His Words (Eddie Hudson)

A Life?

2012-02-03T10:59:00.000-06:00

Landscape

On Joshua Redman’s cd “Beyond,” he has a song by the above title: “A Life?” The song does not sound like a question so much as it is a statement: A Life. – please note the period.

From a pure emotional, intellectual and creative response, in my opinion, the CD is near unmatched and probably undiscovered by most people. He just happens to be one of my favorite musicians, so listening to Joshua every now and then, and this recording in particular, is a necessity. Couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to this cd alone, over and over again. Especially when brooding over art in process, having a life of its own. A Life? Again, not a question but a statement.

In any given moment, quiet reflection brings me to wonder about my life. A life, my life, The Life; whatever brings me to the point of reflection. Sometimes, it’s the sheer weight of the glut of activity at any given point in my life. The twists and turns and the way life seems to fold back on itself; at any given moment, it’s a roller coaster ride where I should be familiar but in that moment I’m totally baffled by the roll and twist.

A life. Like Joshua’s quiet beginning, life has moments of quiet reflection. Sitting in the waiting room while my father is in a lab having an angiogram – which, by the way has to be making him nervous – I reflect as if I were at the center of a whirlwind, the stuff of life swirling around me, so close, that at any second, I can literally snatch a thought out of the spinning chaos, examine it, and allow it to swirl away, only to be seen again…and again…and again.

A life…calm for a moment then climbing and collapsing, spinning and near intangible in its swirl. At any moment, life happens and it needs no encouragement or judgment. It happens while we’re asleep and whether we want it to continue or not. If I decide to “check out,” call it quits, I have not stopped my presence, my life. Even after I disappear from the headlines, another victim of the circumstances of life, my life, your life, will be examined, picked apart and dissected. Someone at some time, will look at what they determine are the facts of our life, determined to know ‘why.’ But life has more mysteries and hidden agendas than all of put together could conjure up. It is, after all, LIFE. A LIFE. A Life? a life.

The Turn

2011-12-16T16:57:00.000-06:00

No one understands where it comes from and of course we don't know where it leads; the turn. Shows up all over the place! You don't have to call for it or request it, though we do. We want our bank accounts fat, our homes 5 bedrooms and 6 baths, and our spouses to understand us. But the turn...

Find yourself staring at the bend in a road especially when you've mapped out "straight ahead" as the preferred direction, and you find yourself anticipating trouble. Sometimes that bend is exactly what was needed, except at the time, it's the turn in our gut that tells us 'no.'

Experience tells us, if we listen, that bends and turns don't come for nothing and often they are exactly on time. Finding yourself wondering as you stare at a turn you didn't anticipate? Hold on, slow down and ride the bend to see what's on the other side.

Peace.

Same Old Stuff

2011-12-09T11:04:00.000-06:00

RISE!

Working on a new pastel image, “Rise;” feeling good about the colors, the layout and how I’m inspired to show it to the wife (funny how, no matter how old I am, I still go back to "mommy” for approval). She makes it downstairs, asks, “That’s what you’re working on?” I say “yes,” and she says, “looks like everything else you’ve done.” Slight ouch!

See, this is a work of heart, comes from my allowing my spirit to commune with God. So, hearing that is more of the “same old” (yes, sorely tempted to use Jean-Michele Basquiat’s aka SAMO), I sat quietly with my disappointment.

I’m slow, takes time to process stuff, so going to bed, these thoughts in the back of my head, I looked at the rendering with fresh, morning eyes: same old stuff…THAT’S GREAT! I have a style! Now mind you, she’s right, and mind you, she’s wrong. When I work on something from the heart, typically the image is completely abstract expressionist. This image began with the central figure, the lady seemingly stretching and rising. Never mind, she isn’t anatomically correct, this isn’t about capturing or rendering precision and the body ideal, the image is my expression. The colors are me.

I can’t speak for other artists, only me, when I say, so often inspiration, an idea comes to mind and in the process of developing the image, I begin laying down the sketch of that idea. Sometimes, there isn’t an idea in mind, just a need to render. I lay down pastel, oil paint or charcoal and it’s shape begins to appear. Often, as I’m rendering, other colors or textures, and brush strokes come to mind. Progressing through an image, it’s like having a plate of food before me, full of the best seasoned, best prepared morsels I’ve ever tasted and every bite is like a symphony in my mouth. If there’s good music playing, the combination of music and food brings me to a personal dance. That’s what happens when I stand or sit in front of a work.

Is it all the same? Oh, if you only knew, if it were possible to explain how I am moved to render! Maybe in time, with practice, I can move away from the ‘technical’ aspect of describing a brush stroke, but for now, please accept this explanation: in those moments, it is as if God and I were speaking to one another, completing one another’s sentence and laughing at one another’s jokes. Hope that helps to understand this sense of JOY!

In Process

2011-12-02T12:42:00.000-06:00

The Turn...also In Process

There is something to be said for development. For the last 15 years or so, I’ve been involved, career-wise, in the Software Development Life Cycle. I’ve worked as a business analyst, data analyst and software tester, also known as a Quality Assurance Analyst. The goal has always been to produce a great application, one that meets the customer’s needs. I have worked on multiple projects and watched them go from one or two line requirements to installations on multiple computers, across networks and even across the world. And there is more that can be said for the continued development.

Thirteen years ago, traveling home from work, a question came to mind: “Where do you want to be in 10 years?” Instantly, without hesitation, I envisioned me in a studio space, painting, large canvas in front of me, palette in one hand, brush in the other. And my response was just as fast: “I want to be an artist.” Wasn’t painting at the time; I had paints but didn’t know I had them. I had brushes but they were hidden as well. In that moment, 10 years seemed like a lifetime, as though I was saying, “30 years from now, I should be ready,” or “When I don’t have any excuses, I’ll be ready to do paint again.” Hmmm…the power of a ‘confused mind!’ Certainly, I was excited at the prospect of getting back to my first love; nothing moves me like being in front of a canvas or blank sheet of paper and allowing the work to flow, but Who Would I Be, as an artist? How would I survive? Would my wife leave me because I was a starving artist? All of these feelings surfaced in that same moment I imagined me as an artist. And those feelings kept me imprisoned for 10+ years. But there was work “in process” I knew nothing about.

This is a blog, not my life story, so I’m not boring you with the details. Suffice it to say “I’M BACK!” But funny thing about being back, gone for so long and having to travel so far: I feel like there is so much work to do! Not that sinking feeling when you’re building a house and you look up from hammering a 2 x 4, and realize you’re only at the base of the building. No, this is the feeling like: “I’ve accomplished major milestones; keep going, we have time to improve the current structure and plenty of time to build on additions. I’m in process and making progress…

If My Peers are The Standard...

2011-11-25T13:19:00.000-06:00

After the Dance

Competition is a funny thing; it can be subtle, nearly undetectable, like natural gas without the ‘funk’ additive. J It sneaks up on you, especially when your aim is to live your life on your own terms. Not everyone lives with a ‘scarcity mentality,’ that is, a belief that there’s only a short amount of ______ to go around. A classic example from my past is high school and college art courses. In Still Life 1 (too long ago to be sure if that was a title), we came into the classroom and the teacher arranged a boot, a glass vase, a gourd and a plastic apple and orange, on a table. Our assignment was to draw the images. In a classroom with artists skilled in hand-eye coordination, in an hour’s time, they were finished, including shading, highlights and rendering the various textures. But there were other students who, in an hour’s time, were struggling to round the orange, or they somehow had the boot looking like a swatch of cowhide. But there was a third group: the students who were making a valiant effort, with the shining example of the first group as their model. They had erase marks on paper, a look of determination and frustration on their brow, but they were faring “better” than the second group.

And so it goes: competition without really trying. I recall folks showing up with a number 2 pencil and believing that to be sufficient. It was and can be. But when they would see me with my set of pencils with designations from 4H to 4B, a pink pearl eraser and maybe a kneaded eraser; you could see that sense of self-esteem slip a bit. But I wasn’t the standard and truthfully, I was striving to reach the standard others were setting. I watched them, bodies relaxed, yet focused on the task, confidence shining like a silver knight’s armor. I wanted to be one of them.

I’m not sure if it’s the “times” or a movement that seems to be happening “right now,” but for me, my life is ordered by a higher direction. Certainly, I may look at the work of a Serge Kponton, or Matthew Ivan Cherry and think “I wish I could render the way he does,” but most of the time, I hear someone who seems to direct my work in other ways. I am not instructed to “do it just like him or her” but to allow my mind, my body and my soul to receive what is there and to render as He directs. It’s a beautiful thing!

My peers…they aren’t the standard any more. There is one who directs my steps and he is more than a standard; he’s my muse and spirit of abundance.

Clarity’s Call

2011-11-18T14:42:00.000-06:00

Clear Channel

This is a repeating theme, but as additional definition and shape come forward, I have to share. I’ve looked at the body of my expressive work, the work that some would call abstract. I’ve considered the ‘naming’ process, especially when I think of musicians like Pat Metheny and Bob James, Roy Hargrove and Joshua Redman. That way you contemplate what is being said “here.” Sitting at work with a piece, I search for the message it seems to convey. And clarity comes through.

There are times I see fine details in a painting before I touch brush to canvas. A response, an answer to a problem I didn’t know existed. Clarity. At times, it’s the simple bob of my head to a song I hear adds to the joy experienced in these precious moments. Moments become eternity when things are made clear.

Love guides my hand; it is both a response and a call. Love motivates me to write and give further light to the subject of my renderings. So sacred are these glimpses into eternity, I would be remiss if I didn’t share the Love. So I paint, sometimes I grab a pencil and sketch, or a pastel and allow the intense colors to draw lines from me to God and back again.

My friends, this is my sharing. This is my heart given to you. Allow the light of God to guide you and reshape you.

Declarative Statement

2011-11-12T10:15:00.000-06:00

Shaken Up!

It’s important to make your statement.

I know I’m not alone when I say this, but more often than not, I wonder what difference my contribution to the world makes. Do I have an impact? Will the lack of response from those who see my words and images prevent me?

And when I sit to draw or paint or write, no visible or audible audience is near, and yet I express myself, regardless. And yet, there is an unseen audience that hears, sees, and inspires what is said and rendered. Who is my audience? I’ve asked that question, trying to determine who to ‘target’ for the work. Well, if I take Jesus at his word, then this is my audience: “But I, when I’m lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” (John 12:32)

This isn’t a declaration of the Christian message in plain text. No, this is declaration of the supremacy of God as the creator of all things. I don’t deny my faith in Christ or his deity. I don’t deny that I believe he upholds, holds together, all things by the word of His power. And yet, though he does this, I know he is intimately involved in my life. He brought me back to my calling, the expression of creativity. He has expanded that expression with words as well.

Sometimes I wonder if others understand; concerned with clarity I do a great deal of editing and withholding. I think I’m somehow ‘responsible’ for YOUR understanding. Then I remember years of underground work done in my life. When I was busy raising children, earning money, and working in ministry, and felt completely helpless, God was doing work that others could not see. While I was depressed to the point of suicide because I didn’t feel like I was being heard or was making a difference in the world, God continued to listen as well as express his love for me. I will continue to express myself in the unique way God has gifted me. Someone, somewhere and somewhen, is listening. They are listening, they are watching and the message is sinking so deep in their soul that the only way they can respond is by the grace of God as he works secretly, underneath the surface of their conscious. His work is never in vain!

It's Okay...We'll Take Our Time

2011-11-04T10:59:00.000-05:00

I pulled out a charcoal sketch I begin a year ago. As it often is, I start things on what some would call a ‘whim,’ a quick thought or near gut reaction. I took the time after the last time I worked on it, to spray a workable fixative on it, so as not to smear it and just in case I wanted to finish it. Following that ‘gut’ again, I took it out of the case where I keep my work, taped it to my easel, fully intending to return to it today.

Before long, it was time to start dinner. I’m no cook and certainly don’t prepare dinner often enough to be quick about it, so as usual it took some time before dinner was done. As a matter of fact, I had just put the tilapia in the oven when my wife made it home from work. Oh well, so much for having dinner on the table.

Plan B: get back to the charcoal sketch, put finishing touches on two paintings and revel in my success. Plan C: sit back and wonder where the time and energy went. Plan C got a unaminous vote. It’s late, I’m tired, and I’m awake in less than 5 hours. I’m calling it a night. But sitting up looking at the sketch, I realized I had areas of detail to be worked out and like finding a treasure buried in sand, getting that detail out will take some time. In the moment I realize I don’t have a deadline. I also came to realize this: the discovery is not in the destination (reward) but in the journey (effort).

I know how it easy it is to be focused on the other side of an equation. You know 2+2=4 or man+woman=romance; we spend a lot of time looking at the right side of the equal sign and want to rush to get to it. But…

Follow

2011-10-31T11:16:00.000-05:00

A Reply...still in process and evolving!

It's been a while since I posted. Not short on words and no excuse offered. But here's my latest musings:

Thanks Seth Godin for Linchpin. Informative and idea solidifying book. Of course he aint the only one with the bright idea of pointing up those folks who faithfully cut a new path and not for the sake of wearing crazy-glued, pink Mohawks, but because they know there’s a way that fits them and is better for everyone. It’s certainly our tendency to take these people and put them out front, make them a leader. Not too long ago, this was the best way to pick managers and foremen, my father being one of them. Not saying my father wasn’t a great foremen and manager, but I think it was part of his exercise in “Peter-principal” collapse.

Funny thing about being a leader, people expect you to be the author of innovation and cutting edged thinking. Most appointed leaders I know are ‘quaking in their boots,’ afraid that’s this next dilemma or opportunity to lead in an effective way, will show the world their a fraud. Sure they cover it up, put on a good face and act brave, but all the Harvard training doesn’t cover up what isn’t natural.

Here’s what I’m proposing for those who find themselves in the vaunted role of “leader:” FOLLOW. Yes, everyone stares at you as you walk the halls. When you’re in the limelight, everyone is expecting you to unveil the latest swagger-gear, some look that everyone will try to emulate. Don’t sweat that attention, instead, focus on the one who leads better than everyone else. He’s great at staying out of the limelight and truth be told, no one who’s ‘anyone’ follows him. He doesn’t do much that all the “popular kids” do, but he does what’s right. Yep, people are going to talk about you, you’ll lose your credibility when you say or do something that everyone thinks is stupid and out of step with what’s ‘really happening,’ but aren’t you wearing the emperor’s new clothes, right now because you think that’s what keeps you in step with everyone else? Aren’t there mornings when you would rather crawl under the covers because you know you’re one misstep from being a joke? Follow.

