Five Minutes

Looking at the clock, five minutes before I hit the streets...

Five minutes before I'm late

Five minutes before my blood boils

Five minutes after I'm gone, the room will be in chaos

Five minutes until the top of the hour

Five minutes more to sleep

Five minutes

Five minutes

Five minutes

Always time conscious, but always out of it and always momentous...

Five minutes...

Thought for The Day - Crumble

That's about what I would like to do with my "exterior" life. I've read the book "The Artist's Way" a few times and I've come to realize, I have a problem with "playing." Not playing video games, chess or going out for a walk - though that is more like work than play. I don't relax and allow the art to flow! I can produce great work, I love the colors and textures and doing the "work," but there is a mental block that implies I have to be serious about it and that art should become a replacement for my job. There are some mental shifts and changes I need to make and while I look forward to a change, and can imagine how I will be, getting there - especially through the process  of "playing" - it' a mystery!

I know we are trained from childhood, to be responsible adults; to a certain extent, we spend our adult life "pretending" to love working. And in the moment, I am quite envious of those who have discovered a way to balance "play" with "work" to the extent, none of 'us' know which they are doing. But what I don't know is how I will relax this outer shell to be one of those individuals! I have my moments, I can sit and draw or paint, have a great time in conversations, but at some point, in the back of my head,  a clock ticks louder, indicating it's time to get back to work.

No solutions or suggestions in this entry, just me talking.

Growth

Transition

Progress.

Thought for The Day - A Couple Days Off

I'm taking a couple days off from work and really looking forward to it! It's been a busy year and I haven't made time to get to my "real" work. I've been using my vacation days when I was sick longer than the 6 days allowed for a year and cleaning water out of our basement. I've used days for doctor's visits and other errands, so these days will hopefully be somewhat relaxing.

I have a bunch of tasks to do around the house, so I won't completely relax. Still there is something to be said to get out of the routine of the daily commute, sitting at a desk and daily triage calls. Breaking the pattern of days long and exhausting, where I get home with only enough energy to arrange tomorrow's clothes...yeah I need this time off!

Thought for The Day - Five Minutes

"I'll be ready in 5 minutes! (more like 30)"

"This will only take a minute."

"Give me just 5 minutes of your time."

Nothing and a lot can happen in five minutes...and that is testament to the life we live. There is always something going on and yet there is a great deal of our time wasted within the same time frame. It is my sincerest prayer that "your time" is filled with productive time, even if you simply need to "take five," i.e. rest. There is a great deal at stake and far too much divine potential in us to spend time waiting for "things to happen."

Thought for The Day - Exercise

Soul Dance 8 x 11 colored pencils

Very physical

Very demanding

Taxing the soul and mind and body

But beneficial as well...

This exercising of energy and thought and emotions. This breaking of solitary contemplation. The cessation of activity to quiet the mind. Unfortunately, we leave our mind to languish, while we drive and perform 8 hour tasks, once we learn how to do with little menal participation. I mean we sit or stand and think about stuff like, "where is that woman now? What am I eating for dinner? What was that movie, that Sidney Poitier starred in back in 196_?"

I've watched my middle son build cranes and pulleys with his toys and my weight training equipment. Then he moved to robots used for competition in high school. Now he's the consummate photographer, understanding the complexities of apertures and shutter speeds and multi-flash units. I've observed actors and actresses take on the persona of their character and do it with such little effort, you are certain that's who they are in "real life." I've listened to Sarah Vaughn sing with such velvet fluidity that I'm certain she must  have drank olive oil to keep her voice smooth. People practicing their craft or their intellect or their desire.

Exercise calls for a unity of mind, body and soul. It requires going into places where difficulty lives, where stress works for you, not against you. And it requires that you pull for sources rarely encountered in our "real world." Here's a little known fact: everyone has the ability to EXERCISE. It requires a willingness and it requires time.

Today: "bend and stretch, reach for the stars, stand on tippy-toes, reach for Mars." EXERCISE!

