Thought for The Day - Canvas

I start with a blank canvas

A blank space

A white sheet of paper

Or a white electronic page

What I do with that space...

It comes from "here." That space beneath the surface of my skin. It reaches way beyond reasoning or scientific calculations and if I had to map it, I couldn't. I choose what comes up, but what is there is far more than I could write, paint or draw at one time! There are thoughts, emotions, impressions and snippets that blend. There are moments when 'expectations' prevent my writing; I can fume over "what will ______ think? How will this affect ______ as they read it? Am I pushing the envelope and will people accept the image I'm considering?" On and on, again and again, the "fear" prevents me, but practice keeps me going. And I write and write, draw and paint until my soul says "enough!"

A blank space can be filled with anxiety, but that space is your opportunity to talk about it, draw it, dance it. But ultimately, it is your willingness to share who you are!

Thought for The Day - Dinner is Served

Since it's fall, I have a desire for soups, stews, chili and pot roast! I love dishes that fill warm as they go down and stick to your ribs. Funny thing: as much as I like dessert, I typically don't eat them in the same meal. The phrase "save room for dessert" is lost on me, because typically, if I have a great meal, my concentration goes into "seconds" and "thirds!"

A month or so ago, I asked a coworker if she had ever had butternut squash soup. She looked at me like I was crazy and made a comment about that being a random thought - as if to say "you're weird." But it isn't weird to think of dishes you would like; I was just sharing the thought. Last week, I picked up a couple butternut squash, intent on trying to make them in my Vitamix machine. I looked up a recipe on the web and was completely blown away! I know squash can be slightly sweet, but the way the chef laid out her recipe, I suspect the squash would be too sweet for my taste! And some of the ingredients she suggested, I didn't have so I thought I would leave this until another time, after I purchased the other ingredients. Besides, my wife made a suggestion: check further, there are bound to be many recipes that don't call for molasses, brown sugar AND oranges!

But as I reflect on this little adventure, it occurs to me how many dishes require a certain amount of ingredients that, to an untrained mind, don't mix well. We, who don't cook, can't imagine putting salt in cookies, or that the flavor, vanilla is practically tasteless, if not sweet, when we put a sip on our tongue. We can't imagine putting sugar in soups or that carrots compliment pot roast and potatoes very well. That is until we taste the end result! Then we are stunned, blown away, completely amazed!

My friend, trust the process! I know you've had it hard. There are moments, days, weeks and in some cases years, when you and your dream seem to be galaxies away, but trust, since there remains a mind to consider the dilemma, you will be brought together; you will fulfill your life's purpose!

Many people go through life, uncertain and troubled. Oh they would never admit it; some of the same people try to raise children, work jobs and be good spouses. It's all very good, but they don't allow the disturbance in their soul to trouble them to the point of responding to the "call." Remember your dreams, hold on to them. In the dark of your present, dull life, recall it. It will be as a beacon, guiding you to a life that is fulfilling and rich!

Thought for The Day - Awakening

It began quite a few years ago, probably earlier than I'm aware, but I will use this dream as a "mile-marker." I was 18 years old or so, attending school at Columbia College in Chicago. I had a writing class at the time and each week, we were to turn in a writing assignment. But also, we were expected to "tell a story" from the perspective of the world around us. It was a very rewarding class, where we were challenged to drop the precepts of "telling a story," using terms like "once upon a time," or "I see." In one of my stories, I recalled this dream.

In the dream, I am flying high! I'm up in the air, among the clouds, breathing "rare air" and reveling in my ability. But suddenly, I'm in my old neighborhood, on the west-side of Chicago. I find myself in the alley behind the apartment building owned by aunt and uncle, flying through the alley. My cousins, always playing softball in the alley, are there and when they see me, they take off after me, trying to catch me as I continue to fly, but getting lower and lower to the ground. As I fly the length of the long alley, I'm arching my back, trying to get back to the sky "where I belong." But my efforts are near wasted as I continue to get closer to the ground. At the garage where the owner sold "snow-cones," I wake.

That dream comes back to mind every now and then. I wonder about the connection of family versus my desire to reach higher. I know I've never been settled or okay with life as it is; I've always yearned for more. And it has always been clear that "value" and "wealth" aren't necessarily the same. While I've yearned for more, the value has always seemed more like a feeling than a dollar figure in the bank or a certain size home. Certainly, in my longings, I have wanted to be in a "certain place," or live a "rich life." And that has always felt like "more." But I can tell you, while I have achieved some things, each achievement eventually leads to the question: "what else?"

A quote from one of my favorite songs, "Open Mind" (Robert Glasper Experiment - Double Booked), sums it up: "Is it not possible for the dreamer to be awaken from what we call our normal life? Transcendent, as the dreamer wakes from his sleep."

Thought for The Day - The Energy needs Space

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

I’m running, I know I am; I can feel the need to be elsewhere and here at the same time. But I need to allow the space and energy to move as needed; my body and soul struggle to keep thoughts and feelings in check, to rein in the demands I make. 

Is there enough space for all the energy? These thoughts, these ideas and plans, they seem to be bouncing off one another in an effort to have priority. But no one idea is preeminent at the moment; just the need to arrange the space in my head in such a way I can be productive. And the idea of being productive takes the lead, opening my heart and mind to pathways unexplored.

It is a daily struggle, the need to order thoughts and desires, to spend nearly 10 hours away from my main interest. And yet, I have to maximize the time before and after, creatively. It is this discipline, this bending of the rules that instructs and makes stronger. 

