Thought for The Day - The Energy needs Space

The Phoenix 18 x 24 pastels

I’m running, I know I am; I can feel the need to be elsewhere and here at the same time. But I need to allow the space and energy to move as needed; my body and soul struggle to keep thoughts and feelings in check, to rein in the demands I make. 

Is there enough space for all the energy? These thoughts, these ideas and plans, they seem to be bouncing off one another in an effort to have priority. But no one idea is preeminent at the moment; just the need to arrange the space in my head in such a way I can be productive. And the idea of being productive takes the lead, opening my heart and mind to pathways unexplored.

It is a daily struggle, the need to order thoughts and desires, to spend nearly 10 hours away from my main interest. And yet, I have to maximize the time before and after, creatively. It is this discipline, this bending of the rules that instructs and makes stronger. 

Thought for The Day - Good Little Soldier

sketch for Pre-Dawn Light 18 x 24 charcoal

The daily grind; it's ingrained in your head, beaten in by routine and a sense of safety and security. You have become an expert at "getting it done," and to the world around, you're the model citizen.

But you honestly despise the course of your life and have for a long time. From the time of day you wake to the time you go to sleep, your root emotion is anger and frustration at the direction your life takes. Oh you wouldn't readily admit it, "responsible adults" are supposed to go to jobs and earn money and pay bills. Isn't that what everyone does? But everyone also struggles with weight, diet, exercise and downing that handful of prescription drugs that never quite cures their ailments. And for everyone, the only relief experienced occurs for a few brief hours in the evening and on Saturdays. And everyone assumes this won't end until retirement, that time of "magic" when the only expectation is living on a fixed income and waiting for the long sleep. But while "everyone" is feeling and living this way, you secretly ask yourself: "Is this really all there is?"

In the back of your head, tucked in the corner of the attic of your thoughts, is a notion of another way to live. And secretly, you believe you can live above the daily rush, the trips to Home Depot for fertilizer and the annual doctor exams that never resolve your ache. You believe not a single cure exists for what "ails you," but an overall dramatic change can dramatically alter your existence -- from the inside out. And who knows, maybe that can affect everyone around you. 

But go on, be a good little soldier, and rush off to work, now... Or...

Thought for The Day - Pushing Aside

Pre-Dawn Flight 30 x 40 Oils

The season of "Spring Cleaning;" removing the clutter of the last two seasons, shedding the shell that held us fast till Winter's chill ebbed. Brutal was the repeated blows of cold, snow, wind and darkness and what survived, we that live, are waking and moving about.

I find myself busy, this Saturday morning, so much so, two hours go by without notice. Laundry, cleaning and planning occur and I haven't touched my work. Staring at the canvas, the image "Dance of Her Soul," laying on it's side and the blank, white canvas and wall, there is work to do. Energy isn't urgent, but like a stream of water, it flows as it always has; the source of it, endless and unseen. The shame would be, allowing this time and energy to be wasted by fear and frustration. While I'm planning -- a typical activity that can be the "ends" in itself -- I act; I push aside clutter on surfaces that have held energy and concentration for too long. Closet spaces also hold certain trauma, and they are cleaned out as well.

The process, the "cleaning" is as necessary as gathering and preserving. My friends, recognize the season.

Thought for The Day - Pieces

It occurs to me that many creative people communicate fragments of "The Dream." The dream isn't mine, neither does it belong to you; we swim in it, breathe it in, fight over it and in desperation, try to escape it. It is everywhere and everything is it, but we can't perceive it because of the "proximity;" "can't see the forest for the trees."

In a day's passing, countless thoughts, impulses and emotions wash through our conscious and unconscious. Decision as insignificant as whether to turn our head or the appropriate word to use in this sentence, pass from life to some other place. And yet there are the dreamers, or creative people who capture them and freeze it as a reference for us to snag our thoughts. Often, the snippets aren't immediately perceivable; we are after all, a bread and butter, meat and potatoes kind of world. We like our cars with four wheels and four doors; don't expect me to be okay with a car that never moves. Never mind I never go anywhere in the four wheel car. And never mind I'm too stubborn to move out of my own mental prison!