Thought for The Day - A Thousand Miles

The Turn 12 x 18 pastels

Think in terms of travel. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. But beginning ain't nothing compared to the journey. A thousand miles is composed of many steps and each step, while you're closer to your destination, countless thoughts, calculations and feelings occur. We are a myriad of thoughts, impressions and feelings. In a given moment, hundreds of impulses go through our head. In a moment, you can be on a path one way and decide to get off, it seems, because the wind change directions. But truthfully, there are hundreds of decisions occurring in your head continuously!

I find myself on that journey and each day "you" are in each footstep. I think of each person who might read this post. I consider the place you find yourself in your own journey and I pray each step brings you closer. I consider those who have not read and some day, may "stumble" on this path; I wonder what they will think, what they will say. I laugh when I recall finding people to follow through social networks or I've read their books on self-improvement. I've argued, laughed and given serious thought to their thoughts. With some, I've argued against their logic and even fumed over it, but their journey is not mine; we just happen to be going the same direction for a period of time. 

There are times when I look down "this path" and wonder how much longer? Oh, I'm not after a certain place; I know life is a journey. But one has to realize there are times when you feel weary, when you have tried 'this' and 'that' and the return isn't what satisfies. I don't plan to lie down and die; I've come to far and while it seems like I'm a million miles from my desire, I keep pressing forward. It's my desire to see you doing the same.

Thought for The Day - The Work

There is the "stuff" we do to support our habit and the stuff we do for love...

This is what I do for love.

Thought for The Day - (in process)

Linen (in process - a snippet) 30 x 40 Oils

Nice title; usually I include in parenthetical words: "in process" when I display something I'm still working on. There are times when I display work I've completed, but the joy of having this digital format is I can capture a snippet of the image as it is being developed, and share it in this outlet. I get to share the journey of my work with you.

I'm "in process;" I woke this morning and lay in bed for another thirty minutes, my normal routine of rising early and getting to the gym, broken by "another fall." I'm recuperating and trying not to worry about the falling too much. But as part of my "processing," I have to consider what occurs in the physical, determine if there is a spiritual correlation and if so, what the "breaking, falling and pain" mean in my life. Lying there, I prayed about the significance of my life. I'm a dreamer and have always been. I've always felt like my life had a bigger purpose and praying about it, I recalled hearing clips of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches played on a local AM radio station between segments. I remember from childhood to young adulthood, hearing those snippets and feeling like his words not only meant something for me, but were there to spur me to my own mission. But I also remembered that at some point, because "nothing was happening" I stilled the stirring emotions. I ignored the light that shines in my soul. Actually, in so many ways, I've done this and in truth, at any given moment, I could do the same again. However, I have to admit, that in so many ways, I know I'm "in process" and much closer to that larger significance than I want to believe.

Being "in process" doesn't mean that once I'm "done," that's all there is to it. No, it's actually like leaving one room and entering into another, leaving one country and passing into another. There remains more work to do and more challenges. All I can do is keep moving.

Thought for The Day - Slippin'

Triplicate (in process) pastels

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."

Yeah...that 'happens.' And it happens to most of us. It isn't that we are without desire of that we don't want to achieve: success, recognition, or live better. But this "planning" and "following through" stuff? Well, that doesn't happen.

So many of us spend our days, miserable at jobs, anxious for the weekend and looking forward to retirement. For the first (full-time jobs), that usually "just" happens; we 'end up' at some company because we applied at 50 of them, we had some skills they could use and they were willing to pay us. We get benefits and enough money to stay miserable. For the weekend and retirement, we hope "it just happens." We hope on the weekend, we will do "something" that's exciting, but usually, we have a bunch of personal stuff to complete, since we're too tired in the week. And then there's retirement; that nagging sinking feeling that the government mandated time is too far away and that we are ill prepared for a fixed income. All-in-all, with all this stuff happening, I think we are digging ourselves a wonderful hole to sink into!