Follow what is in your heart. Quiet the noise of culture and your education and follow. Listen carefully and recall messages only small children hear. They don’t know the popular dance steps and when music comes on, they do what comes naturally. They don’t color in lines, they draw mommy as they see her. Follow, my friend, simply FOLLOW.

Routine

2011-10-21T10:09:00.000-05:00


Practice 10/17/11

I woke to the sound of the “gong” sound coming from my clock, at 3:00 am. That’s the time to wake up during the week. I get up; have my time of writing, ala The Morning Pages exercise, shower and out the door for a couple hours of exercise. Routine; love it or leave it, the sense of knowing what your day brings contains sanity and safety. No further opinion from me.

It’s 9:05 am. Normally, after getting back from the gym, I get the wife off for work, my youngest out for school and have my devotional time. Spending time with my Father is vital for the same reasons as my 3:00 am routine: sanity and safety. The added benefit is my soul is fed in ways no other human endeavor matches. Normally, at this time, I’m sifting through emails, thinking about what I want to work on, paint or pencil wise, and planning to work until I can’t anymore. Some routines take longer to establish and I’m learning to set rules to make them happen.

For the last year or so, I’ve adjusted to life at home. For a number of years, I was a contract employee at McDonalds, testing software. At 9:05, I would have been at work for at least an hour, also sorting through email, maybe a morning conference call and by now, employees would have filtered in and gone to their desk or on their way for coffee. I would have reviewed my list of test scripts to execute for the day, checking over what was done the previous day and looking at the defect report. I could plan men’s room breaks almost to the minute, as well as when a coworker would stop by my desk for a chat. I tested software and was the resident counselor.

I know where I want to be in my life and with each day of nailing down this routine, I see myself moving toward that life. I see my days much as it is now, with the exception, rather than going to the basement, I’m in my studio, quietly preparing to open myself for creativity.

There are days when what I want feels like a 345-pound weight across my shoulders, as I try to rise from a squat, but that isn’t the case today. Today, I’m at peace with my life as it is. Yes, I would like to be “in charge,” or “responsible” for more monetary resources (meaning, “I wish I had more than enough to take care of my needs, wants and a few other folks”) but today, I’m grateful for multiple meals, a warm house and gym membership. Additionally, I have a studio in my basement, brushes, paints, pencils and paper and I can go at it as long as I desire. Course, I’m making dinner today, but that fits into the life I want.

Closing this entry with this thought: No further comment on my part needed. What about you?

Waiting on GOD

2011-10-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

Sleeping Beauty

There is something to be said about knowing "help is on the way." Of course we want it NOW, especially when, in that moment, we expect whatever assistance we get, is already late. But knowing you can trust that someone beyond your limited capability, stands prepared to rescue, deliver, uplift and make good the path before you - nothing better.

Writing this today, it is the state of mind I'm in. Certainly, there's a sense of angst about the future; I always want it to turn out like the picture I have in my mind, but KNOWING...that's far more vital than an ideal image. I'm waiting...like the image, I'm resting, quietly, waiting. Yes, there are moments when action is required but one has to be aware that any 'call to action' is nearly a response to a command. So often we don't have a clue what's required. We can only reach out for help and hope it comes soon.

I'm waiting...He is responding even as the words appear on the page.

Practicing...It Matters

2011-10-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

I'm reading the book "The Artist's Way," and I'm in week 8. Oh MY GOODNESS, is this challenging? One of the things I've found is that in my journey, over time, in many ways I have been getting prepared for this stuff, before it comes. This week, a key point that jumps out at me is coping with the "artist's anxiety." I know I'm not the only one who has to cope with this and it isn't an artist only issue. Everyone finds themselves 'stuck' or 'misdirected,' which is the biggest issue for a struggling individual. You know there's important stuff to do, vital tasks that spring from your very soul. But you also know you've got to do the laundry, build that career, and help mama or someone else with their list of tasks.

Guess what? If you continue to feel that tap in your soul, but continuing to ignore it, you are making yourself miserable. It isn't the job or the nagging issue of work/life balance that's got you stuck. It's the call of your soul that won't give you rest.

Here's a small tactic: do a little bit of the stuff you love. For me, it's a matter of sitting down with my pencils and paper or a brush, oil paint and canvas. Don't do a lot of it, don't create the masterpiece, just do something each day. Okay, I'm back at it.

You Ever Wonder?

2011-09-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

I mean seriously, just sit and absentmindedly ask "why?" At the moment there's a certain mystery and moving of the spirit going on. I'm sitting here on a Saturday morning, in my own space, surrounded by people who love me, art(work) in process, exercise equipment and a full belly. I have access to the internet via high speed connection and I'm working on a reliable computer. In other words, I'm blessed.

Not "why" am I blessed but simply "why?" This is a moment where I am flowing in the depths of something far larger than me. I can sense the depth of it all and yet it is indescribable. I have all I need and I am on a path.

Why? Why am I here, where am I going and what's my next move? Really, in the moment, I've gone past these questions. I don't need a response outlining the facts, I have faith. I am certain all of this is working and I am blessed. There is no lack or uncertainty, there is no turning back.

2011-09-23T12:19:00.003-05:00


Clear Channel

Autopilot: OFF

So, it’s Friday; on theschedule it’s the day to publish my blog. (Actually, it’s Thursday and sincelast night I’ve been thinking about this subject.) We are certainly taught thepower of sameness or another expression for it, discipline. In a society withroads that should be smooth, cars that are mass-produced and income in the formof direct deposit to our bank accounts (less we should delay depositing themoney in the bank and have auto-payments bouncing all over the place), we havelearned to stress over something else. Mind you, this is not an “anti-machine” or “down with theestablishment” blog. There are experts who are ready to topple the constructsof our lives. I for one, aint one of them!

One of the things I’mlearning is that for me, those many years of feeling “different” wasn’t justsome crazy kid, trying to be different. No, I am unique. I may not look it to my drawers exposing young folks,to my corporate button-ups, or my grunge, ripped flannel shirt wearing artistcompadres, but I am. Sit with me for a while, listen to my perspective; youwould find many similarities. Then again, you’ll probably hear thoughts thatwould make you want to rip my head off. Guess what? I’m different.

I was on a good path, in myyoung adult years, before I heard the siren song of “sameness.” I boldlydeclared, “I’m going to college and I’m going to be an artist,” when payingtuition was more than a notion! I filled out an application for a scholarshipthat didn’t mean much at the time – and I got it. Went to school without payingtuition four years and completed on time. But again, siren song of sameness,the back-up plan or “Plan B” begins to ring in my ear. Everything from “Blackfolks don’t act like that,” to “I don’t know any Black people who are artists,”was said. And I slowly started to agree. I was kicking and screaming my wayinto a seat where the “machine” controls the altitude and speed at which I fly.

It is a comfortable placeto be, where you know what your income will be. As part of our instruction, wehave been taught to work for a “good company,” earn “good money,” and “live ina house in a nice neighborhood” – at least that’s what I was taught. And I didexactly that and in that order. I got the job, the money and the house.Autopilot living. And yet, there was always this nagging since of “somethingelse.” I even accepted and announced my calling to preach and served faithfullyin my church. But even that didn’t satisfy that gnawing feeling, that sensethat there was something more that needed to be done. For many years, I justassumed it was a sense that would never be satisfied. On more than oneoccasion, I cried out to the clouds: “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” as I tried torespond to this sense.

I’m sitting here, writing –I love to write. In a while, I’ll make or take a call from a family member orfriend, looking for advice or merely for someone to hear them – I love toadvise. But then I’ll sit in front of a large sheet of paper or a canvas andlisten. Colors and shapes and textures are in front of me, whether the surfacehas been marked or not. I’ll begin to move, as though someone is guiding me andbefore long, I’ll catch the rhythm of the stroke, identifying additional colorsand shapes with the tilt of my head. It’s not autopilot, anymore; it’sGod-directed and inspired. I am not out of control but fully in control as Ilisten to directions he provides.

What about you? Yourautopilot button: is it “off” or “on?”

Open Clarity and Clearer Channels

2011-09-17T12:39:00.001-05:00

Clear Channel ~ in process...

What I want and what I need. From a Christian or ‘religious’ perspective, we are often taught to ignore our wants and focus on our needs. We are taught that we should ensure we focus on our needs and somehow, our wants will either go away or maybe, someday, we’ll get our wants met. “What do you want?” Has that question ever been asked of you? Especially where it’s asked with such emphasis, you have to search your soul and respond with that. Years ago, my previous pastor said he would visit people in the hospital and he would ask the same question of those lying in bed. They would start out: “well, I won’t God to bless me; make me a good person.” And he would stop them, mid-sentence and ask them more emphatically: “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Of course, now he has their attention and they would say, “I want to get out of this hospital! I want to get well!”

At the moment it doesn’t matter the “whys” and “wherefores” of our misdirected wants; there are times one needs to cry out from the soul “Rescue me!” without worrying about if you’re saying it right or if help might come. Clarity says, in that moment THERE IS AN ANSWER – AND I NEED IT NOW!

The flip side of our extreme moments of clarity is that there is a response. So often, it seems we aren’t heard – I know I’m not the only one who has asked for a SOMETHING and no genie appeared granting my wish. But I also know I’m not the only one, who having cried out from that secret place in one’s soul and received a response of peace and brevity ~ a gentle and quick response that defies the mind to define. A clear channel makes moments into hours and hours into days. Give it thought as you go on your way. Your journey isn’t wasted; take each step and allow the peace to be your companion. Amen.

Are You "Heads" or "Tails?"

2011-09-02T13:39:00.001-05:00

Open Channel (in progress...more to come)

Times are changing, that's for sure. But haven't they always? Haven't we always been "troubled on every side?" Isn't it true that as long as we have been on this earth technology and knowledge have always seemed to push us harder and further than some of us are prepared to go? But isn't that nature of one man's innovation and another man's fear?

I'm reading The Artist's Way, a wonderful book about recovering one's creative self. It's a twelve week course with the consistent process of Morning Pages and the Artist Date. The pages is a daily process of writing one's thoughts, pretty much as they come to you. I haven't gone back to review the last few weeks, yet. Maybe next week. And the weekly artist's date? Well, let's just say it doesn't take much to entertain me! Anyway, this is week four, and I'm supposed to avoid reading. The rationale being, we are often so busy listening and being "informed" by what we read, we don't hear our own voice, or more importantly, the voice of God. Try it for three days; you would be surprised how difficult it is not to read and be attentive to what around you rather than reading.

What does all this have to do with the question in the title? Glad you asked! In light of changes, sometimes we choose to "hunker down," and pretend this is just a trend and will soon fade away. Other times, we think change doesn't happen fast enough and "so and so ought to do..." Funny little people! It may feel safe to wait until "something happens," but how do you quiet that stirring in your soul? I mean really, I tried - wow did I try - to ignore the ache of wanting a bigger life. I bought the bundle of excuses, complete with "if God wanted us to have more he would..." But here I am, once again, sitting on a nail and aching to get off! So I decided to listen to those dreams I thought were "kid's stuff." I woke up and found out, if I try, I mean really try, if I hope as if tomorrow is a certainty and begin to move in the direction of my heart felt desire, God is in most assuredly in that path. No new road - especially a good one - is completed overnight. It takes time and a lot of effort. But I'm staying on the path. I choose to be the Head. That is, I choose to be on the cutting edge, obedient to a larger message. Staying in this path could put me at odds with those who choose safety, but really, what else do I have to lose?

Consequently, the tail. The tail is like this: "don't expect much out of life," or "life is difficult, just take what you get and make the best of it." Usually what follows pretty closely is: "all the goods jobs are shipped overseas!" And "the economy is in the toilet." The tail can only respond to what it perceives. It doesn't look forward to change, it merely reacts to it.

Today, out doing my usual errands, I drove through the Westmont/Clarendon Hills area of Illinois. I noticed the BEAUTIFUL buildings, newly completed to sell luxury cars. BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, and a new Infinity dealer under construction, across the street. So if the world is going to "hell in a hand basket," I guess some folks are riding in an air conditioned, leather cushioned seat, right? Let me put it to you another way, if things are so bad for me and you, what about the dealers, mechanics, salesman and customers, regularly going in and out of these dealers? Do they know something we don't? If they do, maybe we need to find out what they know...

That was “NOW”…what about Then?

2011-08-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

(in process ~ Optical Illusion)

It’s so easy, I mean “no brainer” easy, to get lost on the cataclysm of NOW. We sit in it; emotions we’ve trained to spring up, appear instantly. You don’t have to think about it, just sit there a fraction of a second and you have this stinky stew, a dangerous deadly Amazon jungle all around you, INSTANTLY!! Put a name on any given situation in your life; it’s probably easier than you want it to be, recall any given situation. Pick a song – nearly any song about romance – and you find the same emotions bouncing around in you, you thought were long dead!

A few years ago, I purchased an audiobook by Norman Vincent Peale, called “You can if You Think You Can. In it, he tells the story of a woman, living by a river with her three small children. At the time, she has an injury to her left arm, which has her moving about her small place, working carefully to avoid pain. Her youngest child, a three year old comes in, having played outside with her siblings, dirty and in need of a change of clothes. She changes her, sends her back outside and gets back to the work of housekeeping. At some point, mother’s intuition kicks in as she remembers that though her children have been warned to stay away from the river, kids will be kids. She goes outside, seeing only the two older children and asks where their younger sister might be. They say she was walking toward the river. Too concerned to scold, she runs to the river, and arriving there, she doesn’t see her daughter. Fear and dread quickly rush to the surface as she calls her name and looks at the banks and then into the river. Looking downstream, she spots what looks like clothing moving down the river. Keep in mind she doesn’t know how to swim, but she rushes toward the spot where she’s sure it’s her daughter and realizing it is, she rushes into the river, treading water as best she can. Trying to keep herself afloat and get to her daughter, she reaches for her daughter with her left arm, the injured arm. She reaches her daughter, who is near unconscious at this time and pulls her as best she can. Grabbing her and trying to get her to shore, she tries to throw her, only to fail. But that doesn’t stop her; she tries again and gets her daughters limp body out of the water and onto the shore. So, ask yourself, did that mom get lost in the NOW? Or did she focus on the Then?

Pain is real, and at nearly all costs, we try to avoid it. But there are times when the pain of the moment seems small when we compare it to future loss. There are times when we focus beyond are current misery and we HAVE TO get up and GO! We’ve heard the stories of ladies or older men who lift cars off children. We’ve heard stories of people jumping in the path of a car to save the life of a child. So why stop there? Why not continue pushing past that current pain?