Thought for The Day - I Blinked

I'm listening 24 x 36 Oils

I could drown in it, most days; the deluge of thoughts, ideas, images, visions, community supports and business ideas. Of course, nothing is of value until you act on it and in that respect, the flood becomes a trickle. But if you're reading this, believe me, that trickle is a growing stream, gaining speed nearly every day. Every weekend, I have plans of working "no matter what." I have a list of things I want to accomplish and tasks I want to start. Some get started, others are replaced by the "normal human things." Laundry, errands, cleaning etc are the normal things. You can't imagine the frustration of having all of this creative energy in you and not having the time or space to allow it to flow. It can get "backed up" and please believe, I KNOW the damage it can wreak on the psyche!

"If you're reading this.." if you are reading this, and have been reading my blogs for only a minute, you know I write a blog a day. I would and could write several throughout the day if time permitted, and still write test cases, talk to coworkers about health, exercise, cars and requirements! I journal sometimes as if my life depended on it; sometimes, I'm certain my sanity requires I do!

But I blinked...meaning for the sake of self-preservation, I have often said: "wait, wait, WAIT!!! I can't do anything with all of this!!!" There is a sense of being overwhelmed, feeling anxiety about the enormity of the task and the limited time available. And I pause to allow reality to gain balance (control) again. Even as I write in this moment, there is that sense of realization; something won't get written, a concept may remain untapped. And yet, for the time being I have to pause, I have to "blink," to allow me to consider the:

• Allotted time available
• Three works crowded on and around my easel - can I give them the right amount of time and energy
• The list of tasks to be completed in the house, my parents and at work
• I'm so exhausted I could try to sleep 12 hours - but rarely get 6
• Possibility that this does not make sense to you, the reader

It doesn't matter if I blink or not, the flow continues and quite honestly...I wouldn't have it any other way! Lord, I thank you for the gifts and the opportunity to express them to "those who will!"

Thought for The Day - Intention

Moving forward

Forward motion...

Incremental. A pace so slow it feels and is perceived to be nil. But desire in your heart moves you forward. The angst in your soul, disgust with life "as is" says "try." Oh but sometimes, that soul-deep plea is barely heard, you might mistake it for someone else's voice. But guess what? You're listening for...something...anything to move forward.

Abandoned; friends and family don't get it. They want you safe...Y-O-U wants you safe and comfortable!!! But there is so little comfort where you are at this moment, you have to go forward.

And sometimes, you go forward in the dark; there is no light around you at the moment. You've come so far, the safety behind you is out of sight. Don't turn back, keep your eyes fixed ahead of you.

There are times certainty is gone and the only thing remaining is the constant beat of your heart; nothing else. And that can be a lonely sound.

Sorry your path is not as certain as that of, say an accountant or the kid who discovered at 12 years old, that she was a basketball phenom. Everything seemed to move into place and it was only "natural" they go into their chosen careers. No, you had pitfalls, listened to "good intentioned PLAN B's" and took so many detours you question your desire to be _________.  But move forward.

At some point, the practice of moving, the routine of getting "something done" gets in your bones. And before you know it, there's a pattern to your pitter-patter, a glide in your step you didn't know existed. And before you know it, others notice it as well. Slowly 'it' makes sense, the path you're on and why it has been so hard.

Keep going...the journey stretches on.

Thought for The Day - Clear View

Triplicate (in progress) - 12 x 18 panels - Pastels

...Because our intentions are good. Because in spite of our faults  and failures, our fear that the world is collapsing around us and our single indiscretion contributes to the greater apocalypse, we want better. No, we want Heaven and it's promise of perfect health and connected relationships without ulterior motives.

...because we see with jaded eyes, we detect collapse and calamity faster than we do love and good meaning. Because with every well placed thought, no sooner do we look at our world, training and tradition kicks in to tell us that the guy who sits too closely wants to take our "stuff." We don't truly treasure stuff over people, we actually value our human interaction more than stuff. It's just that "stuff" tends to light up at our touch, at least 95% of the time. It responds when we need it to and it waits for us until we are ready to 'play.' But people are fickle; they sometimes return a mutual expression of acknowledgement and sometimes they avoid you as if you don't exist.

...because when we get behind our closed doors,  no one should be able to hurt us, yet we continue to hurt. No matter how we eat right or wrong - justified by great testing food in socially-satisfying situations, or alone where no one laughs under their breath -  exercise, pay our taxes and smile at our neighbors, we don't rise to the desired level or unity we strive for.

Who really wants more stuff? A television doesn't change the condition of your heart if you decide you prefer pain and disappointment over compassion. And a 100" LED Plasma television is no more important than the news about a child abducted in a town 500 miles away.

Intentions, desire and the Highest. Focus there.

Thought for The Day - Try, Try Again

Always trying...something new, what seems old; try it again. Maybe this time, another time, it "works." And isn't that ultimately what we want out of life? If I move to this neighborhood, this city, attend this school, marry this woman, maybe 'it' will 'work' for me. Maybe I will earn enough, my belongings won't stolen or vandalized; maybe I will have peace and a "good life." Always trying, always searching.

We won't fault an individual for trying, even when we feel like they're wasting their time. We all stand accused of trying to shift the world to our favor, of connecting our effort to our desires. And everyone capable of reading this will try it again, and again, and again. Why? Because as long as we live, we are motivated to brighten our life, bring beauty and completion to our lives.

And so it goes. Many will read these words, their mind already focusing on a way to do better or their feet and hands moving in the direction of a richer life. Keep at it; it's what we are designed to do.