You know, there's something to be said for the people who live their life in spite the warnings and corrections of well meaning 'advisors.' Especially those who achieve. Their "planning" is worked out in their  head, their actions carry out on a daily basis, a practice that allows them to be prepared for an 8 - 5, the weekends and retirement if they choose. But maybe I'm romanticizing a life I'm not living...

Slippin'...it just happens.

Thought for The Day - Chill in My Bones

Each morning, I go through this process: wake early, leave the comfort of my bed, go to the basement and my carved out space. It's a beautiful 7' x 11' space, exposed brick walls on two of the four walls and a painted concrete floor beneath my feet. On many of the walls, there are reminders of the purpose of this space; my work, pictures I want to do "some day" and inspiration in the form of a poster of Henry Ossawa Tanner's story told in brief. But since it's winter, the space is C-O-L-D!!! I've put in a little space heater with a wonderful thermostat and it's off more than it's on! Sometimes I wonder if the heater "recognizes" that this space is cold - or is it just me? (it just kicked on again - thank God!)

Growing up, living in my parents home, the basement was my refuge! I didn't have art supplies as I do, now. I would use the basement to "practice driving" on a little game board I had, I would practice playing an old organ my parents bought years before, or play pinball on a kid sized machine. I had race tracks and train tracks I would set up and play as well. And there were the jigsaw puzzles I put together. But one thing I remember about that basement is it was always cold! Depending on the outside temperature, that space could be very cold, but I would stay in that space as long as I could! No carpet or space heater, no forced air blowing down on me; this was an old "boiler" heated home and the radiators were on the first floor! There were times I would either refuse to go to the basement or go back up to the house because I could barely stand that temp. It didn't matter how much "fun" I was going to have down there! I hate the cold!

Now in both places, there are times I simply endure the pain - this morning being one of them. And there are times when, once I get to work, the sensation of being cold seems to disappear. When I'm writing or painting, the act of releasing that creative energy seems to chase away the cold. And from childhood, I have wondered if the cold was in "my head" or was I really freezing? There are times, it's best to choose to ignore the pain of my circumstances and allow the beauty of the moment to grab my attention. And then there are times, it's best to climb back to a space that is warm and inviting. But it always comes down, are you up to the task?

Consider.

Thought for The Day - Radiance, A Burst of Light

Words and Images...I love this work!

A few months ago, when I began this process of blogging the "Thought for The Day," I told a coworker that there are times when this is HARD! She said "I thought you love doing it?" And I said I do, but love isn't always pleasure; there are times when love is pain and ache and longing.

There are days when I look at my work and ask myself "what am I doing? This is a waste of time and those brush strokes are terrible!" There are days when I can't help but think about what I'm working on (in my head) as I sit testing software. There are times when I wake and I "have to" put a couple brush strokes or place a couple strokes of the pastels.

A labor of love, some tears and a blend of my soul as I pour it out. The words aren't always poignant and soft; sometimes truth hurts. But then, there are times when the very brightness of the effort is the reward longed for.

Peace!

Thought for The Day - Practice Session

I was nine or ten years old, living on the West side of Chicago. My mom and I decided it would be a good idea for me to learn to play the piano. I guess there's a musician buried beneath all of the other creative stuff I do comfortably. Initially, she would take me, wait in the entry area, while I had my lesson. But eventually, I had to walk the four or five blocks by myself. I used that time to imagine my playing the songs I learned in class. Of course, the teacher suggested that I practice at home, but we didn't have a piano and small Casio keyboards weren't available so many years ago. But we had a small organ, which, when I think about it, was a blessing. I would try to play the songs I learned in class and it seemed like I never got the sound just right. But I would practice.

I had an older cousin who was far more gifted in music than I and on the day of a recital, his mom and mine were there. My playing was simple and choppy barely getting through the song without too many errors, but my cousin, he played like a young concerto! He had the look and the confidence as he played each note. The music lessons lasted maybe a year before we moved and I never was that good at playing. I did learn to place my hands on a piano or keyboard properly and I can still pick out middle C.

