It's Alright

It's okay, really, it is. If you don't have every detail of the future you like, worked out in your head. It's okay if, in your past, you've been prone to fits of anger and sullenness, withdrawing from family when it seems they need you most. It's okay that your goals haven't materialized yet.

In the quiet of imagining the life you want, find the peace and sense of being whole and happy...stay there for just a bit. Now allow that same sense of being a whole person to guide you toward your dreams. And when things get rough as they often will, remember that peace. Seek peace and well-being.

5:02 AM

Entry point. The place where reality is set aside, when I enter the world of imagination and creativity. All the prep work is completed and I'm ready to begin my quest. Any thing in this space is great place to focus; it is a rich environment with stories and tales and adventures! And each day, I am fortunate to enter this place!

No admission fee is charged to take this ride; admission is free! And quite honestly, I visit throughout the day! I "sneak away" from the world of software testing and tan cubicles even while my body remains fixed in the chair, to bring life to this old mind! To write, to draw and paint; these are my passages to an amazing land! Oh, what's so fascinating? What's to be seen there? Skies where clouds rest just above head and water, crystal clear, full of glittering fish, large or small! Beautiful horses, with gleaming chestnut brown hides and white and black. Their "neigh" is loud as a trumpet and their trot like small thunderclaps! There are people busy working, but enjoying every moment of it. Women who love their men and their children and husbands who cherish their wives above everyone else! Music is heard every hour of the day and well into the night. And in this place, joy, peace and love rule the land! The adventure in this land is a result of exploration and it is an endless journey!

Come, go with me one morning! As a matter of fact, I invite you to go any time you are so inclined! Simply step away from the concerns of this world and let your mind take you where joy, love and peace rule!

Nugget and Root

Triplicate

Searching

That _____

The umph and ahhh

The something-something that changes and unravels the mystery of one's life

Searching

Digging

Breaking up

Giving up

Surrendering

And trying again and again and again

Searching

Seeking

Getting advice

And venting one's soul

Replacing

Substituting

Hoping 'this' will be a reasonable replacement for 'that'

Looking in eyes

Examining hair and expressions

Hoping "he" or "she"

Will be the solution for the ache

Giving up

Settling

Disillusion becoming dis-ease in your mind body and soul

Holding a glimmer of hope

An ember buried in the dust of years of trying

Waiting for someone, something somewhere

To BE

Thought for The Day - What does it mean?

Forgive my rambling this morning. Without the reported high profile, headline making cases of police abuse, I can have my own level of frustration. There is so much turmoil and yet, you and I will get in our cars, on public transportation and go to work - whatever that is for you. We wear clothes and shoes, manufactured by people we may never know, under circumstances that would shame us if we did. We buy food in stores with layers of management, everyone needing a check to take home and feed their families. We fill trash cans full of food wrappers, discarded food and other items and there is no telling where this goes. Stuff, stuff, stuff!

We have relationships that are meaningful, but in all of our relationships, some things are said and others not. We can be forgiving, but repeated disregard continues. We can love and be ignored; we can give our "all" and yet remain empty handed and be left with no hope of change. We can talk, communicate our concern for improvement and never see a change on the other side of our "relationship equation." More stuff, stuff, stuff!

Layers of government; from the local, town, county, state and country to the international community. In our democratic society, we are "allowed" to elect who will "lead" us and unless we as a large constituent enforce our needs and wants, the politicians disappear to their local, county, state and federal meeting places and make decisions we would never agree with! Certainly, we need the processes in place, but in the scheme of getting and keeping our piece of the pie, we can't invest the time to ensure the democratic process works in our favor. It's just more stuff, stuff, stuff!

You know, I'm not coming close to scratching the surface and perhaps this isn't the place to do so. Like the complex layers of our society and our global community, there are both good and bad qualities in each of us. We are both victim and abuser in any given day! We can love and hate, ignore or lavish others with our care. And yet, in all of this, above all of this...