In the mix of daily concerns, it could seem we are destined to succumb to the pressures of life. Any given moment, pain, disappointment and despair wield the control of the day. But – and this may be the best place to put this word – in that same day, we find ourselves caught up in the busyness of making through the day. Employment can be a wonderful distraction from debilitating emotions. A shift of attention from the death we are sure awaits us around the corner, is often enough to send that “axe-wielding” despair away for the day. Personally I’ve found a nap in the middle of the day, finds me waking as though I had never had a doubt in the world. It’s a choice to make each day. Now here’s the funny part; hold on your laughter ‘cause this joke takes a while to sink in: some day in a future you refuse to see at the moment “this trauma?” It will be gone and either you will learn to put all the days’ drama in a box for such trash, or you will allow another tragedy to rob you of your joy. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but wow, practice it – I mean like performing curls with 70 pound dumbbells – and soon you’ll be stronger and laughing at calamity!

I've Got to Try...

2011-08-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

No picture this time. Just listen. So, I really wanted to be an artist, though I think as early as 8, I thought "I can't be an artist; they don't make any money." So I searched and searched to figure out what I wanted to be and earn money.

I grew up, I did customer service, worked in retail store stock rooms, sold dishes, insurance and car care products. I took other customer service positions with other companies and begin to work with "computers." Data entry jobs. Enter this data and "something happens." But I had to try.

Started making a little more money, which was necessary because I had a family and bills and stuff. Worked with "computers" a little more and thought of ways work could go smoother if we had _____ and _____. Worked with computers more and people less; computers seem good. I've got to try this.

Every department or company I moved to, someone wanted to talk - I mean the baring one's soul type of talk. I'm good at this; I've got to try...

Somewhere along the way, I came full circle. Art: painting, drawing, oil painting, acrylics, watercolor, pastel and charcoal. I've got to try.

I've thrown in 'this' and 'that' along the way, including preaching, teaching and scrubbing toilets, but when it comes right down to it, I've got to try...

You hear me, you understand. This isn't about revealing a great secret or having answers for it all. This is about living and trying. Sometimes I fail at stuff, other times I succeed, but like you and nearly every person on the planet, I've got to try. Check out my website to see what I mean: www.eddiehudson3.com

A Break in the Clay - Filtered Divinity

2011-08-12T11:41:00.000-05:00

(In process) There's more light inside...if we could take a look inside, behind all the confusion, the rattle of "THE ECONOMY," and what-if's, there is a source of incredible energy! Not like plugging into a the electric company energy, where you are the master, but the type that is intelligent, compassionate, creative. To a greater extent, we're a reflection, a scratched, cracked and smeared mirror of it.
A light, an energy so powerful, it's purpose defies our shadowy logic. Yet he chooses to live in us, behind our excuses, our expressions of loves, likes and dislikes. He makes choices as well as we do, choosing to direct our path so subtly, similar to the way water changes the shape and texture of a rock.

What would happen if that light and "us" decided to enjoy one another? What would happen if we allowed ourselves to reflect, to be changed by the light within?

This filter is breaking, the light is coming through...

By the way, I'm working on a poem, A Kiss, to be published at www.eddiehudson3.com. Look for it, next Monday.

We have this treasure (Filtered Divinity)

2011-08-04T19:22:00.000-05:00

Amazing, it is, that life altering truth comes from the places it does. Our tendency is to assume light, or revelation only comes by way of those who spend long hours, head bowed in contemplation or in books. But truth, spiritual knowledge doesn't have to have a "willing body;" all it takes is a mind, a heart, and a soul, and God's infinite wisdom will find you!

In the above piece, you will note the bands of earth tones, particularly browns, clay and oranges, primarily below. That's us. But wait, what's this breaking through the bottom? Seems like light is interrupting the thick dark tones. Yeah, well that happens around us and to us more often than we know.

It is said that artist transmit the will of the creator. Whether it's singing, writing, acting, or rendering in paint or marble, to the world, we convey 'messages.' But have you ever watched a child at play? Especially children who play with great effort? If you've ever seen one who laughed, twirled, jumped and ran, then you've also noted that they "huff and puff" and sweat like us crotchety adults :) But they are expressing joy without separating play from work. They are creating joy with great effort - rather than waiting to be entertained. God, through them, expresses his joy - for joy's sake.

We have a treasure hidden in are "earthen vessels..."

Filtered Divinity

2011-07-29T13:09:00.001-05:00

Filtered Divinity - in progress

A new series – and as I write, awareness that like trying to control play and fun, I better allow Divine to be master! Writing and rendering, I play the prophet, the medium, the channel by which God declares to his loved one(s) his big heart.

Looking at a fellow artist’s photos, and thinking of her artist-style unique, caricature-like, heads almost like balloon sculpture, I thought how artist really have to speak the language of their body and tongue. Meaning, while we are the filter for God, who remains master even in our independence, his message is communicated through all aspects of us. Yes, if he desires, he could allow me to speak in the tongue of a remote people and ensure they clearly understand what he wants them to. But more often than not, he allows the words and images to come through ‘me.’ Born in Chicago, raised on the West side, loving Jazz music as well as Soul (that’s what we called it long time ago), and poetry, Greek mythology, reading Bible stories and girls. I don’t stop being ‘me’ to communicate – paint a pretty or ugly picture – but because I am who I am, I speak as he directs.

Every artist, whether they are visually, verbally or kinetically enabled, who feels the depths of the connection to God, understands that sometimes we are just as affected by the message we’re trying to communicate. We aren’t off the hook after we say, show or sing it, it reflects back on us, like a well lit room. The message is big, you all and rather than contain it, control or bend it, it’s best that we let it flow. Listen, Perceive, Respond friends!

FOR SALE - ART!!!

2011-07-19T14:27:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting, patiently waiting and so have you! Well it's official; I now have a page of Oil paintings available for sale! Check out my website: www.eddiehudson3.com!

Practicing Like TRANE...Getting it right

2011-07-19T12:13:00.000-05:00

Not perfect, but "right." There is a difference you know. Perfect has that sense that nothing else remains, that 'it' has evolved to it's highest level of powerful output. Well, when it comes to the creative process, I remain in a evolutionary process. There's a new barrier, a new wall and a new _____ causing friction.

I read a biography about John Coltrane a few years back, written by Ashley Kahn (A Love Supreme/The Story of John Coltrane's Signature Album). In it, the author chronicled John's period of true initiation, or another way to put it, his period of self-discovery. He says John would practice for hours in his apartment - probably aggravating the heck out of neighbors, though he was one of the world's best saxophonist! He probably drove his wife crazy as well.

But here's a point for all of us: something so right, so incredible that it redefines a genre, or causes upward movement in culture, that's a worthwhile goal to store in the back of your conscious. To place it as a point of reference in front of you is to keep 'ego' too wrapped up in the work and the work falls short of the goal. To completely ignore that higher goal is also the death of the Supreme. But to allow it to be an irritant, a itching that can't be scratched, or a gentle tap on the shoulder, that's how we make a contribution of Love.

Practice exceeds sitting at the instrument with a stack of liner notes replete with 'new ideas.' It exceeds mulling over fresh tubes of paint, imagining the blend of a Permanent Alizarin Crimson with a French Ultramarine. But it includes doing dishes, laundry, running errands for the family. It includes sleepless nights, early mornings and distress over the lawlessness of the land. Practice is about inscribing one's creative mark on the world where we're found. Practice is calling out of the unknown, the dark conscious a message that points to the light of the divine. Yeah, I think I'll practice it like Trane.

I’ll say It (paint it, draw, put it in rhyme) – His Words

2011-07-08T15:22:00.000-05:00

Been at this for a while now, and whether it’s put in electronic form, scribbled in spiral bound pages, sketch, spread in bright hues, I must say it. I have to express it.

I have often said it – mistakenly – to see what the audience will say, but when I say it because it’s in me, when I treat it as nectar and salve for the world, I am at my best. When I say it – express light – from the depths of my heart, it is the power of shaping, creating, and formation.

There are times when I get stuck, but that mental state is only control, trying to determine the reaction. I can’t determine the reaction; I can only deliver what is here, inside me.

This is me; this is my expression. Eddiehudson3, bringing the words and images that my heart ponders. In person, I am quiet, reserved, almost aloof, but in my images, the words written, I am a prolific, wealth of truth and light.

Keep it Ablaze!

2011-06-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

That idea, that concept, some may even call it a vision from God…it gets stirred and the very elements bend, blend and meld into a force so strong it seems irresistible to manifest. If it were possible, the grand concept in your head could take on life by itself – or so it seems – and touch the world with Love and Blessings. Dancing on a cloud, nearly impossible to sit still and demanding to be declared, you find yourself scarcely able to sleep and keep quiet? It would be easier to sit on a blazing fire than not tell everyone! But…

So excited about this great idea or this new approach to an old dream, you ride the high of revelation, nearly incapable of breathing at times. But…a few days go by, issues “at hand” demand one’s reasoning abilities. Oh the moments when you can sneak away and give some thought to your new plan! But the water heater just broke down, and yes, “we” can take cold showers until we come up with a way to get that thing replaced. And then we have the sense that our latest inspiration, this new fire is either further away than when we first believed (like it jumped in a GTO and pealed off at 65 mph!), or that maybe we need to scale back our implementation plan. You know, work it around our current and growing list of dilemmas. After all, it could pretty much run on its own.

How many great ideas, life changing plans have made their way to the cobwebbed corners of our head? How many times have we struggled to stay alive in light of the absence of inspiration? It isn’t that we are lazy or that fear is too great, it’s just, well you know, we have debt and the leak in the roof and the shoes needed for the kids

Don’t allow it to fade…I know it’s been four weeks since you had that great idea and in the grand scheme of creatives, if we don’t act on it quick, the fire gets small. But stir up the flame, put kindling under it each day. When the cut-off notice arrives in the mail, lay it beside your dream, also in written form; allow them to keep one another company. Go to sleep and awake to that new found hope each day. Stir up the flame until your limbs and heart move to the rhythm of its beat.

You are Here!

2011-06-20T14:26:00.000-05:00

We are often directed to set goals, track our progress, and make mid-course adjustments where appropriate. But I'm finding out, the goals I've set, though higher than my past or current place, sometimes they seem like they're out of reach or invisible. But then, I'm reminded of the quote from Henry David Thoreau:
I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings…If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

Good. Great! Now the notion is thoroughly planted in our head, what about this very minute? When one's dreams and goals reside in a higher place, the path can, at times, become obscure. Please understand, I don't have this confusion, anxiety, panic and apathy demon chained and subdued, yet. All too often, my thoughts are primarily focused on "THE FUTURE" or the "task list" generated by others.

You ever find yourself forgetting what or why you went in a room? You enter the room, mindful of a million things beside the reason you got out of the chair? Well, this has been a constant problem since I was a small child. Mom would send me in a room to get, for example, a spool of black thread. In the seconds between her telling me and walking into the room, the 'mission' would be gone. I would have to go back and ask "what was I supposed to get?" Of course she called me an old man and strangely, I've simply grown into the character.

So it's important to take a few minutes, hours, days, even, to stop and determine "where am I at this moment?" I mean, honestly, while we want to know where we are, relative to our goal, we also want to examine - and rather critically - is this the path and goal for me, are there alternatives, what lead me to the very place I'm at, at this moment? We also want to examine the multiple paths this very place could lead us, and will those 'roads' ultimately lead to the "castle in the sky."

We've all heard the analogy of the lumberjack's attempt to cut down a tree with a dull axe. Somehow, he's convinced if he continues as he is, and chops harder, the tree will eventually fall. But some wiser comes along, examines his situation and suggests "why not stop and sharpen your axe?" Whether "someone" comes along or not, it never hurts to stop and determine what's going on at that very moment; what nagging thoughts and emotions are you ignoring, in your determination to reach your goal? Examine where you are, now, before you find you've reached "a goal," but not the one you intended.

Finishing what I start

2011-06-15T19:20:00.000-05:00

If I'm sitting in someone's office, testing software, one of the things I despise is incomplete requirements. Or it could be a project plan that looks like a grocery list - bullet points - and I'm sitting there saying: "I'm going to test what?"

But the kettle takes note of the black of the skillet: i.e. I'm guilty of the same thing! Last week, my son was flipping through images I have on Facebook and found an image I forgot about. It's called Landscape and apparently, it seemed unfinished, at least that's what he said. I went to it immediately, finding it in one of my old sketchbooks. Looking at the image, I saw the colors that were missing, shapes that would round out the image.

I have to say here, I love Jazz music and styles of music where there's a 'baseline,' notes written and played simply, but subject to bending - we call it improvisation - at the whim of the musician as he flows. Funny thing about images when I start with an idea: I could have the colors, shapes and a general understanding of how the layout should be, but when I start flowing, there's nothing like allowing a line or colors to bend to a will greater than my own.

So I completed Landscape; signing and dating it, for me is the a sort of finishing touch, though my tendency is to allow it to sit around and speak to me. Art does communicate, people; trust me, sit with it long enough and examine the shapes and colors; a story is being told. You need only listen. And when 'we' tell a story in addition to that rendered? Divine communication, love! But the sketchbook has been on my desk for days now, and today I picked it up and flipped the page. Behind that page was another page with a painting idea I haven't got to, yet. And looking at it, the idea was fresh in my head again! The movement of the lines, the back of one of the characters in the painting declared it needs to be finished - heck STARTED!!! And I flipped the page again and there was 'me,' or my rendering of me.

I never have a shortage of "to-do's." There's always someone who needs 'this' or for me to come over and 'look at that.' This evening is no exception, and as soon as I finish this, I putting down colored pencils and going to help out, again. But 'me' was calling, well 'me,' so I picked up my colored pencils and listened to the message. Two hours later, well I've signed it, but if I spend minutes, hours, days with it open and visible, the message will continue to speak to me.

Really, we aren't crazy; we're just more in touch with the messages that are communicated to everyone. Okay, got to go start/finish something else!

Through the Eyes of an Artist

2011-06-13T17:30:00.000-05:00

"Hey Mama," included today, begin like so many recent works: trying something out. I bought a fresh pad of charcoal paper, 18 x 24" a couple weeks ago, and knowing my tendency to let paper sit for long periods of time without so much as a swipe of a pencil, I put it to use near immediate. I dared myself to think big, after all it's a large pad. I told myself to start a face and from a point I don't normally, so I begin with a nose, the left nostril to be exact. I liked the half-moon of it's development and continued to lightly render the remainder of the nose.