It occurs to me that some of us -- probably more if people would acknowledge there ability to create -- are compelled to create. Sure, we see the smooth, fluidity of daily traffic, and we have plenty of "good food" to eat, but our soul is so restless, it vibrates against our consciousness and forces out these snippets of messages. To sit quietly with all this 'stuff' in us; it would kill us! And we all want to live!

You feel me?

Thought for The Day - Bringing All The Pieces Together

Linen (the original) 30 x 40 Oil

Linen with a swirl 24 x 30 Oil

It is very much like assembling a bike, a baker's rack, a semi-portable basketball rim or backyard swing set. It is also like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. From the idea in my head, to the last stroke, there are parts that don't quite fit and times when there's no perceivable forward progress. But amazingly, I continue to move forward, ignoring the sense that "this color" doesn't match the overall scheme.

There are days when the closest I get to the canvas is tossing my clothes on the wooden stool I keep near the easel! There are the times, I'm practicing colors on a photograph, kept on my tablet, to get a sense of what's to come. And there are times when the odd shapes and colors come together. Slowly, the image materializes; my vision takes shape.

Painting this image is much the same as many of the other parts of my life; the two factors seem to be true: it takes a long time (seems longer than it should) and I CAN'T GIVE UP!!!

I did a series a couple years ago, entitled "The Turn." I went as far as blogging about it on my website. I didn't realize at the time, I was at the apex of a major shift myself. I only knew what I rendered and wrote, spoke to my murky feelings. Now, I believe I'm at a similar place again. And hopefully it is a "turn" for the better.

Peace be with you!

Thought for The Day - Thought Patterns

Linen with a Swirl 24 x 30 Oils

My wife doesn't "get" abstract art, but she loves me. :) So it's okay that I do what I love to do. I have explained the process but it bears repeating: themes run continuously through my head and yet, it isn't until I sit down to begin a new painting that "one of them" comes to the surface. The series: "Linen," is one of those patterns.

I have sat and stared at the pattern of woven material, many times and it never ceases to amaze me! the intricate over and under, the tightness of the material, the weave and texture - simply amazing! The same holds true for landscapes and cityscapes; look at the patterns and the way areas rise and fall as they spread out over the horizon! And one of the most amazing patterns is the pattern of skin texture. Simply look at your own skin (and rather than fixate on your flaws, actually look at the pattern that runs underneath), hold your hand up and look at the intricate detail "woven" there!

So with all the patterns in my head and found in a given day, "Linen" continues to grow!

Thought for The Day - Rubbing the Sleep from Your Eyes

My evening routine: come in after work, grab a snack before dinner - breaking a mom's cardinal rule, except it doesn't ruin my appetite - eat dinner, fall asleep on the couch, squeeze in a little gaming, get clothes together for the next day and go to bed. Pretty much each week night, the routine is the same. Except, since 2009, when I begin painting and drawing, I've wanted the evenings to be filled with drawing and painting. Can you imagine being 'haunted' all that time with a desire that you, yourself seem incapable of fulfilling? I have my evenings, where I make it into my studio and get to the work, and there is the weekend. But I know the value of doing the work when it is begging to be done!

I would love to think last night would be a new routine, but I know my tendencies all too well! I started my normal routine, making it through dinner a nap quickly to follow, but through the process, I could see in my head the painting on the easel. I could see the colors I wanted to paint and the movement it would take. All of that hovered in my head like a pleasant reminder of the work to be done. Well I had my nap and not as long as I thought I needed. I woke with only 15 minutes rest and went to work. It was time well spent and though I expected my sense of dread for the next day to kick in, any moment, I made it through a good two hours of working.

I know exactly what I want for my life and would like to believe I am on the path to it. I will take last night and use it as a reminder of what I can do when I focus. And hopefully, I am moving down that path at a better pace. Thank you Lord!