Thought for The Day - Under

Remains Calm (in progress) 30 x 40 oils

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

The surface placid
Reflection covers the surface,
But makes the surroundings look the same
No movement except small waves
Like a gentle breeze

Beneath it all
Life
Movement
and disturbance
Life isn't calm
Remains volatile
And on a constant cycle of change
The circle of life
Volatility of birth, maturity and death
Endless shifts
And a constant movement

For now
The surface
Cool and trouble free
But beneath
You know there is LIFE

Thought for The Day - Remaining Calm

Linen, Remaining Calm 30 x 40 oil (in process!)

The best laid plans of mice and men...

I can start a piece, intent on going "this way." But subtle changes crop up, appear dazzling and grand and I'm off in a different direction. The wonderful thing about it, is the entire process is a lesson in planning and trusting God to guide me along the way. A coworker had a saying up years ago: "Man plans, G__ laughs." I prefer to think of it as it's said in Proverbs 16:1: "To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue."

"Remaining Calm (working title, already changed from yesterday)" is a piece about just that: Calm, and remaining that way. Personally, I'm a big of calm, of smooth of peaceful. Even now, a recording by Pat Metheny plays in the background and in Pat's style, there is often this sense of something "epic" going on. But there's always a sense of tranquility. Creativity can be chaotic; often that's exactly what it is. The process can be full of anger, frustration and a sense of loss. But the completed product, the fully laid out message defines a start, a middle and an ending. In that sense, all messages are alike, but what is said, what is communicated through music, dance, fashion and in my case word and visually, is completion.

Peace.

Thought for The Day - Troublin' Times

Oh it's a troublin'
These days and times
We don't know where we're goin
 And we sho' don't know how to get there!

I look out my window and see the movement of traffic north and south. All day, cars (people) going and coming, visiting and leaving, here and there. A billion thoughts, feelings, memories, todays and tomorrows going by. While it is dark, their thoughts are driving by, not resting, not enjoying a warm bed or the arms of a lover. It is, indeed 'troubled times.' Like a constant churning of waters from below, it leaves us all 'unsettled' and wondering.

I guess we love our drama...we like it served on fine china, on mahogany dining tables underneath crystal chandeliers. We like to trouble the waters - in another's life - and complain when others aren't giving us our dessert with the silver plated dessert fork. We are a troubled people.

All across the land, over the seas and in the far reaches of continents undiscovered (Maybe they should remain undiscovered; there might be peace there. But Lord knows we won't let it remain that way!), trouble rules the land! And when we lie down, our dreams are full of the raging, boiling waters of turmoil and chaos.

And yet the children play when we let them... undisturbed, full of laughter and not a care (trouble) in the world. But not for long; we need them as fodder for this fight!

Thought for The Day - I AM

Far away, Get away

Triplicate

I'm listening

Thought and motion
Speed and sound
Fast and slow
Tomorrow, yesterday and today
When you sleep I am awake
And when you awake we are at play
Your mind and mine
Blending
Crossing
Intersecting
I pull anxiety and delusional stress from your body
As if it were a blend of fiber optic chords
Active and dancing with chaos
I am both the sane an the sickly insane
I live in between your joints and the marrow in your bone
I am the rhythm of a a thousand vehicles
Stretched from her to there
Brakes lights blinking off and on
And the trillion thoughts
Darting from "She said ____"
And "the statistics say I'll never _____"
I am quiet country paths
Not qualified to be called roads
Worn by the press of old tires
Horse hooves
And the feet of humanity
I am lush green forests
Where tiny streams run on the surface
And beneath it
Too remote to experience machinery yet
And too precious to ever receive it.
I am peace and quiet
Sunrise and sunset
The finest most minute bit of energy -
I am -
And the spanse of billions of galaxies
full of life no human would ever recognize
When your thoughts won't allow rest
I am the quiet tremor running alongside
Silently pleading for your attention
And offering peace
I am both here and now
And completely out of touch
When tomorrow you sleep and dream
And tomorrow you wake
You won't remember me
But I will always be here
I am...