This was to be an experiment; funny thing about having a grand image in mind. With a great image in one's head, you have a tendency to over-analyze the smallest detail - or at least I do. It's a good place for me to simply allow the charcoal, colored pencil, pastel or paint in a brush to meet the surface and have at it.

But that brings me to the point of this entry: the artist's eyes ~ a fickled, critical being with a life of it's own! Yes "Mama" aint "easy on the eyes" as my grandmother-in-law used to say. She's got a big honker of a nose, eyes that aren't symmetrical and a chin that looks like she's wearing a feed bag under her mouth. Sure, I could pretty her up; I could take this image and store it away for future use, but right about now, I want "mama" to be who she is. It's the latest the challenge to my nature. As opposed to ripping the sheet out and tossing it, I keep it in an obvious place. I stare at it's lack of beauty, how the rendering seems like something a kid in elementary school would have done (though in grammar school I could not draw like this!). I look for places to "trim" and "highlight" and yet, there's always something endearing as well as misshapen about old "mama." Lesson to take from this? Trust your eyes; and then tell them "shut up!"

Expectantly, Listening, for a Reply

2011-06-07T21:22:00.000-05:00

Expectation


I'm Listening

A Reply

In the quiet and the clatter, I'm listening. Yes, I want IT. I want it all, but so often settling for a little bit seems appropriate. And yet, a little would never do. I wait, I listen, sensing movement.

At times, there are rumbles, from above, like rolling thunder across a Kansas sky. Reminiscent of past days, when the earth moved for the briefest moment, there's an expectation of "more to come." A silent "Lord, come quickly," escapes the quiet in my head. I know it's coming...not because the arrival time appears on a train schedule, but because the heart knows.

Certainly it seems like "now" is better than "when it's right," but...if you've ever waited for a fresh from the oven pound cake - no offense Sara Lee - the hour and a half wait, while agonizing, is worth it. What's coming is worth the silence, it stands up to the wondering "when" and "why."

I read Deby Dearman's blogpost today, Artrageous Living and she talks about the fear in the entry: Action vs. Perfection; it struck a chord in me, challenged me to think about the many times I choose to mow the lawn, wash dishes and clothes and play Bejeweled rather than draw or paint. I thought about the other artists in my circle who don't have a great Fine Arts degree from a prestigious school, but yet they're reaching the world with their art and earning money from it. I thought about fear and the energy I choose to give it and I quietly prayed that my ears, heart and soul would be better tuned to respond and act - NOW!!!

Its coming; I can hear the answer, the reply in my soul. Thank you, Lord.

A Response

2011-06-03T22:43:00.000-05:00

I've been listening; I'm learning to flex muscles rarely used unless it's an emergency. You know how it is when you pray when danger is present and your life depends on help greater than ourselves. But then, we exercise our "send" muscle. In those times we only listen when we need a quick answer and a speedy solution. But I'm exercising listen muscles sans "emergency."

It's a different way to wait and calls for quiet beyond sitting solitary in a room lights dulled. It's pushing aside the immediate cries of the heart. You know "I NEED a job" or "I need money for these bills." Questions are asked differently in this quiet, questions like "I'm here for a reason..." "exercising my talents in this way is satisfying..."

Certainly money would be great but there are treasures to be had that exceed 7 or 8 digits proceeded by a $. I'm waiting for a response that changes the very flavor of life, a response that reorders parts of the whole.

The attached image is in process, appropriately titled: "A Response." The background is red, though my point-and-shoot camera doesn't capture the depth of the red. I'm adding detail, slowly, in a way I have not done, previously. I see a semblance of a flower blooming, opening up, as though Spring and Light surrounded it. But I'm Listening as well, patiently moving pass interruptions and shallow wants and needs. There are words that are stated, seemingly falling on deaf ears. But the heart hears quite plainly and when the time is right all is arranged in a way evident to all.

I want to believe...

2011-06-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Not that I don't, not that I've had a severe drought of faith or that I doubt God will keep promises. It's that moment...that day when, seemingly out of the blue, it feels like the world is on the verge of cataclysm. Well, maybe that's a bit over-the-top. Maybe what I mean is in relation to ALL my hopes and the big dream, it seems like someone opened a chasm between that world and here.

It's my moment of crisis; the one where, for a minute, an hour, a day I hold with a tight grip, FEAR as though it were mine. It's that moment when I've lost sight of the constant reassurance, the reminders and the sense that my life has a purpose. And you know what? I'm not alone. Sure, we want to comfort one another and assure one another that "it's okay, God hasn't abandoned you." And yes, we should comfort one another with "these words." But everyone feels the same way. Everyone has those times when the bottom seems to fall out.

As adults we've become 'efficient' at going on. The more successful of us can get clean, dressed, and appear in any social setting, effectively suppressing our despair. But then again, nothing and everything can remind us of that sense of insecurity and dread.

We are a "solution-based" world; we want a fix, a resolution and we want it now! Stop this pain, and my misery! And yes, there are those who do nearly anything to dull the pain.

I want to believe...and I choose to believe. Though light does not appear in the immediate future, though it seems my prayers are thrown back in my face, though it feels like my life is less than yesterday's trash, I choose to believe. Sure, I want to cry out and present my case to God, reminding him that I'm here and I've been a good Christian, but there are times its best to sit with the pain. Sometimes, you just need to realize that yeah, I can still hurt, I still feel like I'm not worthy of anything good. And yeah, guilt, shame, and low self-esteem are part of my nature. And yet, when it's all said and done, I know my life counts for the greatest.

I'm Listening...

2011-05-27T08:41:00.000-05:00

I'm Listening, Oils, 24 x 40

There's a great deal of noise in our world and that includes the space between our ears. All of this input, this clatter, this static is perfect when you want to run from yourself. And when the energy from past hurts and today's fears scream at you, what better place to hide than in plain sight?

But that's not the place to hide; we all know there isn't much comfort and compassion, let alone reason, in this world. "I'm listening..." quietly, patiently. Sitting, in the noise, in the hustle and bustle, waiting for knowledge and wisdom, healing and love. "I'm listening," though my own heart frantically cries out for relief. "I'm listening," past the roar of my "lack" and my "wants." "I'm listening because beyond all of this, there is a response that defies language; because beyond the easy way out, there is hope defying logic.

I'm practicing patience; not the pain-full type where the next second without relief is agony. No, this patience says "it's coming, it's coming; no, it is here." A relaxed declaration from the soul of a man who trusts God to put the parts together, to bring relief and most importantly, to put this life in purposeful existence.

Listen. Quiet your heart. Allow the message(s) from the well of your soul to bring your life into perspective. Then await further instructions.

Bird in Flight

2011-05-23T14:29:00.000-05:00

Hi, I'm adding this shot of Bird in Flight. It is a very dark painting, but this one comes closer to getting the essence of the painting. Thanks!

I've Signed it...

2011-05-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

I've heard it said that artist should blog about their work. After all, that's why we're on the web...okay, so maybe I'm not an artist on the web. Maybe I'm a writer, especially when it comes to blogging. To those whom I share insight, I guess I'm putting on my counselor hat. When my poetry is put out there, I guess I'm the poet. And the rare occasions I actually say something about the work I've visually rendered, then, yes I'm an artist. So what does all of this make me?

"When" I sign my name...in 2009, I pulled out paints, pencils and other art supplies I honestly had not touched since 1984. I also pulled out paintings from my parents basement from the same year. Most of the work had no signature - but it was all mine - and immediately I recalled my rationale for not signing, back in the day. The bravado put forth, was that it was "vain," sort of like the thinking of bringing children into the world to continue one's legacy.

These days, I sign a few pieces, though the logic for not signing has changed. Pealing back the layers of media-speak, the reason many things aren't signed, or publicly displayed, or placed in plain for all the world to see is me. I could name an ugly emotion or lack of self-esteem, but isn't all of that, as well as a healthy self-esteem, bundled up in my body, soul and spirit? Aren't all the wholesome as well as unhealthy thinking part and parcel of what makes Eddie unique?

I have two paintings that will get a signature today, even if it's 11:58 or :59 pm! One painting titled, "Bird in Flight," seems to have a single focal point on a dark background. To see the painting up close is to see, not only the bird, but a single tree, leaning - as my wife pointed out, yesterday. The story behind this painting is this: one evening, while in prayer (the type with eyes closed, head bowed and a dark room) the image flashed across my conscious mind. I could see the outline of trees in a dark background, being blown by a strong breeze. Then, suddenly a bird taking off from what seemed to be a body of water. The image stayed with me, giving me the impression I should draw and paint it. I haven't touched the painting in over a year for various reasons, but looking at it, laying in the stack of paintings the other day, I thought it was time to put the finishing touches on it. I put it on the easel and to my surprise, it was finished! Except for one thing: a signature.

Bird in Flight

Finishing things and releasing them is a way of always making room for more. It's realizing that my life exists beyond the four walls of my mind. It is living in relationship with the messages as well as delivering those messages to others. I may always blog about nearly everything, but ultimately, isn't it a way of relating to my world?

Graduation And Road Trip

2011-05-16T08:47:00.000-05:00

How I spent the last four years of my life...this weekend, my wife, my oldest son and I, traveled to Virginia for my oldest child's graduation for Virginia State University. Of course, no child is to remain "in college;" the goal is always to get out and 'find their way in the world.' But I had become so accustomed to this 14 hour drive across country twice a year, that the awe of the occasion went unnoticed. And yet, Sunday morning, sitting in a stadium filled with graduates, their families, friends and well wishers, my vision became clear.

The school had as it's commencement speaker, Susan Taylor, former editor for Essence magazine. Growing up, this magazine was a regular part of the reading in my home, so I often read her editorial titled "In the Spirit." I knew the depth of her written thoughts and insights. But hearing her speak - if there were clouds in my thinking, she helped to move them away. Her central theme was focusing on the bigger picture of one's life.

Admittedly, though I believe I'm a profound thinker, and think deeply about my role in the world, this weekend peeled back a layer of my own "stinking thinking." It was the road trip, the graduation, and being outside my usual comfort zone that helped me realize how far I need to go. Like my daughter, who has to grow and take her place in the world, I realize this weekend that I have a ways to go and that I wont get there without effort and dedication. Those are "words," and sometimes we take for granted that WORD has power. My challenge is to me only; if you find a word for you, grab it: speak the word and then live as though it has occurred!

The Multiple "Me's"

2011-05-06T10:34:00.000-05:00

"Put your best foot forward." A simple saying nearly ever parent or adult has said to nearly every child. While we may always want to be presented in the best light, very often, the choice we make, how we are perceived is the complete opposite. It may trace back to a series of choices, fueled by thoughts and feelings that speak to our inability, or a weakness within us. But always appearing positive, upbeat and cooperative seems to escape us.

At times, we feel the need to withdraw, place our selves within a protective cocoon. Those moments, we think the only protector we have is 'us.' We may cry out to God in a prayer: "Lord save me," or "Lord keep my enemy away," or even "take care of those who would harm me," but our focus is on the pain we feel, rather than our potential.

I remember times when I was so disgusted with the course of my life; my attention focused on what was not happening, what I wanted to happen, and what was seen as the height of reinforced walls between success and I. In times like these, one's attention isn't merely not "seeing the forest for the trees," but seeing the trees that are twisted, dying and potentially deadly. In times like this, it is hard to remember that my children are being fed, clothed, educated and loved, or that the car I have is running so well, I don't have to give a thought to whether it will get me to work or not. Sitting at my desk at work, I forget that my contribution to the company's success is so valuable, the idea of letting me go is the furthest from leadership's mind. I only perceive disappointment at my life.

No one is immune to "stinking-thinking;" even the most successful people are capable of focusing on their failures to the point they don't stretch for additional success. And honestly, it's at this point I think we all need to learn that the eye of the storm is that moment, that brief period where we calmly view the multiple aspects of our existence.

From the "least of these" to the "greatest," we are an amalgamation of good actions and selfish motives. We can love our spouses to death and in a moment become a hateful person. We can sit in fear, dreading the success we say we want and in the same day, work at someone's company as though the lights would go out unless we're there. Contrasting and conflicting possibilities exist in each of us.

In the book of James (the New Testament of the Bible), he asks a poignant question in chapter 3 and verse 11: "Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" Of course the implication is we should not produce "salty water," but fresh water; but "putting our best foot forward," is not only a challenge, but a a supernatural feat!

Personally, at this point, I am in the 'eye of the storm.' I can see within me so much potential and exercise it. And seconds later, any given day, I see where I'm falling short of expectations I have for my life and it seems to snatch the very light from the sky. But in this quiet place, where all that is 'me,' swirls around me, it's refreshing to know 'when' I achieve the success I believe I desire, I will remain this mix of incredible and despicable; I will grow, but there will remain in me the potential for additional growth. My expectation is spiritually and mentally, I will become the man I believe I should be, but new areas of weakness as well as strength will be revealed. Where are you in your development? In this moment, on this day, are you looking at your life as a disaster, while sitting in front of a work of art, created by your hands? Or do you perceive your life as a success, but with room to grow?

"Try"

2011-05-02T21:36:00.000-05:00

I have this wonderful schedule posted above my desk. Forgive the many analogies to exercise, but it's one of the many disciplines I've seen near immediate results from. So here it is: the idea of the schedule is to keep me on track, build in skill building techniques, techniques that build experience, as well as reach out (social networking).

It would be easier to give in to fear and allow the excitement and joy of creating to fester inside me - again. Today, I broke (if only for today) the cycle; I spent hours working on a single painting. According to my schedule, I'm supposed to spend two hours painting. Now for some artists, two hours a day isn't much, but like physical fitness, I need to build up my 'muscles' before I'm lost for day in the studio. But for me, to spend approximately 4 hours painting, that's a major accomplishment!

As I type out this blog, I'm listening to music - Jill Scott and she's repeating the word "TRY." Very familiar with the song, especially with the concept of "try again." I think if there was a message for anyone that reads this, it is TRY, TRY, then TRY a few more times, then TRY once
again. So for now, Eddie has tried and he has a measure of success. He will wake tomorrow and follow the schedule: drawing 2 hours. In the short term, from the critical eye, this isn't much and yet for me, this is a great start. I hope to see creative muscle definition very soon. By the way, I'm so beat I can barely keep my eyes open. I guess that's what happen when you give it all you got!

Playtime

2011-05-02T12:46:00.000-05:00

...if you search the web, you may find a similar blog post by me on my website at www.eddiehudson3.com. I'm having trouble with my website publishing software, plus it's a bear managing two blogs! Oh well, the 'burdens' of being a 'creative-type!'

