paint.

It's 2014. I"ve been painting and drawing again nearly every day for five years. I always have an image or an idea for one in my head. At the moment, there's a painting and drawing that I can't wait to put my hand and soul upon!!! And I'm writing. I write every day, nearly all day. I'm sure my coworkers think I'm slacking off because I'm always hunched over my notepad writing something. When people need to talk, I listen. When they need a bit of advice or just another perspective, I'm there.

But the journey does not end there. In my heart, I can be as depressed as I was years ago. But depression, anxiety, even fear have a new perspective for me: they remind me "I'm not done yet!" I am thankful to be creative again. The very idea that I have more projects in mind that I have time to do is both motivating and depressing, but its so much further than years ago! Twenty years ago, I wouldn't allow myself to think about drawing and most certainly not painting. I built a 20' fence around visual expression.

The line from the

song comes to mind and tears flow :"my soul looks back and wonders, how I get over!" I know my journey has taken me much further than I thought possible. I would not tell you it's been easy! But it's not over! There are still people to reach, there are souls to be brought back to life through visual art, and words! And on my shoulders sit motivation and depression, both pushing me further. This is a declaration that until I die, I MUST GO ON... just a little further! 

Thought for The Day - Broken Pieces

Fractured...

Crumbling...

Fell or Falling apart...

Our lives in shambles at times

And the pieces don't "come together.."

But hope

Love

And

Faith are better than glue

I want to believe...

Not that I don't, not that I've had a severe drought of faith or that I doubt God will keep promises. It's that moment...that day when, seemingly out of the blue, it feels like the world is on the verge of cataclysm. Well, maybe that's a bit over-the-top. Maybe what I mean is in relation to ALL my hopes and the big dream, it seems like someone opened a chasm between that world and here.

It's my moment of crisis; the one where, for a minute, an hour, a day I hold with a tight grip, FEAR as though it were mine. It's that moment when I've lost sight of the constant reassurance, the reminders and the sense that my life has a purpose. And you know what? I'm not alone. Sure, we want to comfort one another and assure one another that "it's okay, God hasn't abandoned you." And yes, we should comfort one another with "these words." But everyone feels the same way. Everyone has those times when the bottom seems to fall out.

As adults we've become 'efficient' at going on. The more successful of us can get clean, dressed, and appear in any social setting, effectively suppressing our despair. But then again, nothing and everything can remind us of that sense of insecurity and dread.

We are a "solution-based" world; we want a fix, a resolution and we want it now! Stop this pain, and my misery! And yes, there are those who do nearly anything to dull the pain.

I want to believe...and I choose to believe. Though light does not appear in the immediate future, though it seems my prayers are thrown back in my face, though it feels like my life is less than yesterday's trash, I choose to believe. Sure, I want to cry out and present my case to God, reminding him that I'm here and I've been a good Christian, but there are times its best to sit with the pain. Sometimes, you just need to realize that yeah, I can still hurt, I still feel like I'm not worthy of anything good. And yeah, guilt, shame, and low self-esteem are part of my nature. And yet, when it's all said and done, I know my life counts for the greatest.