Thought for The Day - Spices

It began when I was about 12 years old, one of those Saturday mornings when my mother decided to teach my sister and I how to prepare our own breakfast. Eggs, bacon and toast. That lead to eggs, bacon or sausage and french toast. And that lead to omelets, ham and eventually to pancakes, eggs and whatever breakfast meat available. The consistent part of breakfast was eggs. I had 'em scrambled, fried and the one I could never get used to: sunny side up. But the one part of eggs I loved was the variety of seasonings that could be added.

You grow up in various parts of the west side of Chicago and the western suburbs and the world is a small place. The interests and cultures may seem similar, but it is getting to know people that you find out their likes and dislikes, their habits and music preferences. Expand your circle and you find out how wonderfully complex humankind really is! Foods, music, books, religion; these can all be ways to divide us but they are ways to show how we blend together. You can live next door to a family or individual or a completely different culture and background and spend hours talking about your common interests as well what makes you unique! You can ride public transportation with a banker, nurse, street sweeper or a doctor and have extensive conversations about life and baseball. This is the spice of life!

Thought for The Day - Knowing Self

My newest hobby: freshwater aquariums. Growing up, I would see them in the store - back then, nearly every major department store carried a selection of goldfish and "one-offs." As long as my mom would allow, I would stand in front of the tanks, listening to the water filtering in and out and watching the fish. At 15, I got my first aquarium; a ten gallon aquarium that I cleaned faithfully for the next three years or so. Filled it with black Mollies and gold Platys and a bunch of snails. But this year, on my birthday, my wife bought a huge 37 gallon aquarium! It was all I had not to go out the same day and fill it with fish! Since that time, I have filled it and will add more as the tank matures.

My wife's one thing: I don't have many colorful fish in it. She's right, but the pet stores of today are "extremely helpful" - the good one's anyway. They made suggestions for 'starter' fish, creatures that are hardy and can tolerate fluctuations in temperature and chemicals naturally produced in our unstable industrialized water supply. They happen to be plain and small. Again, it was all I had not to populate the tank quickly, but that being said, I ignored advice from the sales reps in the store and good friends at work who also have or had aquariums. Angel fish had to make it in the tank and so far, they get along well with the rest of the community.

I'm sitting in my space at the moment, staring at my "third" tank. I wanted a smaller aquarium for my space, to look at while painting and writing. Tranquil, peaceful and lively... I filled it with fish that are as just as unappealing as the larger tank, but fish that love to be in schools of 6 or more. There movement as a group is beautiful and relaxing...

Some of my coworkers and others I've talked with spoke of their aquariums. The fish they've had are far more appealing. Beautiful colorful fish, but aggressive and in some cases predatory. The type of fish you feed with smaller fish! Mind you, I want colorful fish, but not predatory fish. And the one thing each person that had these fish said: "circle of life." meaning you see bigger fish eat smaller fish. Nope, not me. Community, unity, one place, like the world I desire...

My music preferences:

• Relaxing
• Romantic
• Soft
• Truthful
• Inspiring
• Thought-provoking

My book preferences:

• Educational
• Informative
• When violent, with a purpose
• Historical
• Romantic

My Desired World:

• Thoughtful
• Community - other minded
• Unified
• Peaceful
• Nurturing
• Growing

Thought for The Day - Pleasant

I'm Listening 24 x 36 Oils

A moment, quietly reflected, peaceful, lingering like a cool breeze...

Thought for The Day - Float

A Day in The Water 24 x 30 Oils

Slowing my pace
Easing my mind
Present in this moment alone
The world is a tranquil place
The waves of water carry me along

Nerve endings respond
On impulse
Turning over on my back
and turning my thoughts
from slight panic
To calm acceptance
I float along on my back

Submerge into the depths
Eyes open
But not seeing much more
Than sun illuminated blue
Ears, detecting murky voices
And the sound of water
Close to the eardrums

All is peaceful in this place
There is no hasty schedule to keep
No work deadlines to panic
There is only the peace of floating
In liquid tranquility

Floating upward
The need for reality
And air
Burning in my chest
And mind
Just before I breathe in
I pause
To imagine
If only life could be lived
In these depths!