My son! The youngest is a bundle of endless energy when it comes to video games, if he could, he would play all day and well into the night. At moments like this, where, someplace between "ohmygod, I'm not earning money" and gazing at a painting in progress, I would love some playtime.

When you're a kid, they have to tell you to stop playing and do something important and beneficial to the mutual benefit of everyone around you. When you're an adult, with adult responsibilities, you have to tell yourself - or you listen to your spouse - to take some downtime; in other words, take sometime to play! I often feel I've been given a gift of time and talent, but the "disciplinarian," the one that tells me to "get to work," will not be restrained. I'll sit and contemplate the contentious list of should-be-done and even wait for directions to the next task, meanwhile, hour after hour passes, and the "real work" gets squeezed in.

Playtime...in my mind, I am that kid who ignores the call to come in and do chores. I am playing way past dark and who refuses to grow up. But in my body, I'm the man who has responsibilities. How about a bit of both?

Pass it On!

2011-04-25T11:40:00.000-05:00

About 10 years ago, when my "middle guy" was 7, he began drawing superheroes and cars and stuff. Nothing unusual; at his age, I did the same things and so did many of my classmates. Everyone was an artist! We didn't concern ourselves with our student loans, the need to put grocery on the table, and whether we could afford a new or "used" hybrid ~ selah! But it was his intensity in drawing that sent up silent hope and a prayer: Lord, bless him to use the talent I have not.

At the time, my art supplies from college were buried somewhere in my parents basement and in my head, "art" was 20 years away for me, hidden behind retirement from drudgery and income-earning. Praying this prayer, of course I secretly longed for my own deliverance, even if, in my estimation, it would only be possible after I served my punishment, having abandoned my talents to the back of my mind, in 1984.

"EJ," as he is known, loved art, but not like his dad. When he started high school, he had his one exposure to an art class. He loved it! When I went with him to an open house the following year, his sophomore year, he wasn't interested in my meeting his current teachers; he wanted me to meet his art teacher from freshman year. An uneventful meeting, on the surface, but beneath words unsaid was the sense that an "artist" was meeting an "artist," introduced by an artist. That same year, he found 'art' behind the lens, in the way my analytical, mechanical minded son would. He was bored with the drawing of details, but he loved that a camera could fill in the blanks with ease. He took pictures of everything, learning composition and lighting and constantly researching as any current generation genius does - through youtube!

Honestly, I still find it strange and fascinating that he's willing to take pictures of me or my "studio." It's as if some magic or wonder is still held in this old guy; I guess that's the bond of parents with children. The image attached is his work, and through his eyes, I see 'me' in a new light. Where I normally see a cluttered combination exercise/studio/office, he sees a land of wonder and imagination. Where I see a place confining, he sees an open door to endless possibility.

I titled this blog entry "Pass it on," but often, it seems my son (and oldest daughter and youngest son) pass on to me an appreciation of the "who" God made me to be. I silently pray that not a day goes by where I don't live up to the possibility God and my children think me capable of.

It's been awhile...

2011-02-16T09:50:00.000-06:00

It isn't a lack of things to say - I don't believe there's a day goes by where I don't have a wealth of words to share. No, it is the challenge of the fit. The "fit" is getting the words out on a regular basis and climbing over the wall of self-confidence to share my insights.

I'm no exception; I'm sure we all have a voice, a word to share with one another. As our world slowly moves into a value system where humanity is the asset we cannot live without, we must learn to value, first ourselves and then everyone else. We don't have to spend years "getting to know 'me'" before we extend a helping hand to our neighbor. And if one examines their life, you would probably find you're doing so already.

I love living the life of a "bringer of light." I find, it's a role I've been serving in since childhood. There are times when the challenge is to put a different color on the light (truth, compassion, honesty, creativity, ingenuity) to make it palatable, but simply doing so is just as much the challenge. And yet, I continue; I share what insights I've experienced and my unique perspective on life. There are times when it feels like I'm throwing a drop of water into a great stream, but toss it I do; perhaps the very words or an image will touch the lives of someone and alter their perception and bring hope.

I'm Learning - Soul Dance

2010-10-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

The lady emerged over a few weeks, as I sat in my car at lunch. Taking out my sketch book for 5, maybe 10 minutes at a time, I would either flip pages in the book, looking for something specific to work on or simply open it, allowing a blank page or previous work to guide my hand. These were "interesting days," where I only allowed myself these small breaks, to consider practicing what I love. Yeah, I got "issues."

As I said, she slowly came forward, actually, without my noticing until I saw the sway of her brown hips and ample rear moving amidst splashes of color. Excitement didn't overtake me, forcing me to complete the image; having other pictures and responsibilities to attend to in this short period of time, I worked on it as I had time. Currently, I'm concentrating my energies in the part of the drawing where Red seems to be cooling.

I'm learning in such works, to allow it to gather it's own strength and tell its own story. There are certainly times, as I sit before paper or a canvas, I have a title and story in mind. There are times when the message is clear and I can tell it, start to finish before I begin. But in cases like Soul Dance, I sit before the paper, with the same Right-Brain freedom my mom exhibited years ago; it was as though her hand knew to draw a flower or a cube, but didn't need the full concentration of cognitive thought. While on the phone, she would have a sheet of loose leaf paper nearby or in the corner of her phone book, she would sketch. And in that moment the door was opened on my own brand of creativity.

I'm learning to allow the work - the message - to define itself. In the swirls above the dancer's head, there is this sense of sky and worlds 'above.' At her feet is a world cooling down to something concrete. And in the middle, she dances about, spinning and gathering the forces of both.

I'm leaning to see with eyes that understand the marks on the page, hear the music playing (though no one can hear) and to be attuned to a words whispered.

What Others See

2010-09-30T13:15:00.000-05:00

The other day, I held up "Triplicate" for my wife to see my progress. Her face said it before the words came out: "uh, business as usual." Her words were: "It's nice, really nice." But I pressed for more, "but..." She said it just seems all your work is the same.

There was a time when that response would leave me wondering whether my work was a true expression of what I wanted to communicate, but lately, having spent time looking carefully at the works in progress, connecting my soul to the work, I came to the conclusion that my work for the last year is about a release of energy. I always got a kick out of using multiple colors, so much so, even with "common" themes of still life, street scenes, there was the release of energy, about capturing and reflecting the rainbow of colors on the edges of leaves, and splashing brightness where ever possible.

Lately, the pattern is embraced. Please believe, I love nearly every subject and painterly style, including landscapes. But seeing through the eyes of my wife, I came to accept that I have a "style." I'll keep working on it; continue to look out for it. Thanks!

Triplicate: Near Complete/When it gets REALLY Good!

2010-09-23T12:15:00.000-05:00

I'm putting the finishing touches on Triplicate and actually, there's a few more bold steps I have to take to call it complete. But when it gets "this good," when I look at the actual image or the picture, I feel the energy. Some have said the work is calming, relaxing or makes them feel better. If that's the case, take a huge dose and apply liberally! LOL

When it gets this good...I really could go at this night and day. Rather than look back at my past with regrets, I choose to thank God for the choices I made. Yes, I didn't think it was possible to get back to it, but in actuality, that was the ember of hope keeping me from losing my mind! When it gets this good, on days when I know someone is waiting for me to do something for them or I could be preparing dinner or cutting the grass, I reflect on the work I choose to do and realize, this is my contribution to the world. In the short term, mom's car is dirty and has been for weeks. In the now, dinner may have to be the corner restaurant down the street or whatever everyone puts their hands on. But for the long haul? This work satisfies my soul. I hope it does the same for you.

I Thought it was done...

2010-09-21T22:01:00.000-05:00

I think anyone that works on something without a step-by-step plan can identify, but I'm certain an artist can. That is, you're working on the 'thing' and you see shapes coming forth and you can't wait to see the end. Not that you're tired of it, but in my case, often I want to see how the finished product comes together, just to gauge my thoughts about it.

Triplicate is my first work done while I'm in this new phase of my life. Given the time of day, the amount of energy I can exert, it didn't feel risky or too ambitious; it felt right. So as the colors and shapes came together, and the center filled in, I felt a bit of apprehension about "the end" and the edges of the work. I journaled and studied the feel of the piece and concluded it was energy. I thought I saw a sunrise in the left panel, a womb in the middle and an explosion on the right.

But it isn't done. I post a picture as it is at this moment, but it isn't done, there's still work to be done. Watch!

It's Jazz

2010-09-16T13:46:00.000-05:00

Love the recordings that make their way to the final release, where there’s dialogue between the artist(s) and the recording engineer or just dialogue you know they didn’t intend (initially) to release to the public. It’s truly the human side of this creative process. And this creativity is certainly me. As I was to turning to look at the two things I’m working on, contemplating shapes, colors, movement, I hear the end of a recording by Oscar Peterson (Moten Swing (alternate take)) and it sounds like ‘they’ are talking about ways to edit or where to place the song. I played the end another time to determine what they’re talking about, but I didn’t get it. It really didn’t matter, I had gotten what I needed: humanity.

This follows pretty well behind Seth Godin’s blog today: “Rehearsing is for Cowards.” Funny; I do a great deal of looking back – at history, my past, etc. I think about the origins of Jazz music, one of the earliest forms of “American (North America, specifically the United States of America) Music.” I think about the disdain for it, the declaring it to be “devil music,” and despising anyone who listened to it on a regular basis. Then I laugh when I think today we have “Christian Jazz,” which to someone born before 1900, would seem like a true sign of the apocalypse. But we have it and we love it in nearly all its forms. And the funnier thing is now the majority of our society won’t consciously listen to jazz.

In it’s true form while it can be practiced, the best parts of it are the innovations musicians come up with on a continuous basis. That’s true of all art forms, especially visual art. Thinking back, I hated paint-by-number kits before it became popular to do so. Yes, I wanted a picture perfect painting, but I wanted to do it myself without someone directing which paint went where. Nowadays, I can render as I like; I don’t have a number, a teacher or anyone else for that matter, dictating what colors and shapes to use. As a matter of fact, some of my best work is that I do when I’m sitting with pencil, pastel or brush in hand, following a pattern that doesn’t seem to exist. I simply go and go and sit back, amazed at the mixture of shapes and colors. It’s Jazz!

Triplicate

2010-09-10T09:17:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been so long since I posted anything here, I'm almost out of practice - NOT!!! I write so much in other places that I always have something to write about.

With a bit of "time off" I'm getting a few of the "honey-do" items taken care of as well as my own extensive cloud of tasks started and/or completed. One of the things I'm learning about the creative aspect of my nature is that, for the moment, it is boundless energy. Of course, that energy is encased in the body of a 48 year old male, fully committed to the well being of his family and the weight of adult fears prevents that energy from receiving free reign. Again, this is "for now." Somewhen in the near future, I anticipate a vent or valve being opened and creativity as well as a spirit willing to instruct others in like manner, to be set free.

One of the things that's happened in the last week is a bit of "preparation." Considering I'm busy for 19 out of 24 hours a day, I've only been able to set aside a minute or two for art. For the last year, I only squeezed in 15 minute increments while at lunch, gobbling food down, drawing and then taking a nap. Having this time, there's a great deal of soul searching to be done, and often, I find myself in the same position as I did when I worked. But taking whatever time I could, I found a huge board ideal for mounting paper and working on an easel. I worked all last week on a charcoal rendering of a lady I call "Contemplation," all the while chomping at the bit to get to something colorful. Pastels feel 'right,' so when I had the charcoal work 98% complete, I set it aside, pulled a sheet of pastel paper and taped it to the board.

You know, we should not be in a hurry; it's amazing what happens when we allow 'things' to get in our way. I had the paper in place, ready to go and it stayed there for about 14 hours, too busy with other things to get to the picture. But when I took a few minutes to 'contemplate' the paper, the huge board seemed to clamor for attention as well. Looking at the little paper and the huge board, "triplicate" (the name for now) came to be.

Right now, it's three sheets of paper taped together on the board, but eventually it will be a great work. Don't despise the beginning of small things.

Better Git it In Your Soul

2010-05-31T13:24:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine once heard that she would find something she had lost. She wondered and wondered about it. Don't think she's ever 'found it' or figured out what that phrase meant. But...

Sometimes I get the impression that there is something we all lose. I see it fading in the eyes of my youngest child as he 'matures.' He's an energetic young one, whose found joy in video games. He could spend hours in front of them if we allowed him. But as he gets older and acclimates himself to the reprimands/corrections regarding other outlets - i.e. clean your room, help around the house, etc - he finds a little less time for his favorite past time. If video games had not caught his attention at an early age, maybe it would be baseball or soccer or basketball. But he would be the kid that didn't understand why he couldn't play in the rain or why cold weather should be a deterrent to play. It's in his soul. He'll adjust, but it wont' be an easy transition for him. "Having fun" still means more to him than an orderly room.

My middle one found it. Funniest non-comedian I've ever met. Except for him, it's machines and 'knowing.' He can spend hours, days, weeks, researching the 'how' and 'why' of something, has patience to put off his wants until appropriate, and when comfortable with his surroundings, makes you laugh until your sides hurt. To see him during the 'build' season of robotics, he's driven, determined and has a one track mind to complete assembling the robot. He has an eye and hands for mechanics, especially something never 'done before.'

And my oldest child, my daughter. I would have to say she gets her sense of WOMANHOOD from her maternal grandmother, who she's named after. Always determined to be the best she can be and to strive to be a success, she's making a mark in the world. In clubs in college, she's a leader. Always poised and always presentable as a lady, that is 'her thing.' It's in her soul.

They will all be successful, one way or another. There is a determination in their soul that pushes them past restrictions and boundaries.

Better git it in your soul...it isn't 'lost' or 'misplaced.' It's that thing you stumble over, those thoughts you scream over, that quiet voice that reminds you of desires unexpressed. It is that part of you, responsibility and adulthood says there is no room for. It is in your soul, waiting for the day you will exercise and revel in the joy of 'it.'

My daughter and I had a conversation this morning about how some people in the military are considered heroes for doing their job. We both agreed many young men and women go to the military because its an opportunity to make money and possibly get an education. "Hero" is accidental; it comes with the job. But then I thought how many people go to jobs - tomorrow, most Americans will wake, dreading the start of another work week, though a shortened one - that if they could turn their backs on it, would do so in a heartbeat. We do it because of convenience, money, or benefits. We do it because we "heard" this job "pays good." It isn't because it's what I've always wanted to do, or more importantly, because "that's who I am." And yet, when we fill our homes (and our hearts) with homes, cars, clothes, and flat screen televisions, we wonder why we aren't happy. When we realize our "in-come" doesn't match our "out-go" we wonder when does it all end. Well, when you realize it's "in your soul," maybe you'll wake up and leave the insanity you signed up for. Maybe then you will live in harmony with that 'missing link' waiting in a small box, in your soul. Maybe the struggle will not be over but begin to take on new meaning.