A few years ago, I tried my hand at poetry and unlike the piano lessons, there wasn't anyone to guide me. It was on my shoulders, but the burden seemed light. To express myself with words, creatively, with flow, pitch and depth...it flowed easily. Now, I'm not one to appear on a stage and read it - at least not yet - and there's all this expectation that one does it with the swagger and confidence of the "spoken word" crowd...that's not me! but I continue to practice word creativity; this is one way to do so.

I guess, in essence, the painting and drawing, the writing and now reading up on guitar playing - yeah, trying that now - are my practice sessions. And it all meant to serve, inform and uplift.

Thought for The Day - W-O-R-K

The Beginning Of... 18 x 24 Pastels

Not your classic four letter word and I guess it goes to a fallen nature to think work is a necessary evil. It's a necessary benefit and blessing! But I'm not talking about the type of work where your hands, feet, mouth and mind move without regards to your soul. No, I'm referring to work that springs from caring and compassion. I've watched my wife for years, as she prepares lessons or as she does these days, reading material and researching strategies to guide children as they grow. I know artists, writers and health care professionals who aren't pretending they love what they're doing, they are living the life as if they were a child at play.

You know, even children work; when a child is having fun, usually they aren't doing it sitting still. They are active, their hands and feet and mind and body playing a game or pretending they are creating an imaginary world. Their mind and soul prepare them to live a life full of joy. But it's the adult world with a series of choices that bend them into bitter adults, dreading the majority of any given day. It's our droning on and on about "getting ready to face the real world" and "get a job that pays good money," as if that is all we live for.

Could we have a "do-over?" Could we erase the slate and try this again? I for one, would love to write about fantasies and stories with happy endings. I would rather spend my time coloring the world we live in and playing as if nothing mattered. But...

It's a matter of choice: curse or blessing. It's a matter of perspective.

Thought for The Day - Rise

Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

Rise! 18 x 24 pastels

When the night passes, it is your time to shine...

It really has become a habit to wake before the sun rises. Even after long drives that stretch from one the beginning of one day and nearly into the next, I am compelled to rise before the sun. There is something about the solitude of that time of the morning, waking, writing, exercising, painting, drawing and allowing my mind to cross the expanse of light; my soul soars at the opportunity!

And as it is, some days are challenging! Often, the expectation that this 'just another day' full of challenges and setbacks makes me want to sleep just a little longer. But at this point, no matter how deep the sleep or intricate the dreams are (I love a good 'puzzle'), sleep falls away and I'm up, preparing to face another day.

This is a journey, a chasing of a life, of dreams to manifest and the revelation of soul. As the night passes, it is your time to rise!

Thought for The Day - Try, Try Again

Always trying...something new, what seems old; try it again. Maybe this time, another time, it "works." And isn't that ultimately what we want out of life? If I move to this neighborhood, this city, attend this school, marry this woman, maybe 'it' will 'work' for me. Maybe I will earn enough, my belongings won't stolen or vandalized; maybe I will have peace and a "good life." Always trying, always searching.

We won't fault an individual for trying, even when we feel like they're wasting their time. We all stand accused of trying to shift the world to our favor, of connecting our effort to our desires. And everyone capable of reading this will try it again, and again, and again. Why? Because as long as we live, we are motivated to brighten our life, bring beauty and completion to our lives.

And so it goes. Many will read these words, their mind already focusing on a way to do better or their feet and hands moving in the direction of a richer life. Keep at it; it's what we are designed to do.

Thought for The Day - The J-O-B

Study for Predawn Light - Charcoal 18 x 24

Would I write everyday is if I had to? If it were my job to write something significant and meaningful and encouraging, could I muster up the strength to do so? Not sure; I love writing and reading and music and visual art, but every day? Really?