Thought for The Day - It's Quiet for this time of the...

Somber

Introspective

Meditative

Solitude

Realize, you are never alone.

I've always been one to consider, to contemplate and absorb. I can remember from very early childhood, watching a television show and realizing, if it was a drama or detective show, in the first five minutes, the premise of this episode would be revealed. If it was an hour long show, the next 50 minutes would be dedicated to revealing the twists, pitfalls and ultimately the resolution. Pretty much always.

Watching my mother prepare dinner - and now my wife - the timing is nearly the same: prepare it with enough time to eat, clean, sit down for a bit and prepare for the next day.

Taking time to examine details usually requires concentration. Not that you and I, in a pinch, can't figure things out in the heat of the moment, but usually we can't be distracted by twelve other things. We need a moment to reflect. And the best time to do so...

Is early in the morning, while the house is quiet and the traffic - in and out of the house is at a minimum.

When you're out walking. Perhaps you walk for exercise, or to see who's where in your neighborhood. You might walk to the bus or train or to work. But it's a great time to take in your surroundings and determine where you "are" in the grand scheme of life.

When you're driving. You may be one of those people who require silence when you're driving. I prefer to have music playing, but there are times when the silence works as well.

It's always quiet at this time of the _________ because in those moments, your thoughts turn inward. We are more prone to listen, to consider and to be aware that while we are one being in the universe, the very fact of existence is known because we are there to experience it.

Be.

Thought for The Day - The Inner Dialogue

I struggled with the title, but "id" won. :)

There is a a part of me that loves the brightness of the day and the quiet of the night. It isn't moved by the sense of right we "conscious thinkers" are troubled by. It isn't violent or prone to long dissertations about politics, race relations, and whether prayer should be allowed in schools. No, it's preference is to take in the many textures and tones around me. It loves to touch soft skin, to smell oranges and eucalyptus held by a lady on the train. There is this part of me that revels in music improvised by Robert Glasper Experiment, on the spot at a NPR Desk Jam - another smile!

But there is this other part of me that worries and frets over the appropriateness of the moment: should I be painting, considering there's a stack of laundry, books and tasks to be executed? I shouldn't spend too much time looking out the window at work; what would my bosses think? And who has time to get all this stuff done? Why isn't there more time in a day?

These parts (and so many more) serve their purpose. We are all composed of a myriad number of intersecting, intermingled and completely oppositional components. And yet, through it all, we get through the day, the week, this life. Just make sure you allow "joy" to rule the journey.

Peace
Be

Thought for The Day - Comfort

Study for Pre-Dawn Light 18 x 24 charcoals

Though I'm all but out the door to start the day, this is one of those days, based on the temperature outside, prediction of snow and the mountain of assigned tests to be executed, a great day to stay bundled up in a comforter, reading and listening to good music. I haven't had a day like that in years! But it feels like it would be ideal.

So I choose comfort in what lies ahead. I choose to enjoy this moment, first of all, music playing in the background, Sarah Vaughn singing "I'm Gonna Laugh You Out of My Life." I will take comfort that I really can lift more than I could when I was 20 and pump iron until sweat rolls! I will take comfort in the warmth of the CTA train as it makes it way into downtown Chicago. And I will take comfort that I have income and great people to work with.

Perspective; sometimes, often, I think of what I don't have and seek comfort there. But isn't wonderful to know that even as I sit, imagining a "better world," I do so while being fed, clothed, sheltered and eternally loved?

God's blessings on your day!