Better Git it in your soul.

What you're "supposed to do!"

2010-04-01T07:01:00.000-05:00

Ever notice how some are crazy successful - what ever way you define success at that moment - and you and others seem to be looked over to the point you're like paint on the wall? Considering those who got straight A's in school, were the talk of the school, student of the week, etc.; the pressure is on to rise to the challenge. And if you were the straight A student, but as an adult, you're the straight D's adult, it's a miserable existence.

They take away the grading scale, or at least what it takes to qualify for those grades, as we get older. "You're supposed to do..." and there's an extensive list of 'to-do's'

Earn $50,000 or more per year
Have a 4 or 5 bedroom home, whether you have 5 members in your family or not
Drive a new model luxury car, always shining
Age gracefully
Eat right
Be on Facebook
Tweet!!!
Have a blog
Blog the 'right way'

The list is amazing; longer than an NBA player, but that doesn't account for the people who are successful without doing what's on the list. It doesn't take into consideration those who didn't go to college and yet they're millionaires: Bill Gates, Jay-z, to name a very few. Those 'to-do's' don't relieve the pressure of existence when you're doing 98% (maybe a little less) and yet you're so unhappy, you dread a sunlit morning.

"What you're supposed to do..." how about live, laugh, love, smile and enjoy the ride?

...Of the Beholder

2010-03-30T23:10:00.001-05:00

In the eyes of the beholder

There is beauty before them

But in the eyes of the beautiful

What is seen

Behind the eyes of true beauty

What thoughts go unseen

What mysteries and decisions

Are hidden behind those beautiful eyes

In the eyes of the beholder

Eyes, face, neck and body

Are wonderful to behold

But behind the eyes of the beauty

A world unknown

Though traces slip out

Made concrete

Yet the eyes

That mind

Are shrouded in the mystical

Briefly...

2010-03-22T22:04:00.000-05:00

www.eddiehudson3.com. That's where I'm maintaining a working website. With a little help from my friends I'll make it a great place to allow the light to shine into the lives of others.

I've place poetry, pictures and another blog on that site. Stop by, take a look and send a comment to: eddie.hudson@eddiehudson3.com. I would love to hear from you!

Following the Guide

2010-03-19T06:44:00.001-05:00

Getting up early, staying up late and thank God, not all in the same 24 hour period, I'm on a mission. Not a every-step-is-clearer trip, but one where the best laid plans seem to get turned upside-down. But on a mission, nonetheless.

I completed a painting (well not quite, one small area to be completed) recently that sat on my easel for a number of weeks. It sat in my head and sketch book for months and the idea of 'getting it out' was getting to me, so I started, and then slowly, agonized over it for weeks. It's a dark piece as a few are that I've worked on. The image has the sense of night or early morning just before sunrise. A forest view and a pond are nearly black, subtle colors used to capture the sense of darkness. A single bird takes off from the pond, heading west. But no sooner had I took a break from it, I was back with pastels and lots of colors.

I know, there are times when I don't follow the path laid out by other artists. I see the work of others, their series where a theme seems to get worked out over several pieces, but that doesn't seem to be my path. If I was 21, I would do my best to be like other artists. I would strive to be in a gallery with 3 - 8 pieces as part of a series. More than likely it would be the work 'everyone' loves. But I'm a great deal older and far removed from the 'artists culture.' I do what is in my heart to do. Don't get me wrong, it would be wonderful to be accepted in the world of artists, but about now, a full sketch book or two or three has me on a journey. I could sketch and draw, conceive and plan, paint and mold clay, for another 40 years and never tire of this process. And it seems like I receive guidance from God himself.

Some Days...It Doesn't Take Much

2010-03-07T22:29:00.000-06:00

You wake, early and before you know it the wheel is turning fast. So fast you look down and don't see your legs. The mind is elsewhere, asking the question, "how did I get on this thing and when do I get off."

I've been told since childhood to "get an education and a good job." But the same folks that told me that, didn't tell me it isn't enough. They didn't tell me about the part of life where dreams fade long before you wake. They didn't tell me that longing never goes away; that it just turns into cardiovascular disease, or high blood pressure or an unhealthy obsession with alcohol (which I don't have).

Sometimes, I wake while it's still dark and wonder should I just go ahead and get up? In my heart, I know I should be sleeping and getting as much of it as possible, but whatever sleep and dreaming is supposed to do, it doesn't seem to be doing. No panic or fear about it, just an acknowledgement of the work I should be doing.

Sometimes, I just want to sleep, especially when that treadmill follows me through the day and the STOP button is too far away to reach. Some days, it doesn't take much. And I want a break. But everyone knows...

Early Morning Work

2010-02-28T21:36:00.001-06:00

It's 9:30 pm. I have a canvas sitting near complete, one I'm itching to get to and a sheet of pastel and watercolor paper I would love to give some time. But again, it's 9:30 and in another 7 hours, if I do this right, I'll be up, going to the gym.

It's a new habit, waking at 4:30. So far, I'm awake before the alarm clock goes off. Three days a week, out the door at 5:00. Two days a week, I'm up, reading the bible, praying and squeezing in time for the art.

It's an effort, a spirited attempt at getting a sense of order in my life regarding both exercise and the painting. If you've noticed in earlier blogs, I might stay awake until 3 - 4:00 am, trying to paint, but nothing with consistency.

Early morning work is my attempt to trick my mind into thinking I'm making progress to a better me; physically, spiritually and creatively. Let's hope I can this going for a few years.

Additional sites

2010-02-18T13:24:00.001-06:00

Check us out on blogger as well!

in reference to: His Words Blog (view on Google Sidewiki)

A Change Going Come...Walking in the light

2010-02-17T14:53:00.000-06:00

I've been working for months - if only primarily in my head - on a theme of night or early morning images. I have other ideas in mind and on sketch pads, but as far as my preferred media, I've been working on these dark images. Many observations were made, lessons learned and images gathered. One lesson learned is there is always light, though it may not be the type we're accustomed to or comfortable with. Wake in the middle of the night, but rather than flipping on lights, leave them off. Most of us are comfortable enough in our living space to walk in the darkness. Find a chair, anywhere in your place. Sit and observe. Before you know it, you'll notice you can distinguish between the wall and a table or 'discern' an object on the floor ("kids, always leaving their socks lying around!). That's been the world I've captured for a while.

I'm certain I'll continue drawing and painting these themes; I still have a few paintings to do before I call it a done deal, but the image included here came just as many of the others do: in one of the moments when I'm dozing, I saw this image. It is a forest or a path thick with trees and foliage. The concept seems to be a place where most of us find a sense of discomfort. Others have a certain sense of exhilaration in nature. But most of us don't notice the play of lights and dark, filtering between the tree limbs. We don't notice the tones as sunlight mingles with earth tones on the road ahead of us, or beside us.

I think I'll be busy with images where there are highlights and judging by the inspiration I have, there will be a great deal. By the way, this is another image I work on for about 15 minutes a day (thanks, Alyson Stanfield for confirming my afternoon breaks!); it just so happens I took a day away from the daily grind and decided to spend time on this today. check www.flickr.com/photos/hudsongallery/ for the updated image. This is also a move toward working in daylight; hopefully I don't lose the edge of night. More to come...

What do you do on Day 3?

2010-02-14T22:59:00.000-06:00

Since late April of last year, I've:

Finished a second year of a Master's program for Counseling
Begin painting
Begin drawing
Posted photos on my Facebook account
Created a Flicker account

Begin putting images out there
Labeling and describing the images

Created a blog (kind of fell off the regularity wagon on this one)
Created a Twitter account
Created a website
Working on a monthly newsletter

I forget to mention, I sold a painting. But in the grand scheme of things, everything I do seems like day 3 of a very long journey. No discouragement or anxiety, just an acknowledgement that I have a great deal of work to do.

I've said it before, work is good, especially when it's work you love. I've spent the last three weeks developing enough content to post to a website, then late nights and a long weekend wrangling files between my computer and the hosting company. And finally the site could be clearly seen. So many times, I wanted to call an 'expert.' But I kept reminding myself: "this is my work. And every detail I learn to do myself, the greater my help to myself."

Somewhere in the future, it's my hope that I am known by my art. I would like to have a following that allows me to rely solely on the business I create. I want to have my days (and nights if I desire) available to work as I see fit. Each day I do the work, each time I exercise my ability to "do the work," tossing aside exhaustion and frustration and pressing forward.

The day will come when I will rely on others to manage the business, but until then, I will struggle to establish my image and make Eddie L. Hudson, Gallery Hudson, Hudson Gallery and His Words, synonymous with creativity and light.

Just "Doing" it

2010-01-03T19:33:00.000-06:00

At a moment (Ray Charles playing in the background) I'm doing it. I'm painting, the thing I say I was brought into the world to do. Last night, the night before and for the last two weeks, fear had my hands and mind locked. You know, I can see how artists, musicians, writers and other creatives end up dying of an overdose. There's a feeling that comes over me, a sense of existing in a world beyond this mundane existence of dinner, money and heartache.

So today, I shut off the television, put down the games, placed paint on the palette, picked up the brush and went at it. The corner of the basement I work in is cold (gotta love a Chicago winter), but until I stopped to reflect on the moment, I didn't notice. Between the work, the process, and flow of energy, personal comfort didn't matter. All that mattered was the doing it. My constant prayer is that the only concerns are the process and those effected by the work.

Into the Water

2009-12-28T09:26:00.001-06:00

A person can spend a great deal of time on the 'shores' of life; playing, pretending they are living life. We pretend the world is a dangerous place to be, that it is a huge evil machine, teeth prepared to bear down and destroy us. All this while enjoying comforts that matured in the last 100 years or so. We dream and scheme, of a life richer and worth living, but we remain distant from it, blaming the big scarey monster for blocking our way. We never take a moment to dip our big toe in an adventure; we do our best to ensure our children learn to be as afraid as we are.

But one has to go beyond the shoreline of life. Whether you wade into the water, run into it or dive into the wake, it's time to leave the safety and miserable comfort we've come to know. It's time to dive into the dreams we keep to ourselves. The dreams don't need shelter or safety, because in them is the wonder of miracles, of life lived boldly. Our dreams contain the matter of vibrant living and lives that connect us all. Yes, your dream contains the stuff that makes this world seem like a world of wonder and love.

The "Be-Working" Hour

2009-12-15T01:54:00.000-06:00

Way back in the day, I would be up at this time of the morning (2:00 am), painting or drawing, trying to finish something for a class the next day. "No-doz," tea; trying to stay awake, and nothing worked at the time. If only I had known about lighting a fire in the belly...

So it's 2009, and I'm wide awake and because I need to be at a job in the morning, I need medicine to force sleep. I'll close my eyes in a bit, and images will flash across my mind, frozen in a moment, challenging me to remember - or better yet, get up and put them on paper - to paint, draw and otherwise. This is my working hour, where my energy seems to ramp up with the words I write as well as the images I work on. It's funny; when age and sensibility tells me to get a good night's sleep, I'm willing to stay awake and work. When I'm sitting at the desk during the day, I'm thinking about drawings and paintings, detailing the colors I would like to use. This hour, this time, is the true bewitching - I mean 'be-working hour!'

Better Go to bed ~ Cat Naps

2009-12-08T01:35:00.000-06:00

I'm finding this to be true: more people have insomnia than is talked about. I hesitate to say "suffer from," because for some - like me - it's a welcome change from the noise of the day, the pull of several tasks at once and allows me to work in solitude. Mind you, with that being said, there are days when I long for my college days. I've always been the person who could doze at a heartbeat, sitting in lecture halls or in the library, asleep. I would ride the train to and from school, catching naps in between stops, not really sleeping but in a state of 40-winks-between-Clinton-and-Halsted (you have to live in Chicago to know about that!) way.

I wasn't surprised when I begin a graduate program in 2008, when I would come home from work, study a bit, sleep a bit and spend half the night working on a paper or studying. And though I had a full 8 hour work day ahead of me, I fell into a pattern of sleeping when I could, dozing when I could, and napping at lunch.

I don't mind, I think it's the 'big cat' nature of mine that allows me to be up a few hours in the middle of the night. It's peaceful, relaxing and empowering at the same time. But there's always time for a nap! Nighty-night all!

Beginning Fall for Francene

2009-12-03T23:56:00.000-06:00

I woke at 3:00 this morning, slightly intentionally. I had to start this picture. I'm laying the groundwork by starting off with a water color sky. A few hours later - almost another day beginning in a minute - and I want deeper color to represent the sky. Next will come the leaves.

If you're on Facebook and haven't seen it yet, I've set up a fan page for my gallery. Who knows? Someday I may be hosting other artists! Check it out: Hudson Gallery - The World of Art by Eddie L Hudson

Fall for Francene

2009-11-29T12:19:00.001-06:00

Though I shouldn't be surprised to hear it, each time I hear I do, there's this sense of wonder. That is, the people that say fall is their favorite time of year. I think its a shock to hear because you don't hear people getting excited and making energetic plans for to fall activities, unless you count sitting in a stadium. Weather patterns (especially here in Chicago) more prone to winter conditions than "Indian Summer," you would think people would dread it. But it isn't the case.

People speak of the changing of the leaves, how beautiful it is to see the reds and oranges. Some speak of hot homemade soups and stews and times around a hearth. But again, it is a strange season to love.

I would not say I dislike fall; absolutely, I love it and for the same reasons as others. Goodness, I enjoy the wet and cool days as well, having to bundle up as a cold breeze attempts to invade my shield called a coat. I love temperatures that are cold in the morning, warm at lunch (sun hanging in the sky as though it were 3:00 when its 12:00) and cool again in the evening. I like going for walks through orchards, picking apples and stuffing myself with as many varieties as possible. I like warm fruit pies and cold lemon pies.

In a day or two I'll post "Fall for Francene." This is one of those rare moments when I do a few things I don't normally do:

Paint something, someone asks for (not a commissioned piece)
Break the schedule of the fifty or more painting ideas I have in mind
Attempt to picture the vision another speaks of

The reason I do it is because of Francene. She's been a very dear friend for years. Her easy going personality, the way she seems to laugh and the struggle she endures, is all inspiration to me. I've spent the last month or so thinking about "Fall for Francene," and not a day goes by when I don't see the sky, slight clouds and gold, red and orange leaves in the trees above. The leaves may be gone from the trees, but in my mind it remains "Fall for Francene."

