Flat, White, with a Little Grit

This is my preference, or should I say my usual "tabula rasa;" my clean slate. This is where most of my work begins. A sheet of newsprint paper, watercolor paper or a primed canvas. Now mind you, at any given moment, I might have a concept in my head regarding what I'm aiming for, or my head may be as blank as that surface, but the act of creation becomes it's own inspiration. Once I place the black of a stick of charcoal, the blue, orange, red, green, or heaven forbid, yellow, on that surface, choice, after, choice, after choice are made! And the direction, the path is laid out before me!

Completion

Being whole, thorough, complete. A person who has it all and not all the trappings; someone who knows their value, appreciates the moment they live in, as they contemplate their state and strives for growing, expanding and learning. I choose that path, that "being;" it is a constant state to maintain and at moments I regress to being incomplete and lonely. Both sides exist in me. They exist in you as well.

In a given day, whether you work a job, are retired or unemployed, we rise, start the process of our day and go about completing tasks, connecting and taking care of self. Moments throughout that day, you are aware of your joys, empathy, emptiness, longing and connection to others. A phone call, lunch with a friend or family, full of laughs, regrets and filling in the facts of life; a range of ideas, emotions and sharing. And this is life. Now maybe some time spent with others is less than fulfilling. Maybe some people drain you with an endless dumping of their "issues" and not a moment to hear your state of affairs...yeah I get it. I remember one friend told me I "didn't have any problems." Really?

We are in a state of moving, growing and expanding. Perhaps it may seem best to leave somethings in your past, to abandon some ways. Perhaps. But examine your life to see if those habits and personality types appear again at some point. They just might be what makes your life...complete.

Thought for The Day - Skewed Vision

Of the Beholder 18 x 24 pastels

When my daughter went off to college, years ago, shortly before her winter break, she noticed a problem with her right eye. Initially, when she described it, I thought she may have had an infection or she kept a contact in too long and it was ripped. She said it looked like a black line running vertically along the corner of her vision. We were very concerned and wanted to put her on a plane right away! This was her first year away from us and while I was okay with that part, the "father" in me (protector, provider) wanted her back home ASAP! She assured us she was able to see well enough to complete her semester and would be home before Christmas. Hoping it was an easy fix, we took her to a specialist who told us this was a rare occurrence for a teenager and typically only occurs in the senior years. She had surgery and had to spend the majority of Christmas break lying in bed. And of course, as a parent, I thought of all the implications this injury could cause down the road. It was so bad, the doctors said if healing took longer than expected, she couldn't fly back to school. Believe me, we were in full parent mode!

It is the job of parents and "wiser adults" to guide youth. Sure teens "know more than we do," at least they like to think they do. They think we were in school when man first discovered fire, but we know we started school shortly after that! (smile) But there is a problem with trying to protect and nurture your child when you try to guide them toward "safe careers." As teens and young adults, unless we choose a career like an accountant, teacher (in some cases) or doctor, we are told to consider a different minor or, as I was told: "Plan B." I remember when this was said to me, I heard it often and begin to question my abilities and my dreams. Did I really have the skills and aptitude to be an artist? Could I compete with the other artists?

When I entered high school and college, the art teachers loved me! They loved my ability and encouraged me to expand my capabilities. But I could hear my original guides, my mom and dad saying "don't put all your eggs in one basket." What I really heard was "the world is difficult and you should choose the easiest route through life as possible." I also heard: "you're work is okay but I don't think it's good enough to compete with everyone else." Amazing how, the introduction of plan b, became my ONLY plan. Oh, I didn't roll over quite that easily, I graduated from college, B.A. of Fine Arts, but by senior year, I was sure I wouldn't be able to use my diploma as anything more than a wall hanging.

By the time my children begin to fill my days and go to school, I was entrenched up to my neck in Plan B living. As such, I was determined to allow them to bend in the direction they deemed best. I would steer, but not control. Guide, but not manipulate and force them to see life through my disappointments. It's always my hope, as they grow, that their vision remains clear and they find the guide God placed in them, guides them TRULY! Certainly, I hurt when they do, I hate it when my children are in pain of any kind, but it is far better to experience pain in your efforts to manifest the life you've always dreamed of.

Thought for The Day - Intention

Moving forward

Forward motion...

Incremental. A pace so slow it feels and is perceived to be nil. But desire in your heart moves you forward. The angst in your soul, disgust with life "as is" says "try." Oh but sometimes, that soul-deep plea is barely heard, you might mistake it for someone else's voice. But guess what? You're listening for...something...anything to move forward.

Abandoned; friends and family don't get it. They want you safe...Y-O-U wants you safe and comfortable!!! But there is so little comfort where you are at this moment, you have to go forward.

And sometimes, you go forward in the dark; there is no light around you at the moment. You've come so far, the safety behind you is out of sight. Don't turn back, keep your eyes fixed ahead of you.

There are times certainty is gone and the only thing remaining is the constant beat of your heart; nothing else. And that can be a lonely sound.

Sorry your path is not as certain as that of, say an accountant or the kid who discovered at 12 years old, that she was a basketball phenom. Everything seemed to move into place and it was only "natural" they go into their chosen careers. No, you had pitfalls, listened to "good intentioned PLAN B's" and took so many detours you question your desire to be _________.  But move forward.

At some point, the practice of moving, the routine of getting "something done" gets in your bones. And before you know it, there's a pattern to your pitter-patter, a glide in your step you didn't know existed. And before you know it, others notice it as well. Slowly 'it' makes sense, the path you're on and why it has been so hard.

Keep going...the journey stretches on.