Thought for The Day - Puzzle Pieces

Sleeping Beauty (in progress) - 8 x 11 pencils

After the Dance (in progress) 18 x 24 charcoal

The subject is a recurring 'theme' in my life, from my earliest experience with jigsaw puzzles, I have loved the very complexity of them. Putting them together, finding the pieces that fit perfectly together and the hours of looking for those pieces to fit perfectly. I certainly owe it to myself to invest in a 1000 piece puzzle or more, and do it soon!

Now mind you, every moment spent with a puzzle isn't pleasure. There are times when I want to toss the whole thing in the trash! The times where you are sure a piece fits, you place it down, only to find after trying to fit another to it's complex corners, there's the tiniest gap! And you begin again, trying to find the right piece! Or the times you sit turning and twisting pieces, and after what seems to be a long time, not one piece is put in place.

I've wanted to be an artist all my life, since I saw my mom casually drawing cubes and flowers in a pot. I learned how to do the same types of drawings pretty quickly and move to "race cars" - this little boy's fascination with power and going fast! Then I moved to drawing people, one of the most complex 'designs' to tackle. Faces, arms, the intricate twist of muscles, bones and flesh and expressions are pieces I'm constantly studying and working on! The ride on public transportation or a walk at lunch is an opportunity to study these pieces and see how they fit together.

And my life is the same; my individual pieces, with my wife, children, extended family, church family, 'work family,' and on and on and on...putting it together; new parts introduced all the time. There are times it's beyond frustrating! I want to walk away from this puzzle and disappear to a place where the pieces are few and far between! But this is the complexity of my life and 'putting us together' is my excellent work.

Thought for The Day - Arms Open Wide

Moments...seriously, that's all I - and you - have. I don't know what its like to wake on a tropical island and not have to be concerned with getting back home and to work. I don't know what's it like to have the luxury of a beautiful home I don't have to leave to go someone's office or factory. My life isn't filled with concerts and a day at the museum or gallery. But I have moments.

I have these precious moments, waking long before dawn. Sitting at my computer or with a pen and pad of paper in hand, I write. Words appear, but really, it's my soul that takes shape, moving from the invisible to the world of sensation. I draw in charcoal and pastel, and then try to give a title to what my soul expresses. Music is always my companion, whether it's a song in my head I've heard or have yet to write, it plays constantly. The hum of cars going by or the "pop" of a house growing old, keep my thoughts on track.

When the day feels like it's dragging me through the mud, I remember these times of quiet and solitude. I find a place to get to, I spread my arms and lift off to a place away from it all. I long to fly!

Thought for The Day - To There

Get there

Be there

That place of peace and undisturbed joy

An elusive place

the place of calm

When all around is a cauldron of chaos

But we continue searching

Looking

For that place to be

To

There

We go

Thought for The Day - Stillness

The Phoenix

I've found this to be true by experience: when we are running and scrambling and "living the life," it takes a quiet moment to take it all in. I don't mean "getting on top of your game," I mean putting life in perspective. It's certainly our habit to move as fast as we can, as often as we can and way beyond our energy supply. WE ARE RUNNING ON FUMES!!!

But when you've run until there is no daylight remaining in your soul, when your bones are hollow and your heart heavy...sit still...allow the quiet of your thoughts to refuel you and fill your mind.

I've found peace can be found in the midst of the most chaotic day. It occurs when I make the effort to "pull away" from the madness, to listen to the 'buzz' around me and hear the rhythm behind it all.

In the quiet of my mind, I find solace and renewal. I am made whole once again.

The challenge? To keep from running so low that I go long periods without making this connection.

Thought for The Day - Where Do You Find It?

It's hiding in the obvious places, places you've overlooked.

Peace

Love

Contentment

Hope

Faith

Intrinsic ingredients of life!

But in a given period of time, we can lose sight of them. And yet these key components are sitting beside us, surround us in the walls of our home, sustain us as we sit down to a meal and smile back at us from the face of our children.

Don't look far and wide, look within your heart and around you: It's right there!