Breathe slow and easy

2009-11-21T11:11:00.000-06:00

Stressed to the highest! And when I think of the visions, revelations and joy of this past summer, this seems like the darkness of the valley.

Now everyone, this isn't a cry for help; I'm not on the ledge. No, I'm in the middle of the warehouse (picture 'everything' you need, want and can imagine surrounding you) wondering what to do next. You ever have one of those days, weeks, months when the sum of your possibilities and today's distress seems like a car laying on your chest? Yeah, one of those times. I know - OH HOW I KNOW - what I want to do. I have details and multiple parts to assemble, but...if that word were a bodypart, it would be the awkward part, sticking out far enough to hamper movement and knock over stuff!

So, "slow and easy," one breath at a time, one task at a time, one deadline, crazy schedule, and headache at a time. Slow and easy, but steady moving...can't see the light but know it's there!

Fire Torso

2009-11-15T22:34:00.000-06:00

This one is an approach to texture and flesh tones. Just trying things out. Nothing ventured nothing gained. This may never see the inside of a gallery - its far from finished but if I give it time and effort, it will be full color. It will be a balance of the cool blue and warm glow of orange, maybe a little pale yellow for highlight.

Sorry folks, love this work!!! Love creating textures, exploring tones, colors and the play of light on skin, hair, cloth and elsewhere. Thank you, Lord for the process!

Early Morning Flight - almost complete

2009-11-15T22:30:00.000-06:00

So I'm dozing while sitting in church, prayer service no less (Just being honest) and as I am I see this image. Looks like a forest, late in the night or just before daybreak. A bird seems to be flying from a body of water, maybe having made it's "catch of the day." I was so moved by the image, I grabbed my palm-sized sketch book, ran to the hall and begin sketching. At first glance, it looked like I filled the paper with black lines but the fine details was the trees, the leaves rustling in the dark and a small pond. I knew exactly where the bird would take off so I didn't include it.

The wonderful thing is this is a sketch; the painting is still to come. I have a canvas sitting on the easel waiting a starting point. Hope I can continue to develop the idea; I spend a great deal of time thinking about textures, shades, and 'the color of night'....Definitely need to keep working at this MASTERWORK!!! Enjoy, let me know what you think: good, bad or "eh, it's aiight:)

Through It!

2009-11-14T09:12:00.002-06:00

Write through it, walk through it, run through it, talk through it! Get out of it, run away from it, escape from it!

It is a trap, a prison, a lifelong carcass on your back! It is a relationship with regret; it is something that was so good but now stinks like rotten garbage. It is a habit you say can’t break (but you know you could if it didn’t feel so good).

“But will I do without it? Who understands me but ‘it?’ Oh if only you knew it, like I know it, you wouldn’t be talking that stuff!”

Listen!

In The Water

2009-10-31T21:53:00.000-05:00

Well this is what happens when you work at something for a while. It also is what happens when you lose sight of the original goal. I've read that often what you have in mind becomes something different when you paint.

This is the Work, too

2009-10-30T02:46:00.001-05:00

This is the work as well. An artist or writer or anyone working in a discipline where they work alone; what’s needed to know is whether you do the marketing and selling, or someone does it for you, it’s your work. Others can represent you but the message ‘we’ have comes from our hearts and soul. There are times when the message doesn’t fit in a pulpit, a thirty-minute infomercial or on a canvas. Does its value diminish because no one understands it?

The innovators and leaders of the last century had to be themselves in a world that didn’t accept and certainly didn’t understand them. They did the work of proclaiming in a unique fashion what didn’t fit in the norms of society. Many of us, while we don’t understand the work of Picasso, the mention of his name or looking at one of his paintings, instant recognition. And yet, he had to take a risk, multiple risks. He had to risk rejection and yet allow his message to the world to scream in his heart and soul until no matter whether understood or not, he continued painting and drawing.

I’ll work. I learn about pricing, marketing, speak with other artists, and art business coaches as well. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being true to the calling, but then I remember the ultimate aim. Others may come along to help, but no one can tell my story like me. The story and the art is a reflection of me. And as such, it must come out!

Next up, Predawn Light

2009-10-30T00:24:00.000-05:00

The decision to begin painting this image was 'finalized,' as I typed the title. I have two canvases sitting in my studio space, primed and ready to go. I have two paintings I want to do: Predawn light and "Daybreak." Actually, the theme of extreme dark and light seems to run consistent over the last few paintings. Images of large dark portions of the painting with a glimmer of light.

The sketch of predawn light gives a hint of what's to come. That's the rough sketch. The painting will contain the same imagery, with greater emphasis on the shadow and dramatic effects on the limited light coming through the window and landing throughout the room. The idea behind this is the very early morning, when I return to the room to wake my wife for the day. Usually, I'm up before sunrise. When I come back to the room there's that hint of light coming through the edge of the window. It's just enough light to give the visible parts of the room a glow. These days, that little light is magical to me.

In Process

2009-10-30T00:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I finished "Day at the Beach" and will post pictures soon. Actually "Day at the Beach" has become less pleasant and more somber. In my effort to add layers of paint, which has been my style since college, I not only went with layered effect, the colors got darker. It began as a greenish-blue sea with a light blue sky. Now it's dark blue with hints of green and white for the caps of the waves. The sky is dark. Yeah, I need to post that one and a shot of the original look.

I'll dig the camera out of the car and do that this weekend. My plan is to revisit the original theme and work it with lighter colors for the sky and sea. The intent of the picture is to see the waters as the sky as though one were out in the water about 50 feet from the shore and the only thing in sight were the water and sky. That remains consistent between the two.

Dreams

2009-10-27T05:00:00.002-05:00

I’m strong, wiser, and capable of working in different disciplines. Even when I’m failing, I’m not defeated. I’m merely trying out something else until I can get to the success I desire. This is the difference of a child and an adult: a child has the unformed notion of a dream. Usually something or someone outside of them seems to be the model of that thing in them wanting to ‘be’ when they become an adult. An adult has the responsibility of putting the being into play. I am that adult, putting the dream into a working functioning human.

I remember thinking of myself as working at a table, a space by myself, sitting for hours as well as being free to get up and go as I please. I recognize at this point, the child in me likes the freedom of adulthood because the expectation is that as an adult you are free to do what you like. An adult considers the child as the one who is free to do as they please. Both are right, except being free is the hardest thing either one can do. And yet, without the strain and hard work it isn’t freedom, it’s apathy.

A Moment

2009-10-16T06:55:00.000-05:00

His Words,

A whisper

Lost in the wind

A wish

Tossed with a penny in a fountain

A goodbye that lasted longer

But felt like a flash of lightning

As it fades away

The thrill of an early summer bike ride

Watermelon

Cold while the sun is so hot

Dripping and sticky

Sweet and delicious

Filling up your insides

Briefly, for a moment

Laughter

When your eyes are all cried out

Coming from a memory that pops up

But as suddenly as your grin appears

It’s gone

Chased away by the icy cold of the here and now

A pleasant dream

With a cozy ending

Followed by a gentle stirring

As you awake to a sunny day

You stretch

Smile

Full of energy from your mind’s movie

But as your feet touch the floor

The haunting of the same old grind

The car that won’t start

The….

And the….

Plus the…

Send that dream down the drain

Taking with it the joy you felt

A moment

Passes in a minute

Some are lost

‘Cause we are looking in the wrong place

Others

Get called up to remind us

Caution us

Warm our hearts

Or stop our tracks

And somehow

Someway

They are lost

Brushed away like pesky flies

When we choose to focus on

The here and now

The “never will be”

And the lost happenstance

Yet they are there

Happening now

Happening way back when

And some are held in reserve

For later

Clouds and Hills

2009-10-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

Details, details, the hills! And the clouds! Somewhere in the southwest, waiting to be discovered.

Elastic

2009-10-12T23:11:00.000-05:00

Stuff gets stretched, pulled, creating a tension, leaving observers wondering if a loud "SNAP" is in the making.

Evaluating His Words

2009-10-12T00:00:00.001-05:00

I am constantly challenged with three things: perception of self (how objective can a person be when every thought and feeling is known?), the reaction to the words written and images displayed, and the possibilities. If you haven’t figured this out yet, I have a strong desire to get a message out in the world. Somewhere between ‘who is my audience’ and ‘who ever will,’ I spend many days with thoughts whirling around like a tornado.

Who am I? Where do I fit in all of this? Does what I have to express add value or detract from the world?

Then there’s the reaction. From the first pictures placed on Facebook until this blog, the effort contained the air of experimenting; I’ve always wanted to see what an audience beyond my wife and children would think. As long as I anticipated the worst, my gifts lay under lock-and-key. But it is the ‘trying’ and assurance that somewhere, there’s someone who will ‘get it.’ Thanks for the many people who listen; your ‘thumbs up’ or comments assure me there is an audience for my voice.

At some point, I will have these plates spinning on top of the sticks. Those who value my work, the words and the images, will find a need to make a purchase or two. But until that time, I continue to evaluate, to publish and declare His Words!!!

Minding the By-products

2009-10-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

I can waste significant energy ‘wishing’ for the Limousine Life, pining for a big home and waiting to be famous, but this portion of my journey is helping hone my energy for greater disciplines. His Words remains a vital part of my life though, if I had thought of the enterprise a year ago I would have quickly dismissed the notion or made it something like a business name for counseling services somewhere in the future.

Yes, I want a beautiful home and driving many on the way to work I have often thought it would be great to live in ‘this one’ or ‘that one.’ But there is a dream home and a land that I don’t see in my travels and yet it exists. There’s that stretched Bentley in a paved driveway, both belonging to me. And when I remind myself of it, I remember dreams I’ve had in the past that came to pass and I barely lifted a finger to bring them about. But for the time being, my energy isn’t allocated to what others will think when I’m riding in a limo or how I will have to guard my life against jealousy. No, it is better used to perfect the message. I am using my energy to ensure it is clear and more importantly, that ‘those who will’ receive are reached.

My message is about stirring a person’s soul. Often we “light” others with the essence of our person. Who am I what am I reflecting? What remains consistent in my life that helps me understand better who I am? Well, this is another journey of discovery and because it is so vitally important I’m turning my targets within and putting greater emphasis on knowing who I am. For the time, I’ll let the by-products of a life of service to sit in reserve. I’ll concentrate on “shoring up” my service to others.

When I reflect light, I will know who I am and the purpose for which I’m sent. Peace and blessings!

More detail for "Phoenix NOW"

2009-10-06T22:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, I changed the title; "more experimenting" was "experimental.:) No, as I looked at the image, the bird them seemed to be there as usual and a bird in the middle of what seems to be activity and death (that's what it seems like to me) rising from the ashes, but fiery and full of life. A Phoenix NOW. Cheers.

Formation of His Words

2009-10-06T00:00:00.001-05:00

It’s pretty late for a guy who will be up in a few hours, preparing to meet the challenge of another day. But I have my music playing on shuffle; the sounds are soothing and at times bumpy and disturbing. Occasionally I pause to look at the smudges on the tips of my fingers from pastel crayons I’m working with. This is life for me. The other stuff? I think that is the dream I’m preparing to wake from.

In the scheming and preparation of His Words, the sounds of music, the hum of tires driving in the quiet of night, the tap of the keyboard at my fingertips and the swirl of ideas in my head, all mix in a world of creative adventure. My brain at times seems incapable of bringing forth the many concepts beneath the surface but in truth, in each stroke of paint and each word I write a world is revealed. It isn’t a private fantasy but a dream shared by so many.

When I write and simply write from my heart and soul, I don’t worry about who will understand. My words will sink in; someone will see their reflection rendered in the words. They will stand and stare at a painting I’ve been blessed to render and the message will become more intense than a camera’s flash.

More Experimenting

2009-10-05T02:28:00.001-05:00

Just trying out different things with pastels.

Experimenting...What is it 2

2009-10-05T02:26:00.001-05:00

Still just trying out things. The clouds were originally the focus but had to have another place to focus attention. I may do one later where it is 90% clouds and sky and 10% bluffs.

Experimenting...What is it?

2009-10-05T02:23:00.003-05:00

Okay, I'm just trying things out. If you figure out, don't read too much into it. This has no meaning, hidden message or design. Just trying things out.

Life Lessons

2009-10-03T08:47:00.000-05:00

Trying out this thing called life. Throwing into words and images. His Words. His Images, the smells, sounds and silence of it all. It (life) isn't final; seems so obvious, but I know what's it like to think "I failed at _____" and think it's over.

Man, I tried "His Words," in 2001, feeling like I wanted to do 'art' and 'words,' somehow. That 'somehow' was a 25 pound blob of clay I left set out for others to shape. Big mistake!!! But life goes on and that is the greatest lesson. What seems like failure is the seed of success. One person was buried, and all assumed his life's mission came to a close. But here we are so many years later, calendars rearranged around his estimated birth, days set aside to celebrate his birth, death and resurrection. Whether you agree, accept or understand 'that' you certainly understand that life does not come to an end when you fail! You have to get up, you have to keep living and if you have an inkling of life in you, you know what you'll do? YOU WILL TRY AGAIN! And again! And again! You will not allow the life in you and around to forget your place in it. You will continue trying until you're heard, seen, until your dance and your song is sang with such force, that it seems the heavens and earth tremble!

Learn the lessons, live the lessons, teach, preach, sing, dance and paint the lessons!!!

The Exercise of Art

2009-10-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

I remember sitting in a cube a few years ago, frustrated beyond belief, feeling like my life didn’t count for much (His Words was on a hiatus and as far as I was concerned it was a mistake never to be repeated). And I wrote in all caps I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! Even bolded each word and increased the font size to 24 for emphasis. I needed to make that declaration and if I weren’t such a “proper” gentleman, I would have stood on the top of the desk and screamed it.

What I’ve discovered about painting and drawing is the process and results are like doorways of light. Light illuminates and places emphasis on a subject. Reflecting art over the years, some seemed to speak of chaos or imply a world barely distinguishable. Where I’m employed, there’s no shortage of original artwork and many people have opinions one way or another. What seems to be consistent among those I work with is the expectation that images should be clearly identified; they don’t want to see something that looks like it was done by a 6 year old. But what I know of the exercise, is art reveals what a ‘simple’ mind understands. Not a simple or foolish person but one willing to open their mind to messages not easily discerned. Those are the messages accepted by faith. And faith has a wonderful capability of opening a limitless unclouded world to the faithful!