A few months ago, I started this "Thought for The Day" with a coworker, who seemed to need it. It was a "shot in the dark," a hand extended to simply say "it will be okay." Didn't mean much, just a way to assure someone who needed it. I've blogged before, tried to do it here and on my website, but honestly, the weigh of it was a bit much. Neither here nor there, at the moment. Anyway, she received the words heartily and "challenged" me to deliver it daily. I laughed at the thought, but seconds later, gave it careful consideration. Pretty much, without fail, she has received encouragement, warnings or whatever the Spirit of God lays on my heart to share with her, since.

The audience may be small or large; some read and continue with their day and I never hear from them. Some respond with a "like" on Facebook or a comment on the blog page. But it doesn't matter; when I open my heart to the words, images, colors and textures, it behooves me to spread the message to who ever will read, see and most important receive. Funny thing about all this "sharing," it is as therapeutic to write it as it is to share it. And when you receive it, whether you acknowledge, now, later or ever, the words complete their task.

Years ago, another coworker challenged my 'right' to entitle a business "HIS WORDS;" she considered the "proper" expression, "His Word" coming from a particular, cultural perspective. I think it's appropriate to call it "His Words," because they - the "words" - are delivered in multiple ways and channels. If you are willing to listen, to see and again, to receive, He is speaking to you so much and so often, you will never believe God is a distant voyeur in your life. You will see him as integrally woven into the very fabric of all creation. My role, for this blip in time, is to deliver to you, what is given to me. Remain faithful to your task, you responsibility as well.

ALL WORK IS HONORABLE

There was a time when I couldn’t say that. “Work” was the “bitter pill” to swallow and in a culture that focuses on weekends, vacations, holidays and retirement, the honorable message is buried. Sure, we’re encouraged to be successful at our careers, work effectively and strive for advancement, but the constant mantra heard is “Thank God it’s Friday” and “I hate Mondays.” Lord knows I’ve said them both for a long time!

A few years ago, I got this crazy notion: why can’t work be enjoyable? I didn’t get a quick response, but I continued asking the question. I remember one afternoon, I had business to handle in the near north area of Chicago’s loop area. Taking a cab over, when I got in the area, I was amazed at the expressions on the people’s faces. Nearly everyone seemed to be relaxed, unhurried, shopping and taking in the sunshine. And hear I was, watching my watch, trying to account for every minute and avoid going over my lunchtime. My impression of these people was they all had money; they had to be “trust fund” babies because they didn’t have my attitude and the rushed, anxious appearance of people just 5 blocks south. But on many occasions, I ran into people like this. Midday, mid-morning, afternoon, there are people out, shopping and some are working, and they look like they don’t have a care in the world. Why couldn’t I have that?

It’s recently that I have come to believe all work is honorable. But the statement begs completion: not all work is appropriate for everyone. A biblical principle spelled out in 1 Corinthians 12: 14, says, “The body is not made up of one part but of many.” It goes on to give the illustration of a foot saying “because I’m not the hand, I’m not part of the body.” So it is with us. We all have roles and a position. Take my word for it, I have tried on many roles and some of them weren’t a good fit. Until recently, I was determined to be a degreed, licensed counselor. I may still counsel, but I can tell you, there is no more honorable task for me than painting and writing. You see I have found a way to live like those people I saw in the near north side of Chicago. It begins with knowing myself and that leads to expending energy appropriately.

Before I get deeply profound, I must say this has been a long journey around a mountain. I’ve known most of my life I should be doing art, but I did everything else. It wasn’t until I faced me, stopped ‘me’ in my tracks and asked, “What are you doing?” I mean it was an honest question with a huge expectation of a response. I came to the conclusion that nothing else for me mattered. I will not stop being a husband, father, brother, minister, teacher or counselor. But nothing else ‘works’ without the center, the critical link for all. Giving in to the “artist’s life” is one of the most significant decisions I’ve made in my life.

Suggestion? Think back to your childhood, when you played in a yard, playground, with friends or alone. Remember the role you thought you were; maybe you were a doctor or dancer or singer. It didn’t matter if you were good or bad at it, it was what you did and who you were. In my opinion, it’s time to let the kid out to play again. Everything else is a misfit; everything else is work without honor. Peace!