A few paintings I’ve worked on in the last few months emphasize the contrast of dark vs. light. It is another theme that is being detailed in my life and with time, patience and diligence I will understand it better. I’m sitting here at the moment looking at a blank sheet of newsprint paper. What a wonderful sight! I see so much that the human eye will not and each page allows the same possibilities. It is an exercise in capturing a moment or rendering colors with textures. But more importantly, it is communicating the message of one’s soul.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

2009-09-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

For a number of years, this question came to mind. At some point, it was ‘asked’ daily and several times a day. I thought the question was being asked as a challenge; that may be partially true. But just now, the reason, the application of the question was broadened.

I’ve heard that as we get older our interests and priorities change. As I approached 40, I was shifting my priorities. I was earning more than I had ever earned and was caught between wanting ‘more’ – meaning ‘stuff’: better cars, better clothes, bigger house and the ‘finer things’ in life – and wanting to shift to a life with more meaning. Some of my more stressful moments have found me declaring: “I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!”

Well, I’ve learned “what I want” is to make an impact on the world. And I’ve found doing art is a doorway to favorable impressions. When I’m doing art I am expressing my thoughts, feelings and insight of life. What do I want? To make a difference through my words and images.

I AM AN ARTIST!!!

2009-09-25T00:00:00.001-05:00

I have to scream it, if only in my head. At the moment, there isn’t rage or pain, just joy that I am properly responding to the call on my life. Years ago, at the age of 12, I had a few dreams where I saw myself standing in the pulpit, preaching. I was certain it was what I should be doing. I told my father the same thing and based on his ‘fatherly’ advice, I decided I wasn’t ‘serious enough’ so I put the thought in the back of my head. But at 21 years of age, on the heels of graduation from college, I prayed a sincere and heartfelt prayer. I asked the Lord what I could do to show my appreciation for all the blessings he had given. His reply was clear and concise: “Answer my call.” I asked the question twice; not because I didn’t understand the response but because I thought I knew the importance of that response.

Little did I know at the time that “calling,” if only for me, was more than preaching. Some 25 years later, I see “calling” is responding to the broader implications of the expression. In my life, it is the joyful as well as dutiful expression one is guided to. It is counseling, teaching, preaching and most importantly, touching the lives of others through the visual arts.

I know I’m an artist; about now, with greater fire, passion and intent, this one expression of my calling is so powerful, I don’t mind sleepless nights. I spend all day, every day, soaking up light and shade, examining textures and surfaces for the minute details are rendered. I recently told a friend, the very sight of a blank, stretched canvas, sitting in my work area, had me so excited I almost broke into a praise dance! And in that moment, I knew this is true: I AM MADE FOR ART ~ I AM AN ARTIST!!!

Definition of His Words

2009-09-22T00:00:00.001-05:00

His Words is about “expression.” But the title is greater than mere expression, as I have come to understand. First of all, I continue to fathom the depths of the title. It definitely feels bigger than my conscious mind can understand. Years ago I had this big idea to produce greeting cards to use as encouragement. I got the idea after I was encouraged, reading simple poems with watercolor images in a booklet. I was going through a tough time and praying and crying like crazy. But those simple words and the images lifted my spirits like nothing else!

So reflecting on that time, having begun to write a bit, I thought of what I could say to lift other’s spirits. The missing part was the images; I could not, at the time, imagine getting back to art. Well here I am; I am drawing and painting and choosing to believe the title given to me at the time, is a viable one.

His Words, for the time is about artful expression. Encouragement, hope, and making whole a world that is broken, shattered is my desire. It’s a continuous process and so is the defining of his words. Think “Blank Page” or a blank canvas. That is His Words, today.

Sketch for Predawn Light - Finalized!

2009-09-19T10:04:00.001-05:00

Okay, this is it! I can't add much more to it without taking away from the 'integrity' of the image. Working on it this morning, it was a bit disconcerting; I found myself pushing past what was there and what I thought should be. All the while reminding myself it's only a sketch and the painting remains to be done. This can be treacherous ground. Sometimes one starts something with purity of intent and suddenly, the thing itself takes on a personality of it's own. Mind you, this is only part of the final image. And yet, it stands by itself, now. It has become it's own entity.

In this Moment...

2009-09-18T00:00:00.001-05:00

In the last month or so, I’ve spent a great deal of time ‘reverting’ to my former self. The former me anticipated, look forward to, and dreaded. Life wasn’t lived or experienced in the moment; living meant looking at my empty hands. I would look back on my life and wish to go back. I looked to the future and it always felt like “tomorrow never came.” When I got ‘this’ or ‘that’ as soon as it was accomplished or achieved, ‘it’ lost its luster and excitement.

In the moment…the past cannot be recovered and the future remains out of touch. But in the moment…there is no thought regarding tomorrow. I am living the dream – NOW.

In the last month, I’ve been saying this a great deal: “what if no one buys it?” or “suppose none of my friends are interested in my work? What if they only want to ‘look’ but not ‘buy?’ Sitting here now, I have to slow down my heartbeat and anxiety and live in the moment. Enjoy the process of imagining and believing. When the future seems scary and the past is either a reminder of failures or lost glory, there is no better time than the present. What I’m feeling now, no matter how depressing is a symptom of a desire I believe will go unfulfilled. There is only now.

In the moment, at this time, there is only me, these words and my God. A moment lived in genuine wonder, thankful for gracious activity. A moment where my value isn’t defined in the opinion and ‘buying power’ of others. And deciding that this same moment defines my life. This is living; allowing my love of the exercise, then imagining someone with one of my paintings or drawings in their space. In this moment, someone is coming home and sitting in front of one of my paintings. In this moment, a child sits with a magazine in his lap, one of my paintings looks up at him and he sees the impossible.

More detail for Predawn Light

2009-09-16T00:30:00.002-05:00

Man, what happens when you don't go to bed? You're inspired to draw, paint, write 'just one more little bit!' And predawn finds you looking at the soft blue coming through the window, barely illuminating a sleeping figure. Enjoy!

Another sketch for Predawn Light

2009-09-15T23:40:00.003-05:00

This is another sketch for Predawn Light Wow, I think there will be a number of 'dark' but soft lit images coming soon. This is a sketch I'm working on. As opposed to diving in and trying to paint 'from the hip,' I'm taking time to plan out images now. Especially when there's a distinguishable person to show. Moving to more subject matter. Let me know what you think!

GENUINE AND TRANSPARENT

2009-09-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

Recently I posted my ‘state of mind’ for the last few weeks. I titled the blog “Keep the Fire Going.” But it seems those who commented thought I was “sore vexed.” At the moment, nothing could have been further from the truth; the dip of the serene – or the “serendipitous moment” – was passing. I was encouraging myself with the power of a life lived with purpose. But I was further encouraged when those who commented expressed concern and offered suggestions. A lesson taken from the experience is to remain transparent. What I feel is a mirror of others struggles, and triumphs, as well. Be genuine, I can’t go wrong when I admit I’m not the expert or ‘guru.’

I have plans and hope for an ideal tomorrow. And at times my plans remain in “lofty places.” Admittedly there are times when it seems those plans are about to fall out of the sky and crush me. I have days when I honestly don’t think I can be an artist – or at least one that earns money. I don’t know; it isn’t easy changing careers again! This is one of many (not too many to recall just don’t like mentioning the number). And yet, when my head hangs low, I walk into the area I use as a studio/gym/office and I see the paintings and drawing, the brushes and paints and markers and I say: “this is who I am; this is what I’m born to do!”

Yeah, I’m going to need encouragement. Heck, I need a mentor, someone who’s in the business of communicating via the visual arts. But to be honest, if no one makes themselves available, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to do this. I’m going to find people who are willing to purchase the work and I will continue to paint, draw and sculpt. God didn’t give me this talent to bury; he gave to me to indicate his glory!

Sketch for Predawn Light

2009-09-12T20:10:00.002-05:00

This is something I'm working on, a sketch from a few months. This will eventually be a painting - oil painting - but for now I'm working on the sketch. I'm working on multiple approaches to paintings, trying to better plan how the image looks when complete.

Definitive Work

2009-09-11T09:03:00.002-05:00

There are many thoughts and plans going on in my head; I won’t be the first or the last to confess this. But something my sister pointed out helps me know those thoughts and plans don’t stop at my skull. That is history, personal, experiential history. Years ago, I decided of all things to be “when I grow up,” the best fit was artist. College was sold back then as the gateway to successful living and at 17, I was convinced it would be my path to a rewarding life.

Fast forward to now. College graduate, working in the field of software testing. Not what I pictured when I sat with school admission papers and an application for scholarship from Columbia College. But there’s a great deal of history that helps me realize now is the time for the definitive work. Rather than count my past against me, I am choosing to count it to my advantage. Though I went far a field of Fine Arts and painting, I gained valuable insight and added to my tool bag. And along the way, when challenges came along, though it felt like I was losing, each time I was learning more. Even when times seemed so dark, and I felt I was as low as I could be, each step in the direction of hope was a step in the right direction.

These days, I’m doing the work of responding to the “Call.” Each day I’m more aware that the “Call” is greater than the vision of my standing in a pulpit in a small church on the West side of Chicago. I’m painting my life as I speak. I’m redefining my life and seeing my “Call” as something greater than counseling, preaching, teaching, fatherhood, husband, and son or software tester. The definitive work is “in process” in me.

Do The Work

2009-09-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

The other week, on a typical Saturday, I ended up on the floor of my church, taking apart a huge desk. I say typical, because of the many ‘hats’ I wear, I often end up doing tasks that aren’t my responsibility, and no one else will do. But as opposed to bemoaning my overloaded life, I decided to focus on this task. After all, a power tool in hand and music playing in my headphones, I was equipped to do the job. I began the process of unscrewing each screw of this desk.

Long before I reached the midway point of the process, it began to get difficult. There were a lot brackets and four screws for each. Each bracket was on the inside of the drawer compartments and it was a tight squeeze to get in there. That’s when the nagging thoughts kicked in: “this is ‘our’ task (the men of my church) and I’m the only one who showed up to do it.” Of course that lead me down the typical “woe is me,” path. But I continued the work. Pretty soon, I realized I still had a ways to go and the work wasn’t getting easier. But a new thought came to mind: “you knew this wasn’t going to be easy when you decided to take it on. Just keep working until it’s complete.” And that’s what I did.

Lesson learned: sometimes, we get excited about a task at hand and we expect the thrill of it all to carry us through its completion. More often than not, the task takes on a different look and feel when things aren’t going as planned. But the bottom line is anything worth starting is worth finishing. For me, this goes deeply into the work I’m moving toward. I don’t know how to price and sell art, but I can find out. I don’t know who to network with, or creative ways to sell, but I can ask around. And when it comes to feeling sure I have artwork that will reach to the heart of the beholder, I have doubts, but there are many ways to present it and see if it does.

Do the work, regardless of fears, anxieties or low self-esteem. Success doesn’t come because one knows every curve and bump in the road, but it comes when we continue on the road to a life worth living.

A Moment

2009-09-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

A whisper
Lost in the wind
A wish
Tossed with a penny in a fountain
A goodbye that lasted longer
But felt like a flash of lightning
As it fades away

The thrill of an early summer bike ride
Watermelon
Cold while the sun is so hot
Dripping and sticky
Sweet and delicious
Filling up your insides
Briefly, for a moment

Laughter
When your eyes are all cried out
Coming from a memory that pops up
But as suddenly as your grin appears
It’s gone
Chased away by the icy cold of the here and now

A pleasant dream
With a cozy ending
Followed by a gentle stirring
As you awake to a sunny day
You stretch
Smile
Full of energy from your mind’s movie
But as your feet touch the floor
The haunting of the same old grind
The car that won’t start
The….
And the….
Plus the…
Send that dream down the drain
Taking with it the joy you felt

A moment
Passes in a minute
Some are lost
‘Cause we are looking in the wrong place
Others
Get called up to remind us
Caution us
Warm our hearts
Or stop our tracks
And somehow
Someway
They are lost
Brushed away like pesky flies
When we choose to focus on
The here and now
The “never will be”
And the lost happenstance

Yet they are there
Happening now
Happening way back when
And some are held in reserve
For later

Untitled

2009-09-01T21:13:00.001-05:00

Untitled
Originally uploaded by Hudson Gallery

I haven't given this a title yet. When I begin working on this, it was charcoal only. But very quickly I felt the need for color. I've noticed my style is about fluid shapes and no matter how well my intentions are, I always end up blending colors.

So what do you think a title should be?

Red Windows

2009-09-01T21:10:00.001-05:00

Red Windows
Originally uploaded by Hudson Gallery

Funny how we make windows to keep from seeing out or in. But in this case what is let in is the beautiful light. Short of a completely pitch black night, there's always beautiful light coming in around the edges. Each panel seems to have it's own character and glow.

A Sudden Wind

2009-09-01T00:02:00.002-05:00

Movement; unexpected but sensed. A sudden breeze out of nowhere. The sound is felt as much as the brush against skin. That is the inspiration of my heart, a sudden stirring of my heart, a need to express the creative gifts in me! When I allow, the inspiration comes on me, like divine prophetic speaking, the inclination to render a color or turn the brush, marker, pencil or pastel or certain way. I am guided to render and express.

Flight

2009-08-28T00:15:00.001-05:00

A friend and I have talked over the years about dreams. Many people, when they recall their dreams tell of a dream of flying. In psychology and other circles, flying can be and indicator of a wish or desire beyond the common one.

I only remember one dream about flying. When I was in college I used that dream in a writing class where we were required to write in vivid detail. Maybe that’s why the dream stayed with me most of my life. The details? Some other time. Anyway, my friend and I have discussed her dreams about flying. But at some point we both agreed, I have to fly as well.

I don’t remember my dreams often. I do know I want to fly. So I decided to do just that. Not hang gliding or parasailing, but imagining my life above the trees and in the air where only hawks and eagles roam. I decided I would fly; I would live my life in such a way where the dreams I’ve held onto, the sense of life being a joyous journey, would be the life I live. I’ve decided each day to fly. When I put pen to paper, fingers to computer, or pencil, paintbrush or marker to a flat surface, each time is a opportunity to fly.

A Day in the Water

2009-08-27T19:47:00.002-05:00

This is my latest, I'm trying out oil paints. Really I'm trying out all mediums at this point. Anyway, I'm saying this painting is in process. So does my son. My wife says it's great the way it is. What do you think?